Card Wars!
the Ur-Beatle
Sam Viscious in <23128-36...@newsd-163.iap.bryant.webtv.net>:
> seven cardstud is a pussy game. Its either FIVE CARD STUD or FIVE CARD,
> JACKS OR BETTER TO OPEN, DRAW THREE.
beable in <76sinl$kcl$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>:
:)HA! Those are games that only GURLS would play! REAL MEN
:)PLAY THE BEST CARD GAME IN THE UNIVERSE, OR ANYWHERE
:)ELSE, CRIBBAGE! That's right, CRIBBAGE!
Joseph Michael Bay in <76ulcq$j...@epic0.Stanford.EDU>:
:)Bah! It's either WHIST or WILD, DRAW FOUR. UNO!
no, it is a game called "Spit". I haven't found it in any
"complete" Hoyle, even though it is the GREATEST CARD GAME
EVER INVENTED and EATS THE LIVING HEART OUT OF PUSSY GAMES
LIKE POKER!
why? because it's cutthroat. because there are NO TURNS,
it's a matter of speed and intelligence (or maybe cunning.)
and heartlessness.
it's similar to a mutant cross of War and Solitaire, only
not as pansified: you and your victim ... er, opponent...
take a deck and divide it in half. each of you takes one half
and counts cards to make sure the halves are the same size.
then both players shuffle. each of you deals four cards face
up in front of you -- this is your "hand". play area looks
like this:
OPPONENT'S HAND
+---+ +---+ +---+ +---+
| | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | |
+---+ +---+ +---+ +---+
+---+ +---+
| | | |
PLAY | | | | PILES
+---+ +---+
+---+ +---+ +---+ +---+
| | | | | | | |
| | | | | | | |
+---+ +---+ +---+ +---+
YOUR HAND
there are no cards in the play piles, to begin with. each of
you holds the rest of your deck to draw cards from. DON'T SET
IT DOWN! speed matters, and you won't have enough speed unless
you use both hands, one to play cards, the other to hold your
reserve deck. YOU ONLY DRAW FROM THE DECK WHEN YOU HAVE AN
EMPTY SPOT IN YOUR HAND, or when neither player can make a move
(explained below.)
now, one player says "flip!" and each of you flips one card to
place face up in one of the piles (the one on the your right.)
as soon as your card hits the table, you can move any card from
your hand onto either of the face up "pile cards", as long as it's
in numerical sequence, just like in solitaire, except that suit
doesn't matter, nor does direction. you can build up or down
or switch sequence: A-2-3-4-5-4-5-6-7-6, etc... you can play your
cards on either pile, as long as you play your card BEFORE YOUR
OPPONENT DOES. your opponent is doing the same thing, you see,
as fast as humanly possible.
if neither of you can play a card, then someone shouts "flip!"
and each of you flips again, just like at the beginning of the
game. if one of you uses up your reserve deck, the other guy
has to flip for both. if neither of you has enough cards left
in your reserve decks to flip, someone shouts "pick a pile!"
and you both try to grab the smaller pile; the loser gets the
*bigger* pile -- then you both shuffle (keeping your "hand"
cards on the table,) deal out missing hand cards, if you need
to, then someone shouts "flip!" and you keep going.
of course, you also get to watch the two piles carefully, because
if they are both the same card (both queens, both threes, &c.)
you can shout "SPIT!" before your opponent -- and your opponent
has to pick up both piles and shuffle them. if you both shout
"SPIT!" simultaneously, then it's "pick a pile!" time.
first person to run completely out of cards wins.
it's an easier game to demonstrate than describe. you just can't
get a feel for how FAST and VICIOUS the game is unless you've
seen it.
--
three sisters made of glass and tissue wait at the sea's edge.
His Most Feathered Eminence, the Ur-Beatle
Pope Emperor FrogMaN
taly...@softhome.net (the Ur-Beatle) was abducted by psychotic Alfs
("yo!"), anally probed, and decreed:
>everyone's got an opinion on card games, all of a sudden...
>
>Sam Viscious in <23128-36...@newsd-163.iap.bryant.webtv.net>:
>
>> seven cardstud is a pussy game. Its either FIVE CARD STUD or FIVE CARD,
>> JACKS OR BETTER TO OPEN, DRAW THREE.
>
>beable in <76sinl$kcl$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>:
>
>:)HA! Those are games that only GURLS would play! REAL MEN
>:)PLAY THE BEST CARD GAME IN THE UNIVERSE, OR ANYWHERE
>:)ELSE, CRIBBAGE! That's right, CRIBBAGE!
>
>Joseph Michael Bay in <76ulcq$j...@epic0.Stanford.EDU>:
>
>:)Bah! It's either WHIST or WILD, DRAW FOUR. UNO!
>
>no, it is a game called "Spit". I haven't found it in any
>"complete" Hoyle, even though it is the GREATEST CARD GAME
>EVER INVENTED and EATS THE LIVING HEART OUT OF PUSSY GAMES
>LIKE POKER!
I have to agree with you on this one. I used to play with my sisters
until they started cheating because I would always beat them, and then
they would complain to my parents because I would gloat the fact that
I always beat them. And then we got Hungry, Hungry Hippo, and the
fabric of the universe changed.
========================================================
"Please don't post this!" -- Dorothy Defoy
"KRAFT FOODS -- A SANDWICH OF FRIENDS" -- Reynard D. Fox
Pope Emperor FrogMaN the ZermaCroYd GuavaHeaD, XXXVIII
Patron Saint of Easy Cheese, Burrowing Worms, and those
edible candy necklaces. Founder and King God of the Order
of the Burrowing Worm and Holy Guava.
Cabal
>Obsidian Order High Council, COO Grunt Fodder
http://home.earthlink.net/~rtoad/
BRAND NEW TIM BROWN WACKINESS! AND KIBOLOGY!!!
SATISFACTION GUARANTEED OR DOUBLE YOUR MONEY BACK!!!
========================================================
duane wane
this guy writes kind of like kibo, doesn't he?
>it's an easier game to demonstrate than describe. you just can't
>get a feel for how FAST and VICIOUS the game is unless you've
>seen it.
>
i think the game would be much better if it were FAST and VISCOUS!
Aaron A.
online game of Spit!
Pick a time and place, cause you're going down... BUCKO!!!
And that's the way it is... BUCKO!!!!
-- Walter Cunningham Kronkite III
</BLINK>
Dag Right-square-bracket-gren
>no, it is a game called "Spit". I haven't found it in any
>"complete" Hoyle, even though it is the GREATEST CARD GAME
>EVER INVENTED and EATS THE LIVING HEART OUT OF PUSSY GAMES
>LIKE POKER!
I actually played this. Different name, different words, different country,
but the same game. And it does kick ass.
--
I)/\(, - Dag Agren - dag...@abo.fi - Goaway on IRC
Please don't go to http://www.abo.fi/~dagren/
-> Legalize oregano! <-
the Ur-Beatle
SPIT WINS! PICK A PILE!
Dag wrote:
:)I actually played this. Different name, different words, different
:)country, but the same game. And it does kick ass.
I'd be interested in what the different word for "SPIT" was.
Pope Emperor FrogMaN wrote:
:)I have to agree with you on this one. I used to play with my sisters
:)until they started cheating because I would always beat them, and then
:)they would complain to my parents because I would gloat the fact that
:)I always beat them. And then we got Hungry, Hungry Hippo, and the
:)fabric of the universe changed.
those hippos tend to do that.
BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO RESORT TO VIOLENCE TO WIN SPIT!
OK, it looks like, at any gatherings, it will fall to
Dag, PopeMan, and I to teach everyone how to play "SPIT"
so that the game can reproduce.
ooooh, look! that Duane Wayne guy from "Different World"
just wrote:
:)this guy writes kind of like kibo, doesn't he?
actually, Kibo writes like me. just ask Antoin Meridian.
and WE ALL WRITE LIKE KIBO DOWN HERE!
quick comparison between me and Kibo:
KIBO UR-BEATLE
thinks gurlz are yucky thinks gurlz are HOT, especially
if they wear glasses
married to Barbara Bain will possibly marry either Yeardley
Smith, Janeane Garafalo, or Drew
Barrymore, once he's eliminated
the competition. may also mudwrestle
Kibo for that cartoon chyk, Daria.
wants all the candy in will settle for salt and vinegar
the world potatochips
ran for president political prisoner
hates cheese loves cheese, especially sharp cheddar
with telepathic powers
hates cats likes cats better than dogs, but
both pet-types worship him
had gerbils that ate had goldfish that wagged their tails
their wheels when he came through the door
cooks with asfoetida cooks with garlic
makes weird asian foods makes crepes
had a bad haircut has the Ur-Hair, which grants him
Scary Powers(tm)
anyone else know the difference between me and Kibo, or know
someone who does?
back to Duane Wayne and "SPIT":
:)i think the game would be much better if it were FAST and VISCOUS!
no, card games do not play well when you are covered in SNOT!
--
I)/\(, - Dag Agren - dag...@abo.fi - Goaway on IRC
Please don't go to http://www.abo.fi/~dagren/
-> Legalize oregano! <-
--
dogs of flesh and semen hunt in humanity's night.
Dag ]gren FYSI
Poor Spit! He couldn't win, because he was just a CARD GAME!
> Dag wrote:
> :)I actually played this. Different name, different words, different
> :)country, but the same game. And it does kick ass.
> I'd be interested in what the different word for "SPIT" was.
"Stress".
It does make more sense, really.
David DeLaney
>the Ur-Beatle (taly...@softhome.net) wrote:
>> THE VOTES ARE IN!!!!
>> SPIT WINS! PICK A PILE!
>
>Poor Spit! He couldn't win, because he was just a CARD GAME!
A pile of Spit? EEEEEWWWW.
>> Dag wrote:
>> :)I actually played this. Different name, different words, different
>> :)country, but the same game. And it does kick ass.
>> I'd be interested in what the different word for "SPIT" was.
>
>"Stress".
If this is the one I think it is, it's called "Slap" in Redmond, WA.
Dave "Magic is not a game of Slap" DeLaney
--
\/David DeLaney d...@panacea.phys.utk.edu "It's not the pot that grows the flower
It's not the clock that slows the hour The definition's plain for anyone to see
Love is all it takes to make a family" - R&P. VISUALIZE HAPPYNET VRbeable<BLINK>
http://panacea.phys.utk.edu/~dbd/ - net.legends FAQ/ I WUV you in all CAPS! --K.
Matt McIrvin
Ur-Beatle) wrote:
>quick comparison between me and Kibo:
>
>KIBO UR-BEATLE
>
>hates cats likes cats better than dogs, but
> both pet-types worship him
You have been misled.
Kibo's secret shame is that he LIKES FUZZY NICE FUZZY KITTIES.
Now that his affectless hipster facade has been punctured, I
am sending Rosie Grier over to his house to remind him that
it's All Right to Cry. Rosie Grier AND RAY MILLAND!!!!!!!!!
AND CASEY KASEM!
ZOINKS!
--
Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
David DeLaney
>taly...@softhome.net (the Ur-Beatle) wrote:
>>quick comparison between me and Kibo:
>>KIBO UR-BEATLE
>>hates cats likes cats better than dogs, but
>> both pet-types worship him
>
>You have been misled.
YM"mispled".
>Kibo's secret shame is that he LIKES FUZZY NICE FUZZY KITTIES.
IN BED!!!1!
No wait. Ewww.
[Well, not ewww. FUZZY NICE FUZZY KITTIES piled up on top of you on top
of the blanket, all purring in incompatible keys, are actually pretty non-ew.
At least until you roll over in your sleep and crush a couple of them into
simulated raspberry paste.]
ON A SESAME SEED BUN WITH CREAM SAUSE!!1!
>AND CASEY KASEM!
Ouch. Desist, sirrach.
Dave "and I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for those
MEDDLING FUZZY KITTIES!" DeLaney
PS: "What's good today?" "...Fluffy kittens. ... With ranch dressing." -
Things I've actually said more than once at Subway.
The Avocado Avenger
>In article <eAVm2UMJ...@softhome.net>, taly...@softhome.net (the
>Ur-Beatle) wrote:
>>quick comparison between me and Kibo:
>>
>>KIBO UR-BEATLE
>>
>>hates cats likes cats better than dogs, but
>> both pet-types worship him
>You have been misled.
>Kibo's secret shame is that he LIKES FUZZY NICE FUZZY KITTIES.
>Now that his affectless hipster facade has been punctured, I
>am sending Rosie Grier over to his house to remind him that
>it's All Right to Cry. Rosie Grier AND RAY MILLAND!!!!!!!!!
Matt, Matt, Matt... you forget that most of our beloved fellow ARKians
don't know who Ray Milland is. I mean, they'd have a tough time pointing
out Mia Farrow in "Rosemary's Baby", let alone know who was in the
made-for-tv sequel. I'm sure Milland did other work, but it was peanuts
compared to his made-for-tv movies.
>AND CASEY KASEM!
>ZOINKS!
There's hope for your yet. You realized that these mere children knew
about Scooby Doo and played into that. It's even better since Cartoon
Network started showing Scooby Doo reruns.
Oop, gotta go... the Weather Channel is showing footage of rain.
Stacia * The Avocado Avenger * Life is a tale told by an idiot;
http://www.io.com/~stacia/ * Full of sound and fury,
Remove the guacamole to reply! * Signifying nothing.
taly...@my-dejanews.com
> >quick comparison between me and Kibo:
> >KIBO UR-BEATLE
> >hates cats likes cats better than dogs, but
> > both pet-types worship him
Matt McIrvin said:
> You have been misled.
YM "mizzled".
> Kibo's secret shame is that he LIKES FUZZY NICE FUZZY KITTIES.
I thought that was Joel Furr? the man with the collapsible legs?
> Now that his affectless hipster facade has been punctured, I
> am sending Rosie Grier over to his house to remind him that
> it's All Right to Cry. Rosie Grier AND RAY MILLAND!!!!!!!!!
THE THING WITH NINETY-SIX TEARS!
incidentally, I've witnessed that Stacia chyk (who still has
not agreed to marry me, even though we are Zappa's children)
claim that no one knows who Ray Milland is. I'll have you know
that I've watched Ray Milland watch chyks dance around in their
brassieres at least two, mebbe three times... and EACH TIME,
Ray begins to float into the sky and has to hang onto a giant
neon letter to avoid being sucked into space!
> AND CASEY KASEM!
as Alex Trebek in "Jeopardy and the Pussycats"
[ I'm only posting via Deja News because I am On Assignment.
which explains why I haven't been posting for a few days,
considering I didn't finish rebuilding *this* computer until
today. however, be on the lookout for some articles I posted
Tuesday that *still* haven't shown up. grrr! I would hate
to have to repost them, since one of them contained my response
to the UFO CEO's resignation, and if I repost *now*, it'll
look like I'm a mere FOLLOWER! YUCK! ]
--- His Most Feathered Eminence,
the Ur-Beatle (HHH)
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