[Sith War 2002]: Our Clones are Standing By to take your order.
Spawn of Porkins
their way through the buffet line and settled into their seats. An ominous
cloud of foreboding hung in the air. Many were spooked by the announcement
that the kitchen had run out of peel-n-eat shrimp. IT was then that they
knew many would not return from this night's mission.
The briefing began when someone important looking in a white uniform entered
and turned on the viewer.
"You see here the Death Star is orbiting RASSM planet. Our spies ascertained
this because they lost track of Ponte and his whole deal and just decided
that must be where they are. Regardless of that, they possess secret
coordinates stolen from some supporting character from Sith War IV that
Ponte and his friends conveniently forgotabout."
The Admiral straightened. He adjusted a dial on the three dimensional image
of the Death Star and caused it to rotate and zoom in on a particular spot.
"We have been able to locate a possible weakness."
The plans came into focus and revealed a giant ON/Off switch attached to the
back of the Death Star.
"A small modified ice cream truck could penetrate the Death Star's outer
defenses and make a run along this canyon. A properly placed photon torpedo
would flip this switch and turn the Death Star off. We have acquired a small
fleet of flying Ice Cream trucks which we will use to attack this
monstrosity and retain our wavering and questinable control on the planet."
One of the C'Pi clones leaned close to Nesha. "A giant off switch? That's
impossible. Not even a really big droid could do that."
Nesha looked irritated. "Are you kidding? My kids leave the lights on all
the time and I shut the switches off. This can't be much harder than that."
*****************************************8
Ponte and Drake lowered the disco ball and cut a rug to their favorite
Gloria Gaynor album, unaware that right beneath them Sean Walsh was being
spirited away by Herve Villachaise.
Drake was just beginning to feel the rhythm and tousling his own hair when
the proximity alarm went off and Ponte had to kill the music.
Ponte looked to the nearest minion who looked likeit knew what was going on.
"What's going on?"
"There are approximately 30 ships approaching us, sir. Their intentions are
not known, but they are transmitting some kind of signal."
"Put it on audio." Ponte commanded. The bridge was suddenly filled with a
happy jingling tune of extra tinny bells.
"They sound like...ice cream trucks." Drake declared.
Suddenly the viewscreen came to life. A giant...thing, clad in a highly
decorated pink bunny suit, appeared on the screen sneering at the room. "Hi!
I'm Jade Lemonade, you might remember me from such deep space transmissions
as 'Stand down or I'm firing!' and the Sith War VII favorite; 'We're going
to kill you, we're fat, and we're not wearing pants'. You know, nothing
beats a good old fashioned stronghold assault and this is stronghold assault
country, my friend. On behalf of the Porkinite armada I just wanted to say;
You're Death Star is double parked."
Ponte smirked at the screen. "Who are you again?"
Jade became instantly indignant. "Who am..." A number of similar looking
gents beside Jade began to snicker. "Shut up and fly, morons!" Jade slashed.
A cat call of "Dork." came from somewhere behind the Archon. Jade spun
around. "Who said that?" Various caughs and throat clearing followed. Jade
turned to the screen again and after a moment of grunting broke the
transmission.
Ponte barely had time to look at Drake before the explosions began to rock
the station.
Jade
--
Summary:
Jade and the clone army are attacking Ponte's death star in a fleet of ice
cream trucks.
They have discovered that the Death Star has a giant On/Off swithc.