Pit to car radios
Emma
From The Daily Telegraph.
'In the present conditions, we should lose the Dorito bag if you drop
your speed to 22mph' By Giles Smith (Filed: 19/07/2003)
When Juan Pablo Montoya swept across the finish line to win the Monaco
Grand Prix earlier this season, he accidentally left on the intercom in
his car, with the result that his private and none too cool cries of
elation were broadcast for all and sundry to hear.
"Embarrassing," Montoya said afterwards. But he's not the only driver
this year to have been exposed by a radio link with the pits, as the
following exclusively obtained transcripts reveal.
Kimi Raikonnen (McLaren).
Intercepted at the Canadian Grand Prix, Montreal, June 15.
Pit: Kimi?
Raikkonen: Yep.
Pit: Yeah, you've picked up something, looks like a crisp packet or
something. It's sticking just below the air induction, behind you. On
the left hand side.
Raikkonen: So?
Pit: Could you try and lose it?
Raikkonen: But I'm in the frigging lead here.
Pit: I know, I know. It's just that it's covering the Hugo Boss logo and
we've got sponsors going completely ape. The guy from Boss is jumping
all over us in here. He's saying they don't pay us five million a year
so we can go around advertising Hot Barbecue flavour Doritos.
Raikkonen: Well, tell the guy from Boss he can [expletive] my
[expletive].
Pit: He's right here, as it happens, Kimi. And he says you can
[expletive] your own [expletive]. Hang on. [Pause] And he says you can
[expletive] his, too, for all he cares.
Raikkonen: Damn it all. Doritos, you say? Well, let me see if I can
reach it . . . I'm just waiting for a straight . . . OK!
[Noise of safety harness unbuckling followed by scrambling sounds.]
Raikkonen: No, it's no good. I can't get to it.
Pit: [Expletive] Hold tight, Kimi. We'll come back with something.
[Extended pause]
Pit: Kimi? Could you try weaving?
Raikkonen: Weaving?
Pit: Yeah, from side to side. We're thinking if we can change the wind
pressure on the side of the car, we might be able to get some air under
the Dorito bag and flip it off.
Raikkonen: Give me a second, I've just got to get past this Minardi.
[Pause] OK, here I go.
[Noise of squealing tyres]
Raikonnen: Is it gone?
Pit: One second . . . no, it's still there. Give us another moment,
Kimi.
[Even more extended pause]
Pit: OK, we've been back to the airflow log, on the computer simulation,
and, according to the best available data, and in the present wind
conditions, we should be able to lose the Dorito bag if you drop the
speed to 22 miles per hour. Understood?
Raikonnen: Understood, but you realise I'm going to lose race
position. I've got Alonso right up my pipe here.
Pit: Priorities, Kimi.
Raikonnen: OK.
[Brief burst of screaming brakes. Muffled crunch.]
Pit: Kimi? You OK?
Raikonnen: I'm fine. But where did Alonso go?
Pit: Not sure. There's a lot of dust.
Raikonnen: Is the bag gone?
Pit: Hang on . . . Well, it's further back than it was, so that's
something. Ah, hell: would you frigging believe it? Now there's a
Chewits wrapper on the TAG Heuer patch. Kimi, you're going to have to
pit.
David Coulthard (McLaren).
Intercepted at the Australian Grand Prix, Melbourne, March 9.
Coulthard: Anybody there?
Pit: [After long pause] Hello, David.
Coulthard: Who's that?
Pit: Robin.
Coulthard: Robin the wheel-bolt guy?
Pit: Yes.
Coulthard: How are you, Robin?
Pit: Well, I'm pretty busy right now, what with . . .
Coulthard: Robin? Can I talk to you for a while?
Pit: Well, perhaps it would be better if . . .
Coulthard: Do you ever think about the universe, Robin? I mean, really
think about it? Like, the concept of an infinitely expanding space?
Pit: I just do the wheel-bolts.
Coulthard: Only, sometimes when I'm out here, behind the wheel, and
there's nothing ahead of me but road, I get to wondering about the
vastness of everything. Because if the earth is but a grain of sand
within the universe, what does that make all of us, Robin? What do we
all amount to?
Pit: I have to go now.
Coulthard: But if all we are is specks of dust, then explain why . . .
[Radio contact lost]
Antonio Pizzonia (Jaguar).
Intercepted at the French Grand Prix, Magny-Cours, July 6.
Pizzonia: Hey! I don't believe it!
Pit: What now?
Pizzonia: I just went by a huge banner with my name on!
Pit: Yeah, right.
Pizzonia: No, I did! A big one with Pizzonia painted on it! You know
what this means?
Pit: I'm sure you'll tell us.
Pizzonia: That somebody loves me! That I may have been a miserable
disappointment all season, thoroughly outdriven by my team-mate; that I
may have managed to crash the team road car during a corporate
presentation day; that rumours of my imminent sacking may have come
almost every hour, on the hour. Yet, I, Antonio Pizzonia, still have a
fan.
Pit: Takes all sorts.
Pizzonia: Hang on, I'm about to go past it again . . . here it comes . .
.
the sign of love . . . ah.
Pit: Problem?
Pizzonia: Actually it said pizzeria.
David Coulthard (McLaren).
Intercepted at the French Grand Prix, Magny-Cours, July 6.
Coulthard: Is Robin there? Robin the wheel-bolt guy?
Pit: [After extremely long pause] This is Robin.
Coulthard: Do you think there's such a thing as objective reality,
Robin? Or is the world just the way we each of us perceive it in our own
heads? So it's like we're all going around the place, thinking we see
the world as it is. But in fact we're only seeing the world in the way
that we see it. And maybe the way that you see the world and the way
that I see the world have nothing at all in common. That's a terrifying
thought, isn't it, Robin?
Pit: [Pause] I just do the wheel-bolts.
Michael Schumacher (Ferrari).
Intercepted at the European Grand Prix, Nurburgring, June 29.
Schumacher: Into sixth gear. Oil pressure holding. Temperature normal.
OK, going for the overtake. Down to fourth, move out wide. Adios,
sucker!
Pit: Sounding good, Mike.
Schumacher: Accelerate: fifth, sixth. Congestion ahead! Drop to third,
duck inside. Yaargh! Eat my dust, headless pond life!
Pit: Super!
Schumacher: Fourth! Fifth! Sixth! Double de-clutch, brake, second gear.
Approach barrier. Show ID. First gear. Drive through. Find empty bay.
Select neutral. Handbrake. Engine shut down, ignition off.
Pit: Beautiful, Mike. OK, when you've finished parking up, come on over
to the garage so we can start getting ready for the race.
--
Emma http://altgallery.shows.it
The Chocolate Monster http://chocmonster.rules.it
http://www.orbitvehicles.co.uk
J.R.
presentation.
Funny stuff, by the way.
J.R.
PlaneGuy
I agree with that... although can't be as much as us for reading it :-)
HooDooWitch
>> A lot of free time ;)
>
>I agree with that... although can't be as much as us for reading it :-)
You don't *possibly* think Emma *maybe* read the article herself,
*before* going on to post it do you?
--
HooDooWitch
One taste of the bait is worth the pain of the hook
--
Emma
>"PlaneGuy" <Plane...@hotmail.com> somehow managed to post:
>
>>> A lot of free time ;)
>>I agree with that... although can't be as much as us for reading it :-)
>
>You don't *possibly* think Emma *maybe* read the article herself,
>*before* going on to post it do you?
What a strange idea...
I first read it in the British GP supplement that came with the Daily
Telegraph last weekend - then I went to their website to find the
article to re-post here knowing you lot would like it. ;-)
Sven Reloaded
[...]
> Pizzonia: Hang on, I'm about to go past it again . . . here it comes . .
> .
>
> the sign of love . . . ah.
>
> Pit: Problem?
>
> Pizzonia: Actually it said pizzeria.
Absolutely priceless.
Sven.
--
~~o