[Sith War 2002]: The rehashed cloning subplot.
The great and powerful Oink!
Ham. Before today, the archon had completely forgotten that the Hall of Ham
had catacomb-like sublevels, which turned out to be really convenient
because it was planning something really diabolical and thinking 'Man for a
plan this diabolical, we should really have some catacomb-like sublevels'
And then Jade was reminded by this Letto II fellow (Who seemed to know too
much and gave Jade the creeps) That in fact there were said levels!
Some days everything just comes comes together.
Anyway, Jade arrived at one of the many gothic chambers where a ruckus
emanated from beyond the arched wooden door. When Jade entered, it found two
trusted Porkinites had strapped a razor bladed racoon to a table and were
spanking it with a large wooden paddle. The racoon seemed highly displeased
at being spanked as it hissed and yarled ferociously.
"Let me try!" Said the Porkinite watching.
"You don't know the first thing about spanking a racoon!" The other
retorted, giving the animal another whack.
"Why are you not done with the spanking yet?" Jade was angered and also
wanted to scare the crap out of these lackeys.
"Archon, we have been spanking the racoon for nearly an hour and nothing has
happened." Said the spanker as she hefted the paddle once again.
"Well spank it harder!"
"We're spanking it as hard as we can, archon we swear!" pleaded the other.
"Give me that!" Jade grabbed the paddle and raised high with a kung fu yell.
The racoon turned its head and it's eyes quivered.
With a mighty blow that knocked the table forward the raccoon made a
horrible hacking noise and out of its mouth popped a small, chewed gobbet of
flesh.
"There, you see. You have to want to spank the raccoon." Jade picked up the
flesh blob and smelled it. "It's him, all right. Take this to the cloning
room."
"the what?" The zealots looked at one another.
"Out the door and two doors down on your left. Trust me we have one. that
Letto guy said so."
**************************************
Some time later...
The door opened on the huge metal pod with a "shoosh!", and a thick smoggy
vapor began to waft from the opening. Soon a form could be seen emerging.
"Help him." Jade commanded to the extra fat Ugnaught technicians. The form
emerged and Jade soon recognized a naked Jeff Goldblum standing there.
"I feel amazing! buzz buzz!" Goldblum looked himself over. "I mean really
this is extraordinary on the most molecular level it seems as though..."
"Good God!" Jade declared. "Get him out of here! Goldblum, we killed your
stupid project months ago."
"What? Killed my project? You can't I, I, mean." Two of the Ugnaughts
injected something into Goldblum and he passed out.
"Serves you right for thinking Lost World was a good idea." The Ugnaughts
dragged him off.
Suddenly C'Pi lept from the pod and looked around confused. "What the hell
and raccoons?"
"Huh?" Jade blurted.
"Raccoons, I had a creepy ass dream about mean raccoons. Did I die?"
"Yep, but we got this cloning idea from George Lucas. You ar now alpha
C'pi." One of Ugnaughts jumped up and scribbled an "X" on C'pi's forehead
with a magic marker.
"Why the hell did he do that?"
"So we can tell you apart."
"From who?"
"Well, Pi you're the alpha clone. I just wanted you back, but I got an even
better idea. I've decided to clone about 10, 000 of you. The perfect army of
smart asses."
Pi looked a little disturbed. "Hmmm. Hey, can I have a kid version of me?"
"Why?"
Alpha Pi shrugged. "I don't know, to play with and stuff. Get me beers."
"Whatever." Jade kicked one of the Ugnaughts in the ass. "Well get to
cloning, short n' flabby!"
Jade Turned to C'Pi again. "I'm sorry to bring you back from the dead so
quickly, but I haven't been ableto read any of the other posts, so I have no
idea what is going on. Gumby, Muuurgh, Nesha, hacker, wookies etc etc. I
figured the best defense was a...no I just figured a C'Pi clone army would
cause a fresh round of hell to break loose and you know how I love chaos.
Hey, I'm in the mood for some ice cream!"
The two left together. C'Pi clearly not realizing it was still naked.
*******************
Summary
C'Pi has been resurrected
The Porkinites are cloning an army of C'Pis
Jade has no idea what's been going on except there's a rumor about a pervert
and a wooden death star.
Jade
--
Let's get ready to rumble.
The great and powerful Oink!
"The great and powerful Oink!" <jad...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:Fx0O8.16831$MW2.1...@news4.srv.hcvlny.cv.net...
<self snipping>
> The two left together. C'Pi clearly not realizing it was still naked.
>
> *******************
>
Clearly I meant "he". And if you want to stay dead it will be easy to fix.
We can just kill 10,000 of you.
Jade
--
But can we cause a lot of damage with them first?
C'Pi
>
> "The great and powerful Oink!" <jad...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
> news:Fx0O8.16831$MW2.1...@news4.srv.hcvlny.cv.net...
>
> <self snipping>
>
> > The two left together. C'Pi clearly not realizing it was still naked.
> >
> > *******************
> >
>
> Clearly I meant "he".
Damn. Considering I was naked that's a pretty cheap shot.
> And if you want to stay dead it will be easy to fix.
> We can just kill 10,000 of you.
No, it's more or less what I was going to do. You just saved me the
writing.
> Jade
> --
> But can we cause a lot of damage with them first?
Do you think?
HE-HE-HE! You'd think people would learn to let sleeping Porkinites lie.
C'Pi
Spawn of Porkins
"C'Pi" <jas...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:aeaj15$55b5r$1...@ID-111793.news.dfncis.de...
>
> "The great and powerful Oink!" <jad...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
> news:p44O8.20147$MW2.1...@news4.srv.hcvlny.cv.net...
> >
> > "The great and powerful Oink!" <jad...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
> > news:Fx0O8.16831$MW2.1...@news4.srv.hcvlny.cv.net...
> >
> > <self snipping>
> >
> > > The two left together. C'Pi clearly not realizing it was still naked.
> > >
> > > *******************
> > >
> >
> > Clearly I meant "he".
>
> Damn. Considering I was naked that's a pretty cheap shot.
>
I'm all about the cheap shot.
> > And if you want to stay dead it will be easy to fix.
> > We can just kill 10,000 of you.
>
> No, it's more or less what I was going to do. You just saved me the
> writing.
>
> > Jade
> > --
> > But can we cause a lot of damage with them first?
>
> Do you think?
>
> HE-HE-HE! You'd think people would learn to let sleeping Porkinites lie.
>
> C'Pi
>
>
I'm kind of glad they don't. I enjoy teaching them.
Jade
--
Now let's party.