Those wacky Presidents
PUSSSYKATT
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IT'S Presidents Day weekend.
Anyone know that George Washington, who obviously didn't earn enough to own a
Rolex, used to schlep a portable sundial? Or that the father of our one-dollar
bill had to borrow a few bucks to go to his own inaugural?
More? I got more. At 79, John Quincy Adams skinnydipped in the Potomac. Our
prez swimming nekkid in our capital's waterhole? So what do they want from Bill
I-feel-your-itch Clinton?
Democrat Andrew Jackson. At his funeral in 1845 his pet parrot had to be
removed because it was swearing. At the Republicans, I believe.
Abe Lincoln's missus was first to be nicknamed the first lady.
Andrew Johnson, who in 1865 became our 17th president, was a tailor. Made his
own clothes. Even the wardrobe of his Cabinet members. This dude obviously had
a light schedule.
Ulysses S. Grant received 10,000 boxes of cigars in the mail for his birthday.
And this was way before Monica Lewinsky's El Perfecto.
America's lone bachelor prez James Buchanan's fiancée committed suicide when he
was 28. So how small could that engagement ring have been?
Grover Cleveland, while sheriff of Erie County, N.Y., was also the public
executioner. Good old Grover personally hanged two murderers. I mean, talk of
favoring the death penalty!
Mrs. Woodrow Wilson claimed to have descended from Pocahontas.
When the Herbert Hoovers did not want to be overheard, they spoke in Chinese.
When the Calvin Coolidges did not want to be overheard, they spoke in sign
language.
Presumably the Bushes will converse in Texan.
Some guy with a wrench had to retrieve Bess Truman's dentures from a toilet
after she accidentally knocked them into the pot. Gives new meaning to that
Nixonian phrase, the White House "plumbers," right?
Dwight Eisenhower. This I never remember hearing before but research says he
ordered that any cat on his Gettysburg estate be shot on sight.
Ever hear of David Rice Atchison? Well, in 1849 James Polk's term lapsed and,
being a Sunday, Zachary Taylor could not be sworn into office, so, as president
pro tem of the senate, David Rice Atchison qualified. His Missouri grave lists
him as president for a day. Hey, beats queen for a day.
Warren Harding and JFK were the only presidents survived by their fathers.
Thomas Jefferson is supposed to have had the highest IQ - near genius - of any
of our commanders-in-chief.
Now, lest any of you awoke today asking yourselves, "Self, what was with James
Garfield?" I am the answer to your need. When Garfield was assassinated, his
killer, Charles Guiteau, shouted, "I am a Stalwart." And what that means, I
haven't the faintest. I was not great in history. My best subject was recess.
Theodore Roosevelt's mother, and his wife, Alice, both died on Valentine's Day
1884. Teddy so adored Alice Hathaway Lee that, at a crowded Harvard party in
1876, he announced: "See that girl? I'm going to marry her. She won't have me,
but I'm going to have her." He bought French dueling pistols in the event of a
rival for her affections. They wed in 1880.
Lyndon Baines Johnson loved Fresca. Even had installed in the Oval Office a
Fresca-spewing soda fountain that operated by pushing a button on his desk
chair. Man, I've heard about these guys pushing buttons in the Oval Office, but
not to instigate a grapefruit-flavored beverage!
Gerald Ford, born Leslie Lynch King Jr., held the presidency and vice
presidency but was never elected to either post.
When George daddy Bush became veep in '81, he got 34 pairs of elastic sock
garters as gifts. Another thing that rarely comes up in conversation - he's
distantly related to Benedict Arnold.
That's it for now. I'm outta here. I'm going to lie down with a Big Mac, a
doughnut, an order of fries - and think of Clinton.
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Ron Turner
>bill had to borrow a few bucks to go to his own inaugural?
Many liberal revisionist historians preach that the Founding Fathers were a
bunch of fatcat rich white guys. But in fact, many like Washington, were flat
broke. With a large number ending up dying in abject poverty.
> At 79, John Quincy Adams skinnydipped in the Potomac.
It was very common then to swim in the pre-toxic rivers. Benjamin Franklin
took dips in the Hudson and the Thames.
>Democrat Andrew Jackson. At his funeral in 1845 his pet parrot had to be
>removed because it was swearing. At the Republicans, I believe.
Supposedly the parrot also pissed off a Spanish diplomat once.....almost
causing a war. But not sure if that was true.
>Abe Lincoln's missus was first to be nicknamed the first lady.
She was also the first Hillary. Crazy as hell, very dominant, made everybody
roll their eyes at tackiness, thought everybody was against her.
>Andrew Johnson, who in 1865 became our 17th president, was a tailor. Made his
>own clothes. Even the wardrobe of his Cabinet members. This dude obviously
>had a light schedule.
He was also a huge drunk. When he was sworn in as VP everybody noticed that he
was completely blasted. Nasty SOB. Extremely racist, hated everybody.
Deserved to be impeached.
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