Mofo Ex Machina (Penn & Teller BBS) LOG
David Pirmann
this is a log file circa 1988 from Penn & Teller's BBS MOFO EX
MACHINA. It's sort of disjointed but you'll get to see a bit of the
in-jokes going on (like the "NYC DOT" login screens).
Enjoy, for what it's worth
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(c) 1986,87 eXTended Software Services
(c) 1988 New York Municipal Computer Service Group
Password series: Beta Trey
NYCDT Node 3 XTPCSS v. 2.3
New York City Department of Traffic
Employees are to take not that we are still testing
this system and we are not yet ready to network this
machine with the IBO-DEC 80 files. Do not rely on this
system as a sole source of information and do *not*
count something filed here as "Recorded Diem" until you
are notified to do so by your supervisor.
We would like to thank those brave enough to help us
work out the in-operatives in this system. Remember,
"We are rebuilding New York."
Thank you for staying within the fifteen minute time
limit, we are back-logged on reimbursments for phone
expendentures. These calls should be short enough to
fall under the 'petty cash' heading on Form 36J3/201/6
(available from Supervisor Bradley's Brooklyn office).
WARNING: Any attempt to enter names for exception of
parking tickets is ILLEGAL! More importantly, before
we bring this machine on-line it will be audited, save
the favors until after we are up to speed.
Notice: Meter maids applying for gun permits that were
approved before January 21, 1988 please contact the
assistant-supervisor's secretary: because of the
Maynes-Fieldstein difficulty some permits were approved
without official approval.
Verifying use-approval code. Please stand-by.
Checking...
Usr apprvd.
Accs denied. Accnt clsd.
Usr apprvd.
Accs denied. Accnt clsd.
Usr apprvd.
Accs denied. Accnt clsd.
Manual override/%THY! MO:HCK@NYC
NYCDT Node X XTPCSS v.666
New York City Department of Tra
Tra
Tra
Tra
--trapdoor activated--
Thanks to bribes, kickbacks and the department in
charge of tracking municipally-owned equipment
(or lack there of any such department), we are proud
to present a bulletin board with a real purpose...
14 minutes Press any key -->
W E L C O M E T O
M O F O E X M A C H I N A
A public service bulletin board from the good folks
at the Buggs & Rudy Discount Corporation.
Mofo controls this bulletin board, telling you about Penn &
Teller and the ever-changing world in which they live in. Why
not give it a try?
M O F O G O S S I P S S O M E M O R E
To say that MOFO himself writes the Gossip Section on this BBS
would be an outrageous lie. MOFO is, in this instance, a figure
head, in command of fifty underpaid, overly sensitive writer-
types. These dweebs live to record Penn and Teller's every move, and
despite their failing eyesight (due to malnutrition), manage to keep
a close watch on all friends and cohorts of the guys, one even
trails Rob Elk. MOFO feels confident that although The Big Tour
requires so much of his concentration, the job of reporting to
you, the die-hard PENN & TELLER fan, will be taken care of with
such thoroughness and precision, you'd think it was being
written by Ivy Leaugue grads.
11/6/88 Sunday
1) Well it's been some kind of hell for the writers to keep tabs
on the fellas. They are moving too fast up in B town. The gig's
almost over. Their primary concern is what will they do on
election night to keep the people of Massachusettes laughing.
2) Disruption broke out last night in the middle of the show.
During the water tank trick, a stray whale suddenly burst up
through the floor of the theater in an attempt to join poor
Teller in the tank. This time, Teller really did die.
3) There is little doubt that Penn and Teller will miss Boston
when they leave, but neither can say why.
4) Penn is claiming to have found THE album of the decade
"Throwing Willers"?
5) There is little time left to join the fan club. Do so
immediately!
Join Penn & Teller's F.B.I.
They're three thousand nine hundred and fifty three point twenty
five miles below Manhattan, to be exact. Coming at you louder
and louder from the Center of the Earth.
Want to know more? Yup
Join Penn & Teller's F.B.I.
F A N S B E L O W T H E I S L A N D
Penn & Teller, with the help of MOFO the Psychic Gorilla have
gone under, way under, to develop a fan club for all of you out
there who know these boys are onto something big. Yeah, you'll
get bimonthly newletters, discounts on wild t-shirts, records,
tapes and videos, and someday (after they're out of style), there
may even be a button. Gives you chills, huh? You'll learn how
to swindle and humiliate like a pro, talk a blue streak about
funky new strains of music, pull crack-up jokes out of thin air.
Hey, you'll learn how to be cool. This club's not for wimps or
Doug Henning/David Copperfield fans (redundant), your stomach is
probably not strong enough to join. Think it over carefully.
Then GET DOWN, and send six dollars to:
Penn & Teller's F.B.I.
Earth's Center
c/o Box 1196, NY, NY 10185-0010
13 minutes Press any key -->
h}THE "PENN & TELLER" TOUR SCHEDULE
BOSTON at the Colonial Theater OCTOBER 18 - NOVEMBER 13
SAN FRANCISCO at the Curran Theater NOVEMBER 18 - JANUARY 15
They will appear in the following cities as well, more
information to come:
Philadelphia, Los Angeles, Chicago, and possibly Washington DC
C U R R E N T A C T I V I T Y
Or, what do I do in my spare time?
Look, we all know that Penn & Teller is my life, so what
else could there be? Well, I am getting to be a little bit
of a hack in my old age. I help our main hacker, Colin, with the
setup and running of Mofo Ex Machina (MEM). For further info,
check out the Mofo area. That's Colin, our hacker. He's an
architect student at Cornell, but that's his story....
I've been using my Zenith 183 (recently upgraded from a
181!) laptop computer at home in Park Slope to learn Turbo
Pascal. I also use it to log on here and find out what Penn &
Teller are up to, since they never tell me what they're doing.
Maybe now with the MEM going, I'll be able to know what work I
have coming up. I really have NO social life....
I have, in the recent past, beat jungle tigers and won. I am
Jungle Lord. Our office has a Jungle Lord pinbal machine, on
which I have the high score of 8,261,260. Eddie's (Check out his
area on the Mofo Ex Machina) trying to catch me. I wish him the
best of luck. I do see 160-170 movies a year. Check out my
review corner on the MEM for current recommendations.
14 minutes Press any key -->
C O V E R T A C T I V I T I E S
A N S W E R S
or, what have you got to say for yourself?
Okay, let's answer some questions people have had, shall we?
A few people have asked about LEGEND. I'm glad you asked.
LEGEND is an Eddie Gorodetsky idea (Check out his area elsewhere
on the BBS) that is simple, strange, and fun. Some have
suggested it's an old high-school game. I never did it.
The basic idea is that a story is written by anyone who cares to
contribute. Someone starts it by typing a sentence, and ends
his/her input with a period, question mark, or exclamation point.
Sorry, no interobangs allowed. The next person sees the first
sentence displayed, and then types in his/her own. The next
person sees the previous sentence ONLY, and then types their own.
Etc. This goes on for a predetermined number of sentences, in
our case, it will be 40, and then the whole story is provided for
everyone to read and enjoy. And a new one starts. We've had
some limited experience with one of our own, and it's pretty
psychedelic. Soon, we'll be implementing it on this machine for
everyone to contribute to, so stay tuned.
13 minutes Press any key -->
It has been suggested in some quarters that I don't see as
many movies as some critics. To this I say, hey, I've got a
full-time job, Babe, cut me some slack. You think running "Penn
& Teller" on Broadway at the Ritz Theatre is a walk in the park?
YOU try to keep Teller from dying when we keep doing things like
sticking him in a tank of water for 10 minutes and strapping him
in a strait jacket and hanging him upside-down over a bed of
spikes. See what kind of free time you have. Chill out.
Besides, while (real?) critics waste time telling you what a
movie's about and who's in it, I'll tell you whether it's worth
seeing or not. Plus, I've got an incredible back-log of movies
I've seen in the last 11 years that I haven't even started
reviewing, never mind the continuous onslaught of new releases.
I'll eventually get alot of stuff on here. And remember, the
only slack the "search" function gives you on movies is upper and
lower case, everything else has to match EXACTLY. So don't think
I haven't reviewed something just 'cause you can't find it.
12 min [E,G,P,1-4] --> 1
P E N N ' S W O R D S O N T H E L A B E L
This is the press release that went out when we started the
record company. I think many people on M.E.M. already know this
stuff, but it does tell you how I feel about the music on the
label.
A Message from one of the Owners of 50 Sk'dillion
My name is Penn Jillette. I am 50% owner of
"50,000,000,000,000,000 Watts of Power in the Hands of Children
Records". M.C. Kostek is the other 50% and he does all the work.
I supply money to keep this thing going, I talk to M.C. about
what we're doing, and I love the music more than life itself
but...he does all the work.
You may have heard my name before. I am also 50% of the team
Penn & Teller. We have been performing in theaters together for
13 years. We started in Princeton in 1974 with a show called The
Asparagus Valley Cultural Society and in 1987 have just finished
up a 1 year and 8 month run Off-Broadway in New York with a show
12 minutes Press any key -->
called Penn & Teller. In between we have played long runs in
Philadelphia, San Francisco, and Los Angles and short little gigs
everywhere.
We have also appeared on Saturday Night Live, Late Night with
David Letterman, The Today Show, Guest VJ on MTV and every two
bit appearance that would help pimp our show. We dumped over 500
cockroaches on David Letterman, hung upside-down on S.N.L., and
spent $56,000 of NBC's money to do a card trick. We were in the
movies Off Beat and My Chauffeur. In My Chauffeur we were
covered with naked woman.
Penn & Teller do magic and comedy. One of us is little and
doesn't talk and the other one is big and screams all the time.
I am the one with the hair in his face and the glasses that
screams all the time. On my own I have been the guest star in a
season opener of Miami Vice, an exploitation movie called Savage
Island with Linda Blair and I can soon be seen as a large-dicked,
Southern preacher in Norman Mailer's Tough Guys Don't Dance. If
you're trying to pick me out; in every one of my appearances I am
the big, ugly, son of a bitch with a square head.
12 minutes Press any key -->
So what the fuck does a guy who has spent 4 weeks in a limo with
Don Johnson, gone to baseball games with Paul Simon, eaten dinner
with Sean and Madonna and been on the "MTV Party Boat" with ZZ
Top know about GOOD music? Well, on to my real credentials. I
hosted the Ralph Records Tenth Anniversary Radio Special, a two
record set that chronicals my week locked in a motel room with
alot of Residents, Snakefinger, Fred Frith, MX80 Sound and
Renaldo and the Loaf records. I liked them. I toured Europe and
California with The Resident's Mole Show as narrator. Teller and
I MC'd Half Japanese's only LA appearance and we are the only
ones ever to get Half Jap played on MTV. But most important I am
a rabid, out-of-control fan. I eat this shit for breakfast.
I love wild music. Really wild music. Not comedy music but
wild, wacky music where the right spirit is as important as the
right notes and losing your mind on cue is as important as
practice. I am sick of people who are really, really good
musicians and have no reason to be musicians and I am really sick
of little record labels getting credit for doing wonderful stuff
and than not paying the people that made the music.
11 minutes Press any key -->
If you like Penn & Teller on TV, or if you like me on TV and in
movies, I have no idea wether you will like the music on "50
Sk'dillion. I have nothing to do with the making of the art, I'm
just giving the money. The stuff we put out has many of the
earmarks of noise and it is without a doubt the best fuckin music
in the world today. I like it and if you ask yourself every day
"Why on fucking Earth does EVERYTHING sound just alike", you may
like it, too.
11 minutes Press any key -->
H O T S T U F F
5 0 S K I D I L L I O N R E C O R D S
The real name is "500000000000000000000000000 Watts of Power in
the Hands of Babies Records". It is owned by M.C. Kostek and
Penn Jillette. As soon as we can get M.C. Kostek on line, he's
in Florida we'll have real updates here but in the meantime you
can check out Kostek's Bio and drop him a line.
All you really need to know is that it's the best record label
that has ever existed. This is not a random opinion, this is
fact.
11 minutes Press any key -->
C U R R E N T N E W S A N D E V E N T S
Soon, this area will be jam-packed with information on happenings
and seminars and lectures and demonstrations...Whew! I get
excited just thinking about it. We're young and alive, so just
give us a chance to get organized, and then this thing will
really rock.
The premiere public meeting for all interested area skeptics will
take place on May 10th. "The Amazing" Randi is scheduled to
speak, and you'll finally have a chance to help get things going
in our area. Stay tuned for details!
September 6, 1987
I thought that the MTV Video Music Awards Pre-game show was one
of the coolest things P&T have done. To meet Lou Reed was a dream
come true. The cigarette vanish that he performed on MTV, he did
entirely himself and there was no TV trickery. The Rock and Roll
Animal really learned sleight of hand. It is interesting that
although MTV let us have "virgins" chanting "satan is lord" in
Latin while holding upside-down crosses they banned the following
interchange: "You realize, Lou, that you'll go to hell for
this?" "I certainly hope so."
I spilled the beans to Lou that I was one of the rabid fans
behind The Velvet Underground Appreciation Society and we were
the ones who put out the 19 "Afterhours" tapes. I had the
pleasure of giving Lou twenty-eight and one half hours of his
past. He was a little taken aback that we had collected this
much of his life but he got over it. He did Lou Reed better than
anyone in the world and said that the cigarette vanish would
become part of his standard repertoire. He going to try to do it
in a movie he has coming up and he said he will be doing it in
6 minutes Press any key -->
interviews. Lou Reed doing magic, wow.
Lou did a cigarette vanish and Run-DMC did the Cups and Balls.
They did a rap* about Neil Armstrong while Teller handled most of
the sleights. For those of you that think Run-DMC wrote a
perfect rap for it, Teller and Eddie wrote the rap but Run, D and
Jam Master Jay delivered it perfectly.
Dee Snider from Twisted Sister was also on the show. He spit out
all the political stuff we wrote for him in one take. He was
perfect. He is what the world needs, a no drugs, no alcohol
heavy metal crazy. The man is a machine.
Eddie Gorodetsky wrote the show with us under the name, "Igor
O'Detsky" (Teller used the name "Rudy Buggs" and I was "Penelope
Gillette"). We could not use our real names because we didn't
get paid enough to make the Writer's Guild happy. Eddie played
the part of Robbie Nevil and we shaved all his hair off. This
was not a trick. When Eddie came in he had hair down to his
shoulders and when he left he looked like Curly Howard.
6 minutes Press any key -->
The MTV show was the first TV appearance of Bongos, Bass, and
Bob. It's my band that has an album on my record label,
5000000000000000000000000000000000 Watts of Power in the Hands of
Babies Records (For more info on the record label and the 3Bs
check out stuff on MEM by M.C. Kostek), called "Never Mind the
Sex Pistols - Here's Bongos, Bass, and Bob. What on Earth were
they Thinking?" The record will be out this fall and we'll be
doing a little touring to support it. I will have all the record
lyrics on this board soon.
On the MTV show the 3B's did "La Bamba" in Hebrew as our little
part for world peace. It was cue card mania, we had Spanish cue
cards for the backing vocals, the speech in the middle was on cue
cards for me and the Hebrew had to be on cue cards for all of us.
Marc Garland was risking paper cuts. Teller was singing his
little lungs out and playing a keyboard part from hell. "La
Bamba" was translated into Hebrew by Orly, who is a friend of
ours from Israel who speaks Hebrew, Spanish, Italian and English.
She also was (along with Eddie, Dean J. "Bongos" Seal, and Gary
Cooper, the MTV producer) one of the voices of Teller.
5 minutes Press any key -->
Bongos, Bass, and Bob also played the back-up to The Deck of
Cards* (written mostly by Eddie) and during the closing credits
we played an instrumental from the Off Broadway Penn & Teller
show that I wrote called "Spooky Stuff" which is also the theme
song from our Lorimar video that will be out next year called
"Penn & Teller's Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends".
MTV was pretty easy to work with on this one. The only trouble
we had was a gag we wrote about the 900 number that MTV fans use
to vote for their favorite video. It was $.50 a call and we said
that if everyone in the country called and MTV wanted to use the
money properly, they could end world hunger but...of course MTV
doesn't want to. Other than not letting us do that and not
letting Lou say he hoped he was going to hell, they didn't bust
us on anything. They let us do a good show.
This was written before the MTV show was even edited, let alone
aired, so I may take this whole thing back in a week and say it
sucked.
5 minutes Press any key -->
*The text for "Moonrap" and "MTV-CARD" is on this BBS in the
Penn & Teller Info area under the menu selection "Scripts for
past P&T Bits" if you want to read them.
5 minutes Press any key -->
T O U R I N F O R M A T I O N A N D O T H E R G O O D I E S
This file will have all kinds of interesting stuff that "Penn &
Teller" will be doing, including tours, movies, appearances, etc.
Actually, whatever we think would be of interest to you.
I know that this is a bit sketchy for now, but that's what show
biz is all about:
"Penn & Teller" on Broadway - Penn & Teller are at the Ritz
Theatre, 219 W. 48th St., New York doing their acclaimed
two-man, full-evening show. Current plans are to run
through February 28th, and then start the movie. See below
under "Penn & Teller Get Killed".
"Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends" - a home video which gives you 7
different ways to swindle your friends and make a little
cash. This will be released by Lorimar Home Video (yup,
the same folks who gave us Jane Fonda) at your local stores
in March. We made sure that they will sell it at prices
you can afford.
4 minutes Press any key -->
"Penn & Teller Get Killed" - this is the title for Penn &
feature film. It has not been shot yet, but we do have a
deal. We will probably start shooting in April and it
will be released at the end of l988. (That's what we know
so far and will, again, keep you posted.)
"Cruel Tricks for Dear Friends" - a book based on the same
principles as "Cruel Tricks" - the video. More ways to
make money from your friends. This will be in your local
book stores next fall. It will be released by Random
House.
"Penn & Teller" - we are working on a few dates and, the ever
famous words, will keep you posted. It looks like we may
be doing a rather serious national tour come fall, hitting
cities like L.A., Chicago, Boston, D.C., S.F., well, you
get the idea. Keep your eyes peeled and your money ready.
"Bongos, Bass & Bob" - this is Penn's band and he plays bass.
(read his bio). They will play dates in clubs and we'll let you
4 minutes Press any key -->
know where and when. They will have an album out sometime
in the spring.
STAY TUNED. THINGS CHANGE AND WE WANT TO KEEP YOU UP
TO DATE ON ALL THE COOL STUFF.