MTV, Vanity Fair Cease Operation -- No Audience
FromTheDes...@stukafox.com
(AP) Hollywood, California.
Representatives for MTV and Vanity Fair today said they will jointly
cease operation today after discovering they have no viewers or
readership.
"We're surprised," said Alan McGlade, CEO of MTV, "all this time, we
were recieving data showing we were the number one viewing
choice of the prime 18-25 male demographic."
Also expressing surprise was Vanity Fair Editor, Graydon Carter, who
was shocked to discovered the venerable magazine of fashion and style
had no noticable readership.
"The news came as a shock to us," Carter said, "Bloomingdale's and Sack's
pulled their ads as soon as the news hit. Despite the fact we had over
a million subscribers, most in the $100,000+ income bracket, and were selling
a print run of 3.5 million magazines in retail outlets, no one was actually
reading our publication. Imagine how shocked we were when we found out!"
The bombshell news came not from traditional media monitoring outlets like
Neilson or xxxx, but from a previous untapped braintrust called 'Alt.fan.furry'
a Usenet newsgroup frequented by "furries", individuals having an interest
in cartoon animals.
"They really have their finger on the pulse," McGlade said as he started
cleaning out the expansive office he's occupied for the last five years,
"One word from this group means live or die for a media outlet like ourselves,
and in this case, we obviously didn't make the cut. We were fools to go up
against such a powerful group; it costs us our audience, it cost us the
whole network!"
Vanity Fair's Carter was equally crushed by the thumbs-down from the powerful
clique of Furries, "Presidents read us, potentates read us, the kings of
fashion read us, but once those Furries proclaimed we weren't worth reading,
we knew we were doomed. There was no point waiting the for inevitable, we
decided to cut our losses and run."
Vanity Fair and MTV aren't the first victims of Furry's wrath. Millions of
viewers suddenly changed the channel on NBC's former hit, "ER" after AFF
proclaimed the show had no viewship. NBC was unavailble for comment, but
said that any show about Furries in the future will only show them in the
most flattering, favorable light imaginable. FOX, which had planned to air
"When Furries Attack!" during March sweeps pulled the program and said they
would replace it with "Furries Are Perfect In Every Way Imaginable And Anyone
Who Says Different Is A Fag".
Carter and McGlade both said they never imagined Furry held such sway over
the viewing and reading habits of so many people, but said if they had to
do it all over again, they'd pick on those retards from Anime instead.
-- Stuart K. Fuchs reporting.
--
The most important question of 2001 will be 'Why aren't you fucking FURIOUS?'
______________________________________________________________________
Posted Via Uncensored-News.Com - Still Only $9.95 - http://www.uncensored-news.com
With NINE Servers In California And Texas - The Worlds Uncensored News Source
Shadowspawn
>
>
>(AP) Hollywood, California.
>
>Representatives for MTV and Vanity Fair today said they will jointly
>cease operation today after discovering they have no viewers or
>readership.
Hey, you actually can be coherent. Even humorous.
Michael Campbell
Bahumat
Bahumat
M. Mitchell Marmel
>
> (AP) Hollywood, California.
>
> Representatives for MTV and Vanity Fair today said they will jointly
> cease operation today after discovering they have no viewers or
> readership.
Bravo.
-MMM-
FromTheDes...@stukafox.com
> Hey, you actually can be coherent. Even humorous.
YUO, SIR, AT TEH KING OF COMEDY!!1!! ALL HALE TEH KING!!11!
no one in particular┊
Hash: SHA1
<FromTheDes...@StukaFox.Com> wrote in message
news:3c354...@news.uncensored-news.com...
>
>
> (AP) Hollywood, California.
>
> Representatives for MTV and Vanity Fair today said they will
> jointly cease operation today after discovering they have no
> viewers or
> readership.
(snip)
That needs to be saved, archived, and printed in enscription in
solid titanium and bolted to the chest of every furry who takes the
fandom more seriously than they should.
BRAVO!!! That was worthy of The Onion!
- -Wayd Wolf
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
Version: PGPfreeware 7.0.3 for non-commercial use <http://www.pgp.com>
iQA/AwUBPDYmqpBTrwXxuNq0EQIbVQCg+ysnXOlCj9J4yFHq6CCDA6dUtZMAoNnN
8otjfln7z4lN9FlZjjAz0SLx
=qNDA
-----END PGP SIGNATURE-----
Dr. Cat
: (AP) Hollywood, California.
: Representatives for MTV and Vanity Fair today said they will jointly
: cease operation today after discovering they have no viewers or
: readership.
The official spokesperson for Furry Fandom, when asked for comment,
replied that in spite of this surprising news, Furry Fandom would
continue to frequently warn its members that it was about to be
destroyed by current and upcoming mass media coverage. And that
furthermore, it has already been ruined so badly both by that and
by its own internal problems that nobody is having any fun in the
fandom any more anyway, nor has anyone for the last ten years.
"Our fandom was totally destroyed already by articles like those
appearing in Wired and Loaded", he said, "So I don't see why it
would come as a surprise to anyone that Vanity Fair and MTV will
destroy it yet again, leaving absolutely nothing left of what already
was totally gone to begin with. We expect that with careful planning,
we can reach the point where our fandom is totally destroyed 3-4 times
per year like clockwork. Let those 'trekker' and RPGers and hobbit
fans with their hairy feet put THAT in their long-stemmed pipes and
smoke it! We can out-suffer them any day of the week!"
He went on to say that within another ten years, furry fandom would
have been destroyed so thoroughly that no two atoms of anything
furry-fandom related would still be bound together anywhere in the
universe, and 20,000 furry fans would be feeling miserable and
depressed 99.8% of the time, even though the fandom having been
destroyed there would actually at the same time be no furry fans
extant.
*-------------------------------------------**-----------------------------*
Dr. Cat / Dragon's Eye Productions || Free alpha test:
*-------------------------------------------** http://www.furcadia.com
Furcadia - a graphic mud for PCs! || Let your imagination soar!
*-------------------------------------------**-----------------------------*
(Disclaimer: I wouldn't necessarily believe anything that spokesman guy
said - he had a fuzzy fake tail hanging off his butt!)
furie4jesus
CAKE AND VEAL FOR BABY JESUS! I LOVE LAMB-VORE! YUMMIE!
"Shadowspawn" <dou...@cgocable.net> wrote in message
news:hjka3u0ni9rmpnvcr...@4ax.com...
Tehrasha Darkon
>
> CAKE AND NOODELS FOR TEH KING OF KINGS!
>
Please... just plain Teh will do.
mmmMMmmm.. Noodles. :)
--
My mailbox is NOT an advertisement medium. Tehrasha Darkon
My address is NOT for sale, lease or rent. dar...@netins.net
Send me spam, lose your account. Get it? TINLC-1372