A Bearster And A Businessman (Re: WARNING:Avoid IRC #AynRand)
Dismuke
way he runs his IRC channel?
The Heroic Businessman
(A one act play by Ian Rand)
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
[The scene is a retail software store. A dashingly handsome and
distinguished looking gentleman has entered the store and is browsing
through the various boxes of software offered for sale.]
<clerk> Good afternoon, Sir. Welcome to Diamond Software! May I help
you with anything?
<Dismuke> Hi. Thanks very much - but I'm just looking.
<clerk> [with a very aggressive tone] WHAT did you say?
<Dismuke> [a bit taken aback] I said "hi." And "thank you."
<clerk> That's not ALL you said! You said something else besides
that!
<Dismuke> Well.... yes, that's true. I also said "I'm just looking."
<clerk> Then you admit that you said it?
<Dismuke> Well. . . . . sure. Why wouldn't I admit it?
<clerk> We don't tolerate people like you. You are going to have to
leave.
<Dismuke> What??????
<clerk> As in right now. And if you don't - well, this store is
private property. If you do not leave at once, we could have you
arrested for trespassing.
<Dismuke> What the hell is.......
<clerk> THAT does it. We do not tolerate abusive language. [calls to
a man on the other side of the store] Hey, Bearster! Come over here!
We have another trouble maker!
<Bearster> [walking over] What's going on here?
<Dismuke> Are you by chance the store manager?
<Bearster> No. I am the proprietor of this establishment.
<Dismuke> Well, GREAT! Sir, you need to do something with your
employee here. He does NOT know how to speak with customers. This guy
is going to run all of your business away. You need to fire him or, at
the very least, discipline him."
<clerk> Bearster - he said that he was "just looking."
<Bearster> My employee was doing exactly what I pay him to do - to keep
out trouble makers.
<Dismuke> Trouble maker? Me??? Why on earth would anyone think I am a
trouble maker?
<Bearster> Well, for one, you said that you were "just looking."
<Dismuke> Yeah? So what?
<Bearster> I've discovered that the word "just" conceals an ulterior
motive; the person using it wants the listener to think that the
situation is plain and simple, when it's not.
<Dismuke> Huhh???
<Bearster> What is your name?
<Dismuke> Why do you want to know that? If I end up buying something,
I'll pay you in cash. So I cannot think of a reason why you should even
CARE what my name is.
<clerk> I've had debates with socialists that sounded like this.
<Bearster> [raising a brow] It sounds to me like you are paranoid. Why
should you not want to tell me your name? Even though I go by
"Bearster," I do not mind telling people my real name. Everybody in
this store knows my name is Keith. Now tell me - WHY are you here?
<Dismuke> Why? As I have already said several times, I just came in to
look at some software.
<Bearster> And, as I have already said, I have reason to believe that
is NOT why you are here.
<Dismuke> And what reason is that?
<Bearster> Because you keep saying "just." That means have an ulterior
motive and you are trying to conceal it from me. The fact that you come
in here anonymously only proves it.
<Dismuke> I can't believe what I am hearing. I come in here to look at
some software and I am treated like I am some kind of suspect!
<Bearster> What kinds of software programs have you used?
<Dismuke> What kinds? I have used a lot of different types of software
programs.
<Bearster> WHAT types?
<Dismuke> What is this? Interrogation?
<Bearster> Is this defensiveness? I asked what software programs you
have used. Why would you not want to answer?
<Dismuke> I have already told you - I have used pretty much all types.
<Bearster> "Pretty much all types" tell me NOTHING. What PRINCIPLE
are you using when you refuse to answer?
<Dismuke> It's a principle called "none of your damned busi......
<clerk> [running up out of breath and interrupting the conversation]
Bearster! Bearster! We've got another trouble maker! It's that man
over there! See him? A few minutes ago, he drove up and walked into
the store. He then left the store, went back to his car and turned the
headlights off. Within a matter of minutes, he came back in the store
and is still here.
<Bearster> You mean he came in the store - then left - and now he's
back?
<clerk> Exactly, Bearster! That's exactly what he did!
<Bearster> The nerve of these trolls! [to the customer on the other
side of the store] Hey! You over there! Yes, you! GET OUT!!!
<Bearster> [to Dismuke] Now - back to our conversation. Let me explain
some of the broader context here. This store receives about 2 or 3
walk-ins per day, on average. Most of them don't even claim to be
computer experts. Of those who do, some are liars, some are fools
(they've surfed the net and now they're genuine geeks, uhuh, right).
Some of them actually *are*. Of those,
not all of them seem friendly, or earnest, or good to me. I'll have
you know that we at Diamond Software are NOT #Geekspeak tolerationists.
This store is like is unlike any other store extant.
<Dismuke> Thank goodness for that!
<Bearster> You have an ulterior motive not to answer my questions. I
can not but guess at this when you walked in here (and I didn't try). I
only know that *for some reason* you refuse to answer. I don't think
that, in a software market, where everyone is anonymous and trolls
outnumber Good Guys at least 20 to 1, probing to get to the specifics is
unreasonable.
<Dismuke> Trolls? What is a troll? And where do you come up with the
20 to 1 number?
<Bearster> A troll is anyone who comes into my store only for the
purpose of looking.
<Dismuke> What's wrong with looking?
<Bearster> What do you think I am - some kind of altruist of
Toohey-like proportions?
<Dismuke> Huhhh?
<Bearster> I am not in business to provide things to look at. I am in
business to *sell* software. Because we live in an age dominated by
Kantian destroyers, only about 1 customer in 20 who walks into this
store ends up actually *buying* something.
<Dismuke> So? Maybe they will buy something in the future on another
visit.
<Bearster> No they will not. Because I won't let them. Customers who
come in here and do not buy something get BANNED from coming in here
ever again. I do NOT sanction looters!
<Dismuke> Looters?
<Bearster> Yes. Looters. These people think they can come in here,
drink from my water fountain, use my restrooms, enjoy the air
conditioning that I provide in the summer and the heat that I provide in
the winter. They think that they can look at my attractive displays and
read and perhaps learn something from the information on the boxes of
software. I am providing values - and these looters think they can
expropriate advantages from them without compensating me.
<Dismuke> And in order to buy something from you, they must first
enumerate every software program they have ever used?
<Bearster> No, of course not. That is only for walk-ins. Most of the
Good Guys go to my website first and fill out the test.
<Dismuke> I see.
<Bearster> This helps me determine whether they are perhaps a bit
rationalistic or if their sense of life is slightly awry.
<Dismuke> I see
<Bearster> Now, since I am a benevolent guy, I will let you put off
itemizing the software programs until a later date. Instead, I will
allow you to take the test on my website.
<Dismuke> You want me to take a TEST?
<Bearster> Yes. Question number one: "Do you believe in any gods,
demons, devils, heavens, hells, magic, ESP, tarot cards, crystals, or
Psi?"
<Dismuke> Look, Keith, this is......
<Bearster> I will NOT allow you to stand here and threaten me! You
have committed an *evil* act and I will NOT tolerate it!
<Dismuke> Evil act? Threaten you? How have I threatened you?
<Bearster> You called me by my real name!
<Dismuke> But you told me that everybody around here knows that your
name is Keith.
<Bearster> There you go using it again! I know what you are trying to
do. You are trying to threaten me but in such a way as to make it look
like you really mean to do something else - exactly like when you said
that you were "just looking."
<Dismuke> What on earth are you talking about?
<Bearster> I KNOW what you were trying to do. When you called me
"Keith" your REAL point was to let me know that you know my real name
and where I am located - and that you could, if you chose to do so, give
that name out to your friends so they can come and burn down my shop!
<clerk> [interrupting] Excuse me, Bearster. There's this customer on
the phone demanding to know why he is banned from the store.
<Bearster> Tell him that's none of his business! Tell him that for
those who understand, no explanation is necessary - and for those who
don't, none is possible!
[Dismuke walks to the door]
<Bearster> What! You haven't bought anything yet. Are you some sort
of looter? Where do you think you're going?
<Dismuke> To Detroit.
<Bearster> [with disgust] Detroit? Why would *anyone* go to Detroit?
<Dismuke> I am going to go to Detroit so I can apologize to Jim
Kl-ayn. You see, I have always said that Jimmy was totally loony
tunes! I now realize that, until I walked in here and met you, I did
not even know the meaning of the word!
Stephen Speicher
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Stephen
s...@compbio.caltech.edu
Save the photons--don't look!
Printed using 100% recycled electrons.
-------------------------------------
Jim Klein
Dismuke <dis...@dismuke.com> wrote:
><Dismuke> I am going to go to Detroit so I can apologize to Jim
>Kl-ayn. You see, I have always said that Jimmy was totally loony
>tunes! I now realize that, until I walked in here and met you, I did
>not even know the meaning of the word!
Darn! Here I thought you were going to write, "I'm going to Detroit to tell
Jimmy in person how right he was all along, and now I've got the concrete
evidence to understand." But I suppose you'll never understand...faith
based allegiance is like that.
Maybe you'll understand how foolish you are to ridicule others for spending
large amounts of time discussing issues, while you waste your own time
writing one act plays on the topic of Bearster's channel operation.
Hypocrisy is easily the most unnerving trait common to many ARIans.
And I appreciated The Clown's response to your play as well, as if I needed
more evidence to demonstrate what you guys are about. At least he had the
good sense this time to not even _pretend_ he had something to say!
jk
Dismuke
>
>
> Maybe you'll understand how foolish you are to ridicule others for
> spending
> large amounts of time discussing issues, while you waste your own time
>
> writing one act plays on the topic of Bearster's channel operation.
>
Actually Jimmy, I don't ridicule others *for* spending large amounts of
time discussing ideas. I ridicule others for *how* they spend large
amounts of time discussing ideas!
By the way, Jimmy - I did briefly entertain the notion of writing a one
act play based on *your* ideas. I decided, however, not to do so. You
see, in order for a play to be successful, it must at least have *some*
intelligible content!
|
Dismuke
|
"Everybody's Favorite Mononominal"
K. Alex McIntyre
Thank you very much.
K. Alex McIntyre
Owl
Thanks for posting the play about Bearster. It was hilarious.
Dismuke <dis...@dismuke.com> wrote in message
news:380B655D...@dismuke.com...
> By the way, Jimmy - I did briefly entertain the notion of writing a one
> act play based on *your* ideas. I decided, however, not to do so. You
Please do. I'd like to see it.