Evil bicycles
Sheldon Brown
publishers who are helping to protect us from this evil brand. I have
recently done some research that reveals that the Satanic Conspiracy to
send us all to Hell by bicycle is far more widespread than it first
appeared, Voo Doo is only the tip of the iceberg. Here is a list of
bicycle makes and models that glorify evil, or heathen religions or
promote (shudder) sex!
Glorification of Evil or Violence:
Battle: Tomahawk
Boulder: Wild Thing, Defiant
Jamis: Diablo, Diablo LE (łDiablo˛ is Spanish for łDevil˛
Loco: Loco Motion
Mongoose : Villain
Norco: Sasquatch, Rampage
Python: Bonecrusher
Turner Burner XC
Wolf Creek: Predator, Warrior
Zero: Cannibal
Non-Christian religions:
Gary Fisher-Nirvana, Joshua X (Black Muslims?)
Jamis: Karma
Manitou
Mountain Goat: Immaculate Suspension (Blasphemy!)
Performance: Gryphon
Python: Medusa
Schwinn Moab (Moab is in Utah, thus there is a Mormon connection.)
The following models are thinly-disguised references to the dreaded
łNumber of the Beast˛
Pro-Flex: 656, 756, Beast
Schwinn: s(9six)3
Sex:
Barracuda: XX
Ibis: Mojo
Kona: Sex One, Sex Two, Sex Three, For Play
Ritchey: Soft Tail
Commies:
Gonzo: KGB
Zero: Red Zone DH
Nazi:
Diamondback: Axis
Demon Rum:
Brew: 200 proof
I am sure that all Right-thinking magazines will now refuse to accept
advertising from any of these cabalist corporations conspiring to
corrupt cycling!
Sheldon łTheyąre Everywhere!˛ Brown
Newtonville, Massachusetts
+--------------------------------------------------------+
| One man's theology is another man's belly laugh. |
| --Robert A. Heinlein |
+--------------------------------------------------------+
Christian Edstrom
Hey!
Did anyone notice that almost all of those bikes listed by Sheldon
in the previous post were mountain bikes??? :)
What this means I will not comment on...but for those riders, or
especially publishers wishing to go to heaven, it seems that only a road
bike will get you there. Even if you're lowest gear will be a 39-24.
Christian
--
Christian Edstrom
cbed...@midway.uchicago.edu
Cann...@uchicago.edu
bed...@cello.gina.calstate.edu
Rodney Hutton
: Non-Christian religions:
: Schwinn Moab (Moab is in Utah, thus there is a Mormon connection.)
More to the point, Moab was the site of Israel's great apostacy, when they
"yoked themselves to the Baal of Peor"! The god Baal is invading cycling!
Maybe all you MTB'ers should avoid those high places and stay on the
roads. After all, Isaiah reminds us that the proper route is the
_highway_ through the wilderness.
--
_______________________________________________________________________
Rod Hutton || Disclaimer, Datclaimer!
Columbus, Ohio || What's all dis about a
<rhu...@freenet.columbus.oh.us> || Claimer?
Ima Dillo
> I have
>recently done some research that reveals that the Satanic Conspiracy to
>send us all to Hell by bicycle
And don't overlook all those pornographic bikes--like Stumpjumpers, etc.
John Bowling
Sheldon Brown <Capt...@sheldonbrown.com> wrote:
>There was a recent thread about Voo Doo bicycles, and magazine
>appeared, Voo Doo is only the tip of the iceberg. Here is a list of
>bicycle makes and models that glorify evil, or heathen religions or
>promote (shudder) sex!
>
>Glorification of Evil or Violence:
>
> Battle: Tomahawk
> Boulder: Wild Thing, Defiant
> Jamis: Diablo, Diablo LE (łDiablo˛ is Spanish for łDevil˛
> Loco: Loco Motion
> Mongoose : Villain
> Norco: Sasquatch, Rampage
> Python: Bonecrusher
> Turner Burner XC
> Wolf Creek: Predator, Warrior
> Zero: Cannibal
>
>Non-Christian religions:
>
> Gary Fisher-Nirvana, Joshua X (Black Muslims?)
> Jamis: Karma
> Manitou
> Mountain Goat: Immaculate Suspension (Blasphemy!)
> Performance: Gryphon
> Python: Medusa
>
>łNumber of the Beast˛
>
> Pro-Flex: 656, 756, Beast
> Schwinn: s(9six)3
>
>Sex:
>
> Barracuda: XX
> Ibis: Mojo
> Kona: Sex One, Sex Two, Sex Three, For Play
> Ritchey: Soft Tail
>
>Commies:
>
> Gonzo: KGB
> Zero: Red Zone DH
>
>Nazi:
>
> Diamondback: Axis
>
>Demon Rum:
>
> Brew: 200 proof
>
>I am sure that all Right-thinking magazines will now refuse to accept
>advertising from any of these cabalist corporations conspiring to
>corrupt cycling!
>
I assure you that most of us 'correct-thinking' people (that's referred
to as Left-thinking by the above mentioned Right-thinking people) will do
all we can to buy from the above companies, and others we discover are
sufficiently in opposition to the Right-thinking (but wrong) people.
Most of us are allready 'going to hell' because we are different, and
don't pollute when we have an opportunity to improve our health. That in
itself is a sure sign of 'satanism'! We hog the roads, slowing them down
to a speed that is closer to the limit and not double the limit.
Wouldn't you just love to repent, get baptized by gasoline, and spend the
rest of your life spewing out gross (pun intended and not for humor)
amounts of pollution every day?
John
--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Bowling |Apple II GS can whip the pants off its little
joh...@primenet.com |brother (Mac) any time!
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Paul Young
Sheldon Brown <Capt...@sheldonbrown.com> wrote:
>There was a recent thread about Voo Doo bicycles, and magazine
>publishers who are helping to protect us from this evil brand. I have
>recently done some research that reveals that the Satanic Conspiracy to
>send us all to Hell by bicycle is far more widespread than it first
Well, well, Mr. Brown, so you caught on, did you? We of the Illuminati are
_very_ unhappy with your revealing our secret plans. Even as you read this,
we are summoning the demons Flatireeous and his concubine Saddlesorina; you
shall pay for your revelation!
Muhahahahaha,
The DreadLord
MRFeathers
>advertising from any of these cabalist corporations conspiring to
>corrupt cycling!
Ha! Good one, Sheldon.
Waiting for a Bicycling article to recommend a Huffy for me.
Mary