[Sith War 2002] If It Walks Like A...
Drake
thereof,
a member of the crew let out a scream. "Oh my Gonk, Drake's dead!" This
scream, of course, caused everyone to look at Drake who was cleaved neatly
in two by his porn dvd "I Just Lost My Arm, May I Borrow Your Hand For A
Job?".
Oddly, as they all started trying to figure out who was in charge quite a
few
wild badgers and ferrets ran out from Drake's Vorlon Encounter Suit pants,
then a sound was heard from Drake's head area. "What the frell hit me?"
"Youse alive in there?" Asked some random person, since Drake refuses to
name cannon fodder.
"Sure I am, why wouldn't I be?" Came the voice again.
"Well, you kinda got severed." Said the same random person.
"Damn. Oh well." With that Drake's arms opened up the top of his suit,
showing the upper half of a human body, with a stomach large enough to make
Porkins go "Da-amn". Of course, that's when the stomach opened up and
a duck popped out. "And I spent so much bloody time fixing the body up. I
actually got sex organs to work with Britney'Pi, but then what? I get busted
in half. This sucks." All came out of the ducks' bill.
Half the crew passed out. Half the half shot themselves. Half the half still
left
broke down crying. Half the other half went to write nasty letters to Ponte
about being forced to work for a duck. Half the half that was still there
and
the other half of the half that were still there just shrugged. Then that
same
random person, who Drake decided to go ahead and give the name RanPer
to, said, "So, you're a duck?"
"Gee, what gave it away? Perhaps because I walk like a duck?" Drake took a
couple of steps, and sure enough, he walked like a duck. "Do I talk like a
duck?"
Stopping from speaking Redneck-English, he sent out a few quacks. "Now, if
I walk like a duck, talk like a duck, then I am."
"Um, okay Sir. But how?" Asked RanPer.
"No one bothered to turn me back into a blasted human after Sith War IV.
So I ore the Vorlon Encounter Suit 'til my droid body was going for me to
live in as duck. Now I'm ticked. Those pompous porker Porkinites porked my
Porn Star, pardon me, I must personally pound the pompous porker Porkinites
for porking my Porn Star." Drake said, his feathers all ruffled.
"Sir, the Porn Star is rather damaged and frustrated. The Mega Big Boy
didn't
last long and was done before it could finish us." RanPer said. Oddly
enough, it
seemed like all around existence females suddenly said "I know the feeling".
Shrugging off the strange sound Drake started giving orders. "I want the
main
cannon fixed asap. I want all the shaven beavers, badgers and ferrets loaded
into my truck. Load Ozzy as well if he's well enough. If I order an evac,
you
can grab a seat too."
"Cool, tanks Sir. Oh, and Ozzy is almost completely healed." RanPer said,
relieved that he might actually get to live a little longer than the others.
"Oh, can you find Britney'Pi also? Have her get there too." Drake said, a
smile
spreading across his duck bill.
"She's gone." RanPer said, feeling his chance to live longer slide to the
fact he'd
be dying soon.
"What the hell? She was here earlier." Drake said, his feathers ruffling
more.
"I went to... say hello to her earlier sir." RanPer said, looking everywhere
but at
the duck.
"She left this note." RanPer said, handing the letter to the feather 'hands'
of Drake.
"A dear John letter? Da...wait. Did she leave when Ponte left?" Drake said,
switching from upset to smiling evilly in a matter of seconds.
"Uh, yes. Someone said they saw them leave together." RanPer said, recalling
what someone once said about Drake. 'If he's smiling you better hope you
have
your cup on and your sister hiding.'
"Well, that's great news!" Drake said, flapping his wings and actually
flying some,
much to the fright of the crew. "He really should have read the fine print
on the
contract. The moment he first betrays me acts like a catalyst. Right now his
DNA
is being slightly altered so that he'll be like a real child of mine."
"What'll happen to him?" RanPer was worried about his Master.
"Oh, not much. He'll start listening to lots of country music, his libido
will go into
overdrive and he'll be more perverted than ever before. And he'll start
wondering
why Luke and Leia didn't just get together and all." Drake said
nonchalantly,
as opposed to chalanty, since no one says chalanty.
"I feel sorry for him. And for Walsh if he finds him and the changes occur."
RanPer said, not really feeling sorry at all, but thinking it'd be funny to
see The
Love Machine mauling Walsh in drag.
"Yeah, well, we'll see. Hrm, I need the comm unit. Time to get to see what's
going on." Drake said, flapping back up to his chair and moving in front of
the
comm unit. "Connect me to that, um, Jade person or someone in charge over
there."
The connection came on and there was Jade at the furry cat creature in a
neckbrace
who looked like it's tail had met with a power outlet. "Hello over there,
y'all are still
alive. I'm still alive, and we're both out of weapons range. So, shall we
talk nicely or
do I have to come over there and finish blowin' ya apart?" Drake said,
getting to the
point.
"What the hell, you're a duck now? Anyway, you can't threaten me, the Mega
Big
Boy will be working agai..." Jade started, before Drake interrupted.
"After the Mega Big Boy shootin' off like that, it'll be in sleep mode for
at least two
hours no matter what. I've already got crews working on my main cannon. So,
shall
we be civilized or do we need to get down and dirty. And I don't mean in the
sexual
sense, 'cause to be honest I might like that." Drake said with a lewd wink.
"Besides,
your beef is with Ponte. So take it out on him. Sure I have an alliance with
him, but
he's already betrayed me by stealing Britney'Pi. So I'd rather not go to
battle right now."
Jade ignored the wink from the odd little duck. "Ponte has Britney'Pi." Jade
said,
before everyone on the Mega Big Boy started laughing. "Fine. No more
battling
between us today. If you're around Ponte and Britney'Pi when she reverts to
a man,
would you get some pictures and send us?"
"Britney'Pi's going to return to being a man? Wait, Britney'Pi was a man at
one point?
Ah, figures with my luck. And sure, if I'm there I'll take pictures and
share. That will
truly be a Kodak Gold moment. So, we done for now?" Drake asked, thinking of
the blackmail opportunities now presenting themselves in Ponte's case.
"Sure." Jade said, then the screen went blank.
Turning to RanPer, Drake smiled again. "You know, I got no clue what the
hell is up
with that Jade person but I'm rather diggin' it. Now leave me, I have a
private call to
make."
Entering the right info, Drake sent out a message to his underlings. "Okay,
timetable
move up. Get the Cornship going asap. Sent Pamela and Dolly into orbit
around
Tittooine, full cloak until I get there and make sure they're fully staffed.
Make sure
I have some of my Dark Ones there, and also send the Pimpbot Drake 5000 on
there. I want to make sure my droid back up is there in case something
happens.
Over under, under Rover, Rover Roger, Roger Dodger, Duck Dodgers, Drake
out."
Drake settled his feathered ass in his chair and smiled. Things were going
pretty
well. And he was growing rather fond of his Porn Star. He might just have to
buy
it from Ponte later. Yup, things were going really well.
Of course, this just jinxed the shit out of the whole damn thing.
----
Summary:
Drake turns out to be a duck.
RanPer is introduced and readies things in case Drake needs to leave quick.
Drake finds out that Britney'Pi is with Ponte.
Jade and Drake decide not to kill each other for the moment.
It's discovered that Ponte is about to get a 'Crying Game' treatment.
Drake jinxes the hell out of the good stuff after planning ahead his own
plot crap.
Drake
Special thanks to Muuurgh for getting me laid.
Remove 'pervo' to reply by email.
Muuurgh
"Drake" <daemo...@pervocharter.net> wrote in message
news:uhf9avd...@corp.supernews.com...
Hey, anytime. I'm working on a whole line of super-models now <whispermode>
don't tell jade
</whispermode>
I wonder if C'Pi would be into one of his transgendered clones.
-Muuurgh
Drake
"Muuurgh" <JekPo...@Fatboy.com> wrote in message
news:af8cr8$cc1i5$1...@ID-104752.news.dfncis.de...
>
<snips post>
> >
> > Drake
> > Special thanks to Muuurgh for getting me laid.
>
> Hey, anytime. I'm working on a whole line of super-models now
<whispermode>
> don't tell jade
> </whispermode>
Tell who what? ;) *coughs* <whisper> you think you could take request for
celebs?
'cause I could use a few... </whisper>
>
> I wonder if C'Pi would be into one of his transgendered clones.
Is there any truer incest than to nail a clone of yourself? Hrm, I might
lose my Official
RASSM Inbred status (I reclaimed if after giving it up once). Let us not go
there. ;)
>
> -Muuurgh
>
Drake
I'm only going to get worse.
C'Pi
"Muuurgh" <JekPo...@Fatboy.com> wrote in message
news:af8cr8$cc1i5$1...@ID-104752.news.dfncis.de...
>
I'll just keep masturbating. It keeps things simpler.
C'Pi