[AFT-S FQA] VERSION#: I am not a number, I am a FREE FAQ!
Blackhawk
Say...
...would one of you proofread this for me? Thanks!
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FQA 0.0
>(8) Alt.fan.tom-servo, the forlorn but plucky love-child of
> Babylon 5 flame wars gone silly, and something called kibology.
The following document contains Frequently Questioned Answers to
infrequent questions in the Usenet group alt.fan.tom-servo (and shall be
known as the FQA). It should not be confused with a more common
"Frequently Asked Questions" or "F.A.Q" document that many newsgroups
have. This FQA is maintained by Blackhawk and should not be confused with
the funnier FQA originated by Captain Infinity in 1997 (see credits in
Section 6) and on which this FQA is lovingly based.
What many people will experience while reading this particular brand of
"FQA" is that the most "frequent answers" never seem to directly answer
the question.
This is as it should be.
Because the "straight" answers, the joke of it, chewed up and spoon fed,
simply isn't funny because; 1) it's a royal pain in the ass to document
that much history and relate it in the same way someone else saw it, and
2) then all you end up with is "your understanding" of how "I personally"
interpreted what happened to "someone else" leaving what "you think I
think" was decided about that event in tom-servo history, so you'll think
you "know what I mean" but what I mean is not really what I'll say, and
then none of us get to hear your fresh interpretation of those memes
which can often be funnier (or at least more interesting) than the
original interpretation anyway... is that clear?
Frequent answers mean "more than one". It's better for you to see more
than one answer because there *is* more than one answer, especially if
your name is Shroedinger (fnord). It's simply more fun for everyone
involved if you try to figure it out for yourself. It's hoped this FQA
will present more of an "experience" of the group than a regurgitation of
the relevant events involved would yield.
In other words; this FQA should be as clear as mud, yet cover the ground.
--
FQA 0.1
>>WAAAAAAA! I WANNA BE IN THE FQA! WAAAAAAA!
>
><sniffle> <AOL> Me, too! <\AOL>
Most of the frequent answers (FQA items) are taken from Usenet posts to
aft-s. I make no promises on the rest. The "Authors" from the excerpts
in this FQA are listed in the credits (Section 9). Most excerpts are
heavily edited and MAY NOT reflect the authors original intent.
SUBJECTS IN THIS FQA
1 - IS "alt.fan.tom-servo" A MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 GROUP?
2 - SO, HOW DID THIS GROUP GET STARTED?
3 - WHAT IS "ON TOPIC" FOR THIS GROUP?
4 - ARE THERE ANY RULES AT ALL???
5 - I SEE (fill in) POSTS HERE, ARE YOU GUYS A BUNCH OF TROLLS?
6 - WHO WAS 'PLAIN AND SIMPLE CRONAN"?
7 - SO WHAT KIND OF GROUP IS AFT-S, WHO IS WELCOME HERE?
8 - WAIT A MINUTE, WAITAMINUTE! I STILL DON'T GET IT
9 - CLOSING THE RIGHT LOOP (credits and final thoughts)
and LOTS of surprises in between, so let's get started!
*************************************************************************
Frequently Quoted Dream 1
>I'm in this VERY empty parking lot. I don't know how I got there,
>but there I am, by myself, no car. It's the middle of the afternoon,
>and it is bright and sunny. I see a sign that says
>"PARKING FOR TOM SERVO'S ONLY - ALL OTHERS WILL BE TOWED".
*************************************************************************
FQA (Frequently Questioned Answer) 1.1
>The MST3K groups are:
>rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc
>rec.arts.tv.mst3k.announce
>alt.tv.mst3k
>alt.fan.mst3k
>
>Although you may, if you wish, post MST3K related messages to AFT-S.
>I know of at least one AFT-S reader who will enjoy seeing them.
--
FQA 1.2
>I've been wondering about this myself,
>and I've come up with several possible answers:
>
>Tom Servo is...
>...Ugly Naked Guy from "Friends"
>...a member of the Cabal, and a Secret Moderator of several newsgroups
>...Bill Gates' pet turtle
>...a grown woman sucking on a pacifier
>...the fifth Beatle
>...some cereal. supposed to be good for you. I'm not gonna try it!
>...the person in the next cubicle who farts and says "aah"
>...my evil Siamese Twin
>
>I'm *positive* that at least one of these answers is true.
**
Question 1
IS "alt.fan.tom-servo" A MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000 GROUP?
*************************************************************************
Continued Answer to Unanswered Question in FQA Vers. 0.99
> Crow: Uh, may I take a verse?
> Tom: Well, if you feel it Crow...
> Crow: Ohh, I do...
> Tom: Well, Crow, Then by all means, join me won't you?
> Crow: Five...Six...Seven...Eight...(Singing) TIPPY!!
> Tom: It's TIBBY! TIBBY!!
> Crow: Oh, sorry...sorry... (Singing):
>
> Tibby, I love you my fine little fella
> Even though you gave the whole family Salmonella!
(continues next FQA)
*************************************************************************
FQA 2.1
>As it stands now, it is an eclectic mixture. Followups there are from
>all the B5 groups, some Star Trek groups, alt.religion.kibology, the
>SubGenius folks in alt.slack, several other TV groups, and assorted
>whatnot. A newbie downloading headers for aft-s would be baffled as to
>what is on-topic or not. LOL!
--
FQA 2.2
>"toms...@netcom.com ("Tom Servo") has recently been making a bit of a
>scene on alt.config. Seems he got himself a hold of some newgrouping
>instructions and decided to create every single group he personally
>saw a need for. When he received a bunch of complaints from various
>people interested seeing proper procedures followed, he uttered the
>now-famous rebuttal "Too bad."
**
Question 2
SO, HOW DID THIS GROUP GET STARTED???
*************************************************************************
FQA 3.1
>* Happy is on-topic.
>* Only off-topic posts are on-topic. Any post that appears to have a
> topic is off-topic, and therefore on-topic. Posts which have no
> topic are, by definition, off-topic, and therefore on-topic.
>* Posts about the South Sea islands are on-tropic.
>* Posts about trimming hedges into animal shapes are on-topiaric.
>* Posts about the philosophy of the nature of being are on-tologic.
>* Posting URL's is on-topic, but only if viewed with Netscape. MSIE
> is most definitely off-topic, and I don't think I have to tell
> you what that means.
>* Not thinking is off-topic, and therefore on-topic.
>* Michael Caine is on-topic, but I won't mention him.
>* Noticing interesting things is certainly on-topic.
>* Blackhawk is off-topic, and therefore on-topic.
>* Alt.discordia is off-topic. I mean *waaay* off-topic.
> So off-topic that it has its own group. Therefore it is on-topic.
--
FQA 3.2
>let's get this straight:
>
>alt.fan.tom-servo is not about "Tom Servo".
>
>alt.fan.tom-servo is also not about Tom Servo.
>
>There. That leaves one *hell* of a lot of room for what it *is* about.
>Actually, it leaves a near infinite amount of room.
>In fact, the equation looks like this:
>
>Infinity-("Tom Servo")-(Tom Servo)=(what alt.fan.tom-servo is about).
>
>OK? That should explain things to even the greenest newbie.
>I mean, how much clearer can you get than that?
**
Question 3
WHAT IS "ON TOPIC" FOR THIS GROUP?
*************************************************************************
Topical/Tropical ASCII
,~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~,
Kermit Krab sez: (+)(+) | Kermit Krab is |
| | ,-----| off-topic & therefore |
/ \ | on-topic *peep* |
( ) \ -==- / ( ) `~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'
\ \ / /
\ <\/\/\/> /
'-/ \-'
,--/ \--.
/ --| |-- \
/ / --\ /-- \ \
()/ / --`----'-- \ \()
()/ / \ \()
()/ \()
() () C.I.
*************************************************************************
FQA 4.1
>> Wise up. Follow the rules.
>>
>These are the Rules of Servo
>
>First rule of Servo - you do not talk about Tom Servo.
>Second rule of Servo - you do NOT TALK about TOM SERVO.
>Third rule of Servo - if someone says *peep*,
> taps out - the troll is over.
>Fourth rule of Servo - no shirts, no pants.
>Fifth rule of Servo - if you're the new guy... You HAVE to troll.
--
FQA 4.2
>Tom Servo is your Lord and Savior. Accept Servo into your heart
>and you will be Saved.
--
FQA 4.3
>Hark! And so the Lord, Captain Infinity, did look out over the world,
>and his Son, Sergey, and the Holy Ghost, Mortis, and, yea, even the
>first man, Blackhawk, and his prophets, WWS and Podkayne, were with
>him, and the Lord gave the Servoites this promise: "Whensoever two or
>more of ye shall be together, it shall be known as an Elf Spat." And
>the Servoites did rejoice, and did partake of the peeps, and even of
>the Orbitz, which they had stolen from the Lord's second cousin, Kibo.
--
FQA 4.4
>>In this, like in so many other things, the answers are in the
>>*discussion*, not so much in the *facts*.
>
>The tools of a discussion manipulate facts and their open and closed
>boundaries. What discussion can you have if you don't respect the facts
>and their organization?
--
FQA 4.5
> >Jeremy's Rule: You don't lose if you find out it's a troll less than
> >one hour after you TOTALLY FALL FOR IT HOOK LINE AND SINKER.
> >
> >Rebeka's Rule: When someone falls in such an obvious way for such an
> >obvious troll, posting "YHBT YHL HAND" publicly (in case nobody
> >noticed) is just as bad as falling for the original troll.
> >(So Jeremy DOES win.)
> >
> >Nick's Rule: People tend to make pointless posts just to call
> >attention to themselves. Corollary: A common way to attempt to start
> >a meme is to name a rule after oneself or others.
>
> Captain Infinity's mutated invert Johnny Hart rule: He who makes the
> troll gets the gold. YOU PEOPLE OWE ME MONEY!
**
Question 4
ARE THERE ANY RULES AT ALL???
*************************************************************************
Questionable Tropean Rules for newsgroups
>When in doubt Patty just ask yourself "would Dan T post this here in
>RAT?". If the answer is "yes" then go for it.
>Just call it the Tropean rule.
>Oh dear god that newsgroup is just sick. How can anyone post pics like
>that. I clicked on 2 pics one was called Woman In Box my god. How could
>anyone post that picture. People talk about the dark side of the net
>well that i think is a good example. Mr Hole i don't want to offend you
>but i am going to as of now forget that newsgroup exists. Neither pic i
>saw were fake they were death pics. God that makes me sick.
*************************************************************************
FQA 5.1
>> Every poster to usenet is a troll, for each poster wants
>> a response, wants to carry on a discussion.
--
FQA 5.2
>> > I bring you horrible news: this newsgrope has gone to shit.
>> >
>> > Even your unique Tom-Servo brand of trolling is both more accurate,
>> > more entertaining, and indeed, more on-topic than most of the posts
>> > from the newbies here.
>>
>> okay, how many posts did i just read from you that had nothing to do
>> with Tool in this thread alone?
>
>Get to the back of the class, Defdans. I'd post a link to the
>dictionary definition of the word 'irony' but I think it'd be
>labouring the point.
>
>> why are you complaining? at least most of the newbies are trying to
>> talk about Tool.
>
>And they're doing it with all the wit, flair and subtlety of Courtney
>Love at a pro-life march.
>
>I'm *not* complaining, fuckhead. That's the point. Say what you like
>about AFTS (and I will as soon as they've gone), they are at least
>funny. They don't take themselves too seriously, they're not stupid and
>they're not filled with pointless, self-rightous anger. Fact is, I'm
>having a better time trolling this group right now than I am being an
>active member in it, because *it* *has* *gone* *to* *shit*. And that's
>nothing to do with off-topic posts (mike_ wrote my favorite post of this
>year on acupuncture), that's ALL about the lack of perspective, reason,
>intelligence, imagination and humour that these on-topic posts show.
>
>Writing "Lateralus sucks" is on-topic, that doesn't mean I want to read
>it. Y'know?
--
FQA 5.3
>This is funny because TMB quotes one part of a post, and then
>makes a followup comment related to a different part of the post.
>It's worth 3 points.
>
>It would have been funnier if he had put his comment in a followup to a
>different post altogether. That would have been worth 5 points.
>
>If his comment had been in a followup to a completely different *poster*
>as well, that would have been LOL funny, and worth 10 points.
>
>And if his comment had been in reference to a private email,
>that would have been ROFLMAO!! funny (with two exclamation points),
>worth 50 points.
>
>I can't mention in public what he could have done that would have earned
>100 points, because the mere thought of it would cause you to laugh so
>hard you'd choke on your own larynx. (It's not a problem for me; I had
>my larynx removed in 1972 so I could think of these things without
>killing myself.)
>
>Stay tuned for more lessons in "How To Be Funny", which I'll post right
>after I download a picture from rotten.com of a hedgehog making love to
>a bristle brush:
<http://www.world.std.com/~Infinity/rightloop/weirdart/hedgehog.jpg>
**
Question 5
I SEE (fill in) POSTS HERE, ARE YOU GUYS A BUNCH OF TROLLS?
*************************************************************************
Questionable Definition 5
>>Trollerize (trol er iz) v.: (a piffle of) not-nice irritation.
*************************************************************************
FQA 6.1
> Those wizened prognosticators of old foretold what was destined to be,
> using techniques thought lost in the mists of antiquity. They spoke of
> a man, a man plain and simple yet with the potential to safeguard
> mankind from the coming dangers. He is Cronan, our only hope.
>
> -- Wisened Old Guy wearing no pants by the freeway
--
FQA 6.2
>I am the very model of a usenet personality,
>Thanks largely to my knowledge of internet scatology,
>I've had insights both logical and factual
>On matters esoteric, idiotic and nonsensical;
>I'm realtivly knowledgable on subjects philosophical,
>(I understand the subtext in relationships sapphostical)
>While well aquanited with matters transcendental
>I am the only man who is truly plain and simple.
>
>CHORUS:
>He is the only man who is truly plain and simple.
>He is the only man who is truly plain and simple.
>He is the only man who is truly plain and simple.
>
>I'm very well aquainted too with stories of technology,
>I've rebutted the preposterous and shown some immaturity,
>In short, thanks largely to my knowledge of internet scatology,
>I am the very model of a usenet personality.
>
>CHORUS:
>In short, thanks largely to his knowledge of internet scatology,
>He is the very model of a usenet personality.
>
>I know our mythoclastic history, alt dot slack's and kibology;
>I've seen the posts that defy the annotation of abnormal psychology,
>I articulate in doublespeak interpretations of the hoi polloi
>And decry them with flamboyant, if rhetorical, hyperbole;
>
>I can tell undoubted imbeciles from Eddorian Infinities,
>I malign the croaking chorus from ignorant trekkies;
>Then I can construct arguments of frightening logical duplicity
>Yet I remain the only master of true plain simplicity
>
>CHORUS:
>Yet he remains the only master of true plain simplic-ity
>Yet he remains the only master of true plain simplic-ity
>Yet he remains the only master of true plain simplic-ity
>
>Then I can write a detailed post on the exploits of Gideon,
>While telling you the details of the arc on project Babylon:
>In short, thanks largely to my knowledge of internet scatology,
>I am the very model of a usenet personality.
>
>CHORUS:
>In short, thanks largely to my knowledge of internet scatology,
>I am the very model of a usenet personality.
--
FQA 6.3
>>If you feel so strongly about your opinions, which you shove around
>>as if they mattered, then you should be prepared to stand behind them.
>>You search out my posts by my name and twist them around, why not
>>give us the same luxury by giving us your real name?
>
>I am disappointed in you. My real name is Cronan Maliki Jamel Thompson.
>Cronan Maliki Jamel. I have posted this on numerous occasions. It is
>unusual, I'll grant you, but my mother has a penchant for such things.
>My brother is Imani DeJesus(Faith in Jesus) and my sister Shari Aseba
>(a river in Africa). The only one of us with a 'normal' name would be
>my brother Christopher Manly. He is named after my great-grandfather.
>Again, this is irrelevant to the points YOU raised oh so long ago.
>
>I will offer up to you my private telephone number so that you may call
>me. It would be an honor to speak with you. I was planning on coming to
>WorldCon but my erudition must take precedence. I honestly wished to
>meet you face to face but a phone call will do.
>
>>Either you believe in the rightness of your opinions, in which case you
>>should have no problem standing behind them, or you do not, in which
>>case you are a coward. Which is it?
>
>How dare you. You, who would cower behind the moderators. You, who would
>take up a bunker mentality towards all criticisms. You, who would throw
>about accusations of plagiarism knowing that they have been thrown
>unjustly at you.... Call ME a coward?
>
>You shame yourself.
>
>> jms
>
>You are not the man you once were.
>Then again perhaps you never were.
>
>P&SC
>. . . where ignorance is bliss,
>'Tis folly to be wise. - Thomas Gray
--
FQA 6.4
http://ducttape.simplenet.com/cronan/
**
Question 6
WHO WAS "PLAIN AND SIMPLE CRONAN"?
*************************************************************************
Questionable JMS
>Haven't heard back. Liam said they wanted to make me into a sock
>puppet for the show. I said it would be redundent, but they were
>welcome to go for it. So we'll see....
*************************************************************************
FQA 7.1
>Enjoy, participate, be offended, take off in a huff, out-trollerize
>the trollers, get off Usenet and get a life, get weary of life and
>crawl back again, get knocked up, get a new attitude, get those
>polaroids back from your old boyfriend before it's Too Late, get
>moderation in place, get your enemies banned, get your enemies killed,
>lie about it to Ken Starr, manufacture a Media Event together and hawk
>NASA patches on QVC, get voted netkook of the month, get whatever you
>want out of it and get off of other people for not agreeing with you
>that there should be pickle but not lettuce. Unless that, of course,
>is what floats your boat. Have It Your Way.
--
FQA 7.2
> What NewsGroup?
>
> This isn't a NewsGroup, it's a lunacy mine, with veins of
> pseudo-Latinate quotations (well, it *was*, until Mortis' .sig gobbled
> them all up and explodiated, quite messily, I might add [though I might
> not]), an occasional gem of ASCII art, some of it quite obscene
> (troller-I-zing JdeC, troller-I-zing JdeC!), high grade corrupt meme
> ore, and the last dump of the wretched refuse of the B-5 Flamewars,
> assorted tailings from sci.archaeology, alt.arts.ballet,
> alt.history.ocean-liners.titanic, alt.fan.mike-jittlov/bam/etc,
> and a few accidently overlooked nuggets from the Bizarro Universe.
> Well, okay, more than a few.
>
> Just lately we seem to have struck the Mother Lode of brilliant
> musical-theater satires, and BRAVO! to LisaB, Paul Barnes, WWS,
> Blackhawk, it was BH, wasn't it(?) and whoever else contributed.
>
> It's the subversive love-child of a spectrum of disrupted froups from
> the heights of the Big 8 hierarchy to the depths of the ephemeral yet
> eternal alt.* jungle. It's the forum of the almost-sane, the almost-
> crazy, the walking-wounded, the slithering-heels^H^H^H^H^Hhealed, the
> dark side of the soul and the brightest lights in the UseNet heavens.
> It's the hangout of those who find the slack and Kibology froups
> too scrutable, too exorable, too ert, too advertent, too dignant, too
> explicable; however, you can add "in-" to all of those and still be
> right. The Irregulars are wont (sometimes facetiously) to tell
> everyone, including themselves, what to do - without the least
> expectation that their advice will be followed, their orders obeyed,
> and they will mock anyone who does so, which makes it Real Actual
> Libertarianism In Action, except when it isn't.
>
> It's the Art Museum, the City Dump, the Explorers' Club, the Humane
> Society, Hyde Park Redux, the Dumbe Idea of the Week Factory, the
> Misspellerds Guild, and the Curmudgeonly Hermit's Antisocial Society
> (currently playing "sardines").
>
> It's the Department of Redundancy Department, and not only that,
> we repeat ourselves a lot, too, which has nothing to do with
> f*rts, despite what High-may and friends might tell you, did I
> just say that? Thus, we fute and refute sundry "et alia".
>
> It's a fun-house with warped mirrors and lurking horrors like
> Evil Auntie Clowns and detonating Krab heads, but it's also
> a stop on the trunk-line to Willoughby, where there's a park with
> a bandstand, and the Best Grandma in the World has her house,
> with an attic full of treasures that people tell wonderful
> stories about.
> Some of them are even true.
>
> It's the last waltz, and it's the Masochism Tango,
> and it's Footnotes on Parade!
>
> It's alt.fan.tom-servo, and it has nothing to do with Tom Servo,
> except when someone decides it does, and then it *does*, for them.
> The last time the Monsters from the Id showed up, they were peeped
> into submission and slunk away to admire the show from the shadows.
> It's where everyone trollerizes their friends, and the only real
> way to trollerize is not to trollerize; it's where Irregulars
> regularly go on vacation until they are trollerized back, call for
> Admiral Danny and Captain Infinity.
>
> I guess it's ... home.
**
Question 5
SO WHAT KIND OF GROUP IS AFT-S, WHO IS WELCOME HERE?
*************************************************************************
Unquestioned Peep 7
>I was thinking this thread was over before I got here. But it may
>have turned out be a better AFT-S FAQ than we ever started out
>with! Next time someone asks for the FAQ, we'll just send them
>this thread. That should (not) explain everything!!!
>
>And it wouldn't be complete without a
>
>PPPPP EEEEE EEEEE PPPPP !!
>P P E E P P !!
>PPPPP EEEEE EEEEE PPPPP !!
>P E E P !!
>P EEEEE EEEEE P ..
*************************************************************************
FQA 8.1
>Explaining jokes. Gaaah. Then I might find out that I never really got
>them at all. Like Charles Manson listening to a CD player for the first
>time - a Beatles CD. "Wow, the music is so clear! I guess they weren't
>talking to me after all."
--
FQA 8.2
>No kidding. It is *way* more fun when you pretend your poop is some
>huge asteroid and you spit into it and pretend that you are firing
>photon torpedoes. Sometimes, it actually works, but not if the asteroid
>is really really dense.
--
FQA 8.3
>Tom Servo is a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing
>ice. He has been known to remodel train stations on his lunch breaks,
>making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. He translates
>ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees. He writes award-winning operas, he
>manages time efficiently.
>
>Occasionally, he treads water for three days in a row. He woos women
>with his sensuous and godlike trombone playing, he can pilot bicycles up
>severe inclines with unflagging speed, and he can cook Thirty-Minute
>Brownies in twenty minutes.
>
>Tom Servo is an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in
>Peru. Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, he once
>single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a
>horde of ferocious army ants. He plays bluegrass cello. He was scouted
>by the Mets. Tom Servo is the subject of numerous documentaries. When
>he's bored, he builds large suspension bridges in his yard. He enjoys
>urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, he repairs electrical
>appliances free of charge.
>
>Tom Servo is an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless
>bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over his original line of corduroy
>evening wear. He doesn't perspire. Tom Servo is a private citizen, yet
>he receives fan mail. He has been caller number nine and has won the
>weekend passes. Last summer he toured New Jersey with a traveling
>centrifugal-force demonstration.
>
>He bats .400.
>
>His deft floral arrangements have earned him fame in international
>botany circles. Children trust him. He can hurl tennis rackets at small
>moving objects with deadly accuracy. He once read Paradise Lost, Moby
>Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an
>entire dining room that evening. He know the exact location of every
>food item in the supermarket. He has performed several covert operations
>with the CIA.
>
>He sleeps once a week; when he does sleep, he sleeps in a chair. While
>on vacation in Canada, he successfully negotiated with a group of
>terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not
>apply to him. He balances, he weaves, he dodges, he frolics, and his
>bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, he participates in
>full-contact origami. Years ago he discovered the meaning of life but
>forgot to write it down.
>
>He has made extraordinary four-course meals using only a mouli and a
>toaster oven. He breeds prizewinning clams. He has won bullfights in San
>Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the
>Kremlin.
>
>He has played Hamlet, he has performed open-heart surgery, and he has
>spoken with Elvis.
>
>Any more questions?
--
FQA 8.4
> Neither do I. Join the club.
**
Question 6
WAIT A MINUTE, WAITAMINUTE! I STILL DON'T GET IT!!!!
*************************************************************************
Section 9 - CLOSING THE RIGHT LOOP (credits and final thoughts)
Please note the comments (both selected from archives and original text)
in this FQA reflect *only my view* of aft-s. I have tried to allow the
"voice" of others describe the group, but they are still my choices for
excerpts and my edits. For example, some folks might argue that I
should have cut most of it out and simply put one or two items, perhaps
something *you* wrote that I overlooked... hmm? People should always
forward noteworthy submissions I might have missed to:
"blackhawkisland at earthlink dot net" IYKWIM.
You are more than welcome (really!) to make your own FAQ for this group.
If you are like me, I suspect you will find the process to be not unlike
having ones fingernails torn out. There are really only two problems in
tracking the FQA. Everything you put in, and everthing you leave out.
The original authors of posts mutated into this FQA are as follows:
FQA 0.0: Lisa B
FQA 0.1: Mortis, Podkayne Fries
FQD 1 : Lori
FQA 1.1: AFT-S FQA Vers .99 (c) Cap. Infinity
FQA 1.2: Captain Infinity
CAFAQ 1 : Tibby the Turtle Song (2nd Verse) - thanks to Tv's Weretorgo
FQA 2.1: Letter to friends introducing aft-s 10/97 - Cap. Infinity
FQA 2.2: cmsg newgroup message for alt.bonehead.tom-servo
FQA 3.1: AFT-S FQA Vers .99 (c) Cap. Infinity
FQA 3.2: Captain Infinity (also ASCII of Kermit below section)
FQA 4.1: Podkayne Fries, Sergey
FQA 4.2: Antifrance
FQA 4.3: Mortis
FQA 4.4: J., Heck
FQA 4.5: Nick Bensema, Captain Infinity
QTR 1&2: Dan Tropea
FQA 5.1: Robert Holland
FQA 5.2: geekrock, defdans and a tiny bit of Reverend J.
FQA 5.3: Captain Infinity
QD 5 : Blackhawk
FQA 6.1: Cronan Thompson
FQA 6.2: Cronan Thompson
FQA 6.3: Cronan Thompson, JMS
FQA 6.4: Antifrance
QJMS 1 : JMS
FQA 7.1: LisaB
FQA 7.2: MQS AKA The Lady in Green (and resident Usenet Thugess)
UQP 7 : WWS
FQA 8.1: WWS
FQA 8.2: Jaime M. De Castellvi
FQA 8.3: Podkayne Fries
FQA 8.4: Captain Infinity
Changes for clarity (such as can be divined), grammar, typos or
alternate nyms cheerfully fixed at the authors request.
Original Article information and context available on request.
Those words belong to the original authors and courtesy would demand you
credit them whenever you quote them. A number of items are lifted from
the last edition (6/98) of the "Frequently Questioned Answers (FQA) for
alt.fan.tom-servo Vers. .099" (copyright Captain Infinity) which, while a
bit out of date and equally confusing as this document, is much funnier
IMHO. You can find a copy of it here:
http://world.std.com/~Infinity/crossthreads/crossthreads.html
This is a *major* hint because so many other aft-s historical items are
hidden there IN PLAIN SIGHT!
This is the Second Edition of my FQA and was first published in July of
2001. It updates the First Edition orginally published in August of 1999.
Also worth mentioning, some people experience propagation problems due to
the occasional net k00k and numerous RMGroup messages sent over the years
(and ignored for the most part). However, a few sys-admins have indeed
elected not to carry aft-s for these and other reasons making propagation
spotty in certain areas, but mostly for one crappy little ISP in Canada.
If you want to help, ask your newsadmin (and your friends newsadmins) to
carry the group so propagation continues to improve. Share the wealth!
You are now ready to begin posting in hopes of vilification. Consider it
an initiation test. If someone is making fun of you, you've probably
passed! It's not unusual that AFT-S posts have more than one meaning,
level or aspect to them. As a result, trolling can produce unintended
results here. IYKWIM, ASOYD! YMMV, HTH, HANDEDTWSFOAD!
Happy Fishing!
(c) Blackhawk 7/01
(original material, what little there is, all rights reserved)
_______
`-----.\ _____,
`---- \\ .-./.---`
,__`---. `-` '>---` HAWKAA! PEEP! .-.
`,_.-. /`.-` <' )
',___.' / \
" | / \
\\_, \
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'--'~~~~~~~
~~~jgs/BH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ASCIII ART is the property of the artists
and their initials should always be posted with them
SPECIAL THANKS TO:
Captain Infinity for the original FQA,
the ASCII and for founding this, uh well, you know...
Thanks to CI and WWS for their many helpful suggestions.
*************************************************************************
--
FQA X
> The Witch wrote:
>
> Leaving aside for the moment that you TOTALLY LEFT ME AND ARTHUR
> out of the running, I'm still a strong supporter of Blackhawk.
> He leads by his absence and I like that.
**
Question X
WHY IS BLACKHAWK PRESIDENT ERECT?
******************************** END OF FQA *****************************
Lori
>Say...
> ...would one of you proofread this for me? Thanks!
I tried. But I was laughing too hard. Sorry.
Great job, BH! This was full of happy surprises. I'm glad to see the new
section on Cronan. But what REALLY made me happy was this:
>*************************************************************************
>Frequently Quoted Dream 1
>
>>I'm in this VERY empty parking lot. I don't know how I got there,
>>but there I am, by myself, no car. It's the middle of the afternoon,
>>and it is bright and sunny. I see a sign that says
>>"PARKING FOR TOM SERVO'S ONLY - ALL OTHERS WILL BE TOWED".
>
>*************************************************************************
>FQD 1 : Lori
I'm in the FQA! YAY! ***smooch!***
++
Lori
"And the days go by
Like a strand in the wind
In the web that is my own
I begin again."
Durden
>
>Blackhawk <janosp...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>
>>Say...
>> ...would one of you proofread this for me? Thanks!
>
>
>I tried. But I was laughing too hard. Sorry.
>
>Great job, BH! This was full of happy surprises. I'm glad to see the new
>section on Cronan. But what REALLY made me happy was this:
>
>>*************************************************************************
>>Frequently Quoted Dream 1
>>
>>>I'm in this VERY empty parking lot. I don't know how I got there,
>>>but there I am, by myself, no car. It's the middle of the afternoon,
>>>and it is bright and sunny. I see a sign that says
>>>"PARKING FOR TOM SERVO'S ONLY - ALL OTHERS WILL BE TOWED".
>>
>>*************************************************************************
>
>>FQD 1 : Lori
>
>
>I'm in the FQA! YAY! ***smooch!***
>
your new assignation and comply with all Hive-mind directives regarding alcohol
consumption.
Comply, drone, comply!
Tyler
It's okay. I wouldn't remember me either
Lori
>>I'm in the FQA! YAY! ***smooch!***
>>
>You have been fully assimiliated.
About damn time...
>Don't celebrate, drone! Prepare to receive
>your new assignation and comply with all Hive-mind directives regarding alcohol
>consumption.
Well, isn't that the same thing as celebrating?
>Comply, drone, comply!
July 27th, Durham, NC. Be there or be octagonal. Resistance is futile.
Tertiary Adjunct Supervisor
>>>I'm in the FQA! YAY! ***smooch!***
>>>
>>You have been fully assimiliated.
>
>
>About damn time...
>
>
>>Don't celebrate, drone! Prepare to receive
>>your new assignation and comply with all Hive-mind directives regarding alcohol
>>consumption.
>
>
>Well, isn't that the same thing as celebrating?
>
No, Six of Nine. You must desist in your conspicuous consumption habits, and
prepare to serve the many by leaving more alcohol for the rest of us to drink.
>
>>Comply, drone, comply!
>
>
>July 27th, Durham, NC. Be there or be octagonal. Resistance is futile.
>
Six of Nine, your new directive is to remain sober during the next Drone Spat
and monitor the consumption of your fellows.
>
Don't fail, as Queen Blackhawk could easily write you out of the FQA in the next
version.
Lori
>>>Don't celebrate, drone! Prepare to receive
>>>your new assignation and comply with all Hive-mind directives regarding alcohol
>>>consumption.
>>
>>
>>Well, isn't that the same thing as celebrating?
>>
>No, Six of Nine. You must desist in your conspicuous consumption habits, and
>prepare to serve the many by leaving more alcohol for the rest of us to drink.
Heh. Look at Tyler pretending I'm his minion.
>>July 27th, Durham, NC. Be there or be octagonal. Resistance is futile.
>>
>Six of Nine, your new directive is to remain sober during the next Drone Spat
>and monitor the consumption of your fellows.
Nope, sorry, been there, done that (see my Sunday Night True Story post).
Granted, that wasn't a Drone Spat, but still. Once was enough.
>Don't fail, as Queen Blackhawk could easily write you out of the FQA in the next
>version.
Which, based on past history, will be at least two years from now so I'm
not all that worried.
Blackhawk
80s_...@my-deja.com (Lori) wrote:
> Tertiary Adjunct Supervisor <nos...@newsranger.com> wrote:
>
(snip)
> >Don't fail, as Queen Blackhawk could easily write you out of the FQA in the
> >next version.
>
> Which, based on past history, will be at least two years from now so I'm
> not all that worried.
He's just jealous that, based on past history, it will be at least two
years before he can be in it.
***
Queen Blackhawk
God save me.
Mortis
<3b5439b5...@news.cis.dfn.de>, wherein 80s_...@my-deja.com
(Lori) wrote:
>Blackhawk <janosp...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>
>>Say...
>> ...would one of you proofread this for me? Thanks!
>
>
>I tried. But I was laughing too hard. Sorry.
I did, BH, and it looked pretty damn good to me. Then again, I'm not
that picky when it comes ta speechifying.
>>FQD 1 : Lori
>
>
>I'm in the FQA! YAY! ***smooch!***
Me too! Twice, even! Hooray!
>>FQA 0.1: Mortis, Podkayne Fries
>>FQA 4.3: Mortis
When you wish upon a star,
Mortis
Master of the Unknown, KPS
Nebulosis Defunctus
"This sentence is false."
-Evil Spock
Heck
consciousness and is noticeably improved.
(Tue, 17 Jul 2001 07:47:37 GMT)
>***********************ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER*********************
>
>Say...
> ...would one of you proofread this for me? Thanks!
>
>******************************* BEGIN FQA *******************************
I was also pleased to see something of what I wrote in here. Apropos of
that, I want to mention publicly that it was I who coined the phrase
Frequently Questioned Answers and its acronym.
J.
>I was also pleased to see something of what I wrote in here. Apropos of
>that, I want to mention publicly that it was I who coined the phrase
>Frequently Questioned Answers and its acronym.
...while I must mention that since *I* was linked to Heck in the FQA,
I must receive some reflected glory for his invention(s).
Look at how tan I'm getting!
J.
"That Curséd Initial"
--Your beak is blinkin' like a blinkin' beacon!--
Rogue Angel
wrote:
^^^^^^^^^
That is sooooooo Kibbelogical. Get your froups straight.
Rogue Angel
...we have drunken elves fighting with monkeys throwing p00pies.
They have orange cones or something.
Lori
>>You have been fully assimiliated. Don't celebrate, drone! Prepare to receive
>>your new assignation and comply with all Hive-mind directives regarding alcohol
> ^^^^^^^^^
>
>That is sooooooo Kibbelogical. Get your froups straight.
Kibbels and Bits! Kibbels and Bits! WHO LET THE DOGS OUT??? WOOF WOOF
WOOF WOOF!
>Rogue Angel
> ...we have drunken elves fighting with monkeys throwing p00pies.
This is what I can expect at Rocky Horror, eh?
John VanSickle
>
> *She's* in it, but *I'm* not? <sound of bitch slap and jello fighting,
> possibly in revealing sequined bikinis>
SUBSCRIBE
--
"From that form, which your father never did perceive,
Gharlane of Eddore passed into the next plane of
existence." -- E. E. Smith
Heck
noticeably improved.
(Wed, 18 Jul 2001 04:19:43 GMT)
>Heck <heck@acm_junkfoil.org> wrote:
>
>>I was also pleased to see something of what I wrote in here. Apropos of
>>that, I want to mention publicly that it was I who coined the phrase
>>Frequently Questioned Answers and its acronym.
>
>...while I must mention that since *I* was linked to Heck in the FQA,
>I must receive some reflected glory for his invention(s).
>
>Look at how tan I'm getting!
J.
>And how needy.
Pish posh. You didn't used to make the easy joke.
I don't want any of Heck's glory anymore!
The Effulgent and Torsional Mr. Hole
first draft wrote..."
> In the fucking system of the fucking way of
> scientific knowledge, the fucking world takes
> fifteen billion years to fuckin' develop to
> fuckin' this bullshit present degree. Goddamned
> sons of bitches like you. In the fucking
> system of middle eastern medieval Jewish
> mysticism and Byzantine-period thinking, that
> shit took, to fuckin' that time, roughly five
> thousand years.
> The fucking lesson here is that both systems
> have a fuckin' vision of how in the hell shits
> come to be. Both see that process as a matter
> of common causation, so god-damn that that
> bastard must have a motherfucking extent in
> space as well as across time.
> Fuckin' what about the fucking idea of the
> fucking production of energy, consider that
> bastard the fucking ability to promote and
> direct a motherfucking local increase in
> entropy.
> Generally speaking and in many regards, that's
> a premiere instantiation of the fucking
> magnificent success of our science and
> engineering. Let the fucking aforementioned
> Byzantine ontology be linked to the fucking
> physical, empirical world in a goddamn
> correlated way. Fuckin' what would that piece
> of shit say about motive energy, then? Only
> satan knows. How in the hell would that
> consciousness have its world powered? Rhetoric
> doesn't suit us, though. Wanna get fried? Not
> by electricity, surely, but with what? SHIT-
> That's the goddamn answer for you.- Shit on a
> stick. Some cosmic force, a goddamn imbalance
> in the fucking cosmos, temporarily and locally
> exaggerated but constrained.
> Possibly, hopefully, just as both systems
> coexist and are even superposed in the fucking
> reality of consciousness, them shitheads both
> cover the fucking same physical reality, in
> space and time.
*******************************************************
Mr. Hole