[Sith War 2002] On Top of Spaghetti...
Rainbow Heron
There was chaos all around her. The Porkinites and their share of C'Pi
clones were all attacking the Pokemon (and losing). A big..something
was holding PeterPika in the air by his tail and had decided to sit on
top of Darth Gumby (for Gumby's protection). The C'Pie Army (all
covered in sand because they were majorly sunburned from partying on
the beach for a week without ever once putting on sunblock) was at a
total loss as to whom they should obey -Darth Gumby, Seanpuff, or this
big something- and started just running around in circles.
Alice was also at a total loss as to what to do except occaisionally
give into the motown beat...until the fight got too close to the
speakers and silenced the music. Still, no one could hear her over all
the rest of the racket, and whenever someone came close enough to hear
someone speak, they responded with a sentense that didn't correspond
to the question one bit.
Alice was about to reach for her combination gym & dog whistle when
suddenly she heard something behind her:
"Can you hear me now?... Good! Can you hear me now?... Good!"
"You know you really don't need to do all of that, here just use a-"
"EXCUSE ME!!!" Alice waved the two men down, "I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU
AND I NEED YOUR HELP!!"
The two men immediately ran up to her. One was wearing a black
trenchcoat (a rather spiffy one, Alice thought) and the other just
sauntered over with a cellphone to his ear and continued asking the
person on the other end if he could hear him. It was the guy in the
trenchcoat who looked up at Alice and as cooly as a psychologist asked
her what was wrong.
"Well," Alice began, "you see, there's this big...something sitting on
top of my pal, and there are all of these fat clones and stuff
attacking my Pokemon, and-"
"Well, I can't help you with the Pokemon and clones and stuff-"
"I know, it's just that, well..." she indicated to the big fight going
on in front of them. "They can't hear me."
"Static?"
"No it's just plain too loud."
"Volume up too high?"
"Yes I guess you could say that."
"Here," the guy in the trenchcoat handed her a phone. "Our digital
lines are more than large enough to accomadate-"
"No! Not *ME*! I can hear them just fine, but *they* can't hear *me*.
Sorta like that guy." Alice pointed to the one with the cellphone to
his ear, but her statement made him look up.
"Oh they can hear me just fine. We're just testing."
The guy in the trenchcoat turned to him and said, "Couldn't you just
do a little 'testing testing 1, 2, 3' cuz you're really getting on my
nerves."
"Oh yeah? And I suppose that just by handing someone a phone that all
of their cellular problems would vanish."
"Absolutely!" the guy in the trenchcoat pulled out several thousand of
the celluar phones he was peddling and held them up for the other guy
to see. "Watch and learn."
Incredibly, he walked into the thick of the large fight and began
handing out celluar phones to each and every Porkinite he came across.
A loud
"WHUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
noise filled the air as one by one, each Porkinite grew back to their
original weights before conversion and their ears cleared up.
"You see, Miss?" the guy in the trenchcoat said when the noise had
come down to a more manageable level. "They use the older, non-digital
celluar phones, and they've grown so large, that their weak antennas
cannot reach-"
"Oh come off it," the other guy growled as he turned and called into
the crowd: "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!"
No one answered.
The guy in the trenchcoat smiled and yelled into one of his own cell
phones, "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!"
All of the now-thin and perplexed Porkinites all yelled back "WHAT?!"
"Good!" smirked the guy in the trenchcoat.
"HEY! Don't steal my tagline!!!" The other guy screamed as he walked
into the crowd and punched the trenchcoated one in the face. The punch
was returned with a hit upside the head with a cell phone and pretty
soon, the entire Porkinite masses (each with their own celluar phones)
began to watch as the two salesmen duked it out.
Right in front of the Archon actually, the only Porkinite to not
receive a celluar phone.
"WHAT IS THIS?! PORKINS WILL HAVE HIS REVENGE FOR ALL OF THIS
WEIGHTLOSS! AND HEY, THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD FIGHT GOING ON THERE!" The
Archon pulled out a chicken leg from the folds of its fat, took a
bite, and watched the fight.
Alice took the opportunity to call her Pokemon back to her. They all
stepped between the Archon and the fight and attempted to get the
Archon's attention. "NOT NOW KIDDO I'M WATCHING THE FIGHT! WHAT? NO
I'M NOT WETTING THE UMBRAYS FLOW!"
"GAH!" Gumby squeaked from underneath the Archon.
PeterPika delivered another thundershock, but while the Archon
certainly responded to the pain, it preferred watching the trenchcoat
guy stuff one of his cellphones into the other guy's ear.
Alice ordered the Jigglypuffs to go sing the fighting duo to sleep.
Seanpuff, Ianpuff, Hamillpuff, and Ewanpuff surrounded the general
area where the Sprint and Verizon guys were engaged in mortal combat,
and they directed a sing attack directly to those two and no one else.
But they were fighting too loudly, so the 'Puffs banded together with
one cellphone from each guy's company and called them up. The two
fighting salesmen immediately stopped to answer their phones. "Hello?"
With their super-clear and static-free reception, the cellphones
proved to be the most ideal of microphones and the two fell asleep
before you could say "Can you hear me now? Good."
The Porkinites all dropped their jaws in amazement and Gumby attempted
to applaud from where underneath the Archon's ass.
But the Archon was pissed. "HEY! THAT WAS GOOD QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT!
AND GIMME ANOTHER BUFFALO WING! YOUCH! WHY DOES THIS RAT-SHAPED
PUMPKIN KEEP SHOCKING ME?!"
Boy that really hurt PeterPika's and Jedichu's feelings, as they most
certianly are not rats, and they both gave the Archon a hateful look
at the insult. Alice stepped in front of a growling Jedichu and called
to PeterPika to settle down.
"WHAT? NO I WON'T PEDDLE FOR A CROWN! HUH? I DON'T KNOW WHY LIME
MALICE AND UMBRE CAN'T PRETEND TO BE KETCHUP. IN FACT MISSY I'LL TRADE
YOU THIS RAT FOR SOME SINCE YOU SEEM TO WANT IT BACK FOR SOME
PERVERTED REASON."
If PeterPika and Jedichu weren't upset earlier, boy were they in pains
now. Ketchup is the #1 perferred and most cherished food for a
Pikachu. Holding back tears, Jedichu answered back "What color ketchup
would you like?"
"FUCK COLLARDS BITCH-UP STYLE?"
Everyone began to roll over in uncontrollable laughter, everyone
except PeterPika who was being held in the air by his tail and would
certainly be traumatized for life without a little counseling.
Ewanpuff ran back to the nearby Jump-DMC, popped the trunk, pulled out
a rainbow-colored bottle of teal ketchup, closed the trunk, and
offered the bottle to the Archon. "OOH! PRETTY!" The Archon dropped
PeterPika out of the air and took a large swig of the condiment. Alice
managed to catch PeterPika and began consoling the crying young
Pokemon. The others crowded around to make sure he was alright.
While the C'Pi clones all let out an "Awwwww!" the Archon stated very
matter-of-factly that no it was not raw.
"Archon please!" Gumby squealed from underneath, finally beginning to
crack under the immense pressure.
"NO I HATE PEAS!"
Jedichu waked over to the snoozing celluar salesmen and picked up a
couple of their leftover phones and offered them to the archon. "WHY
THANK YOU!" it said and ate the phones.
While Alice and the other Pokemon (except for the crying PeterPika)
just stood there looking all shocked and more than a bit helpless,
Hamillpuff walked up to the Archon and puffed himself up.
While this is the sign of intense anger in a Jigglypuff and certainly
scares the sh*t out of all opponents (and the Porkinites certainly
looked scared sh*tless) the munching Archon simply looked at the
puffed Jigglypuff and cried "OH WHAT A NICE BALLOON!" and picked him
up.
Hamillpuff deflated once he was eyelevel with the surprised Archon and
said, "GOOF WAY ABU! MISER GOBS OF WESTON ABU!"
"IT SPEAKS?!?!" the Archon looked shocked. "UH, SURE THING! WHAT'S ON
YOUR MIND?"Now it was Alice's turn to drop her jaw in amazement. The
Archon had understood.
"KADUU PEAS TOPSPIT WON UMBRE?"
"OH IS THAT ALL? YEAH SURE GUMBY'S PROBABLY ALL NICE AND WARMLY FLAT
LIKE A PANCAKE BY NOW. GEE, I COULD USE A GOOD STACK OF PANCAKES RIGHT
NOW." the Archon stood up, and while Gumby certainly was a bit flat in
*some* areas (after all, no one has a flat bottom, not even a
Porkinite), it was still alive and breathing. Alice, still holding a
still-bawling PeterPika, rushed over to her friend to help it back up
to its feet.
Hamillpuff continued: "UMBRE HAD MALICE ORPHANED FERMENTING CHEERS."
"OH REALLY? WELL, THIS FRIEND OF GUMBY'S SURE COULD USE SOME FATTENING
UP!"
"WEAR MALICES BALSAN CHEESE ARE BOSTON BLEND POO."
"SO WILL YOU STOP ATTACKING MY CLONED ARMY?"
"WE RECTALLY NEW FARTED IT CURSED, MUTT, CURE!"
"GOOD I'M GLAD WE GOT THAT ALL CLEARED UP, NOW I'M HUNGRY SO I NEED TO
EAT SOMETHING AND GET THE FOLLOWERS ALL FATTED UP AGAIN!"
The Porkinites all cheered, and Gumby managed to get the C'Pie army to
quit running around in circles so they could cheer as well.
"DONE CLOBBERIN- MEAT CURD TERRAFIRM GLEE AIRMAT THE ALL OFTEN COOKS
MIKE DOUBLE."
The Archon screamed and nearly dropped Hamillpuff when it learned that
their beloved Hall of Ham had turned into rubble. Barely hanging onto
one of the Archon's fat fingers, Hamillpuff managed to say: "MEAT CURD
WELP DEW HEAP MIX IT! WELP DEE, MOOLAH MADONNA CHOP PEA!"
The Archon quickly moved its hand so that Hamillpuff wouldn't fall
off. "WELL THAT'S VERY KIND OF YOU, MISTER-?"
"CAMEL STUFF!"
"HAMILLPUFF!"
The Pokemon were all barely able to keep their giggling quiet and most
of the Porkinites were certainly getting a good chuckle out of the
conversation. Alice stepped forward and seconded Hamillpuff's proposal
of helping the Porkinites to rebuild their Hall of Ham.
Gumby limped forward, grinned like a maniac and nodded its head
vigorously.
Just then, the ground beneath turned into a giant meatball, the seas
turned into cheese, and the foliage turned into spaghetti noodles.
Alice and the Pokemon could only keep tightly to themselves as the
Archon dropped Hamillpuff (who landed in a lump of what was now
marinara sauce) and all the Porkinites immediately began to eat
anything and everything in sight.
"WE APPRECIATE YOUR WANTING TO HELP US MISS ALICE AND HAMILLPUFF, BUT
FIRST WE GOTTA EAT YA KNOW?"
Alice, exasperated, slowly sat down on top of some meatball ground as
PeterPika decided to check out some of the pumpkins that had sprouted
from what had been the streetlamps. She managed to get the attention
of the drooling Pokemon before they followed PeterPika to the food.
"Not too much now. You know you can't sing or fight well on a full
stomach."
"Oh I wouldn't worry about it, Alice," Jedichu said as he picked off a
piece of parsley. "We're not of this universe, so I don't think we'll
be turning into Porkinite Pokemon anytime soon. Besides, as much as we
love Gumby, we don't buy into its religion."
"Alright, but still, y'all remember what happened with those potatoes,
right?"
All the Pokemon cringed.
"Gee, you had to rub that one in did ya?" Seanpuff and Ewanpuff
complained as they looked over to Hot ROddish and Ianpuff who were
playing hide-and-seek amoungst the raddish patch that had once been a
planter of bagonias.
"Aw, don't worry about it, pal." Gumby said with its mouth full of
noodles. "This kind of thing happens to us all the time. You guys
should be just fine. Drink from the lemonade fountain?" Gumby offered
up a partially-eaten watermelon filled with lemonade.
"Oh sure why not," Alice said as she took a swig.
============
SUMMARY:
-The Porkinites' hearing is restored but at the price of losing all
their gained weight, but since RASSM Planet has turned into food, that
last part doesn't really matter now
-The C'Pie army will only listen to Gumby
-One can only speak in jibberish to the Archon
-Alice and the Pokemon have offered to help rebuild the Hall of Ham
============
Why I can't just say "Jade" instead of "the Archon" in my Sith War
posts all the time is beyond me. And I'm SO gonna get it for that
"fuck collards bitch-up style" line. I just know it.
-Rainbow Heron
(sig sighs while it shakes its siggy head, and glares at RH)
Be glad I didn't also include the Alfac duck like I originally
intended. >:-D
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The Sith War 2002 Archives
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Who needs kids when you've got Pokémon?!
Lefty Skywalker
"Time for another tinkerlink testgum!" (1 pt)
Daniel O. Miller
"Does this look familiar? Do you know what it is? Neither do I! I made
it last night in my sleep. Apparently I used gindrogac - highly unstable!
I put a button on it, yes? I wish to press it, but I'm not sure what will
happen if I do..." - Gune
WWYD?
Lefty Skywalker
C'Pi
"Rainbow Heron" <rainbo...@ftc-i.net> wrote in message
news:idacjugh7t4avsg27...@4ax.com...
>
>
> There was chaos all around her. The Porkinites and their share of C'Pi
> clones were all attacking the Pokemon (and losing). A big..something
> was holding PeterPika in the air by his tail and had decided to sit on
> top of Darth Gumby (for Gumby's protection). The C'Pie Army (all
> covered in sand because they were majorly sunburned from partying on
> the beach for a week without ever once putting on sunblock)
I burn easily. Damn my lily white ass!!
> Why I can't just say "Jade" instead of "the Archon" in my Sith War
> posts all the time is beyond me. And I'm SO gonna get it for that
> "fuck collards bitch-up style" line. I just know it.
Potty mouth.
C'Pi
I *hump* Igor.
Spawn of Porkins
I actually learned a new level of respect for you over that profanity. You
can call me cheese butt if you want to.
> -Rainbow Heron
> (sig sighs while it shakes its siggy head, and glares at RH)
>
Jade
--
Awesome post, by the way.
Rainbow Heron
>> Why I can't just say "Jade" instead of "the Archon" in my Sith War
>> posts all the time is beyond me. And I'm SO gonna get it for that
>> "fuck collards bitch-up style" line. I just know it.
>
>Potty mouth.
Not my fault you Porkinites enjoy using that language. ;-)
-Rainbow Heron
(sig said it could have been worse too)
Don't go giving me nightmares now sig...
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Rainbow Heron's Sith War Characters Page
==========================================
I'm gonna kick their asses! And then I'm gonna kick their butts!
And when I'm done kicking their donkeys and cigarettes,
I'm gonna kick THEM!
Rainbow Heron
It just seemed...so...you Jade! :-D
>You can call me cheese butt if you want to.
Thanks, but I think I'd rather call you "Archon" or "Jade".
>> -Rainbow Heron
>> (sig sighs while it shakes its siggy head, and glares at RH)
>>
>
>Jade
>--
>Awesome post, by the way.
Thank you!
-Rainbow Heron
(sig says it will whack RH with the typo stick if she says that line
again)
See, Jade? I layed off snipping just for you!
==========================================
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Rainbow Heron's Sith War Characters Page
==========================================
Jell-o jigglers are like Gak
...except they don't make that fart noise.
Shaven Wookie Guy
> "Time for another tinkerlink testgum!" (1 pt)
YDKJ
MTFBWY,
Chris HawkinsThe RASSM FAQ -
http://www.shavenwookie.com/orhp/guide/faq.html
"A mountain with a wolf on it stands a little taller."
--Edward Hoagland