[Sith War 2002] GOMP!
C'Pi
The Cheeseburger With Fries settles into orbit around its destination.
"Cluckalot. The whole planet is one large meadow. It's the home of our
query. Gonk," says George Foreman, boxer and grill master extraordinaire.
"Gonk!" chortles C'Pi in reply. "Gonk is a myth. Just an over hyped power
droid. Is that what Jade sent us here for? What a waste of time."
"Oh, no. Gonk is not a myth. It's real, and it contains great power.
Power that can be harnessed by the Porkinites to feed its growing armies.
Power to make an army of super fat super soldiers."
"Yeah, right. I'll believe it when I see it."
"Well, we're already here so we better check it out and see what we can
find. I need to get back to the Hall of Ham as soon as possible. I've got
some doilies that I need to finish crocheting," Nesha says. "Besides it
will be good for MiniPi to get out and get some exercise."
"So the time he chased me around the ship trying to shove a hydrospanner up
my ass doesn't count as exercise?" complained C'Pi rubbing his butt.
"Oh, he was just playing with you, you big baby."
George breaks in, "I'm getting an unusual power reading down on the planet.
That may be Gonk."
"Well let's set the Cheeseburger With Fries down and investigate. Nesha get
MiniPi and prepare to disembark. Who knows what kind of damage he can cause
if left in the ship all by himself."
"I don't know where he is."
"WHAT?! I thought I told you to keep an eye on him. Who knows what he is
up to now."
"Stop worrying. If you would show a little more kindness..." Nesha stopped
as she looked up and noticed MiniPi hiding right over C'Pi's head. The
little guy was loosening the bolts holding the hyperdrive controls in place.
Following Nesha's eyes C'Pi looked up.
"Oh, crap."
*THUD*
***************************
Strolling through the green grass that is the meadow plant Cluckalot, a lone
power droid stops, leans back, and peers into the sky. Disinterested it
bends over and contemplates a daisy springing from the ground.
***************************
Nesha and MiniPi cheerfully stroll across the meadow planet. C'Pi, rubbing
the bandages covering his head strolls behind grumbling.
"Better keep low. The sensors show the energy source is getting near," says
Nesha as she scans her tricorder like instrument that has a different name
in Star Wars and is in no way like Star Trek.
Snapping out of his daydreams of slow and painful deaths for MiniPi, C'Pi
settles behind some bushes with Nesha and MiniPi joining him.
"Well, I don't see...wait. There it is." says C'Pi as he points to a black
box bent towards the ground staring at some flowers. "That must be Gonk.
Ok, so here's the plan..."
*GOMP*
The sudden sound from the power droid startles the Porkinite band, who
crouch down behind the bush. C'Pi in obvious disgust.
"Crap! All this way for nothing."
"What are you talking about?" Nesha asks.
"Didn't you hear it? It said gomp. Gomp! It's not Gonk."
"Oh, you're just over reacting. For sure it's Gonk."
"Look, I distinctly heard a gomp, not gonk. If that's Gonk then that would
mean..." C'Pi's voice trails off as he begins to realize just how stupid
some people can be.
"Yes, that's right. The followers of Gonk are morons that don't even know
what sound it makes. If they were smart they'd be following Porkins. Now
we have a job to do. Gonk or Gomp, we still need to capture it."
"Alright. Alright. Here's what we'll do. I'll work my way around behind
Gomp...Gonk...whatever, and I'll jump on it taking it by surprise. You and
MiniPi wait here and..." C'Pi pauses as he looks at MiniPi. "MiniPi, do
think you could stop picking your nose and pay attention?"
MiniPi pulls his finger out of his nose and flicks a booger at C'Pi, and
quickly runs behind Nesha.
Peeling the booger off his forehead, C'Pi disgustedly says, "Right,
well...you get the idea. Just wait here."
C'Pi, trying to keep a low profile, works his way around to the other side
of Gonk. This isn't easy with when one has an ass as big as C'Pi. He also
fails to notice MiniPi following him.
Gonk, still deep in contemplation, doesn't realize the danger it is in.
C'Pi, almost upon Gonk, gets ready to bounce. Slowly...steadily...
"AAAAAIIIIIIGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!" screams C'Pi as MiniPi grabs a hold of his
leg and bites it.
The startled Gonk jumps into the air and begins to run. "GOMP!"
"Damn you, MiniPi. Get off my leg!" Says C'Pi as he begins to chug after
Gonk.
What follows can only be described as the slowest chase in history. The
short legged Gonk and the extremely fat C'Pi with a midget strapped to his
leg weren't exactly built for speed.
"GOMP! GOMP! GOMP! GOMP! GOMP! GOMP!" Gonk sounded as it ran (walked) as
fast as it could.
"Huff, huff, wheeze. Huff, huff, wheeze. Huff, huff, wheeze." C'Pi
followed trying to shake MiniPi off his leg and hoping to avoid cardiac
arrest.
Disgusted by the whole spectacle, Nesha comes out from hiding and takes off
after Gonk. Easily catching the power droid, she walks up to its side,
sticks out her finger and gives it a poke. Loosing its balance, Gonk
topples over, little legs flailing in the air.
"GOMP! GOMP! GOMP!"
"Thaaanksss...huuuuuh...Neashaaaa...*gasp*" C'Pi wheezes as he catches up
to the pair and sits down on Gonk. "Now could you...*wheeze*...get this
thing off my leg?"
"Come here, MiniPi. You did such a good job capturing Gonk." Nesha says as
MiniPi releases C'Pi's leg and goes to cuddle in Nesha's arms.
"HE!! Bah!" Says an exasperated C'Pi as he collapses on Gonk.
"GOMP!"
"Oh, get off your ass, fat boy. We've got to get this thing back to the
ship. George should have the hperdrive controls fixed by now."
"Well you can tell him to fly the ship over here. I'm not moving. For
about a week.
*********************
SUMMARY
The Porkinites have captured Gonk.
C'Pi
Muuurgh
"C'Pi" <jas...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:afpl8m$ga0hf$1...@ID-111793.news.dfncis.de...
I enjoyed the proverbial dandelion snorting that Gomp partook of in his
meadowy valley. Very reminiscent of Bloom County, and very wonderful..
ahhhhhhh.. could you *sniff* please pass me another dandelion C'Pi?
-Muuurgh
Spawn of Porkins
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
*wipes eyes*
Whoo!
Jade
--
Too true.