My spooky Death t-shirt...
David R. Henry
that phrase). As if you needed to ask, btw, everything in this post is true.
Like the good slavering Sandboy that I am, I bought all the glorious
Sandstuff that fell off the Vertigo bandwagon. The Death poster, the Death
t-shirt, Platinum Death for $5 (my dealer owed me) -- you name it. Being
the low-quality snob that I am, I was more than pleased and sated with
my horde. I stapled the ol' poster up, tossed the Platinum issue on top
of my "read recently" pile, and otherwise was satisfied.
Then I wore the t-shirt.
Now, it's a great design, I think. It's a wonderful shirt, and it's worth
every penny I spent on it. This is where it gets weird:
Every time I've worn it, I've been propositioned by long-time lady friends
of mine who have, until they saw me with Didi on my chest, been far more
interested in remaining a bit more, um, distant in our relationships. As you
can see, this is a bit of a delicate subject.
Yet, out of the blue (black?), three separate women suddenly ask me to sleep
with them, who have been before basically no more than good bar buddies or
fellow journalists.
I'm trying hard not to come off like a cad here, but, frankly, I'm scared.
Three times I've worn the Death t-shirt. Three times a new woman has asked
me home. Are there explanations? Should there be? Was the Death picture
on my shirt silkscreened over one of the fabled "lost Desire" designs that
DC mysteriously cancelled just before the Vertigo explosion?
More importantly, has any one else experienced this difficulty? All I ever
wanted was a neat t-shirt with a classy anthropomorphic personalization on
it. I didn't want the fame, I didn't want the attraction; I just wanted to
be another brain-numbed fanboy on the path to self-somnomulation. What do
I get? Women! Ick! Cooties! I mean, I collect comic books! Isn't it obvious
enough that I don't want to deal with real life?
I'm really nervous about putting the thing on again. When it happened the
first time, I didn't even notice it, obviously. The second time, as I was
remarking to someone how the last time I wore it, I was picked up. The third
time was a deliberate test. I said nothing, did nothing, just sat down at my
job and worked on my next column. And, sure 'nuff, another woman just walks
over on her way out and asks me out for supper. Among other things.
So, rac-gurus, what should I do? I've considered a couple of options, but
I want some input before I put the thing on again -- it's hanging, right
now, from my rafters, already having dried from the wash, grinning
seductively at me. I don't know how long I can stand the temptation, the
driving, mocking glare daring me to try its luck again. What course should
I follow?
1) Magnaminous charity:
Obvious. I give the shirt to Elmo, who certainly needs it far more
than I. Yet, in doing so, how can I live with my conscience that a
friend will be trapped with this cursed shirt for the rest of his
life (or until his Annotations run out, whichever comes first)?
2) Cautious skepticism:
I keep wearing it. The trouble is, the next time I'm planning to
wear it is to Gaiman's apperance at Dreamhaven down in the Twin
Cities. There will be a Death lookalike contest there. I fear,
quite simply, for my life in that case.
3) Bold ignorance:
I forget superstition, past experience, and personal scientific
field research and just wear it whenever I feel like it. My current
path of choice.
4) Daring indulgence:
Like a latter-day Jim Morrison, I wear it -- and I don't take it
off! Never! Not until Christmas! I'll never shower the upper
half of my body 'till it's ripped off of me. How long can its
power last in *that* case? Unfortunately, probably longer than
my job, in this case.
5) Archeological indifference:
I file it away with my Elton John mirror-shirt, lava lamp collection
(largest certified collection in eastern North Dakota!), ABBA
8-tracks, and other odd relics of my life. Some future day, someone
more needy than I shall use its powers to bring him great happiness.
I'd leave a journal, of course, warning the indifferent discoverer.
Personally, I just don't know what to do. Maybe I'll just put it up for
auction on rac.marketplace. Any takers?
"Confound it!" --Gordon Moss
"Could I just shoot it instead?" --Richard Darwin
--
David R. Henry - Rogue Fan Club - I've got a pullchain in my head.--Ruby 3
My mind is a jackal.--Richard Darwin // What was the question? --Kate Bush
"All you of Earth are IDIOTS!"-P9fOS // Thanks... for the memories.--Rogue
dhe...@plains.nodak.edu * ud13...@ndsuvm1.bitnet * ud13...@vm1.nodak.edu
Lance Squiddie Smith
[David recounts how women are throwing themselves at him when he wears his
nifty new Death T-shirt. Really.]
>More importantly, has any one else experienced this difficulty? All I ever
>wanted was a neat t-shirt with a classy anthropomorphic personalization on
>it. I didn't want the fame, I didn't want the attraction; I just wanted to
>be another brain-numbed fanboy on the path to self-somnomulation. What do
>I get? Women! Ick! Cooties! I mean, I collect comic books! Isn't it obvious
>enough that I don't want to deal with real life?
Nope. I got more reaction out of my Milk and Cheese T-shirt. Really. I have
received some angry looks that suggest some womyn who are not familiar with
Sandman might consider the Death shirt to be not Politically Correct.
"But she's Death! How much more powerful can one female anthropomorphic
personification get? Don't you feel it empowering that when you die you
might be dealing with another woman?"
>So, rac-gurus, what should I do? I've considered a couple of options, but
>I want some input before I put the thing on again -- it's hanging, right
>now, from my rafters, already having dried from the wash, grinning
>seductively at me. I don't know how long I can stand the temptation, the
>driving, mocking glare daring me to try its luck again. What course should
>I follow?
>
>1) Magnaminous charity:
> Obvious. I give the shirt to Elmo, who certainly needs it far more
> than I. Yet, in doing so, how can I live with my conscience that a
> friend will be trapped with this cursed shirt for the rest of his
> life (or until his Annotations run out, whichever comes first)?
Also, an Elmo who was a social butterfly, as it were, wouldn't have time
to do the Sandman annotations. Got to put the rest of the net above Elmo's
social life. (Hmmm, does someone want to take over the Sandman FAQ list?)
>2) Cautious skepticism:
> I keep wearing it. The trouble is, the next time I'm planning to
> wear it is to Gaiman's apperance at DreamHaven down in the Twin
> Cities. There will be a Death lookalike contest there. I fear,
> quite simply, for my life in that case.
It wouldn't be the worst way to go and it would get you out of North Dakota.
>3) Bold ignorance:
> I forget superstition, past experience, and personal scientific
> field research and just wear it whenever I feel like it. My current
> path of choice.
Yeah, but this isn't a good example of the scientific method. See below.
>4) Daring indulgence:
> Like a latter-day Jim Morrison, I wear it -- and I don't take it
> off! Never! Not until Christmas! I'll never shower the upper
> half of my body 'till it's ripped off of me. How long can its
> power last in *that* case? Unfortunately, probably longer than
> my job, in this case.
Jim Morrison died in Paris at a young age. While it may get you on the
cover of Rolling Stone, ("David R. Henry: He's Hot. He's Got a Death T-shirt.
He's Dead!") it is not better to burn out than to fade away. Neil Young always
had that comparison wrong.
>5) Archeological indifference:
> I file it away with my Elton John mirror-shirt, lava lamp collection
> (largest certified collection in eastern North Dakota!), ABBA
> 8-tracks, and other odd relics of my life. Some future day, someone
> more needy than I shall use its powers to bring him great happiness.
> I'd leave a journal, of course, warning the indifferent discoverer.
You'd just be passing the power of the shirt down to the future, unsuspecting
generations. They'll probably use the journal for kindling, have no idea what
Sandman was*, and someone will end up going through the Hell you're experienc-
ing now with no clue that the shirt is responsible.
[*] This assumes that Neil is eventually able to stop doing the series. I can
see a future where Sandman is up to #500 (but they don't expect it to go past
#525) and written by Holly Gaiman who is just starting to think of retiring
from the comic biz.
>Personally, I just don't know what to do. Maybe I'll just put it up for
>auction on rac.marketplace. Any takers?
I think we have to put this shirt through some carefully regulated scientific
testing. As far as we know, it might not be David's specific shirt, but just
some sort of synergy between David and any Death T-shirt. What we need here
is a control situation. For example, I could loan David my Death shirt to
wear at the Gaiman signing next Friday (April 23rd at DreamHaven. Starts at
7:30...) and I could observe the effect the shirt had on a crowd of Sandgirls.
Of course, I'd need to place David's shirt in my closet to make sure it didn't
interfere with the experiment. Naturally, we'd report back to the net on our
findings. No doubt should these tests prove positive there will a great demand
for Death t-shirts and David R. Henry disguise kits from comic fandom.
Mr Henry, please get in touch. We have much scientific work to do...
===========================
Lance "Cr2O3.2H2O" Smith | "Peanuto is back!?! How? He was crushed by a
(lsm...@cs.umn.edu) | battleship in Unsalted P-Nuts #287!" "He used his
A slow day over in | Peanut Shell Power to deflect the ship!" "Peanuto
rec.arts.comics.peanuts | has no such power!" "Gee. Well, maybe he is dead."
Ray J Cornwall
As soon as i get paid, I'm buying a Death T-shirt. I need all the help
I can get.
I was thinking about buying a Death T-shirt, but bought a
Herman Vermin t-shirt instead ,which is really spiffy. A friend of
mine, who is African American and works at a jazz store I frequent,
laughed at the shirt's tag line, "Sexy and black- like me!" Other
people give me cold stares, as if to say, "Why are you wearing a
...black person's shirt...when you're...not...you know...black?" Sigh,
the ignorance of a population who's never read Gregory...
Ray Cornwall
U of D
kristoff
Guess I'm just unlucky that way.
Hmm, my fiancee lent me the money to buy it on the condition that she could
wear it whenever she wanted. I guess that counts as someone getting snuggly
with me having something to do with the shirt. Hope people aren't throwing
themselves at her in this manner...
kristoff, going to get that shirt back soon...
Albert Nakano CBN
>that phrase). As if you needed to ask, btw, everything in this post is true.
>
>Like the good slavering Sandboy that I am, I bought all the glorious
>Sandstuff that fell off the Vertigo bandwagon. The Death poster, the Death
>t-shirt, Platinum Death for $5 (my dealer owed me) -- you name it. Being
>the low-quality snob that I am, I was more than pleased and sated with
>my horde. I stapled the ol' poster up, tossed the Platinum issue on top
>of my "read recently" pile, and otherwise was satisfied.
>
>Then I wore the t-shirt.
>
>Now, it's a great design, I think. It's a wonderful shirt, and it's worth
>every penny I spent on it. This is where it gets weird:
>
>Every time I've worn it, I've been propositioned by long-time lady friends
>of mine who have, until they saw me with Didi on my chest, been far more
>interested in remaining a bit more, um, distant in our relationships. As you
>can see, this is a bit of a delicate subject.
>
>Yet, out of the blue (black?), three separate women suddenly ask me to sleep
>with them, who have been before basically no more than good bar buddies or
>fellow journalists.
>
>I'm trying hard not to come off like a cad here, but, frankly, I'm scared.
>Three times I've worn the Death t-shirt. Three times a new woman has asked
>me home. Are there explanations? Should there be? Was the Death picture
>on my shirt silkscreened over one of the fabled "lost Desire" designs that
>DC mysteriously cancelled just before the Vertigo explosion?
>
>--
>David R. Henry - Rogue Fan Club - I've got a pullchain in my head.--Ruby 3
>My mind is a jackal.--Richard Darwin // What was the question? --Kate Bush
>"All you of Earth are IDIOTS!"-P9fOS // Thanks... for the memories.--Rogue
>dhe...@plains.nodak.edu * ud13...@ndsuvm1.bitnet * ud13...@vm1.nodak.edu
While, I was reading this, a sonic boom almost shattered my eardrums. Who
was there but Rogue! She immediately physically threatened me to write the
following: "Dave Henry! How dare you put another comic book heroine on
your flesh! You promised me I was to be the only one. If you ever want
to bow down and worship me again, I demand that you detach yourself from
a DC character!
:):):):):)
no sig yet,
Albert Nakano
Ron Asbestos Dippold
>Three times I've worn the Death t-shirt. Three times a new woman has asked
>me home. Are there explanations? Should there be?
And where do we get one?
--
Remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
Alexx S Kay
>dhe...@plains.NoDak.edu (David R. Henry) writes:
>>I'm trying hard not to come off like a cad here, but, frankly, I'm scared.
>>Three times I've worn the Death t-shirt. Three times a new woman has asked
>>me home. Are there explanations? Should there be?
>And where do we get one?
And is there any truth to the rumors that all the variations in the
various Suicide Squid T-shirt runs were experiments by Eddie Maise and
tyg to create this very effect?
Alexx
Al...@world.std.com
"Ancient questions are answered -- 'Which came first -- the chicken or the
egg' -- answer? 'No one came until the rooster did'" -- Cerebus 156
peter.t.mcdermott
> of mine who have, until they saw me with Didi on my chest, been far more
> interested in remaining a bit more, um, distant in our relationships. As you
> can see, this is a bit of a delicate subject.
>
>
>
> off! Never! Not until Christmas! I'll never shower the upper
> half of my body 'till it's ripped off of me. How long can its
> power last in *that* case? Unfortunately, probably longer than
> my job, in this case.
>
I can't speak for anyone but myself, but I'm going home right now, put the
Death T-shirt on, and I'm _NEVER_ taking the damn thing off, except for the
shower I'll need after the hoped-for results!
Yours Truly,
Pete McDermott
The Napoleon of Crime
>And is there any truth to the rumors that all the variations in the
>various Suicide Squid T-shirt runs were experiments by Eddie Maise and
>tyg to create this very effect?
To anyone who has seen Tom's amazing subter... subtur... err, underground
laboratory, there can be little doubt. Amazing what a proton accelerator
and a 50% mix of polyester and cotton can do to neural perceptions.
[Of course, what I want to know is: How did he get that giant penny in
there?]
"Wile E. Coyote, Super Geenniuusss. I like the
sound of that. Wile E. Coyote, Super Genius."
----
Moriarty, aka Jeff Meyer
INTERNET: mori...@tc.fluke.COM
Manual UUCP: {uunet, uw-beaver, sun, microsoft}!fluke!moriarty
CREDO: You gotta be Cruel to be Kind...
**>> Keep circulating the tapes <<**
Tom Galloway
>[Of course, what I want to know is: How did he get that giant penny in
> there?]
Nice try Moriarty, but I know that what you really want to know is how I
managed to get it out of the Institute for Criminal Mastermind's numismatics
collection without being detected. I will admit it was more difficult than
sneaking the entire MIT Marching Band into the 1982 Harvard-Yale game while
disguised as the Yale Precision Marching Band, but used the same basic
principle known as the punchline to the stealing wheelbarrows joke.
"Hi, we're the Yale Band. That's one of us, and that's one, and..."
"That's OK, we can tell who you are."
"Yes, we are distinctive, aren't we. C'mon people..."
"It worked! You're a fuckin' genius!" --me, a Harvard Stadium gate guard,
and the then MIT Undergraduate Association President Ken Segel.
tyg t...@hq.ileaf.com
Damon B. Crumpler
I wore my deatht-shirt yesterday, and had a relatively
similar encounter, though not quite as
drastic as yours...
Enjoy the chaotic magic while it lasts...
--
"All art is at once substance and surface- those who go beneath
do so at their peril."-Wilde//"I know things that have been for-
got"-Sim//Everyone knows everything-we just pretend to ourselves
that we don't"-Gaiman//Knowledge is evil. Everything is true.-Me
Thingfish
>I wore my deatht-shirt yesterday, and had a relatively
>similar encounter, though not quite as
>drastic as yours...
>Enjoy the chaotic magic while it lasts...
God is this true? Death T-shirts are an aphrodisiac? HMMMM I should buy one
see if it works. I wonder if I can get a refund if iyt doesn't work....
--
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