rec.climbing greatest hits/95
Evan Bigall
Does anyone have a copy of "the 12 forms of 5.11" posted by (Bruce? or Brutus?)
several months ago?
/Evan
Nick Parker
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K-Tel, in conjunction with Softbody Records, proudly presents:
R E C . C L I M B I N G ' s G R E A T E S T H I T S 1 9 9 5 !
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THE BEST QUOTE OF 1995
Lead trad, goose your inner chicken. (Peter L. Hurd)
FIRST RUNNER-UP
Climbing is a vamp without virtue. (Lord Slime, John Byrnes)
SECOND RUNNER-UP
Real women wear kneepads. (Inez Drixelius)
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BEST TRIP REPORT OF 1995
"Fear and Leching on Half Dome" (Mad Dog)
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BEST WEB PAGE OF 1995
"Floss Products" (Struan Grey, aka Russ Trolling)
http://debra.dgbt.doc.ca/waddington/flossprods/Flossprods.html
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MOST ANNOYING SUBJECT OF 1995
How do I mark the middle of my rope?
SECOND MOST ANNOYING SUBJECT OF 1995
Was Allyson irresponsible?
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THE REST OF THE BEST (in no particular order)
Climbing is an art, rapelling is a mode of transportation.
(Charles Butcher)
I hope the US doesn't go the way of the French and lose the whole
point of climbing! (Paul Lydon)
Of course, climbers are not a uniform body of saints... (Struan Grey)
Slowly I began to realise the art of soloing. I was rapidly
retreating into myself. I started that path that all soloists must
go on. I was alone. I realised this completely. I revelled in the
feeling. The deeper I fell into myself, the more I learned about me.
(Eric Coomer)
If I don't sticks ta stones,
I might break my bones;
But flames will never hurt me. (Greg Opland)
We are Softbody of Borg.
Training is futile.
Would you like a doughnut? (Al Black)
...leaving large pools of blood on the rock is really tacky and shows
poor form. (Mad Dog)
...I always wear a helmet even though terminal brain damage seems to
be back in fashion these days. (John C Palmer)
There is no court of appeal against the Law of Gravity.
(Charles Arthur)
...the "mountain-gods" are only kind to those who understand them.
(Styatrad)
Reading about the voyage of the Endurance [Shackelton and crew] should
be required for all climbers, mountaineers, backpackers, etc. It puts
in good perspective just how soft and luxurious we have become...next
time you abort a trip because your down bag gets wet, go back and
reread the story of this trip. By God, those were men. (Stuart Marlatt)
The weight of judgement has often forced me to retreat from climbs on
which I might have continued on if unencumbered by such baggage.
(Stuart Marlatt)
Sandbags are everywhere and route inflation nails the newer sport
crags most. Real climbers don't give a shit about grades anyway...
(Eric Scott Boltz)
Curiously, the haggis has left legs shorter than its right legs, which
no doubt facilitates its counter-clockwise movement around mountain
tops... (Bryan Mackenzie)
... no solid protection except a chocked boulder eighty feet up.
I kept yelling ``Kneif zu!'', or ``Tighten Up!'' to my failing
sphincter, which my belayer kept interpreting as a command to try to
lock off the HMS. Perhaps this relates to the running `redpoint'
vs.`brownpoint' discussion... (James Neal Singletary)
[to Jimmy Cagney, clad in lycra]... this is Chief Softbody of the Borg
police department, assimulate your self up now, or face the net
flamethrowers, remember what happened to the last guy to suggest tying
in with a bowline. If you come down now we won't have to put you in
the Kill file. ... Jimmy lowers his chisel - You won't make me have to
read the FAQ again will you?
[...]
The Long Rangers have solved another climber problem. Stay tuned next
week when the Long Rangers will take on top ropers with a single
anchor. If you would like to join the Long Rangers, just purchase
Pappa John Long's climbing guides, after reading them you too will be
able to save the net from unsafe climbing practices (no climbing
experience required). Order today and get your cordelette key ring
and rating decoder ring... (Steve Lindell)
If there's no feelings of aprehension, danger, or work, then it has
nothing to do with a big wall. Might as well go bowling. (Greg Opland)
[routes] put up by Joe Brown require an amazingly steady head, lots of
stamina and strength and the elegance of an elegant snake. Compared to
which lots of "harder" climbs (in grade) put up by other people are a
doddle. (Charles Arthur)
"If you could take in the rope slightly faster than I am seconding it
would be much appreciated"
(Paul Williams, trying to follow a Ron Fawcett first ascent)
As my friend Mary says: "Insisting on perfect safety is for people who
don't have the balls to live in the real world."
(Eugene N. Miya, quoting Mary Shafer)
You are grossly in error if you think that R.C contributors feel
in any way limited to expounding on things that they have specific
knowledge or experience with. Just a warning. (Bart Fay)
1,000,000,000 lemmings can't be wrong (Giorgio Richelli)
...humility is the key to the door which unlocks the world of wisdom
(Jason Daniels)
...I countered that everyone seems to use chalk. He then showed me a
photograph of Fritz Wiessner, the Shawangunks pioneer, climbing a 5.10
route somewhere on the Trapps. He was tied into a rope swamied around
his waist, wearing a pair of 10 pound leather mountaineering boots
with vibram soles, and of course, was using no chalk. The smile on
his face betrayed no aprehension at the lack of chalk.. Oh, yeah, he
was in in late sixties or early seventies at the time. Since then,
I've never used chalk, even on the hottest humid days. (Dan Kearney)
Think of it [flames] as simulated annealing. It's like tempering steel.
(Eugene N. Miya)
...the key to understanding climbing is basically personal problem
solving (conceptual block busting to use a Stanford term). People
here are highly assertive bordering on arrogant because we don't fool
ourselves, hell, check out this quote.... (Eugene Miya)
:
: We do not deceive ourselves that we are engaging in an activity
: that is anything but debilitating, dangerous, eurphoric, kinesthetic,
: expensive, frivolously essential, economically useless and
: totally without redeeming social significance. One should not probe
: for deeper meanings. (Allen Steck, 1967)
Only those people who engage in climbing (as opposed to armchair or
social climbing) can appreciate what goes on in this news group.
And many of them get bored after a while. (Eugene Miya)
Why don't we spend less time choosing sides and more time enjoying
ourselves. (Timpowell9)
Lechers lech because they figure if they try a hundred times, they
might score once. It usually works, so they keep up the tedious work.
Its called "working a route." (Inez Drixelius)
Maybe this belaying stuff is too much for you - in which case why not
leave it for those with their heads not involved in a rectal-cephalic
impaction. (Mad Dog)
Ah, the good old days. When men were men. And 5.9 was damn hard.
(Mike Rawdon)
[regarding diaries, pens & altitude]
>
> I just want to maintain a dairy.
>
This is an extremely serious undertaking at high elevation. First,
it's really hard to move cattle through ice falls -- it's virtually
impossible to teach them proper cravasse rescue methods, and they're
totally clueless regarding avalanche danger. Then consider the
logistical problems involved with moving all that hay and cheese. I
doubt you can even get a permit to try this. (Bob Harrington)
I personally don't see the difference between using a gri gri
improperly and using any other device improperly. Either the belayer
belays you in a safe manner or not. If you don't like it, kill the
belayer and get a new one. (Lindy Mayfield)
...if you ever catch me employing exotic aid techniques while
groveling up a moderate sport route, all will seem to make perfect
sense. But may God strike me down if I ever intentionally chose a
LIGHT BEER over another, tastier brew. An occasional toddle up a
sport route is a forgivable sin, but when it comes to beer, we're now
in the domain of SERIOUS BUSINESS. (Mad Dog)
Knowledge is one of the lightest, most valuable things a person can
take up a climb. (Brutus of Wyde)
Ref: The rec.climbers bible, Book of Monty the baptist,
chapter 4 verse 1-5 [how do I remove poision ivy from my rope?]
And Mammut took the vile serpent and put it in the agitated machine to
cleanse it of its oily past. Then as the waters overcame the beast,
Mammut took the holy Ivory in his left hand and stroked it 3 times
with a common kitchen fork, for 3 is the number, starting with 1 not
skipping 2 and going on to three and then stopping. Do not procede to
4 or 5 for they shall cause flooding upon the land followed by hordes
of landlords which will leave the abode leaseless. If the words are
not heeded and the fork is allowed to contact the wrist the water will
turn to blood and great woe will visit the emergency room. But,
Mammut being pure of kern was obedient unto the Maytag and the serpent
and the agitator were at peace with each other so the serpent was no
longer able to bring the curse of ivy unto its handlers.
(Steve Lindell)
Studly Budly and Awesome Babette were attempting to flash Outrageous
Overhang (12d+) when they overtaken by unexpected bad parking.
Totally bummed, they decided to bivvy in their car. After 15 minutes,
Ms. Babette was calling for rescue and two volunteers of the emergency
coffee and rescue teamed arrived. The rangerpersons immediately
supplied lattes to the climbers, initiated rescue with mtn. bikes.
Both Mr. Budly and Ms. Babette were traumatized by the accident. Budly
has fractured his ego and has a severe case of Bad Karma partner
shortage. Ms. Babette has joined the man-hating steriotype climbing
team. Neither climber will ever reach their potential. According to
interviews with the rangerpersons Mr. Budly and Ms. Babette were
climbing together for the first time, and he had seriously
underestimated the difficulty of the terrain. Moreover, there were
communication difficulties concerning the meaning of a "slippery
overhand knot" and the instruction thereof. The attending
rangerpersons concluded that the accident could have been avoided by
prudent retreat, and that both climbers lacked the conversational
skills necessary to withstand such a long term bivvy.
-- Vail Ranger Service. (Al Black)
We are sportbody of Borg
Resitance is Futile
Prepare the control top lycra (Al Black)
Bolt Leading and Trad Leading are as different as playing with
yourself and making love to the woman of your dreams.
(tobyiv)
In this game, experience is paramount, and must be respected. This
includes learning what NOT to do from other peoples mistakes.
(whackabign)
Geeez - I think I finally broke the code - Trad climbing is a
"mental exercise", and sport climbing is just climbing for exercise.
Woah - and you guys thought I wasn't a heavy... (Jim Shaw)
Ah, yes, rec.climbing has a way of turning even the most carefree,
happy climber into a caustic, embittered cynic. (George Bell)
...what is the effect of caustic climbers on the rock? Would climbing
on limestome neutralize them (assuming they lean towards acidic)?
Embittered... bitter->basic - swallow 2 batteries and post again in
the morning. In this case, are they living a lye? What will this do
the the middle marker on my cordolette if I climb with one of these
bitter caustic people? (Steve Lindell)
...It has been my experience that amongst throngs of men ensconced in
weenie-waving, behaviour becomes substantially more modest immediately
upon a woman entering their midst.... (Mattie Thompson)
I praise the parents who reconcile their lives with their dreams.
I have even more praise for those who encourage the dreams of their
children, including the women who dream impossible dreams, perhaps
even of mountains... (Mary Dotson)
...It was like going home...I felt a breeze on my face. I considered
the beauty of the moment and how I felt. The inner satisfaction was
unmistakable. When we sometimes ask ourselves, "Why do we do this,
its hard, scary, and painful?"... the answer is most often found
during those few quiet minutes at the exit of a completed climb.
After only one month of experience with this sport I have this to
say: We have something special here folks... (Randall Hairston)
With all the increasing in newbie climbers, I've seen a big increase
in the total dickhead category. All these "rad" bozos that think big
numbers are all that climbing is about. (Greg Opland)
:-) -: Smilie with an erection.
:-) 8 - Female.
:-( :- Impotent (Or let down).
:-/ -8 Blue balls.
;-) o===8 Braggart. "Wanna go climbing Babe?"
:-\ 8o After a cold shower.
8-O --* ...pain, after getting caught in belay device.
:-} -oo-: Taking matters into hand.
I hope that these smilies will lead to more open communications
between people on the Net. :-) --: (John Byrnes)
[regarding: Nose freeclimb] Yes, Lynn used those bolts on the last
pitch, but she was in no way responsible for placing them. I think
there is a big difference here between her "ethics" and those of Kurt
"which way is the wind blowing today" Smith. (Bruce Hildenbrand)
This whole thing is one of the more contrived mountaineering
"feats"... Now if they had done it wearing pink leotards, a tutu, and
a clown nose while carrying a greased watermelon in their hands,
*that* would have been something. (Clyde Soles)
I have come to the conclusion that I owe the Hargreaves an apology
for having started a very insensitive thread here on the Net.
(Berko Kletzander)
Forever to be known as Berko's Theorem: "If you're gonna open a can of
worms, it's best not to use a chainsaw." (Nick Parker)
...120' of goldline, a set of hexes, a dozen carabiners, a home made
seat harness, hiking boots, a dog-eared copy of Basic Rockcraft...
They just don't make climbs like that anymore. (Mike Williamson)
The main thing to realize is if you have to leave a piece or two in
the rock and back down, you are out about fifty bucks, has anyone
priced reconstructive neurosurgery lately? (mplusk)
If you decide to leave climbing remember this: Don't look back.
You can have your memories, just don't envy them. (Eugene N. Miya)
I thought the roof would be class 4 at worst. I must look awfully
dumb. Dressed in a $500 suit, $50 tie, $100 shoes, gripped outta my
mind, sweating bullets, looking at a painful grounder, can't go up,
can't go down, too proud to yell for help...my mind races for a
resolution to this situation.... The first wasp got me in the right
cheek, just below the eye. The next in the back of the neck...I dyno
for the apex...just short...now I'm sliding, feet first on my
stomach...oh please, let me hit the gutter...yes! oh no, something's
wrong..but I stop... my feet are in the gutter and the gutter is two
feet out from the roof supported by the downspout... I land flat on my
back in the flower garden, in the process mashing the maximum number
of flowers. I'm lying there thinking "I'm such an asshole". I can't
breathe, one of the dogs is licking my face and I'm almost positive
that I'm lying on top of an old dog turd... (ghiz)
Utilize the strengths and weaknesses of your team. Have the
super-athlete lead the hard free leads, and more nerdly types engineer
the pendulums/difficult aid. (Robert K. Heineman)
Just say no to Usenet! The mind you you may be your own. (Al Black)
Our crack team of researchers (all tuns inpended) are now hard at work...
-The Clapper Midpoint Rope Kit, which glows bright red at your rope's
midpoint when you clap twice. Not for use on red ropes. We're also
considering some clapper-activated camming devices that allow one to
escape-rap without leaving gear behind (just clap once and the cams
retract and drop with your rope). So far, the cams keep retracting
while we're finding the middle of the rope and we're having trouble
finding new testers to replace the ones that keep decking when they
lose their anchor. This creative stuff sure does get tricky.
(Mad Dog)
Natural selection suggests that the stupid climber will die from
his/her mistakes. In reality, all you have to do is trust (or be in
the disaster path of) a stupid climber and that mistake can kill you.
(Mad Dog)
...who do I see below me leading the second pitch but Jim Bridwell!
Even more remarkable, his rack consists only of tied knots! He's down
below us, calmly tieing the knots and jamming them in the cracks,
clipping them into the rope. As Jim climbs up and clips into the
belay, knowing what the next pitch of this climb is like (3+ inch
crack for a long ways), I say: "Jim, I hope you've got some extra big
knots for the next pitch." He looks me striaght in the eye, not
surprised that I recognise him and adds "Yeah, either that or some
extra big balls." (George Bell)
...fond memories of a week-long blizzard that kept three of us in a
small tent in the Waddington Range a few years ago. The weather was
nasty enough to make even a short trip out of the tent difficult and
"Hey, it's okay, urine is sterile" became our mantra. God damn, but we
are insane aren't we. (David Harris)
If you, or anyone else, are climbing and training just to catch Euro's
or whoever, I humbly suggest that you are missing the point and
therefore will never succeed. (Clyde Soles)
If you're into hard construction work (such as an iron worker, framer,
or mud slinger), long hours, dangerous conditions, coupled with low
pay, then you're well on the way to becoming a big wall aid climber.
(Fred Nakovic)
I for one vote that netters try and be more congenial. Corrections
shouldn't sound like an attack on ones integrity, disagreements
shouldn't result in hate mail, etc. ... Why don't we all join in an
effort to remake rec.climbing a useful and informative climbing forum.
(Inez Drixelius)
This phenomenon [of chipping holds], carried out only in extreme
cases at first, has now become common practice, and some routes are
thus forever vandalised by people who have reached the limits of their
competence without accepting the verdict of nature.
(Jean-Baptiste Tribout, in 1990 -- posted by Charles Arthur)
We set up base camp at the front desk, where we were protected from
bookfall and other dangers. This is a popular site in the library, and
we found that we were frequently in the way of other parties. ...John
wanted to set up an Advanced Base camp at the card catalog. This was
in line with his general philosophy of large expeditions. I wanted to
do a more alpine ascent, and suggested heading straight over to the
reference section. This was really a decision we should have made
before ever heading to the crag, and shows the importance of
researching your objective first. ...The Reference section was only a
few hundred feet away, but it was getting late, and we decided to
bivy at some tables and chairs, where we could spread out our gear
and melt some ice. Turns out there was a water fountain right next to
the audio-video section, but we had missed it! Oh well.
(Steven Cherry)
Now, I have nothing against the King, but he seems to come into our
lives at the most inopportune moments. When you are weak and scared,
tension is building, and there he is. He just wants to dance, but he
causes us a lot of trouble.
(Brian Peter Pegg, regarding sewing machine leg)
I'm not sure climbing has any virtues, just lots of sex appeal,
frenzied foreplay, great climaxes, and the potential for serious
rejection. Climbing is a vamp without virtue.
(Lord Slime, John Byrnes)
"I remember when climbing was dangerous and sex was safe."
(Peter Nelson saw it on a bumper sticker at the Mountaineers, Seattle)
Ice climbing is a stupid, cold, miserable, beautiful, dangerous
pastime. As such, it will always appeal to the lunatic fringe. There
are more lunatics in the world now. (icene)
...the crux... I eyed the options closely, trying to simulate in
my mind the outcome of each path. No matter which option I chose, the
outcome could be equally good or bad. Finally I said to myself, "Just
suck it up and get on with it!" I grabbed the Pete's Wicked Ale,
leaving behind the Guinness Stout, and walked up to the check out
counter. Being past the crux, a wave of relief passed over me...
(Nick Parker)
Two most common elements in the universe: Hydrogen & Stupidity.
(Murray Scott)
[peak bagging] is when you find a mountain so butt ugly that you have
to put a bag over it before you can climb it.
(jhoyt)
...may your glissades be intentional (Greg Mushial)
Reality hits hardest when you're in a state of bliss. (E.Stefke)
[regarding winter training]
Probably best to start with a regimen of lagers to build general
endurance. Midwinter should involve high repetitions of the lighter
ales, pilseners, and maybe even the occasional black and tan. Avoid
anything with Hallertau hops, as the alpha oils can interfere with
lactate metabolism. By late winter, you can attempt supersets of some
of the really heavy porters and stouts, or anything you can find with
Styrian or Talisman hops. When the thaw comes, taper gradually to the
high-carbohydrate amber ales, and you should be all set for a fine
season. (chris@leibniz)
Infamy is a poor substitute for fame. (Wayne Trzyna)
6mm is just too tiny for my imagination to allow me to rap on - but in
a true emergency, my powers of imagination might grow to meet the
need. ( Mad Dog)
[regarding: government shutdown, closure of Yosemite]
I hear that Newt is a Sport Climber and is taking it out on all the
Trads. Think about it! The National Parks/Monuments are all
traditional areas. I knew that Gingrich guy had an agenda, I
just didn't realize he was so devious. (Bruce Hildenbrand)
...I object to this bashing of those people and organizations
which have created so much wealth in this country. When your home is
built totally from recycled plastics, you write on dried orange peels
and the car you drive runs on pure methane captured from flatulent
termites then maybe your vehement argument could have some merit.
Until then try seeing both sides... (Dan Hague)
It's truely sad to see the day when chipping is supported. When I go
climbing, one of the reasons I get out is to try and get out of the
artificial environment that I find myself in for the better part of my
life. This, to me, it the true essence of climbing. (Kelly M. Rich)
The last few months have been somewhat trying: ... bought a VW camper
bus; after 3 days I blew a rod... replaced the engine... after 2
weeks... got nailed by an Airborne Express truck whilst cycling...
"Oh, by the way, Ms. Thompson we screwed up your benefits, so your
health insurance doesn't start for two more weeks."... couple of
months later I lost my job after refusing to let my boss wet his
weenie, and mouthing off something about labour relations lawyers...
packed everything I had into the bus after $700 more work and a paint
job... the car burst into flames, and everything burns... Yesterday I
got screwed very, very hard by the insurance company... and it was
rough... and I didn't get kissed, either. (Don't get me wrong; its
not that I don't like it hard and rough, but I WOULD like to be kissed
somewhere along the line. :) ... I'm going climbing.
(Mattie Thompson)
Chipping seems to occur when ego and ability are unmatched...
(Jon Read)
You are hearby accused of WHINING! To wit, we will have a net trial by
gravity. In my hand, I hold a smelly rock shoe. When I release it, if
the shoe stays in midair, then you are innocent and the product is
defective. However, should the shoe hit the ground upon my release,
they you are guilty and must inhale deeply of the sacred shoe.
Drum roll please. . . GUILTY!!! (Clyde Soles)
So we are there cooking, melting water, and the storm is howling, and
Holly goes, "Are we goin'a die?" And I looked at her kind a funny, and
I pointed out that a mere couple of miles away, people were eating
prime rib in the comfort of the top of the Palm Springs Aerial Tramway
[...] I explained that it would be a disgrace to die there, a short
distance away from where people were in luxury. The megalopous of LA
with 8 million people within 2 hours drive. Naw, we had to live to go
off to far off lands like Nepal and Pakistan where it would be an
honor to perish striving to reach some tough summit. That is death
with honor. She was dumbfounded. Michael, Holly and I were friends
for years to come. (Eugene N. Miya)
I find it hard to believe that every climber I've met in the field is
so laid back I sometimes feel inclined to check for a pulse, and
virtually every climber in rec.climbing has a cam shoved up their ass
and can't relax enough to get it out. [...] I'm pretty disgusted that
rec.climbers can't either interpret or appreciate anything even
remotely related to humor. I've got an idea, just so there's no
misunderstandings anymore about people posting in this group, lets
change the names to rec.can.make.a.joke.climbing and
rec.cam.up.my.ass.climbing. (Jeffrey E. Papen)
Ice climbing is incredibly stupid. (Wayne Trzyna, ice climber)
I used to think climbing was better than sex, but I found out I was
just doing it wrong. (Jeff Batten)
[Conversation overheard in a climbing store]
Customer: I need an 800 foot long rope.
Employee: What do you need that for?
Customer: Because the guidebook says this climb is 800 ft long.
(George Bell)
We are softbody of Borg, Mr Lowe.
How they hanging?
And welcome to the donut buffet. (Al Black)
"Mad Dog's Salvation" (by Nick Parker)
The buffet was so nice
Mr Lowe went there twice
The Lowe Belly now rivals the Lowe Balls in size
And no one questions the who's, what's, or why's
For everyone knows that to be softbody is grand
Except for that Mad Dog man
He must be mad, he must be nuts!
He's turned his back on donuts!
He even sorts his gear
While guzzling lite beer!
Those watery brews
Have loosened his screws
The concrete evidence
Is an inflatable woman preference
Just when we've lost all our hopes
And Mad Dog is tettering toward the bolts
A frozen Borg hand comes from the north
Thirteen donuts it holds forth
This bakers dozen he downs, and then shouts
Give me Lagers, Give me Stouts!
A rec.climbing cheer arises, then turns to a roar
A softbody has been saved, he's a sport climber no more!
"Mad Dog Barks Back" (by Mad Dog)
You speak of brews of which I'm fond
And true, I have a doll that's blond
But with rock'n' women I don't prefer plastic
They tend to make me move real spastic
And although I've clipped a bolt or two
It doesn't mean I've got loose screws
So please don't label me a sportie
I'd rather have a tool named shortie
And may God above please strike me down
If even just once I'm ever found
To chose a lite beer for my fist
I'd rather have to drink my piss
I may choose brews instead of pastry
Although the latter may be quite tasty
But I still belong to the softbody team
"All beer" is just my new training routine
He was rushed to hospital suffering from an overdose of gravity.
(Charles Arthur)
Trad climbers eat the donut and sport-climbers eat the hole in the
middle. (N. Krishnan)
It's kind of like love. "You just know." [when you're in over your
head on a lead] Symptoms are similar too -- breathlessness, elevated
heart rate, uncontrollable body parts. (Ilana Stern)
"Hand In My Chalkbag" (by Ailanas Cordelette, aka Ilana Stern)
I'm young and I'm fearless
I'm sport and I'm trad
It's nice so I'm climbing, yeah
I'm strong but I'm careful
I'm short but I'm flexible
I'm setting a tri-cam, baby
But what it all comes down to
Is I haven't got this move figured out just yet.
Cause I've got one hand in my chalkbag
And the other is holding an undercling.
I'm tired and I'm shaking
I'm hanging on tight
I'm desperately clipping, baby
I'm pumped but I'm breathless
I'm losing my finger-strength
I'm weak and I'm falling, catch me!
I think I'm gonna come down to my friend,
And I hope everything's gonna work out all right
Cause I've got one hand on a sloper
And the other hand's sliding out of a fingerlock.
If you survive, you gain some experience, and a good pub story.
(Alistair Veitch)
I wouldn't want rec.climbing to turn into some kind of eternal love
fest -- that would be boring -- but a day of it now and again doesn't
hurt. (David Harris)
[regarding "Lead trad, goose your inner chicken."]
Better yet, give the chicken an enema on some Grade 7 ice!
(Wayne Trzyna)
*******************************************************************
RECYCLED CLASSICS [graciously posted by various folks]
If the conquest of a great peak brings moments of exultation and
bliss, which in the monotonous, materialistic existence of modern
times nothing else can approach, it also presents great dangers. It
is not the goal of grand alpinisme to face peril, but it is one of the
tests one must undergo to deserve the joy of rising for an instant
above the state of crawling grubs. (Lionel Terray, 1965)
Climbing is, above all, a matter of integrity. (Gaston Rebufatt)
...as I hammered in the last bolt and staggered over the rim, it was
not at all clear to me who was the conqueror and who was the
conquered. I do recall that El Cap seemed to be in much better
condition than I was. (Warren Harding)
You cannot learn to fly by flying. First you must learn to
walk, to run, and to climb, and to dance. -- Nietzsche
The climbing as a whole is not very esthetic or enjoyable; it is
merely difficult. (Yvon Chouinard, 1963, on Yosemite)
All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty
recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity:
but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their
dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.
(T.E. Lawrence, as quoted by Joe Simpson in "Touching the Void")
"On this proud and beautiful mountain we have lived hours of
fraternal, warm and exalting nobility. Here for a few days we have
ceased to be slaves and have really been men. It is hard to return
to servitude." (Lionel Terray, 1965)
[re: East vs West ratings differences]
'Upon an island hard to reach, the East Beast sits upon his beach.
Upon the west beach sits the West Beast. Each beach beast thinks
he's the best beast. Which beast is best?... Well, I thought at first
that the East was best and the West was worst. Then I looked again
from the west to the east and I liked the beast on the east beach
least.' (Dr. Seuss)
"Vy can't ve chust climb?" (John Salathe')
...writing about climbing is boring. I would rather go climbing.
(Chuck Pratt)
Rock climbing has the advantage over many other motions in that it has
no rules; save respect. (Johnny Dawes)
Ice is for putting whiskey on. (Tom Patey)
"You may be going up, but a lot higher than you think."
(Don Whillans)
While here on earth, I shall endeavor with all my ability and
steadfast efforts to preserve and add to our wilderness so all who
follow in my footsteps might have the same opportunity to use and
enjoy it as I have. Remember the way of a wilderness is love and
kindness toward all forms of life. (Finis Mitchell)
The End.
************************************************************************
Recorded at: The Betty Ford Clinic for the Terminally Fetished
Produced by: The Softbody Collective
Recording Engineer and Mixer: Nick Parker
Inspiration by: The Kroger Bakery, The Mill Bakery
Special thanks to: Guinness Stout, Pete's Wicked Lager, Red Mountain Ale
A digitally remastered version of this analog recording is
available on the shelves of the Waddington Gallery:
http://debra.dgbt.doc.ca/waddington
************************************************************************
--
Rawdomg
their sexy women kayakers?" (paraphased):
I prefer kayaking to climbing because I can swim better than I can fly.
Mike
Pixeljim
hard copy that I could read at leisure. At the end of the day today I had
a few minutes to kill and sat down to enjoy. After a few seconds I began
laughing hysterically and later looked up to see several faces staring at
me.
"What's so funny is these excerpts from the rec.climbing newsgroup (edit
lengthy description of newsgroups).
Blank stares.
"Look, suppose you had a newsgroup about bowling. And people posted humor
that you needed to be a bowler to understand."
A nod of comprehension.
"Now intersperse that with some biting philosophical....."
"About Bowling?!?!?"
"Oh nevermind."
Suddenly, a huge wooden rabbit came flying over the castle wall, landed on
my co-workers and crushed them. My response?
"Suppose we build this huge wooden badger."
- Jim (we're sure he's mad)
Al Black
William Wright <bi...@netcom.com> wrote:
>
>I missed the first post of the greatest hits of '95. Can anyone send me
>this list? I'd also love a copy of the above. It was so hilarious. I
>should have saved it. Any help would be appreciated.
Its at the following:
http://debra.dgbt.doc.ca/waddington/
have fun:-)
al
--
William Wright
>big...@netcom22.netcom.com (Evan Bigall) wrote:
>>A fine collection, but missing one of my favorites.
>>
>>Does anyone have a copy of "the 12 forms of 5.11" posted by (Bruce? or Brutus?)
>
I missed the first post of the greatest hits of '95. Can anyone send me
this list? I'd also love a copy of the above. It was so hilarious. I
should have saved it. Any help would be appreciated.
Bill
--
Bill Wright (bi...@netcom.com)
Home: (303) 494-7232
Work: (303) 274-3134
Inez Drixelius
Parker) wrote:
> **********************************************************************
>
> THE BEST QUOTE OF 1995
>
> Lead trad, goose your inner chicken. (Peter L. Hurd)
>
> FIRST RUNNER-UP
>
> Climbing is a vamp without virtue. (Lord Slime, John Byrnes)
>
> SECOND RUNNER-UP
>
> Real women wear kneepads. (Inez Drixelius)
>
This is a wonderfully entertaining post. I was very touched that I was
quoted several times. Maddog alerted me to this, as I had pretty much
given up on the net and only lurk very occasionally. This is luring me
back, reminding me of some of the great times/exchanges I enjoyed, not to
mention the good people I met and climbed with--John Byrnes being one of
them.
Thanks
Inez