Braintumor
J
> Well I've allready been diagnosed with an Oligodengoglioma for a couple off
> years but just recently it has turned to a malign tumor (found out after a
> new biopsy in september) Getting some chemo now for the next 8 months (
> allready finished 4) and not feeling to good with it. Also the idea that it
> won't cure anything but just will not make the cancer spread (also only a 50
> % chance) is quite worrying. I'm holding on to my girlfriend and my little
> boy (just 3 years old) but I can't face the fact how I'm going to tell him
> that I'm dying...I could use some support on this...Thanks everyone
Hello Philippe,
I am cross-posting to alt.support.cancer (hopefully you can access this other
newsgroup, for other replies).
Newsgroups are often slow on weekends. Hopefully you will get more replies soon.
I read your post yesterday and my first thought was that 3 year olds
really/probably have no concept of what the word dying really means. Nor perhaps
would you want him to, since it could create anxiety. Perhaps for now, the word
"dying" should not be expressed when he can possibly hear it? Of course, some
of this depends on whether he's already heard discussions of such, previously.
I also think that expressing to your son that you might be "going away soon" is
not appropriate either.
Perhaps suffice for now to express to him how much you love and care for him.
(focus on the positives)
That will reassure him, that whatever you are going through (and the changes he
will surely notice), in the coming months/years is not his fault and not within
his power to change things.
Speak in terms of illness but differentiate between minor illness and fatal
illness.
( http://www.mourninghope.org/deathtochild.html )
Tell him how much comfort and joy you feel by having him in your life.
Find small ways now where he can participate in your comfort, so that he feels
he's contributing in helping you. A new but perhaps small ritual such as for
example, bringing you your slippers when you come home. Create the opportunity.
Spend as much quality time as you can with him, creating good memories which he
will treasure always.
He will remember these words and times for the rest of his life.
Perhaps something helpful here ?
http://www.lupusmn.org/Articles/General/Adolescents%20&%20Children/Explaining%20Chronic%20Illness%20to%20Your%20Child.htm
As a rule of thumb, don't offer more information than the child has requested.
or here http://www.hospicenet.org/html/talking.html
Watch for other replies on both newsgroups.
Best,
J
bookbabe
Philippe Hendrickx wrote:
> Well I've allready been diagnosed with an Oligodengoglioma for a couple off
> years but just recently it has turned to a malign tumor (found out after a
> new biopsy in september) Getting some chemo now for the next 8 months (
> allready finished 4) and not feeling to good with it. Also the idea that it
> won't cure anything but just will not make the cancer spread (also only a 50
> % chance) is quite worrying. I'm holding on to my girlfriend and my little
> boy (just 3 years old) but I can't face the fact how I'm going to tell him
> that I'm dying...I could use some support on this...Thanks everyone
I'm sorry about the diagnosis, Philippe.
You might find it helpful to talk to some sort of professional about
what to say to your three year old son (psychologist, psychiatrist).
Often there is family counsel ling available at cancer centres, as
well.
Michele
PHILIP CARRICK
As you can imagine, I am deeply sorry to hear of your plight. Whilst it is
difficult enough to come to terms with, this is amplified considerably when
children are involved..
My wife is 35 yrs old and has already had her oesophagus removed (May 2001)
due to a malignant carcimoma. As I type this she is undergoing surgery in
Belfast to remove a secondary tumour from
her brain. Like you, what do you tell your children?
We have 3 yr old twins (boy & girl) and the thought of this is crippling.
However, you and the family must
remain strong (for everyone's sake), and tell yourself that you will rid
yourself of this aweful illness that has invaded you and your families
lives. Do not look at your son and become sad, but instead think how lonely
your life was without him.
All the very best for the future and be STRONG, BRAVE and POSITIVE. Those
are the 3 words I keep saying to my wife.
You'll get through and overcome this my friend.
Take care,
Phil
"J" <J...@NoSPAM.invalid> wrote in message
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