help me find this joke
Ryan M. Tow
I have been trying to find a transcript of this very long monologue/joke I
learned a few years back. It starts like this;
A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm.....
and ends like this;
A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful arm on his girl.....and they
give him a hand.
I Think it might have been from a young comedians special a few years back,
but I am having trouble recalling a portion of the joke. SO, if anyone knows
it, or knows where I could find a copy of it, please e-mail me. Thanks a lot.
Ryan M. Tow
--
Ryan Michael Tow
Vote G.O.P.!!
rm...@iastate.edu
Cliff Heller
>I have been trying to find a transcript of this very long monologue/joke I
>learned a few years back. It starts like this;
>A man walks into a nightclub with a beautiful girl on his arm.....
You're in luck. This is on the recently reissued National Lampoon Gold
Turkey album, which contains highlights of the National Lampoon Radio Hour
and features the likes of: Bill Murray, John Belushi, Chevy Chase, Brian
Doyle-Murray, Peter Aykroyd, Brian Doyle-Murray, Eugene Levy, etc. etc.
The monologue is called "stand up" by Brian Doyle-Murray and goes something
like this (spoken rapid-fire):
A man walks into a night club with a beautiful girl on his arm. The show
begins and the comedian comes out for his first show of the evening. The
comedian says, A man walks into a night club with a beautiful girl on his
arm, the show begins and the comedian comes out for his second show of the
evening. The comedian says A man walks into a night club with a beautiful
girl on his arm- Just then, a man in the front row says I think I heard
this before, the comedian says maybe you caught my first show of the
evening. The man says I just got here. The comedian says yeah, well it
was a guy, looked just like you, walked in, beautiful girl on his arm,
could have been your twin brother. The man says my twin brother is dead.
The comedian says what is this, a wake? The man says I don't have to stand
for this, and he stands up and walks out of the night club. Are you out
there, says the comedian, I can hear you breathing. The man says I'm
holding my breath. The comedian says well I'm holding your wife. The man
says that's not my wife and he walks back into the night club with another
beautiful girl on his arm. Who's that lady I'm seeing you with, says the
comedian. The man says this is my wife, that other lady is my dead twin
brother's wife - you can take her if you want her. The comedian says not
unless you say please. Just then, a man walks into the night club with a
tattoo of a beautiful girl on his arm eating elbow macaroni. Is that girl
from Italy says the comedian. No, just Hungary, says the man. Just then,
a man comes *riding* into the night club on a pony, with a feather stuck in
his hat. What do you call that says the comedian. An entrance, says the
man, but forget that just give me a beer and get my pony a jockey. The
bartender says I think that pony's had enough already. Well make it a
short jokey then and while you're at it give that lady's lawyer some
briefs. The lady stands up and says I can defend myself Your Honor. The
lawyer says but I'll defend her honor, Your Honor. On her or off her says
the judge. Definitely on her, that's the best offer I've had all night.
Can't we just drop it says the comedian? Well you better drop leaflets
before you bomb. The comedian says I'm already bombing. Do you think it's
your material? What, you don't think it fits. The tailor says, it could
be let out a little. How much do you think it will cost. The tailor says
it'll cost you an arm and a leg. Can't we just put it on the cuff. The
tailor says, tell you what I'll do, we'll forget the leg and just charge
you an arm, and a beautiful arm it is. Ok, says the comedian and the
tailor cuts of his arm and sells him the suit. The tailor is so excited
that he calls on his girlfriend to go out with him in order to celebrate.
When he arrives he presents her with the beautiful arm as a gift which she
wears around her neck like a stole, and they go out on the town. The man
walks into a night club with a beautiful arm on his girl. The show begins
and the one-armed comediean comes out for his last show of the evening. He
does his act, and the audience stands up and gives him a hand.
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