Techniques for saying "no thank you"?
vonzott
Recently, a friend and colleague who I like and trust has gone through
the ChoiceCenter Worldwide training in Las Vegas. Now, with the
fervour of the recently converted, he's pressuring me to attend.
Gotta admit, he's done his homework! He's got smooth answers to all
my objections and questions.
Here's the problem: I'm not really interested.
Now, on the face of it, the fact that I'm reluctant to just say "no
thank you" may indicate that I could benefit from The Training, but
that doesn't change the fact that, beneficial or not, I'm just not
interested.
I don't want to loose this guy as a friend, and he has some sway with
Important People at my work, so it's best not to offend him
completely.
Here's the question: Does anybody have any tools for saying "no" to
somebody who's eyes don't seem to focus correctly any more?
Thanks!
vonzott
Bass Guitar God
>thank you" may indicate that I could benefit from The Training, but
>that doesn't change the fact that, beneficial or not, I'm just not
>interested.
Just tell him no, and if he asks again, just stop whatever you're doing and get
present, and look him in the eye and say "Didn't you just hear me? I said NO
now don't bring it up again - let's talk about something else OK?"
>I don't want to loose this guy as a friend, and he has some sway with
>Important People at my work, so it's best not to offend him
>completely.
If he keeps on bringing it up after you've made it clear that you're not
willing to listen anymore then this person doesn't care about your feelings,
and if this person doesn't care about your feelings, then this person is NOT
your friend.
>Here's the question: Does anybody have any tools for saying "no" to
>somebody who's eyes don't seem to focus correctly any more?
Well, you could pick up a copy of "When I say NO I feel guilty", but the bottom
line is you need to grow a fucking backbone and say what you mean, and mean
what you say. Leave NO ROOM FOR ANY OTHER INTERPRETATION.
I talked to my therapist about people asking me for money and what I could say
(give excuses about the stock market, etc), and she flat out told me NO WAY,
you just tell them in a nice BUT FIRM way "I'm not giving any money to
anybody". Be firm, be clear, and be final. Don't make up any elaborate stories
because these assholes will look for ways to "weave" themselves into the story.
It sounds like you need assertiveness training. The book I recommended may
help, and you can usually find a copy at a thrift store cheap. Good luck.
The Hopeful Guy
"Don't say yes when you want to say no", by Herbert Fensterheim, Ph.D.
and Jean Baer, ISBN 0-86007-437-4, published by Futura, 1975.
Vonzott, you state: "Now, on the face of it, the fact that I'm
reluctant to just say "no thank you" may indicate that I could benefit
from The Training".
This, in my opinion, indicates that you don't want to offend or
disappoint your friend.
The fact that I am thirsty indicates that I want a beer, no more, no
less.
If something smells like shit, looks like shit and tastes like shit,
it's lucky that you didn't tread in it. (Cheech and Chong).
In addition, you say: "I don't want to loose this guy as a friend, and
he has some sway with Important People at my work, so it's best not to
offend him completely".
Again, in my opinion, a true friend should not foist their beliefs
upon you, nor should you have to rely on them for employment. And once
you have signed up for the first course, how will you be able to say
no to the others?
Reading briefly through the ChoiceCenter (I hate mid-capitalisation,
it's so pretentious) website, it looks very familiar to LEC, so I am
surprised that LEC have not sued for breach of copyright.
I usually find that a firm but polite poke in the eye with a sharp
stick works for me. If that fails, a smack in the mouth and a terse
delivery of "fuck off" does the trick.
Best regards,
The Hopeful Guy
Remove nospam to reply
Ellenestnot
Sounds like another copy-cat, most of which are direct descendents
of est or Lifespring, scientology, Mind Dynamics, etc. There are
dozens because the formula works so well, but they all look pretty
much the same. Here's a link. Be firm. They all equate "success"
with salesmanship or influence and persuasion, and are rooted in the
door-to-door, high pressure, foot-in-the-door, traveling American
salesman/con man tradition. They prey on people who are too
polite to slam the door in their face.
http://perso.wanadoo.fr/eldon.braun/awareness/
Ellen
computeruser
"vonzott" <von...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:15caa7a1.04021...@posting.google.com...
This post is taking this thread in an entirely new direction.
I immediately thought this was Thelma Box's group, which is actually Choices
Personal Growth Seminar
http://www.choicesintl.com/choices.html I had seen her on a Dr. Phil bio
like you find on E! or A&E.
When I saw THG's comment "Reading briefly through the ChoiceCenter ...
website, it looks
very familiar to LEC, so I am surprised that LEC have not sued for breach of
copyright. "
I Googled around a bit and found what Salon magazine says about the Dr Phil
McGraw / Thelma Box split;
"A former business partner of McGraw's, Thelma Box, alleges that McGraw sold
his stake in their self-help seminar company, Pathways, to a third party a
full year before he let her know about it. Box claims that she co-created
and coauthored the materials used in the Pathways seminars, traces of which
are found in Dr. Phil's approaches and strategies on his show, but that no
credit or mention of her name is offered, either by McGraw or by the
associates who eventually purchased her share of the company. Unlike some of
the other sour-grapes critics in the book and in other pieces, Box seems a
reliable character witness. She compliments McGraw and says she gained a lot
from working with him, and she appears to report the facts of her history
with him without going out of her way to attack him. Mostly, she's alarmed
that, despite her influence on his work, he's never mentioned her name in
his books, on his show or in interviews about his background."
http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient&q=%22Thelma+Box%22+Choices
Wow!
****
To bad "Dr." Phil is a pathetic human, and is only trying to
capitalize on Dr.Atkins death. "Dr." Phil is now a Weight Loss Guru in
his own mind, for instance his next book that will release in Sept
2003, it's about weight loss, it will be called "Ultimate Weight
solution, 7 Keys to Weight Loss.
I thought seeing him the other day on the idiot box, that he looked
pretty overweight to myself, so how could a overweight person write a
diet book??
The man your believing in and backing is a fake phony that doesn't
practice what he preaches showman! You have been duped into believing
that Oprah and Phil can solve all your lifes problems and cure you
and them all in the matter of minutes, and make sure you buy their
products they are marketing, after all thats what they both are,
marketing salespeople, and strategists.
Knowledge is power, so here's a little powerful knowledge for you
to digest, the first link is Phil's old college professor, Frank
Lawlis and he is going to show you the "Dr." Phil way, and he's
the only one who can administer it, c'mon is this a racket or what!
Stop being misled and duped and learn the truth.
Also be on the look out for two books that are coming out this fall,
one is written by his first wife in Kansas Debbie Higgins McCall, and
the other is a unauthorized biography of his shady dealings with
enron, exxon, and all the scams he has pulled since he was 17 living
in Kansas. truth will be known!
Thelma Box
http://www.learndrphil.com
http://www.fortwayne.com/mld/newssentinel/4254332.htm
http://www.intelligentx.com/newsletters/entertainment/articles/story_ent4_091302.cfm
http://www.nypost.com/nypbullseye/54478.htm
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/drphil1.html
http://www.jsonline.com/news/metro/nov02/97180.asp
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/12/02/national/main531322.shtml
http://www.peta-online.org/alert/automation/AlertItem.asp?id=589
http://nomoreaffleck.com/philbegone.html
http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/001/673vjpbs.asp
http://www.zwire.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=6177653&BRD=1164&PAG=461&dept_id=98728&rfi=6
http://www.wmsa.net/People/larry_elder/elder-021128_dr_phil_guns.htm
http://www.slweekly.com/editorial/2002/tube_2002-10-10.cfm
http://www.smudailycampus.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2002/10/08/3da2718089c8e
http://www.conestogac.on.ca/spoke/pages/commentary/com-drphil.html
http://www.sourbob.com/archives/000215.html
http://news.statesmanjournal.com/currie.cfm?i=56702
http://www.journalism.ryerson.ca/online/replay/travels/goodphil.htm
http://www.kstatecollegian.com/stories/012203/opi_psycho.shtml
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,69339,00.html
http://www.recordonline.com/archive/2002/11/04/bz04.htm
http://www.westernfrontonline.com/vnews/display.v/ART/2003/04/15/3e9c4d6f21a31
****
computeruser
SkyPirate
Tools?
I remember reading an article years ago where Ted Nugent said the way
to deal krishnas at the airports was to spit a partially chewed oreo
cookie on them.
Seriously, it's bad news when they abuse their position at work to
influence you. Any "friend" that would do that is no friend at all.
Let that sink in. If push comes to shove and they say you need
"training" or your career will suffer, tell them you are willing to
attend an equivalent class at a local college instead. (like there is
such thing).
Be blunt, ask them why they can't be specific in identifying why you
need the training and how you will specifically benefit.
Force them to identify the specific issue(s), but insist upon your own
solution.
Then, frustrate them by pushing legitimate alternatives that they
can't invalidate.
If I need job skills, define them and I will take the college courses.
If I need people skills, define them and we'll consult Human
Resources.
If I have personal problems, define them and I'll see a therapist of
my own choosing.
Or you could tell them you're taking my seminar(s), they're
significant improvement over most seminars. Plus, you don't really
have to attend them.
http://www.skypirate.net/greatness/seminars_02.htm