Killing Rats A thought
Mike T
killed a hell of a lotta time reading it, and enjoyed ever minute of it.
MIKE T.
Tom Stovall
>[...] Personally I'm attracted to the high tech approach. Infrared >sights, silencer or some device that doesn't make noise... Maybe even
>a remote-controlled gun with servos and an infrared video camera on the
>sights, hunt rats from the comfort of your living room... Yeah, that's >the ticket...
We keep the rats in check at the shop with a decidedly low-tech solution
to the problem: a chicken snake that lives amongst the coal sacks and a
barn owl that hangs around outside. Like yourself, we "hunt" the
dreaded Ratus ratus from the comfort of our living room, but I gotta
confess, the owlshit and castings around the front doors can be a bit
offputting and the sight of a five-foot snake can have a profoundly
negative effect on some folks.
Tom Stovall
AFA Journeyman Farrier
sto...@wt.net
http://web.wt.net/~stovall
No me hagas preguntas, no te diré mentiras.
Bill Machrone
- Bill
PLAlbrecht
>
>- Bill
Which of the many suggestions did you use?
Personally I'm attracted to the high tech approach. Infrared sights, silencer
or some device that doesn't make noise... Maybe even a remote-controlled gun
with servos and an infrared video camera on the sights, hunt rats from the
comfort of your living room... Yeah, that's the ticket.
Pete
Fitch R. Williams
>So far, there's one less rat in the world. So it's done some good.
You cruel person <G> - "HOW" did the rat leave this world?
Fitch"worse than waiting for urban legend updates"Williams
In So. Cal.
The FAQ for RCM is http://w3.uwyo.edu/~metal.
Metal Web News at http://www.mindspring.com/~wgray1/
The "Drop Box" is at http://www.metalworking.com/
Bill Machrone
and yelled, "You got one!" I went out to look, and found the trap, still
baited, upside down and sprung. The smaller of the two rats we'd been
seeing each day was lying next to it in the snow, in a pool of its own
blood. There wasn't a drop of blood on the trap and there were no
outward signs of violence on the rat.
I can only conjecture that the rat had tasted the bait (there were tooth
marks in the marshmallow), pulled back a bit, but had destabilized the
trap. Perhaps it sprung and smacked the rat a glancing, but fatal, blow
to the head.
The truth is out there.
We haven't seen the other rat since then, so it's either a fast learner
or yesterday's thaw (we had a crust of ice over snow) has permitted the
rats to seek food sources other than under the bird feeder and around
the rabbit hutch.
- Bill
PLAlbrecht wrote:
>
> >So far, there's one less rat in the world. So it's done some good.
> >
william thomas powers
>or some device that doesn't make noise... Maybe even a remote-controlled gun
>with servos and an infrared video camera on the sights, hunt rats from the
>comfort of your living room... Yeah, that's the ticket.
I had a friend who made a "Mega-Zap Rat Trap" using an old neon-sign
transformer some copper mesh, a fiberglass rod. One lead to the mesh, the
other to the bait on the fiberglass rod mounted in the middle of the
mesh.
He set it up in his kitchen and went to bed. He awoke to little carbon
floaters everywhere, turns out that the rat closed the circuit then
"carbonized" in place. Had some repair work to do where the carbon-rat-arc
light had been.
(I got to see the set-up and result, I'll stick with a crossbow thank-you)
Thomas
Tony Jeffree
powers) wrote:
>>Personally I'm attracted to the high tech approach.
Hmmm. How about the psychological approach...treat them to a video
marathon of the Clinton/Lewinsky saga...should see them off your
property inside a couple of microseconds ;-)
Regards,
Tony
PLAlbrecht
>marathon of the Clinton/Lewinsky saga...should see them off your
>property inside a couple of microseconds ;-)
BAD idea, Tony. That would just attract lawyers (difficult to distinguish from
rats, but rats don't usually walk upright nor carry briefcases). And lawyers
are notoriously hard to get rid of. You can't shoot them, you can't poison
them, you can't trap them. About all you can do is bait them with a more
lucrative case somewhere else, off your property (staging a good car wreck or
fooling around with a neighbor's spouse to induce a divorce, for example).
Pete
Ted Edwards
> or some device that doesn't make noise.
Bow and arrow.
Ted
mcamp
PLAlbrecht wrote:
--
To e-mail us , please remove "X"s from address
NetONE
> Bow and arrow.
Nerve gas.
Dave
(Who just got popped onto some FBI
list somewhere for this post ;^)
PLAlbrecht
Dad is owned by one. No thanks.
Pete
who realizes cats are little tiny women in cheap fur coats
Eric Wilner
: Personally I'm attracted to the high tech approach. Infrared sights, silencer
: or some device that doesn't make noise... Maybe even a remote-controlled gun
: with servos and an infrared video camera on the sights, hunt rats from the
: comfort of your living room... Yeah, that's the ticket.
Tee hee... sometime I've got to photograph my Venusian Bug Zapper, and
put the photos up on the Web. It's a helmet-mounted anti-aircraft gun,
complete with elevation & traverse motors and a microcontroller to run
them. When I'm not wearing it, it lives on a tripod in my office, to
scare off visitors. Only thing it lacks is the ability to fire (minor
detail).
I keep threatening to equip it with a Jingle Bells detector, to
protect my sensibilities during holiday shopping.
(There's a picture of me wearing it at
www.baycon.org/1997/97_pics/eric_bird.jpg, but it doesn't show much
detail.)
+---------- Hey, Rocky! Watch me pull a .sig block outta my hat! ----------+
| Eric J. Wilner (Silicon Gulch Gumby) er...@iptcorp.com |
| Avian upper stage: Aratinga S. ("Tinga") Bird, BCFMO |
| work: 650-494-7500 home: 408-744-1845 flames: 900-767-1111 |
+------------ DISCLAIMER ------------+-------------- PROVERB ---------------+
|Not rechargeable. Keep away from |Was willst du noch heut mit dem |
|open flame. Member FDIC. No step. |Schwert? |
|Monitor extra. All sales final. | |
+----- The author is insane. Any opinions are those of Great Cthulhu. -----+
Charleson Mambo
<lemmi...@zetnet.co.uk> wrote:
>
> Help! A firm of lawyers has just taken up residence under my front
> porch. Any ideas..?
>
>
> Tom
>
> (Reformed lawyer)
Get an exorcist! Quick!
Charleson Mambo
--
To send me email, first get rid of "SPAM"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Change is bad.
Change sucks.
Embrace change.
Lo que no mata, engorda.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
J R North
JR
Dweller in the cellar
Tom Holt wrote:
> Help! A firm of lawyers has just taken up residence under my front
> porch. Any ideas..?
>
> Tom
>
> (Reformed lawyer)
--
--------------------------------------------------------------
Home Page: http://www.seanet.com/~jasonrnorth
If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes
Doubt yourself, and the real world will eat you alive
The world doesn't revolve around you, it revolves around me
No skeletons in the closet; just decomposing corpses
--------------------------------------------------------------
Eastburn
While living on Kwajalein island in the Marshall Islands - the wharf rats
were so large that the Navy imported a special bread of cat.
It was a very large tabby looking - tail less - mean - cut down on those rats.
And cut down on some of the dogs!
When they started coming into the housing area - and not around the work buildings -
we (Seniors in High school) were elected to 'catch' them.
What in short pants and thongs ?! - yep. Sharks are bigger than those nasty cats.
Sharks won, for a while - the cats multiplied faster than we could catch them.
(we were not allowed (with permission!) to go into the work area for hunting.
When I was in School in East Texas - TAMU Commerce - Days of the 7 day war...
There were some 'lifers' there from Egypt. Changing majors just when they were
about to 'finish'... The 'cowboys' brought a possum back one weekend - put it
into the dorm laundry - only the 'lifers' used the in-house junk free washers -
They came out of the room screaming rat! - The whole dorm had to stand down on
that one. What fun though. The super for the building didn't like the possum either.
Martin
--
NRA LOH, NRA Life
NRA Second Amendment Task Force Charter Founder
Martin Eastburn, Barbara Eastburn
@ home on our computer old...@pacbell.net
Tom Holt
Rhbuxton
line.
Rick
frank booth
wrote:
>Help! A firm of lawyers has just taken up residence under my front
>porch. Any ideas..?
>
>
>Tom
>
>(Reformed lawyer)
>
>
>
I've heard of wearing Garlic around your neck and carrying a cross. If
that doesn't work, try the 12ga. w/ 00 shot.
B&L Denard
they will fight. I found that long ago as I live in the country , I had a
big stack of lumber out behind my shop and was going to get some to build
something an two of them suckers run at me I thought they were possums dont
have slick tails so i went got my 12 gage with 00 . you know the rest.
Bill D.
Luke Kilpatrick
>
>Help! A firm of lawyers has just taken up residence under my front
>porch. Any ideas..?
>
>
>Tom
>
>(Reformed lawyer)
>
There goes the neighborhood! :(
BeeCrofter
Tom
There is an extra Bee in the Email address after the AOL.com
Don Wilkins
wrote:
>
>
>> PLAlbrecht wrote:
>
>> > >Hmmm. How about the psychological approach...treat them to a video
>> > >marathon of the Clinton/Lewinsky saga...should see them off your
>> > >property inside a couple of microseconds ;-)
>> >
>> > BAD idea, Tony. That would just attract lawyers (difficult to distinguish from
>> > rats, but rats don't usually walk upright nor carry briefcases). And lawyers
>> > are notoriously hard to get rid of. You can't shoot them, you can't poison
>> > them, you can't trap them. About all you can do is bait them with a more
>> > lucrative case somewhere else, off your property (staging a good car wreck or
>> > fooling around with a neighbor's spouse to induce a divorce, for example).
>> >
>> > Pete
>
>
>Help! A firm of lawyers has just taken up residence under my front
>porch. Any ideas..?
>
If they are female then you need to check for lipstick. No lipstick
and they probably are pit bull terriers.
That is how you tell the difference between female lawyers and pit
bulls.
PLAlbrecht
>and they probably are pit bull terriers.
>
>That is how you tell the difference between female lawyers and pit
>bulls.
Just as I always suspected. Greta van Susteren, the woofer they get to do
"expert commentary" on CBS or CNN or somebody, is really a pit bull.
Nigel Eaton
>
>Help! A firm of lawyers has just taken up residence under my front
>porch. Any ideas..?
>
>
>
>(Reformed lawyer)
>
Burn the house, spray cyanide under the porch, shoot them, kill,
kill, kill, kill, shred, maim, destroy, mangle, exterminate, eradicate,
slaughter, massacre, murder, cut or hack or hew to pieces,
dismember, disembowel, exterminate, annihilate, liquidate them.
All.
Nigel
(who got divorced once, but is over it now........)
--
'I want a world where I can eat a sea otter, and not get sick'
- Lt. Frank Drebbin
Nigel Eaton
Mike T
When they take it, they just get TALLER (bg)
MIKE T.
Don Wilkins <REMOVE_TH...@means.net> wrote in article
<369f1cbe...@news.wcta.net>...
> On Thu, 14 Jan 1999 01:20:27 GMT, Tom Holt <lemmi...@zetnet.co.uk>
> wrote:
>
> >
> >
> >> PLAlbrecht wrote:
> >
> >> > >Hmmm. How about the psychological approach...treat them to a video
> >> > >marathon of the Clinton/Lewinsky saga...should see them off your
> >> > >property inside a couple of microseconds ;-)
> >> >
> >> > BAD idea, Tony. That would just attract lawyers (difficult to
distinguish from
> >> > rats, but rats don't usually walk upright nor carry briefcases). And
lawyers
> >> > are notoriously hard to get rid of. You can't shoot them, you can't
poison
> >> > them, you can't trap them. About all you can do is bait them with a
more
> >> > lucrative case somewhere else, off your property (staging a good car
wreck or
> >> > fooling around with a neighbor's spouse to induce a divorce, for
example).
> >> >
> >> > Pete
> >
> >
> >Help! A firm of lawyers has just taken up residence under my front
> >porch. Any ideas..?
> >
>
ppierce
> > kill, kill, kill, shred, maim, destroy, mangle, exterminate, eradicate,
> > slaughter, massacre, murder, cut or hack or hew to pieces,
> > dismember, disembowel, exterminate, annihilate, liquidate them.
Sounds like U.S. Army basic training (1953)...
--
Paul in AJ AZ, NRA Endowment Member MSC stockholder (150 shares)
Checkout http://www.dejanews.com
also("Dropbox")http://www.metalworking.com
Checkout (MWN)the Metal Web News at: http://www.mindspring.com/~wgray1/
Checkout the FAQ at: http://w3.uwyo.edu/~metal
Jim Stewart
>
> ARE YOU PEOPLE CRAZY ?????
Nah, they're just amateurs. Here's the *real* approach:
_______________________________________________________________
A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's
Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a
detailed,
life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting
and
unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.
"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a thousand
dollars more for the story behind it."
"You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the rat."
The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with the bronze
rat
under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of the store, two live
rats
emerge from a sewer drain and fall into step behind him. Nervously
looking
over his shoulder, he begins to walk faster, but every time he passes
another sewer drain, more rats come out and follow him. By the time
he's
walked two blocks, at least a hundred rats are at his heels, and people
begin to point and shout. He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a
trot
as multitudes of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and
abandoned cars. Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees
the
waterfront at the bottom of the hill, he panics and starts to run full
tilt.
No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously, now
not
just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes rushing up to
the
water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long is behind him.
Making a
mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light post, grasping it with one arm
while
he hurls the bronze rat into San Francisco Bay with the other, as far
as he
can heave it. Pulling his legs up and clinging to the light post, he
watches in amazement as the seething tide of rats surges over the
breakwater
into the sea, where they drown.
Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to the antique shop.
"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the owner.
"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."
--
Eastburn
BeeCrofter
>
>
>
>
>
>
>When they take it, they just get TALLER (bg)
>MIKE T.
>
Yeah but the neckties keep their foreskins from rolling up over their faces and
smothering them.
Bill Machrone
- Bill
Nigel Eaton wrote:
>
> In article <199901140...@zetnet.co.uk>, Tom Holt
> <lemmi...@zetnet.co.uk> writes
> >
> >Help! A firm of lawyers has just taken up residence under my front
> >porch. Any ideas..?
> >
> >
> >Tom
> >
> >(Reformed lawyer)
> >
>
> Burn the house, spray cyanide under the porch, shoot them, kill,
> kill, kill, kill, shred, maim, destroy, mangle, exterminate, eradicate,
> slaughter, massacre, murder, cut or hack or hew to pieces,
> dismember, disembowel, exterminate, annihilate, liquidate them.
Phasestar
Gerald & Carolee Miller
I understand mOnica is busy for a while demonstrating her technique to the
senate. When we bought this house we had a family of skunks, but they didn't
bother anyone. Any suggestions short of 20megatonnes?
Gerry, in SNOWY London, Canada
Nigel Eaton wrote in message ...
PLAlbrecht
whole nest, you've got to keep the politicians living under your house happy.
See, if they're occupied with mOnica etc. under YOUR house, they can't bother
the rest of us. Best of all, they can't make any new laws.
So go buy some cheap cigars, soak them in red food coloring, and toss 'em under
the house.
Pete
mull...@advinc.com
Nigel Eaton <nig...@rcav8r.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>
> Burn the house, spray cyanide under the porch, shoot them, kill,
> kill, kill, kill, shred, maim, destroy, mangle, exterminate, eradicate,
> slaughter, massacre, murder, cut or hack or hew to pieces,
> dismember, disembowel, exterminate, annihilate, liquidate them.
> All.
>
> Nigel
All this is well and good, but I hope none of you folks ever
has to:
Sell a house
Clear an estate
Deal with being arrested
Write a will
Draft a contract
not of course mentioning the divorce word....
Because if you do much of that stuff off the cuff, on your
own, you are all bigger fools than one would otherwise
decide from most of the wise advice that gets dispensed here.
Jim (who really doesn't care, his wife closed her practice
years ago because she developed too much contempt for
most of her clients. But I used to see how badly folks
messed things up before they came running for "HELP!")
-----------== Posted via Deja News, The Discussion Network ==----------
http://www.dejanews.com/ Search, Read, Discuss, or Start Your Own
zerg...@hotmail.com
"Mike T" <mik...@iglou.com> wrote:
> I dont know how many rats if any will get killed by this thread, but I,ve
> killed a hell of a lotta time reading it, and enjoyed ever minute of it.
> MIKE T.
>
What are you going to enjoy killing next? Cats? Dogs? Children?
Don Foreman
mull...@advinc.com wrote in article <77mo74$hu0$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>...
> All this is well and good, but I hope none of you folks ever
> has to:
>
> Sell a house
> Clear an estate
> Deal with being arrested
> Write a will
> Draft a contract
> not of course mentioning the divorce word....
>
> Because if you do much of that stuff off the cuff, on your
> own, you are all bigger fools than one would otherwise
> decide from most of the wise advice that gets dispensed here.
You didn't mention getting sued. Good legal advice is essential, of course
-- but hard to find. I have been screwed by attorneys feathering their own
nests at my expense on selling a house, clearing an estate, and got close
on a divorce but I'd learned by then to do my homework. Beat the
(frivolous) lawsuit by doing my homework -- found a lawyer that would
work with me. It was kinda fun!
Wills and contracts require significant participation; you gotta decide
what your objectives are. You should only use an attorney to review it
for legal hookers you might not know about.
Don't know about being arrested -- I've managed to avoid that.
There are a few good lawyers, but most are predators. They feed on greed
-- and that's probaby what disgusted your wife about the whole biz --
scumbag lawyers would starve if there weren't plenty of clients looking to
screw somebody else.
brian whatcott
zerg...@hotmail.com,zerg...@hotmail.com says...
>
>In article <01be3e98$f0d20780$65ef...@mikert.iglou.com>,
> "Mike T" <mik...@iglou.com> wrote:
>> I dont know how many rats if any will get killed by this thread, but I,ve
>> killed a hell of a lotta time reading it, and enjoyed ever minute of it.
>> MIKE T.
>>
>
>What are you going to enjoy killing next? Cats? Dogs? Children?
I know you don't want to hear this, but it's well-intended and from a person
who has personally responded to a mouse caught in a sticky-trap (a grizzly
kinda death BTW) by solventing the sleekit animal offa that sticky paper
and into a grassy field with food and water: gotta lighten up, Buddy.
If anybody has a collective heart, it's this group.
Brian Whatcott Altus OK
Spehro Pefhany
<joke snipped>
> "No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."
;-)
Well, it's cold enough to freeze the satchel off a brass lawyer.
Now, to get back to metal (sorta) has anyone else heard the story that a
"brass monkey" was a device used to hold canonballs on ships, and that
extreme cold would cause it to contract enough to release the canonballs?
--
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Spehro Pefhany "The Journey is the reward"
sp...@interlog.com
Fax:(905) 271-9838 (small micro system devt hw/sw + mfg)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Gerald & Carolee Miller
Gerry
zerg...@hotmail.com wrote in message >What are you going to enjoy killing
next? Cats? Dogs? Children?
>
James Harvey
group of victims will be people so anally restricted that they can't manage
to get through the day without groaning about something.
Yes, that'd do nicely......First you get a red hot poker........
Jim "Torquemada" Harvey
zerg...@hotmail.com wrote in message <77mrvd$knb$1...@nnrp1.dejanews.com>...
>In article <01be3e98$f0d20780$65ef...@mikert.iglou.com>,
> "Mike T" <mik...@iglou.com> wrote:
>> I dont know how many rats if any will get killed by this thread, but I,ve
>> killed a hell of a lotta time reading it, and enjoyed ever minute of it.
>> MIKE T.
>>
>
>What are you going to enjoy killing next? Cats? Dogs? Children?
>
PLAlbrecht
You're killing TURKEYS? Why, that's disgusting. Turkeys are already handicapped
-- oops, intellectually challenged -- by being terminally stupid, and now you
want to KILL them! Maybe next thing is you'll suggest we institute a national
holiday in which the whole country goes out and actually EATS the things. No,
like this kind, caring Zergling person, we should show more compassion for
turkeys, perhaps have a government sponsored development program to bring them
up to their true intellectual potential, perhaps to the point where they can
hold civil service posts.
Or perhaps we should leave the poor things alone. Just like the rats, the ants,
the lawyers... <g> Just sit back and enjoy watching turkeys drown in a
rainstrorm because they keep staring up at the water coming down, with their
gullets open...
Pete
Dick Brewster
plalb...@aol.com says...
> >TURKEYS !!!!!
>
> You're killing TURKEYS? Why, that's disgusting. Turkeys are already handicapped
> -- oops, intellectually challenged -- by being terminally stupid, and now you
> want to KILL them! Maybe next thing is you'll suggest we institute a national
> holiday in which the whole country goes out and actually EATS the things. No,
> like this kind, caring Zergling person, we should show more compassion for
> turkeys, perhaps have a government sponsored development program to bring them
> up to their true intellectual potential, perhaps to the point where they can
> hold civil service posts.
I'm not sure where you live (Canada,eh?) , but we already have
turkeys occupying civil service posts here in the US. We also
have a very high percentage of elected congresscritters who are
turkeys. Most of the elected turkeys are also lawyers.
Dick
> Or perhaps we should leave the poor things alone. Just like the rats, the ants,
> the lawyers... <g> Just sit back and enjoy watching turkeys drown in a
> rainstrorm because they keep staring up at the water coming down, with their
> gullets open...
>
> Pete
We even have a television network where we can watch them, CSPAN.
--
Dick
username. dbrewste
domain. ix.netcom.com
Steve Rayner
: the renowned Jim Stewart <j...@strappe.com> wrote:
: <joke snipped>
: > "No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a bronze lawyer."
: ;-)
: Well, it's cold enough to freeze the satchel off a brass lawyer.
: Now, to get back to metal (sorta) has anyone else heard the story that a
: "brass monkey" was a device used to hold canonballs on ships, and that
: extreme cold would cause it to contract enough to release the canonballs?
Yes, they were made of wood at first. As the industrial revolution
progressed, they were made out of brass or bronze.
: --
: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
: Spehro Pefhany "The Journey is the reward"
: sp...@interlog.com
: Fax:(905) 271-9838 (small micro system devt hw/sw + mfg)
: =-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
--
I'm a Canadian eh! Steve.
**************************************************************************
The FAQ for rec.crafts.metalworking is at: http://w3.uwyo.edu/~metal
The metalworking drop box is at http://208.213.200.132
**************************************************************************
Visit my website at: http://www.victoria.tc.ca/~ud233/homepage.htm
************* Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. ****************
******************************** - Virgil ********************************
******Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely.**********
Mike Graham
>Now, to get back to metal (sorta) has anyone else heard the story that a
>"brass monkey" was a device used to hold canonballs on ships, and that
>extreme cold would cause it to contract enough to release the canonballs?
I've heard that, and I've also heard that the small pyramid of balls
that you see in pirate movies was called a brass monkey; not a rack,
the pile of balls. The cold weather would cause expansion and they'd
fall apart. I'm not sure which is correct.
Mike Graham mike at headwaters dot com
Mangler of metal. User of many grinding disks.
Cut with an axe, beat to fit, paint to match.
Mike Graham
>You're killing TURKEYS? Why, that's disgusting. Turkeys are already handicapped
>-- oops, intellectually challenged -- by being terminally stupid, and now you
>want to KILL them!
As a raiser of turkeys, I need to correct you on that point.
Turkeys are often considered to be terminally stupid, and I believe
that is even a trivial pursuit question, but they are not so much
*stupid* as 'slaves to instinct'. They have been so horribly inbred
that their instincts are all mangled. One turkey will suddenly
remember that he's supposed to watch the skies for predatory birds.
Unfortunately, he won't remember to look down again, and he'll keep
looking up until he gets rained on and drowns. Another turkey gets a
sudden urge to migrate, and starts heading in a random direction, and
dies tangled in a fence. It's certainly stupid behaviour, but it's
not caused by stupidity so much as 'mixed signals' from what's left of
their instinct.
Josh
of the US... oops, nevermind, he may already have serve too many terms,
oh, well...
PLAlbrecht wrote:
>
> >TURKEYS !!!!!
>
> You're killing TURKEYS? Why, that's disgusting. Turkeys are already handicapped
> -- oops, intellectually challenged -- by being terminally stupid, and now you
> want to KILL them! Maybe next thing is you'll suggest we institute a national
> holiday in which the whole country goes out and actually EATS the things. No,
> like this kind, caring Zergling person, we should show more compassion for
> turkeys, perhaps have a government sponsored development program to bring them
> up to their true intellectual potential, perhaps to the point where they can
> hold civil service posts.
>
> Or perhaps we should leave the poor things alone. Just like the rats, the ants,
> the lawyers... <g> Just sit back and enjoy watching turkeys drown in a
> rainstrorm because they keep staring up at the water coming down, with their
> gullets open...
>
> Pete
Josh
--
webpage: www.cheta.net/mlightner/
Peter Drumm
phas...@aol.com (Phasestar)15 Jan 1999 00:35:58 GMT writes:
:->
:->ARE YOU PEOPLE CRAZY ?????
I think most of us could be considered at least partially demented :)
Peter Drumm <pdr...@dwave.net> <http://home.dwave.net/~pdrumm>
Cyrix6x86/200, OS/2 Warp 4 and BEos R4
Wausau, WI. 44d 58m 00s N x 89d 36m 45s W
Illegimiti Non Carborundum
J R North
JR
Dweller in the cellar
Don Wilkins wrote:
> On Thu, 14 Jan 1999 01:20:27 GMT, Tom Holt <lemmi...@zetnet.co.uk>
> wrote:
>
>
> >Help! A firm of lawyers has just taken up residence under my front
> >porch. Any ideas..?
> >
>
> If they are female then you need to check for lipstick. No lipstick
> and they probably are pit bull terriers.
>
> That is how you tell the difference between female lawyers and pit
> bulls.
--
--------------------------------------------------------------
Home Page: http://www.seanet.com/~jasonrnorth
If you're not the lead dog, the view never changes
Doubt yourself, and the real world will eat you alive
The world doesn't revolve around you, it revolves around me
No skeletons in the closet; just decomposing corpses
--------------------------------------------------------------
Chilton Gregory
mull...@advinc.com
"Don Foreman" <forem...@htc.honeywell.com> wrote:
> Don't know about being arrested -- I've managed to avoid that.
Even honest folks have run-ins with the police on occasion. The
important thing to remember is to say you will answer NO questions
until your lawyer is present, here's her name.
>
> There are a few good lawyers, but most are predators. They feed on greed.
But of course you could replace "lawyers" in the sentance above with
Doctors
Plumbers
Car sellers
Bankers
Electricians
and so on.
> -- and that's probaby what disgusted your wife about the whole biz --
> scumbag lawyers would starve if there weren't plenty of clients looking to
> screw somebody else.
LOL - Exactly. That and she just was not getting paid. She was too
honest. So she said "I would rather not work, and not get paid, rather
than work and not get paid. I quit. Boss, take this job and shove it."
Of course she was the boss....
Amazing how many folks still called, saying "you _have_ to represent me,
I cannot afford any other lawyer!" Surprise, those were the clients
who never paid up after the work was done.
Of course, any professional service works better when the client
is a thinking, interactive person. I won't tell my dentist exactly
how to work on my teeth, but I have asked pointed questions, and
requested a different approach than he first discussed.
I *always* have a diagnosis before taking a car to a shop, and
say exactly what I want done.
Any time I have technical work done on engines I like to be able
to have a conversation with the person doing it. Sometimes I
just bullshit about anything, never ask any detailed questions
at all unless *they* bring it up. But by now I realize I get
"feelings" (for lack of a better word), sometimes good and
sometimes bad. If they are bad then I can usually find some
excuse to delay the job and do further enquiries. Trust feelings,
the older I get the more I think this.
Jim
PLAlbrecht
>not caused by stupidity so much as 'mixed signals' from what's left of
>their instinct.
Reading your post, it struck me that you've described blondes perfectly...
Pete
Taxidermist
>Reading your post, it struck me that you've described blondes perfectly...
>
>Pete
I take great offense to your stereotypical description of blondes. Our
recent research here at Densa (c) International Laboratories indicates
that while 90% are so called 'slaves to instinct' ONLY 73.9% are
terminally stupid. Being blonde myself, and as a member of the
remaining 11.1% of the really bright ones, I feel i have a right to
correct your ill-conceived notions.
Hilda the Enlightened
Fitch R. Williams
>
>What are you going to enjoy killing next? Cats? Dogs? Children?
plonk!
fitch
In So. Cal.
The FAQ for RCM is http://w3.uwyo.edu/~metal.
Metal Web News at http://www.mindspring.com/~wgray1/
The "Drop Box" is at http://www.metalworking.com/
PLAlbrecht
>Densa (c) International Laboratories...
>I feel i have a right to
>correct your ill-conceived notions.
Dearest Hilda,
Having dated others of your species, I have reached the conclusion that all
blonde jokes have a basis in fact -- and a universal male desire to get even
for having been taken in (again... and again...)
There's a reason blonde jokes are so popular in Germany.
There is also a reason that the first time I told my repertoire of blonde jokes
over there, nobody "got" them. A year later, they were telling my old jokes
back to me.
(Reminds me of "how do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on
Wednesday.")
Pete
mOnica
>
>See, if they're occupied with mOnica etc. under YOUR house, they can't bother
>the rest of us. Best of all, they can't make any new laws.
>
>So go buy some cheap cigars, soak them in red food coloring, and toss 'em under
>the house.
>
>Pete
listen, i'm SICK to the bone of people walking on me...
not just that, but cheap cigar give me a rash..
met him on a monday, and his name was Bill, doo run run run....
mOnica...
Don Foreman
Mike Graham <mi...@headwaters.com> wrote in article
<36a5abd9...@news.headwaters.com>...
>
> As a raiser of turkeys, I need to correct you on that point.
> Turkeys are often considered to be terminally stupid, and I believe
> that is even a trivial pursuit question, but they are not so much
> *stupid* as 'slaves to instinct'. They have been so horribly inbred
> that their instincts are all mangled.
My ex-wife had a very respectable pedigree....
Luke Kilpatrick
>>TURKEYS !!!!!
>
>You're killing TURKEYS? Why, that's disgusting. Turkeys are already handicapped
>-- oops, intellectually challenged -- by being terminally stupid, and now you
>want to KILL them! Maybe next thing is you'll suggest we institute a national
>holiday in which the whole country goes out and actually EATS the things. No,
>like this kind, caring Zergling person, we should show more compassion for
>turkeys, perhaps have a government sponsored development program to bring them
>up to their true intellectual potential, perhaps to the point where they can
>hold civil service posts.
>
>Or perhaps we should leave the poor things alone. Just like the rats, the ants,
>the lawyers... <g> Just sit back and enjoy watching turkeys drown in a
>rainstrorm because they keep staring up at the water coming down, with their
>gullets open...
>
>Pete
>
>
>
Just so as to uphold the honor of the turkey, I'd like to point out that
them domesticized gobblers are turkeys in name, but not in fact.
You got your Low Turkeys, whick are inbred fat-assed hydro-wattlic lame
excuses for a bird, which are born just to get cooked and eaten, and then
you got your High Turkeys!
Wild Turkeys, that is! Man, one wild turkey could whip ass on your whole
flock of puny sad pitiful Low Turkeys! Why do you think they named the best
damn bourbon whiskey in the world Wild Turkey? Why Ben Franklin <Ben
Franklin!> espoused the Wild Turkey as our National Bird! No skulking road
kill eaters for him! No sir, he naturally fell in with a more sophisticated
crowd; birds of real discernment!
Stealth? Why the air force learned stealth, not from Lockheed, but from
the Wild Turkey. Rule of thumb is, if you can see a wild turkey, he already
knows your SSN!
Whump! <sounds of scrambling back into chair> Why! Damn! I mean.
Maybe I won't have another drink after all.
What was I saying?
Luke :)
lkilp...@mindspring.com
CharlieDIY
>We keep the rats in check at the shop with a decidedly low-tech solution
>to the problem: a chicken snake that lives amongst the coal sacks and a
>barn owl that hangs around outside. Like yourself, we "hunt" the
>dreaded Ratus ratus from the comfort of our living room, but I gotta
>confess, the owlshit and castings around the front doors can be a bit
>offputting and the sight of a five-foot snake can have a profoundly
>negative effect on some folks.
>
Sure does. I've got a family of black snakes (some 6' long) living under my
wood pile (walnut and oak planks, not firewood). We haven't ever had a rat,
and get very few mice, but when I get low on furniture grade wood, the snakes
displace and create lots of disturbance around people helping me re-stack.
Only real problem is they can be a little rough on young birds and we've got a
half dozen bluebird houses scattered around the lot.
Charlie Self
Word Worker
dan
wrote:
>zerg...@hotmail.com wrote:
>>What are you going to enjoy killing next? Cats? Dogs? Children?
>
>plonk!
>
>fitch
>In So. Cal.
yep, I plonked him too. Aint kill filters great.
Mike Graham
>>zerg...@hotmail.com wrote:
>>>What are you going to enjoy killing next? Cats? Dogs? Children?
>>
>>plonk!
>>
>>fitch
>>In So. Cal.
>
>yep, I plonked him too. Aint kill filters great.
Now there's a thought! We can just add "poodles", "rats",
"lawyers", etc. to our kill filters! Who needs pellet guns? 8-)
Jon Barnard
Jon
Dick Brewster
mx.centuryinter.net>, it...@centuryinter.net says...
> Wow!! Are you guys sure its legal to kill lawers?
>
> Jon
Legal or not, it's not a good idea. If you have any lawyers you
should keep them locked up where they won't do any harm to
themselves or others, and sell them when the price is right.
There is a growing market for Lawyers in science as a substitute
for lab rats. It has been predicted that Lawyers will completely
replace lab within the next decade. Lawyers are superior to lab
rats in several ways.
There is an excess population of Lawyers, so removing them from
the general population improves society.
The lab technicians don't get as attached to them.
You can get a Lawyer to engage in practices that a rat wouldn't
consider doing.
Dick Brewster
mx.centuryinter.net>, it...@centuryinter.net says...
> Wow!! Are you guys sure its legal to kill lawers?
>
> Jon
>
Why do lawyers wear neckties?
J R North
JR
Dweller in the cellar
Taxidermist wrote:
> On 16 Jan 1999 02:52:48 GMT, plalb...@aol.com (PLAlbrecht) wrote:
> >Reading your post, it struck me that you've described blondes perfectly...
> >
> >Pete
>
> I take great offense to your stereotypical description of blondes. Our
> recent research here at Densa (c) International Laboratories indicates
> that while 90% are so called 'slaves to instinct' ONLY 73.9% are
> terminally stupid. Being blonde myself, and as a member of the
> remaining 11.1% of the really bright ones, I feel i have a right to
> correct your ill-conceived notions.
>
> Hilda the Enlightened
J R North
JR
Dweller in the cellar
mOnica wrote:
--
J R North
JR
Dweller in the cellar
Phasestar wrote:
> ARE YOU PEOPLE CRAZY ?????
--
Doc
J R North wrote in message <36A166A7...@bigfoot.com>...
>Please note the typo here: it should read 1.1%
>Dweller in the cellar
Or what you might call 'blonde math'. Which explains overdrawn checking
accounts all over Southern California.
Doc
Gene Hahn
*Moral?* That's another story.
Eastburn
Martin
--
NRA LOH, NRA Life
NRA Second Amendment Task Force Charter Founder
Martin Eastburn, Barbara Eastburn
@ home on our computer old...@pacbell.net
Peter Drumm
( mOnica)Sat, 16 Jan 1999 05:44:44 GMT writes:
:->
:->On 15 Jan 1999 03:41:25 GMT, plalb...@aol.com (PLAlbrecht) wrote:
:->
:->>
:->>See, if they're occupied with mOnica etc. under YOUR house, they can't bother
:->>the rest of us. Best of all, they can't make any new laws.
:->>
:->>So go buy some cheap cigars, soak them in red food coloring, and toss 'em under
:->>the house.
:->>
:->>Pete
:->
:->
:->listen, i'm SICK to the bone of people walking on me...
:->not just that, but cheap cigar give me a rash..
:->
:->
:->met him on a monday, and his name was Bill, doo run run run....
:->
:->mOnica...
Didja hear about the new Presidential yacht?
They named it the Monica, and hope she doesn't go down :)
Spehro Pefhany
> : Now, to get back to metal (sorta) has anyone else heard the story that a
> : "brass monkey" was a device used to hold canonballs on ships, and that
> : extreme cold would cause it to contract enough to release the canonballs?
> Yes, they were made of wood at first. As the industrial revolution
> progressed, they were made out of brass or bronze.
I have been earnestly told this, but did not, until just now, attempt
to check it out.
This explanation seems to have little evidence of it being factual, though
it is apparently repeated by staff at Portsmouth where Nelson's flagship
is. Not only is there no evidence that the holders for canonballs were
called monkeys ("garlands" is what is recorded), the differential thermal
expansion of iron and brass does not seem to be enough to make this
plausible, considering how accurate things would have been.
Iron: 6.7 micro-inches/inch-deg F
Brass: 10.5 miro-inches/inch-deg F
A change from 70 F to -20 F (90 F) would change a 36 inch holder by
3.8E-6 * 90 * 36 or about 12 thou. Doesn't sound too plausible that
things would be that accurate back then.
Dejanews turns up a lot of discussion in alt.usage.english on this
subject and it has recently been added to the FAQ as being "unknown" in
origin (and the naval origin pooh-poohed).
Here are a few web pages in addition:
http://www.clever.net/quinion/words/qa/qa-bra1.htm
http://urbanlegends.com/language/etymology/brass_monkey.html
http://members.tripod.com/~gjv/vcmfaq.html
Personally, I like the idea that some fun-loving sailor was playing with a
gullible lexicographer. ;-)
--
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Spehro Pefhany "The Journey is the reward"
sp...@interlog.com
Fax:(905) 271-9838 (small micro system devt hw/sw + mfg)
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
CharlieDIY
>On Sat, 16 Jan 1999 04:05:31 GMT, frwi...@ptw.com (Fitch R. Williams)
>wrote:
>
>>zerg...@hotmail.com wrote:
>>>What are you going to enjoy killing next? Cats? Dogs? Children?
>>
>>plonk!
>>
>>fitch
I missed the start, but I think PC has gone too far when we start getting rat
preservationists.
Even the Pied Piper arranged to drown his entourage, as I recall.
Charlie Self
Word Worker
brian whatcott
>...
>This explanation seems to have little evidence of it being factual, though
>it is apparently repeated by staff at Portsmouth where Nelson's flagship
>is. Not only is there no evidence that the holders for canonballs were
>called monkeys ("garlands" is what is recorded), the differential thermal
>expansion of iron and brass does not seem to be enough to make this
>plausible, considering how accurate things would have been.
>
>Iron: 6.7 micro-inches/inch-deg F
>Brass: 10.5 miro-inches/inch-deg F
>
>A change from 70 F to -20 F (90 F) would change a 36 inch holder by
>3.8E-6 * 90 * 36 or about 12 thou. Doesn't sound too plausible that
>things would be that accurate back then.
>Spehro Pefhany
Continuing in the scholarly spirit of your note:
I have no idea of the configuration of a 'garland' but IF there were some
pocket that could hold a little water, a night frost could do the same for the
captive balls as it does for an exposed cold water pipe: crack 'em out!
Brian Whatcott Altus OK
Hilda
<jason...@bigfoot.com> wrote:
>Please note the typo here: it should read 1.1%
>JR
>Dweller in the cellar
the white-out on this monitor screen is blocking most of your post,
please retype it about 2 inches lower on the screen so i can read it
all,
thank you, Hilda
PLAlbrecht
Are you the one selling the "LeBlonde 13 (older)?"
Saaaayyy... Is this another FBI entrapment scheme? Everybody knows that they
have to be at least 18, whether they're blonde or not.
HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOK OUT, HILDA MAY NOT BE AS DUMB AS SHE LOOKS, SHE MAY BE
WITH THE VICE SQUAD...
Pete
J R North
JR
Dweller in the cellar
Hilda wrote:
--
Mike Graham
>Continuing in the scholarly spirit of your note:
>I have no idea of the configuration of a 'garland' but IF there were some
>pocket that could hold a little water, a night frost could do the same for the
>captive balls as it does for an exposed cold water pipe: crack 'em out!
That's why I liked the explanation of the pyramid of cannon balls
being called a brass monkey; snow would pile up between the balls and
I could imagine them toppling with a good thaw/freeze cycle.
Fitch R. Williams
>HEY, EVERYBODY, LOOK OUT, HILDA MAY NOT BE AS DUMB AS SHE LOOKS, SHE MAY BE
>WITH THE VICE SQUAD...
Hey, we "are" the vise squad!
Fitch
william thomas powers
>>WITH THE VICE SQUAD...
>
>Hey, we "are" the vise squad!
Speak for yourself!
My collection of vises weighs under 500# (barely...I sold 1 that lowered
the tally by about 150# or so...)
Thomas the Smith
Columbus, OH
Jack Erbes
<snip>
> There is a growing market for Lawyers in science as a substitute
> for lab rats. It has been predicted that Lawyers will completely
> replace lab within the next decade. Lawyers are superior to lab
> rats in several ways.
<snip several good reasons>
And a reason not mentioned is that the animals rights groups will stop
picketing the labs. We don't have to worry about the lawyers picketing
the labs because no one will pay them $200 an hour to do it.
--
Jack in Sonoma, CA, USA (ja...@vom.com)
Tom Holt
from "Jon Barnard" <it...@centuryinter.net> contains these words:
> Wow!! Are you guys sure its legal to kill lawers?
Sure. Not homicide; pesticide
Hilda
>Dearest Hilda,
>
>Are you the one selling the "LeBlonde 13 (older)?"
Thank you for the idea...our 'Gentlemen Prefer LaBlondes' line of hair
colourings is now doing very well. The adult entertainment section has
just 'released' it's new movie 'Cindy does Cincinnati'..a More Than
Metal Video..and they are now taping 'All The President's Yens'
This newsgroup has been a goldmine..despite all that boring metal
stuff..Do you know if Brown and Sharpe are still making their kinky
gage balls, pin vises, and wiggler sets? we are in need of newer
'props' for the new production.
Hilda
PLAlbrecht
"Reamer? Hell, we'll do anything the director wants."
tkoe...@norshor.dst.mn.us
context of "monkeys" and shipboard armament, there may be some confusion.
There was a member of the crew called a "powder monkey" whose job it was
to fetch the powder bags used to charge some of the muzzle loading cannon.
Generally they would be smaller and more agile crewmen, possibly boys. As
for the connection between brass monkeys and cannon balls and mischievous
sailors, there is an old and common expression on board ship about the
weather - or for that matter, the temperature in any enclosed space. If it
was miserably cold, the temperature was said to be "colder than the balls
on a brass monkey". This idiom is still in common use and has spread
outside the nautical community. The shorthand expression sometimes is,
"It's brass monkey time" or other words to that effect and intent.
My .02 worth.
tom koehler
--
I will find a way, or make one
Gharlane of Eddore
>
> Help!
> A firm of lawyers has just taken up residence under my front porch.
> Any ideas..?
>
(A) The collective noun is "drool."
As in, "A drool of lawyer has taken up residence under my front porch."
( In certain regions of the U.S. the phrase "A slime of lawyer"
appears; but this is not the commonest usage. )
(B) You can't kill them. They're already Undead.
(C) Just point out to them that, in America, the average lawyer makes
nearly $100,000.00/year, and pays around 20% income tax.
They'll not only leave, they'll leave the COUNTRY....
Of course, this will mean the U.S. will have no recourse but to declare
war on the U.K. and begin immediate bombing; but you have to take the
bad with the good, and in this case, that good would vastly outweigh a
bit of raining munitions.
frank booth
So where then, does the phrase "Half past a monkey's ass, quarter to
his balls" come from?
Eric Wilner
<snip lawyer-removal advice>
Uh-oh. A disembodied brain in a jar has just taken up residence in
our newsgroup. How can we kill it?
Kelley Mascher
>So where then, does the phrase "Half past a monkey's ass, quarter to
>his balls" come from?
The 3th grade,IIRC.
--
Kelley Mascher (206) 528-2713
Children's Hospital & Med. Center mas...@u.washington.edu
Audiology Research Seattle, Washington USA
Spehro Pefhany
> So where then, does the phrase "Half past a monkey's ass, quarter to
> his balls" come from?
A 'monkey's ass' was a device used on British warships to dispense warmed
cannon balls. Warming the balls was necessary prior to firing them to get
predictable characteristics in the barrel. Since the 'monkey's ass' was a
tubular device it would cast a shadow on the ship's deck. Balls waiting to
be warmed were kept nearby in the proverbial 'brass monkey', the whole
works were manned by a 'powder monkey'. When the shadow ran long along the
deck, almost reaching the cannonball storage it was late in the day, and
hence the expression. Nothing scatological about it at all.
mOnica
<jason...@bigfoot.com> knowing there was a quote coming, wrote:
>If you are so sick, how come you are so fat?
>JR
not fat at all...pleasingly, pulsatingly plump. I was 'PRES' sured
into a creamy liquid diet some time ago, so the results should be
forth-coming soon..
mOnica
Luke Kilpatrick
Brainapult?
SLEYKIN
In article <36A179DD...@earthlink.net>, Gene Hahn
<simon...@earthlink.net> writes:
>"Legal?" Maybe not...
>
>*Moral?* That's another story.
>
>
>
>Jon Barnard wrote:
>
>> Wow!! Are you guys sure its legal to kill lawers?
>>
>> Jon
I heard there was a bounty on em!
Glenn Neff
Medford OR
Learnin to Turn