SITH WAR 2002: George Lucas=[Blank]

[Michael Ponte (Love Machine)]

Summary:

Jade and the clone army are attacking Ponte's death star in a fleet of ice
cream trucks.

They have discovered that the Death Star has a giant On/Off swithc.

The Ice Cream trucks stream towards the Death Star as thier torpedos slam
against it's hull. Drake and Love Machine man the bridge as the impacts rock
the ship. A ISGLE commander approaches the Duo.
"Sir, We have analyzed Jade Lemonade's attack and there is a weakness in our
design."
Ponte takes this news with a surprisingly small amount of shock.
" I knew that it was a bad idea to buy this thing from QVC...."
Drake nearly collapses at the news of this.
"You bought this ship from QVC! What the hell were you thinking?!"
"It was a really good deal!"
"Deal my ass! What are we gonna do?"
"The Mexican C'Pi Clones. We can still mount a counter offensive. Commander,
are the Clone ships ready?"
"Ready and armed sir."
"Excellent. Send them out!"
---
With lightning precision, thousands of Taco ships fly out the docking bay of
Ponte's Death Star. They begin shooting globs of Hot Sauce at the attacking
trucks! One by one, the sauce hits the Trucks and begins to raise their
temperatures. Jade Lemonade stares at the temperature indicator. It is
slowly rising with each strike of sauce. As the other Trucks go above the
crucial 32 Degree Mark, thier power cells begin to melt. The ships begin to
explode as the Taco's come around for a second volley, this time firing
Dorito Spikes at the drifting trucks. Still with power, Jade dodges several
globs keeping her ship at 30 degrees. Seeing that almost all of her attack
fleet has fallen, she dives towards the Death Star in an apparant suicide
attack, but she has something else in mind. She goes down the trench and
fires a lucky shot at the On/Off switch. The torpedo blows and all the
lights on the Death Star blink out. Jade laughs as she flies away from the
Ball of Fatality.
"Ha Ha Ha! We are victorious again!...Ut OH!!!"
While she is gleefully snickering, a glob of Sauce strikes her ship, causing
the power to melt away. Several Taco ships approach...
---
On the bridge of the Now Darkened Death Star, Ponte and Drake use Glow
sticks as a source of light.
"Commander! What happened?"
"Lord Ponte, the On/Off swtich was struck."
Once again Drake is shocked
"An On/Off switch?! I swear to God, I am never buying from QVC....ever."
"Ok, Ok, the ship is shit. What else is new. Commander, can it be fixed?"
"Oh, sure!"
The Commander walks over to Computer console and activates the fail safe
switch, which operates on a reserve battery. A giant hand exits from the
side of the Death Star and moves the index finger towards the trench.
Various Porkinites in theri prone ships react with horror as they realize
that the trench strongly resembles an ass crack and the Death Star- an ass!
The finger moves down the trench and inserts itself into the Hole at the
bottom of the trench. This causes a rash of vomiting among the Ham Hogs. The
finger hits the switch and retracts into the Death Star. The light return.
"Sir, the lights are on."
"I know that you fool! What is the situation?"
"The Daring Dairy Attack force has been halted. Jade's ship is surrounded."
"Excellent. What shall we do Drake?"
"Kill her."
"Sweet."
---
The Tacos are about to fire the Dorito Spikes at Jade when a giant command
ship enters the RASS system. It is an enormous Honey Baked Ham Ship! It
fires a few fatty Substances at the Tacos, causing them to freeze in place.
A giant retractable claw reaches out and recscues the Ice Cream Truck
survivors. The Ham makes it way out of the RASS system. On the Docking bay,
Jade exits her ship and looks at the damage. A stray Doritio imbedded itself
on her bumper. A group of Porkinites come around to get a better look. Jade
remarks...
"Wow, this one looks an awful lot like George Lucas...."
---
Ponte throws a temper tantrum as the Ham exits the space near his Death
Star.
"This sucks on so many levels!"
"It get's worse sir."
"Oh great. What is it?"
"Walsh is missing."
"Wha-wha- WHAT?!!!"
"There were a few gentic traces left at the scene. It appears the Admiral
Piett, now calling himself Quantum Piett, has rescued Sean with the help of
his sidekick- Herve Villechaize."
"Piett and Herve?! In a Sith War?! This is terrible."
Drake turns to Ponte
"What are you gonna do?"
"I shall go after them. I leave my Death Star in your hands. I shall take a
few Mexican C'Pi clones with me. Drake, beware of McEwok. He is out there
somewhere and will likely be pissed about the Termite incident."
A Sub-Lieutenant approaches Love Machine with a large box.
"My Lord, I have managed to catch all of the beavers."
"Very Good. Drake, you keep them here. They may be of some use to you if
that Luddite Star is operational again."
"Good luck Love Machine, the Death Star shall be safe in my hands. One
request though, cna I give it a name?"
"Sure, whatever you want. I shall return when Walsh has been recaptured,
goodbye partner."
Ponte leaves the bridge and hops into his Burrito Fighter. Flanked by 7
Tacos, they all jump into Hyperspace and track Sean's engine signature...

SUMMARY:
The Ice Cream Truck attack is a failure.
Ponte has left RASS* in search of Sean Walsh.
Drake now commands Ponte's QVC Death Star.
The Dorito Spikes resemble George Lucas.... ;-)

--
Michael Ponte: The Love Machine
super...@attbi.com

President of the International Society of Gold Leader Enthusiasts (ISGLE)

Veteran of Celebration I and II

"Only about 10 percent of movies made every year are any good. Ninety
percent are just plain shit. And today it seems we're standing in the middle
of the shit." - George Lucas

Visit Quantum Piett: http://www.geocities.com/quantumpiett/
And Ponte Central: http://www.geocities.com/pontecentral/