SITH WAR 2002: DOGS OF WAR
Darth Par-Kay
well-concealed room within Oriface, an underwater city on the planet
Lurker,
a purple-cloaked figure turns off his iMac and contemplates the
future...
"So! Deysa maken da Clone armies, eh? Dis could be of mooie mooie usa
to my!
Hehe, and deysan be thinken da oldbies had gone otherplaces." Steve
says
darkly to himself and then exits the room for a meeting with others
intent
on joining his cause.
The leader of the Seperatists calls a timid silver droid to his side,
"SD-KcK! Dey all dere?"
"Yes my master! They eagerly await your exalted presence my lord!"
SD-KcK
replies with a obvious tremor in his metallic droid voice.
Steve waves his hand in front of SD-KcK, "Yousa will be preparen mya
ship
for departen after da meetin! Dersa much to be doin!"
Confused, the droid responds,"Master, there is no need to use a Jedi
mind
trick on me..."
"Yousa be silenced!!! Comin here!" Steve bellows.
"Yes, master."the droid complies.
Grumbling, Steve walks behind the droid, opening its control panel,
quickly
presses a few buttons and reseals the panel. Steve waves his hand and
smugly
says, "Yousa will be preparen mya ship for departen after da meetin!
Deresa
much to be doin!"
The droid says in a zombie-like singsong, "I will prepare your ship
for
departure after the meeting. There is much to be done."
Steve grins impishly, "Excellente. Soon all of mya well-laid plans
will be
of fruition!"
"What kind of fruit, master?"
"NOT FRUIT YOUSA BOMBAD PILEO SCRAP METAL! FRUITION! AS IN IT BEEN
GOIN
ALONG AS MESA HAVE FORSEEN IT TO BE GOIN!"
"Sorry, master."
Steve mutters something about droids and trash compactors as he enters
the
conference room. An assortment of various aliens awaits him there, all
sitting at a round table located in the middle of the room. They have
come
as representatives of star systems controlled by the oldbies of RASSM.
"Heydo gentlemens. A mooie mooie grave threat is on da horizon, a
threat so
bombad, wesa can't be ignoren dis. Another Sith War has been startin.
Will
yousa be sittin by as in othertimes and be doin nothing?! Wesan must
be
preventen this war from expandin before tis too late. Sith Wars are
always
bein causes of great conflictos in RASSM. Dis peoples, deysa already
are
startin da growin of da clone armies! If wesa don't be stoppen dis
madness
now, all will be goin! Join mesa! Together wesa will be riddin RASSM
of da
Sith Wars and bringin balance to da newsgroup!"
"We're keepers of the peace, not soldiers," replies a represntative
from
Tenesai. "How can we hope to stop it?"
"Dere's no need for yousa concern, Senator usher.. My have been
secretly
building an army of da droid ewoks dese past years. Ally wit mesa, and
wit
this army we can be bringin order!"
Usher looks around at his comrades and after recieving several nods of
approval, responds, "Very well, we will join your cause........with
one
condition. Kill the perv known as Drake to prove your intentions." A
low
murmer of agreement spreads around the table.
Steve grins, "Itsa will be doin."
---------------------------------------------
Later, on the pride of his fleet, iShip, Steve calls for SD-KcK.
"Hah, dose foolos! Da oldbies been growin over-confident in dere
powers.
Deysa be forgetten to realize dat my beeya fabricaten da Seperatist
movement
in order to be getten mesa REAL goalo, da crunchen of RASSM! For years
dey
have been deriden usan gungans as da idiotos! All because George Lucas
had
protrayen usan as moronos in da prequels! Since den, wesan been da
butt of
all da anti-star wars jokes! But, dey'll pay, oh dey'll pay mooie
mooie
dearly. My shall usan mesa droid ewoks to be taken over RASSM and mesa
goin
to alter da archives of da Sith Wars to be maken da gungans da heroes
of
every Sith War! Dat will be showen dem our power!"
"SD-KcK!"
"Yes, master?"
"Hailo da bounty hunter, Bu Ffet. Inform mesa when yousa been
contacten
hesan."
"Of course, my lord."
"Now be gone wit yosa so my can be meditaten on mesa impendin
victories."
About an hour later the droid returns and enters his master's chamber
to
tell him that the bounty hunter has been contacted. He finds Steve
playing
with his Sith War dolls again.
Steve, picks up his Sal and Trory dolls, Trory: "My am da king of dis
newsgroup, yousa will be obeyin mya every word and be worshipin mesa
presence." Sal: "Yousa are sucho love muffin! Comin here and be given
mesa a
kiss!" *kissing* Steve picks up his Jar Jar doll. "NO! Trory is bein
da
fraud! Yousa don't love hesan! Yousa be givin da love to mesa!" *jar
jar
whacks Trory's head off* Sal: NOOOOOO! Mya honey bun! How could yousa!
My
hate yousa! Jar jar: "Trory's head just been deciden to leave in a
huff,
itsa will be back later. Yousa mya girl now." Sal: NO! NO! My'll never
join
yousa evil bombad! Jar jar: "But yousa bein attracted to power, and
now My
rule RASSM." Sal: "Point is, well taken. *seductively* Jar jar, your
ears
are so long..."
The droid, hesitant about interrupting, obeys his orders.
"Sir..."
Steve franticly hides his dolls, "MY BE TELLIN YOUSA TO NEVER BE
INTERRUPTIN
MESA WHEN MY AM MEDITATIN!!!"
"But sir, you told me to get you when we have contacted the bounty
hunter."
"Oh. In dat case, be openin a communications link."
"Yes sir."
Steve turns on his powerbook and the image of the bounty hunter, Bu
Ffet,
appears on the screen.
"Bu Ffet, My be wishen to employ yousa services..."
---------------------------------------
SUMMARY:
Steve enters the Sith War.
Steve meets with the oldbies of rassm and convinces them to join him
and try to stop the Sith War on the condition that he kills Drake.
Steve hires a bounty hunter to kill Drake.
--
Steve
- Leader of the Gungan Seperatist Movement
- Sith Lord Cousin of Jar Jar
- Veteran of Sith War III and IV
"Woar grrrrr hiss cough growl"