[Sith War 2002] From Death Star To...
Drake
The Ice Cream Truck attack is a failure.
Ponte has left RASS* in search of Sean Walsh.
Drake now commands Ponte's QVC Death Star.
The Dorito Spikes resemble George Lucas.... ;-)
"Um, er, Drake, Sir? What rank are we supposed to refer to you
as? Lord Ponte wasn't clear on that." Asked the highest ranking
expendable crewman.
"Ah, I answer to anything. I don't need formalities and all. So
y'all can just call me Drake or Sir or Commander or Captain or
Lord or Master or High Priest or... Well, you get the idea." Drake
said, tiring of boasting.
"Okay, very well Lard Ass." Said a stupid expendable crewman.
"Hey you, stupid expendable crewman, go put on a red shirt.
Okay? And after that, would you go and give the beavers a petting.
They tend to like that." Drake grinned evilly.
"Sure thing Sir Lard Ass." The stupid expendable crewman said,
foolishly going off.
"Now that I've sent a red shirt off to die in Trek style, I'll set about
the fun stuff." Randomly pointing at people. "You, round up all the
gerbils and take them to the medical facility. All parts of my sidekick
are to be removed from their stomachs and put into a bacta tank that
bubbles and has various hallucinogens in it as well." Pointing at someone
else who doesn't need to be named since they'll most likely be dead
soon. "And you, I want you to over see the repainting and installation
of flip paints on this Death Star."
"Um, what?" Asked the clueless crewman.
"I want this," Drake handed a picture to the crewman, "painted on the
outside of the Death Star, complete with neon lights. It's just a large
star and some text, shouldn't be too hard. But I want it done all on this
chameleon flip hexagons I borrowed from that kick ass tv show 'Viper'
so when I push a button they'll all flip to look like this." With that,
Drake
handed another picture over.
"But sir, this is a picture of a..." The crewman shut up with a glare.
"Don't tell yet, sheesh, I need a secret weapon. Duh. If I push that
switch
if effectively makes sure that one faction in this war WON'T shoot us. So
don't blow it. Well, actually..." Drake started, but stopped for the sake
of
the reading audience. "Anyway, get to work. I gotta make a call."
---
Drake goes off to a secluded area and contacts his cloners. "All right
guys,
someone finally took a shot at me. I want you to order all C`N`Sync clones
not currently fighting anything to launch attacks on the Porkinites. Their
orders are to kill all non-Main Characters. For the main characters,
they're
to force them to join the boy band and sing."
"I'll have it done. We're producing even more clones Sir. Also, the first
batch
of the evil ones are ready. The ship you specified for them and their
fighters is
completed and awaiting your orders. As you said, the ship is named the
'Cobby CORN'. I suspect it will be days before everything is ready to go."
Said the redneck back at the cloning base.
"Cool." Drake lets out a large belch. "Sorry, ain't feeling too well,
think I ate
too much Taco Sauce and Ice Cream. I mean, the battle was over might as
well eat the remains. Okay, send two sets of the evil ones here. One set
will be to guard me and the other to guard Lord Ponte when he returns."
"Sure Sir, I'm sure you'll have then 'guarding'." The redneck said
snickering.
"Oh shuddup. Oh, get Dolly and Pamela prepped for usage. I think I'll be
whipping out the big guns before long." Drake said as he belched again and
commented "Just as good coming up."
"Yummy, I mean, yes Sir. Is there anything else Sir?"
"Nah, that should be enough time for the people to have done what I wanted."
Drake said, flipping off the redneck and then shutting down the com unit.
---
"Y'all done yet?" Drake said, plopping down in a command chair and still in
his Red and Blue Vorlon Encounter Suit.
"Yes Sir, the gerbils have been rounded up and the pieces of Ozzy are in the
bacta tank. The beavers were petted, but they ate the red shirt. And the
paint job just finished and is waiting for you to flip the switch." Said a
competent crewman.
"Damn, y'all are actually efficient. How the hell did you get stuck in a
Sith
War? It doesn't matter though." Drake went over to where the button was
to turn on the new paint job and lights. "I now proclaim that this is no
longer
a QVC Death Star, but is now..." Drake pushes the button, causing the
ship's outside to light up and the text on the front to stand out with the
new
name... "Porn Star. Welcome all to the Porn Star." Drake said with a
cackle, then a wheez.
Of course, that would have to be the exact moment that the proximity
alarms went off reporting that something just appeared.
----
Summary:
Drake had a crewman killed.
Drake had the Death Star painted.
Drake has Ozzy's pieces put in bacta to be revived.
Drake ordered his clones to attack the Porkinites.
Drake called in reinforcements.
Drake feels icky.
Drake renamed the Death Star to Porn Star.
Drake is egotistical and writes only about himself this part.
Drake shows he is not egotistical by having something big suddenly appear at
the end.
Drake
Drake suddenly feels like Drake is like Bob Dole.
Remove 'pervo' to reply by email, if'n ye be darin'.
Startled Tusken
> Drake renamed the Death Star to Porn Star.
Travelling somewhere on his frozen home planet of F'nlnd, a confused
ice-being, (confused because he thinks he is a Tusken raider from the planet
Tatooine) tries to tune in his interstellar tranceiver to a famed dance
music channel. Instead, he only receives garbled messages, only a few words
of which he is able to decipher. It sounds like a summoning, a summoning for
all in need of a job to become an intergalactic porn star. Or so he thinks.
So he graps his very last bottle of vodka, jumps on a taun-taun and rides
off to the closest space port.
Now, if only he could find a transport that could take him to a more
profitable place...
--
_Startled Tusken_
________________________________
" The Sand People are easily startled,
but they will soon be back...
And in greater numbers! "
-Ben Kenobi
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