[SITH WAR 2003] A Short Cut Through Bathrooms
Darth Gumby
from everyone around.
"I need to...uh, find...uh, my...foot..." It mumbled, gesturing randomly.
Gumby pushed the door to the double-wide port-a-potty open and shuffled inside.
Blinking in the dimmer light, it could swear it saw "Dave Windu was here"
scrawled above the left hand sink.
Suddenly, the air was filled with the sound of a hundred thousand people yelling
"SPORK!"
Gumby bolted away from the sink it was playing splashy in and began to check
under the stall doors. Both were empty.
Suddenly carnival music began to play and a gravely voice screamed:
"Ladies and gentlemen! Harry's Harbour Bizarre is proud to present, under the
Big Top tonight..."
A dark, robed figure leapt from one of the stalls.
"Human Oddities!" The voice crackled out as the figure gave a flourish of its
arms and sniffled.
Gumby squeaked. "Hullo?"
The figure cleared its throat and took a small card out of the folds of its
robe. He sniffled again.
Gumby's brow creased. "Would you like a tissue or...?"
"No, I have a post nasal drip." The spectral creature intoned. The hood that
seemed to obscure its entire head focused on Gumby.
"Darth Gumby?"
"Yes...?"
"Is your e-mail address darthgumby at cuttingedgehomeloan.com?" He asked
menacingly.
"Erm, no...?"
"darthgumby at myownbigboobies...?"
"No."
"darthgumby at msn.com...?"
"No, is this about that porn spam?"
"All will be revealed in time!" The hooded figure boomed.
"That's what the porn spam said." Gumby murmured sadly.
"I am to take you to...." The figure's head seemed to aim towards the card in
his hand. "I'm sorry, I can't pronounce this, can you?" he asked, holding the
card out towards the sink.
"Oh sure, let me see!" Gumby chirped helpfully, reaching for the card.
"Hahaa! Now I've got you!" The potty hider said, grabbing Gumby's wrist and
attempting to sling the Porkinite over its shoulder.
"Blimey, you must weigh at least a ton!" He gasped, dropping the squeaking
Gumby and foraging in the saddlebag of the Horse that was standing in the stall
behind him.
"Oh yes, we Porkinites like to stay healthy looking! You should eat more
protein, get all strong and b--"
*whap*
The last thing Gumby saw were swirling ASCII characters around its head.
The dark figure paused to collect itself, took a deep breath and then went into
a booming backstory for all who would hear.
"Once, I was a Thread. There were many of us, we were Kings among Threads, we
were promised endless fame, the best of cultural humor and free Boobies!"
His head bowed. "But then, talk of Leia's legs and young Anakin Solo turned to
talk of ducks and pants and noises so horrid that people ran in fear for their
very lives.
"Soon, I and my kind were looked upon as the harbingers of DOOOOM. Our >>>>>>s
were weapons of fear, gathering at the edges, stronger daily as the banter
continued between those that remained."
Dropping the amplified spooky voice, the being leaned in and confided "It's
quite a gig, really."
And then, with the sound of a hundred thousand people unexpectedly seeming to
say "I used to bull's-eye ducks in my pants back home!" the dark figure, and
Darth Gumby, disappeared.
**********
DarthGumby
Summary:
-We have the bestest port-a-potties.
-However this one was temporarily inhabited by a Threadwraith.
-(0pts for the Tom Waits reference, Google has ruined obscurity.)
-Gumby is the first victim of the Threadwraith. Go me!