At the Sign of the Limping Nazgûl
Öjevind Lång
a long tail entered. There was definite menace in his posture as he
sauntered over to the clerk and said: "I'm Two-Gun Moomin. I want a room."
The Balrog clerk was unflappable. He merely turned the register towards
the newcomer and said: "Sign your name, please. You aren't a vampire, are
you, sir? The managemant disapproves of bloodstains in the rooms."
Öjevind
pawn
> The door of the hotel was opened, and a stranger with a huge white nose and
> a long tail entered. There was definite menace in his posture as he
> sauntered over to the clerk and said: "I'm Two-Gun Moomin.
Yeah, well a lot of folks did call him Two Gun, but that wasn't because
he was sportin' two pistols. That was because he had a (tail) that was
so big it was longer than the barrel on that Walker-Colt that he
carried. And the only insultin' he ever did was (wag) that thing of his
(at) this French lady that English Bob here was kind of sweet on.
Öjevind Lång
At the sound of the voice commenting on his moniker, Two-Gun Moomin froze,
the pen that the clerk had proffered to him immobile in his hand. He turned
his head, and his hard, grey eyes perceived that a door leading to the inner
sanctuaries of the hotel had opened, admitting the town's sheriff, a
white-haired man who looked as if someone had given him a good thrashing and
a weedy, bespectacled little person in a snuff-coloured suit who was busily
taking notes.
"Hello, Little Bill", said Two-Gun calmly to the sheriff. "It's been a
long time. You mind if I shack up here for a couple of days?"
"None at all, if you just hand over your shooting-piece for the duration.
That's it" ( this as Two-Gun slowly pulled his Walker-Colt out if its
holster and handed it over), "nice and easy does it. I just wish English Bob
here had been as reasonable as you was."
"You know him, sheriff?" said the clerk. "Can you testify that he's not a
vampire?"
"I can", chuckled Little Bill. "Two Gun has a taste for the ladies all
right, but not in that particular manner. Sometimes he ties a bow on his
tail, that's all."
Right then, the door to the street opened and a Sergeant in a Foreign
Legion uniform entered.
"Deserteur!" he shouted, pointing at Two-Gun. "You arre under arrrest!"
Öjevind
pawn
>
> At the sound of the voice commenting on his moniker, Two-Gun Moomin froze,
> the pen that the clerk had proffered to him immobile in his hand. He turned
> his head, and his hard, grey eyes perceived that a door leading to the inner
> sanctuaries of the hotel had opened, admitting the town's sheriff, a
> white-haired man who looked as if someone had given him a good thrashing and
> a weedy, bespectacled little person in a snuff-coloured suit who was busily
> taking notes.
> "Hello, Little Bill", said Two-Gun calmly to the sheriff. "It's been a
> long time. You mind if I shack up here for a couple of days?"
> "None at all, if you just hand over your shooting-piece for the duration.
> That's it" ( this as Two-Gun slowly pulled his Walker-Colt out if its
> holster and handed it over), "nice and easy does it. I just wish English Bob
> here had been as reasonable as you was."
> "You know him, sheriff?" said the clerk. "Can you testify that he's not a
> vampire?"
> "I can", chuckled Little Bill. "Two Gun has a taste for the ladies all
> right, but not in that particular manner. Sometimes he ties a bow on his
> tail, that's all."
> Right then, the door to the street opened and a Sergeant in a Foreign
> Legion uniform entered.
> "Deserteur!" he shouted, pointing at Two-Gun. "You arre under arrrest!"
You see, if old Moomin had've had two guns, instead of just a big tail,
he would have been there right to the end to defend himself.
Instead...
Öjevind Lång
> Öjevind Lång wrote:
[snip]
> > "You know him, sheriff?" said the clerk. "Can you testify that he's
not a
> > vampire?"
> > "I can", chuckled Little Bill. "Two Gun has a taste for the ladies all
> > right, but not in that particular manner. Sometimes he ties a bow on his
> > tail, that's all."
> > Right then, the door to the street opened and a Sergeant in a Foreign
> > Legion uniform entered.
> > "Deserteur!" he shouted, pointing at Two-Gun. "You arre under
arrrest!"
>
> You see, if old Moomin had've had two guns, instead of just a big tail,
> he would have been there right to the end to defend himself.
>
> Instead...
Two-Gun Moomin swiftly produced a second gun that he had kept hidden behind
his back, held by his tail, all the time, and shot the Foreign Legion
Sergeant dead.
Öjevind
stealth...@remove-yahoo.com
However, he had neglected to shoot the Foreign Legion Sergeant Undead,
Subaldar Nosferatu, who quick as a zombie can wink (well, actually
quite a bit faster than that) chopped off the tail with his Khukri,
the gun clattering to the floor where it went off, seriously wounding
....
--
Sindamor Pandaturion
[remove -remove- to reply]
Een wilde Ier
wrote:
>On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 00:13:13 +0200, "Öjevind Lång"
><ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
>
>>"pawn" <pa...@hanneng.com> wrote:
>>
>>> Öjevind Lång wrote:
>>
>>[snip]
>>
>>> > "You know him, sheriff?" said the clerk. "Can you testify that he's
>>not a
>>> > vampire?"
>>> > "I can", chuckled Little Bill. "Two Gun has a taste for the ladies all
>>> > right, but not in that particular manner. Sometimes he ties a bow on his
>>> > tail, that's all."
>>> > Right then, the door to the street opened and a Sergeant in a Foreign
>>> > Legion uniform entered.
>>> > "Deserteur!" he shouted, pointing at Two-Gun. "You arre under
>>arrrest!"
>>>
>>> You see, if old Moomin had've had two guns, instead of just a big tail,
>>> he would have been there right to the end to defend himself.
>>>
>>> Instead...
>>
>>Two-Gun Moomin swiftly produced a second gun that he had kept hidden behind
>>his back, held by his tail, all the time, and shot the Foreign Legion
>>Sergeant dead.
>>
>>Öjevind
>>
>However, he had neglected to shoot the Foreign Legion Sergeant Undead,
<insert here>which as everyone knows, can only be killed by being shot
in the head</insert here>
>Subaldar Nosferatu, who quick as a zombie can wink (well, actually
>quite a bit faster than that) chopped off the tail with his Khukri,
>the gun clattering to the floor where it went off, seriously wounding
>....
--
Journalist: Where in Northern Ireland will the two leaders meet?
Ari Fleischer: Dublin.
Press Briefing with Ari Fleischer,
George W. Bush's chief spokesman
April 4, 2003
Count Menelvagor
He went to Valinor and hung ount in Mandos for a bint. The bint's
name was Vána, and the bint's husband was rather ticked off.
Meanwhile, the Balrog clerk lit up the fireplace to make it nice,
homely, and DEEADLY.
Öjevind Lång
> On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 00:13:13 +0200, "Öjevind Lång"
> <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
[snip]
> >Two-Gun Moomin swiftly produced a second gun that he had kept hidden
behind
> >his back, held by his tail, all the time, and shot the Foreign Legion
> >Sergeant dead.
> >
> >Öjevind
> >
> However, he had neglected to shoot the Foreign Legion Sergeant Undead,
> Subaldar Nosferatu, who quick as a zombie can wink (well, actually
> quite a bit faster than that) chopped off the tail with his Khukri,
> the gun clattering to the floor where it went off, seriously wounding
> ....
Beauchamp, the scribbler in snuff-coloured garb, who fell to the floor,
clutching his midriff and moaning: "Aaarghhh..."
Little Bill looked at Nosferatu with shock and outrage in his eyes.
"You, sir, are a coward!" he thundered. "You hurt an unarmed man."
Öjevind
Laurie Forbes
> <stealth...@remove-yahoo.com>wrote:
>
> > On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 00:13:13 +0200, "Öjevind Lång"
> > <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
Sind-Pansan:
> > However, he had neglected to shoot the Foreign Legion Sergeant Undead,
> > Subaldar Nosferatu, who quick as a zombie can wink (well, actually
> > quite a bit faster than that) chopped off the tail with his Khukri,
> > the gun clattering to the floor where it went off, seriously wounding
> > ....
> Beauchamp, the scribbler in snuff-coloured garb, who fell to the floor,
> clutching his midriff and moaning: "Aaarghhh..."
> Little Bill looked at Nosferatu with shock and outrage in his eyes.
> "You, sir, are a coward!" he thundered. "You hurt an unarmed man."
In through those double swinging louvered doorish thingies burst Dr. Richard
Kimble, who had seriously misheard the number of appendages sported by the
wounded person. He was followed closely - as usual - by Lt. Gerard.
Unfortunately for Gerard, he was too busy in Physics class studying Mary
Jane Martin's "force pair" to pay attention to the real lesson about action
and reaction, so when the little doors headed back the other way, he was
caught ....
stealth...@remove-yahoo.com
Between two inexorably closing doors. In order to avoid him without
intending to, he lept into an interstice between space-time continua
and fell on his posterior in another universe!
Looking up, he noticed that the tavern's signpost had inexplicably
changed from the familiar "Limping Nazgul" to something called "The
Prancing Pony"!
As he gasped in astonishment, a somewhat older man with a florid
waistcoat and attire that could be easily be construed as twee leaned
over him with a look of concern, in his agitation crushing the letter
in his hand with the rune for "G" in the return address part and
said..." "
stealth...@remove-yahoo.com
Öjevind Lång
> >On Sun, 20 Jul 2003 18:35:34 GMT, "Laurie Forbes"
> ><rfor...@maine.rr.com> wrote:
[snip]
> >>In through those double swinging louvered doorish thingies burst Dr.
Richard
> >>Kimble, who had seriously misheard the number of appendages sported by
the
> >>wounded person. He was followed closely - as usual - by Lt. Gerard.
> >>Unfortunately for Gerard, he was too busy in Physics class studying Mary
> >>Jane Martin's "force pair" to pay attention to the real lesson about
action
> >>and reaction, so when the little doors headed back the other way, he was
> >>caught ....
> >>
> >Between two inexorably closing doors. In order to avoid them without
> >intending to, he lept into an interstice between space-time continua
> >and fell on his posterior in another universe!
> >
> >Looking up, he noticed that the tavern's signpost had inexplicably
> >changed from the familiar "Limping Nazgul" to something called "The
> >Prancing Pony"!
> >
> >As he gasped in astonishment, a somewhat older man with a florid
> >waistcoat and attire that could be easily be construed as twee leaned
> >over him with a look of concern, in his agitation crushing the letter
> >in his hand with the rune for "G" in the return address part and
> >said..." "
"Nob! You woolly-footed addlepate! I have warned you about slipping on the
horse apples in the courtyard. Suppose you had hurt yourself really badly! I
need your help, and I need Bob too! Where's Bob? You don't know? Well, find
him! Double sharp! I haven't got six legs, nor six eyes either! Tell Bob
there's five ponies that have to be stabled. He must find room somehow."
All that Gerard, in his confused state, could think of was that he had
been accused of having woolly feet. Automatically, he looked down and
discovered that his shoes had disappeared somehow, and that his feet were
indeed covered by thick, curly hair.
Öjevind
Hasdrubal Hamilcar
pawn wrote:
> Öjevind Lĺng wrote:
>
>> The door of the hotel was opened, and a stranger with a huge white
>> nose and
>> a long tail entered. There was definite menace in his posture as he
>> sauntered over to the clerk and said: "I'm Two-Gun Moomin.
>
>
>
> Yeah, well a lot of folks did call him Two Gun, but that wasn't because
> he was sportin' two pistols. That was because he had a (tail) that was
> so big it was longer than the barrel on that Walker-Colt that he
> carried. And the only insultin' he ever did was (wag) that thing of his
> (at) this French lady that English Bob here was kind of sweet on.
>
>
At the bar, an old codger with a perturbed mind and a nogood reek about
him, talked to all and sundry about 'wise old beings, with arms that go
down to the ground, and move so slowly that they are are often mistaken
for trees. Entings, they were called.
A young student suddenly leapt up off the floor and sputtered "that's
not an ent, that's a giant sloth. I have one up in my room, for err,
research purposes. They move slow, so are often not seen in the trees
by other animals, they have huge arms, and they look wise and
contemplative, with a permanent smile stuck on their faces. You might
have seen a sloth. There are no such things as ents." But the crowd
just laughed and kept their heads nuzzled in their beer glasses.
Laurie Forbes
<stealth...@remove-yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:blvlhv0aunufm89td...@4ax.com...
> >Between two inexorably closing doors. In order to avoid him without
> >intending to, he lept into an interstice between space-time continua
> >and fell on his posterior in another universe!
> >
> >Looking up, he noticed that the tavern's signpost had inexplicably
> >changed from the familiar "Limping Nazgul" to something called "The
> >Prancing Pony"!
> >
> >As he gasped in astonishment, a somewhat older man with a florid
> >waistcoat and attire that could be easily be construed as twee leaned
> >over him with a look of concern, in his agitation crushing the letter
> >in his hand with the rune for "G" in the return address part and
> >said..." "
> Erratum
> For "him", read "them"
OK, so: "....... and attire that could be easily construed as twee leaned
over them with a look of concern......"
Good. Thanks.
(Heh.)
Laurie Forbes
> "Nob! You woolly-footed addlepate! I have warned you about slipping on the
> horse apples in the courtyard. Suppose you had hurt yourself really badly!
I
> need your help, and I need Bob too! Where's Bob? You don't know? Well,
find
> him! Double sharp! I haven't got six legs, nor six eyes either! Tell Bob
> there's five ponies that have to be stabled. He must find room somehow."
> All that Gerard, in his confused state, could think of was that he had
> been accused of having woolly feet. Automatically, he looked down and
> discovered that his shoes had disappeared somehow, and that his feet were
> indeed covered by thick, curly hair.
The dazed and stunned Mesmerelda Moomintook lifted her head (the one with
the thick, curly hair) and blinked blearily at Gerard, who noticed with
relief that his shoes were back. Now, interstitial travel is tricky,
landingwise, and the commands have to be very clear. You can't get all
flustered and tongue-tied when you're saying, "Drop me on a broad plain," or
something, without risking the kind of accident which had just occurred.
Gerard scrambled to his feet and then helped Mesmerelda to hers. She
gripped his arms tightly for support and stammered.......
stealth...@remove-yahoo.com
"You fellers ain't seen my fiansee, Breckenridge Elkins? When y'all
were talking about an unarmed man, I kallated you must be talking
about that galloot. Why in one scrap with the Goblin Run boys he
unarmed two, uneared three and tore a fair piece out of the skelps of
two others before someone distracted him by dropping a bag of anvils
on his head. Last I heard he was helping some Taixus Rangers, called
the Dallasdein hunt down some ent rustlers, so I came looking for the
varmint. I don't suppose you got any chaw on you, I lost mine on the
watermoccasin I rode across the sea of Lyonsee on my way here."
Somewhat dazed by the peculiar speech patterns of Mesmerelda, common
to the people of The Elven Star Republic, Gerard reached into his
britches, I mean breaches, I mean pants, and produced a hunk of the
best Shire chewpipeweed. Mesmererlda gratefully reached for it, then,
remembering her manners, stuck out one tobacco stained pinky before
taking the chaw and popping it into her month and then speaking around
it continued.
"I reckon Breckridge can be allowed to be the toughest critter around
these or any other parts, why one time he pulled the wings off a
balrog!"
(In the background, a group of newsgroup regulars were heard to groan,
and mutter, "not that again" and look for the egress)
"Yup," she continued" "It was right after he took a course in Zen at
Bear Creek Extension school, taught by old Squint Eyed Ikkyu. Fust he
had to deliver a still born child in a putrified forest, then drink
all the waters up of the Pecos River. I reckon he was a mite
enthusiastic though, his Sensei hombre just asked him what was the
sound of one balrog wing flapping and he went and yanked both off.
The pernt is we have a situation back in Bear Creek we need his hep
for, some low down-gut-shooting-cattle-rustling varmints from the
Valley of Fear..."
As soon as she said the words "Valley of Fear" a gaunt man wearing a
dearstalker cap and a beard stood up and removed both. Placing a worn
meerschaum pipe with a vaguely oriental aroma about it in his pocket,
he declared...
Graham Lockwood
{snip}
> As soon as she said the words "Valley of Fear" a gaunt man wearing a
> dearstalker cap and a beard stood up and removed both. Placing a worn
> meerschaum pipe with a vaguely oriental aroma about it in his pocket,
> he declared...
..."I know who it is you hunt. His comings and goings have been as an echo
of fear echoing down the canyon walls.
HALLO-HALLO-hallo-hallo-allo-llo-lo-o-o-o!"
Gerard merely stared at the big oaf, dumbfounded. With hope in his eye, he
turned to Mesmerelda, reached into his pocket, and quickly pulled out a
bottle of Visine which he promptly cleaned all hope from his eyes. Hopeless,
now, he looked back to Mesmerelda and asked, "Do you know who he is?"
"Oh, he's one of dem Taixus Ranger folk I wuz talkin' 'bout. Don't know his
name, though."
"My real name is not important," interrupted the stranger again. "But I walk
with great strides and so around these parts, I am known as Walker, Taixus
Ranger."
||// // "The narrative ends here. || //
|// // There is no reason to think ||//
(/ // that any more was ever written. |//
||// The manuscript, which becomes //
|// increasingly rapid towards the end, //|
(/ peters out in a scrawl." //||
|| -Christopher Tolkien, _The Lost Road_ // ||
Öjevind Lång
> stealth...@remove-yahoo.com said:
> {snip}
> > As soon as she said the words "Valley of Fear" a gaunt man wearing a
> > dearstalker cap and a beard stood up and removed both. Placing a worn
> > meerschaum pipe with a vaguely oriental aroma about it in his pocket,
> > he declared...
>
> ..."I know who it is you hunt. His comings and goings have been as an echo
> of fear echoing down the canyon walls.
> HALLO-HALLO-hallo-hallo-allo-llo-lo-o-o-o!"
>
> Gerard merely stared at the big oaf, dumbfounded. With hope in his eye, he
> turned to Mesmerelda, reached into his pocket, and quickly pulled out a
> bottle of Visine with which he promptly cleaned all hope from his eyes.
Hopeless,
> now, he looked back to Mesmerelda and asked, "Do you know who he is?"
>
> "Oh, he's one of dem Taixus Ranger folk I wuz talkin' 'bout. Don't know
his
> name, though."
>
> "My real name is not important," interrupted the stranger again. "But I
walk
> with great strides and so around these parts, I am known as Walker, Taixus
> Ranger."
The burly innkeeper stared at Gerard. "Why, I must be going blind, master!"
he said., "Indeed, you aren't Nob, that good-for-nothing slowcoach! I humbly
apologize. I suppose y'all - I mean, all you people - will be wanting
supper, I don't doubt. As soon as may be. This way now!"
He led Gerard, Mesmeralda Moomintook and Walker, the Taixus ranger, into
the inn, down a passage, and opened a door. "Here is a nice little parlour!"
he said. "I hope it will suit. Excuse me now. I'm that busy. No time for
talking. I must be trotting. It's hard work for two legs. but I don't get
thinner. I'll look in again later. If you want anything, ring the hand-bell,
and Nob will come. If he don't, ring and shout!"
Off he went at last, and left them feeling rather breathless. He seemed
capable of an endless stream of talk, however busy he might be. They found
themselves in a small and cosy room. There was a bit of bright fire burning
on the hearth, and in front of it were some low and comfortable chairs.
There was a round table, already spread with a white cloth, and on it was a
large hand-bell.
However, this cosy spectacle did not seem to appeal to Mesmeralda. "I want
to know where Breckenridge is!" she said. "Them varmints in the Valley o'
Fear cain't do him no harm nohow, but that theer harlot Rose Cotton, the one
they calls 'the Red Rose of Taixus', is gunning for him, so I want to keep
my eyes clapped on him. Now will you gentlemen help me find him or not?"
Meanwhile, at the hostelry in the alternative universe, the de-tailed Two
Gun Moomin fainted from the loss of blood and fell to the floor with a heavy
thud. Simultaneously, a death rattle was heard from Mr Beauchamp, the
chronicler of heroes of the West. The undead Foreign Legion Sergeant laughed
and look at Little Bill and English Bob, who both seemed at a loss about
what to do.
Öjevind
Öjevind Lång
news:6bfb27a8.03071...@posting.google.com...
Öjevind Lång
> "Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote in message
news:<gmjSa.431$Y5...@nntpserver.swip.net>...
[snip]
[snip]
> > Two-Gun Moomin swiftly produced a second gun that he had kept hidden
behind
> > his back, held by his tail, all the time, and shot the Foreign Legion
> > Sergeant dead.
>
> He went to Valinor and hung ount in Mandos for a bint. The bint's
> name was Vána, and the bint's husband was rather ticked off.
>
> Meanwhile, the Balrog clerk lit up the fireplace to make it nice,
> homely, and DEEADLY.
And that was his mistake - vampires, whether serving in the Foreing Legion
or not, want their fires to be Undeadly.
Öjevind
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
> At the bar, an old codger with a perturbed mind and a nogood reek about
> him, talked to all and sundry about 'wise old beings, with arms that go
> down to the ground, and move so slowly that they are are often mistaken
> for trees. Entings, they were called.
>
> A young student suddenly leapt up off the floor and sputtered "that's
> not an ent, that's a giant sloth. I have one up in my room, for err,
> research purposes. They move slow, so are often not seen in the trees
> by other animals, they have huge arms, and they look wise and
> contemplative, with a permanent smile stuck on their faces. You might
> have seen a sloth. There are no such things as ents." But the crowd
> just laughed and kept their heads nuzzled in their beer glasses.
Enjoying themselves while the could was a good idea, since they did not have
much longer to live. The undead Legion Sergeant at the entrance to the front
room was thirsty, and not for beer.
Öjevind
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
> From the oozing corpse of Mr. Beauchamp, a ghastly wraith (or a
> ghostly wrath) was seen to arise. It rose over the corpse and seemed
> to be peering to the East. Then it swiiftly reached out and gathered
> together all the various narrative threads. Working swiftly with
> skills he had learned in the French Merchant Marine, the former
> Matelot knotted them together as his wraith descended back into his
> body, Two gun moomin's tail re-attached itself and Ojevind paused, his
> fingers about to dial interpol to discuss the hijacking of a thread.
>
> Hunching quickly over his computer keyboard, Ojevind realized he must
> type quickly before fell spirits from the TEUNC comos re-emerged and
> prevented him from typing.....
When Gerard, Walker the Taixus Ranger and Mesmeralda Moomintook landed with
a thump in front of the hotel clerk's desk at The Limping Nazgūl, the Undead
Foreign Legion Sergeant looked at them and laughed an eViol laughter. The
Balrog clerk hesitated; Little Bill and English Bob whistled and cleaned
their fingernails, feigning insouciance. From the unconscious body of Two
Gun Moomin - hey, who let this stampede of Mūmaks into my room? They are
trampling down everything! Haalp! Haalp! HAALP! Ha
Count Menelvagor
> "Count Menelvagor" <Menel...@mailandnews.com> hath written:
> > Meanwhile, the Balrog clerk lit up the fireplace to make it nice,
> > homely, and DEEADLY.
>
> And that was his mistake - vampires, whether serving in the Foreing Legion
> or not, want their fires to be Undeadly.
THe vamp[ires had already been annoyed at discrimination, but this was
the last straw. Soon the National Organization for Vampires and
Aardvarks was causing a disturbance in the lobby ...
Count Menelvagor
> <stealthy_tanuki@-remove-yahoo.com> wrote:
>
> [snip]
>
<I've hardly followed this properly, but doubt that it matters ...>
"How annoying," said the clerk. "We will ahve to evacuate everyone
while I BRUN them. And when am I going to develop a love interest?"
Öjevind Lång
> "Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote in message
[snip]
> > When Gerard, Walker the Taixus Ranger and Mesmeralda Moomintook landed
with
> > a thump in front of the hotel clerk's desk at The Limping Nazgūl, the
Undead
> > Foreign Legion Sergeant looked at them and laughed an eViol laughter.
The
> > Balrog clerk hesitated; Little Bill and English Bob whistled and cleaned
> > their fingernails, feigning insouciance. From the unconscious body of
Two
> > Gun Moomin - hey, who let this stampede of Mūmaks into my room? They are
> > trampling down everything! Haalp! Haalp! HAALP! Ha
>
> "How annoying," said the clerk. "We will ahve to evacuate everyone
> while I BRUN them. And when am I going to develop a love interest?"
With a visible effort, Little Bill pulled himself together - an eyestalk
snapping back into place, a wayward tentacle moving back inside his left
boot. "Hey thar!" he said. "I'm the shirriff of this here town, and NOBUDDY
orders me around."
"That's right", said English Bob, who saw a chance to reassert himaelf.
"You just give me back my gun, Bill, and I'll stand by your side against
this fiend."
"Inoslnet hmunsa!" hissed the Baltog clerk. "Gte out together with the
others, or I'll btho trask and brun you."
Öjevind
Öjevind Lång
> "Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote in message
news:<%BbTa.781$Y5....@nntpserver.swip.net>...
[snip]
> > And that was his mistake - vampires, whether serving in the Foreing
Legion
> > or not, want their fires to be Undeadly.
>
> THe vamp[ires had already been annoyed at discrimination, but this was
> the last straw. Soon the National Organization for Vampires and
> Aardvarks was causing a disturbance in the lobby ...
Unfortunately, they were directly in the path of the stampeding Mûmaks and
were all trampled flat. "Give me the good old days when they just rammed a
stake through your heart!" moaned one of them.
Öjevind
Laurie Forbes
(Öjevind Lång)
When Gerard, Walker the Taixus Ranger and Mesmeralda Moomintook landed with
a thump in front of the hotel clerk's desk at The Limping Nazgûl, the Undead
Foreign Legion Sergeant looked at them and laughed an eViol laughter. The
Balrog clerk hesitated; Little Bill and English Bob whistled and cleaned
their fingernails, feigning insouciance. From the unconscious body of Two
Gun Moomin - hey, who let this stampede of Mûmaks into my room? They are
trampling down everything! Haalp! Haalp! HAALP! Ha--
(Count Menelvagor)
"How annoying," said the clerk. "We will ahve to evacuate everyone while I
BRUN them. And when am I going to develop a love interest?"
(Öjevind Lång)
With a visible effort, Little Bill pulled himself together - an eyestalk
snapping back into place, a wayward tentacle moving back inside his left
boot. "Hey thar!" he said. "I'm the shirriff of this here town, and NOBUDDY
orders me around." "That's right", said English Bob, who saw a chance to
reassert himaelf. "You just give me back my gun, Bill, and I'll stand by
your side against
this fiend." "Inoslnet hmunsa!" hissed the Baltog clerk. "Gte out together
with the others, or I'll btho trask and brun you."
(Laurie Forbes)
True to his name, English Bob had been expecting mostly.... well .. English,
and didn't have a clue what the Balrog clerk had said. He only knew it
sounded menacing. But evacuation proved unnecessary, as the Mûmak horde had
dispersed, followed closely by some enterprising and rather optimistic
cattle rustlers. Lille Bill shepherded everyone back into the hotel, where
they could register properly for rooms. Bill then busied himself deputizing
Walker and Gerard and offered to show them around town. The Balrog clerk
kindly offered to show Mesmeralda around town, too, beginning with the
upstairs of the hotel. (That will be $10, Count.) This left the Undead
Foreign Legion Sergeant bending over the now-stirring body of Two Gun
Moomin. The UFLS gasped in surprise........
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
> True to his name, English Bob had been expecting mostly.... well ..
English,
> and didn't have a clue what the Balrog clerk had said. He only knew it
> sounded menacing. But evacuation proved unnecessary, as the Mūmak horde
had
> dispersed, followed closely by some enterprising and rather optimistic
> cattle rustlers. Lille Bill shepherded everyone back into the hotel, where
> they could register properly for rooms. Bill then busied himself
deputizing
> Walker and Gerard and offered to show them around town. The Balrog clerk
> kindly offered to show Mesmeralda around town, too, beginning with the
> upstairs of the hotel. (That will be $10, Count.) This left the Undead
> Foreign Legion Sergeant bending over the now-stirring body of Two Gun
> Moomin. The UFLS gasped in surprise........
as well he might. Before his eyes, Two Gun was slowly turning into a
nameless, mewling thing that uttered incomprehensible words: "R'lyeh...
shugg na Cthulhu... Father!"
Öjevind
Count Menelvagor
> "Laurie Forbes" <rfor...@maine.rr.com> hath written:
>
> [snip]
>
> > True to his name, English Bob had been expecting mostly.... well ..
> English,
> > and didn't have a clue what the Balrog clerk had said. He only knew it
> had
> > dispersed, followed closely by some enterprising and rather optimistic
> > cattle rustlers. Lille Bill shepherded everyone back into the hotel, where
> > they could register properly for rooms. Bill then busied himself
> deputizing
> > Walker and Gerard and offered to show them around town. The Balrog clerk
> > kindly offered to show Mesmeralda around town, too, beginning with the
> > upstairs of the hotel. (That will be $10, Count.)
Knot enough. I demand more. Much more.
> This left the Undead
> > Foreign Legion Sergeant bending over the now-stirring body of Two Gun
> > Moomin. The UFLS gasped in surprise........
>
> as well he might. Before his eyes, Two Gun was slowly turning into a
> nameless, mewling thing that uttered incomprehensible words: "R'lyeh...
> shugg na Cthulhu... Father!"
"Ho cnoveneint," saud the Blarong crelk. "TI si tmie I toonk a
snadwhich breank. Laos, we kneed soem ttoally unrelated chrracter ot
cmoe in nad do smoethign utterly irlerevant."
As if on cue, Smeagol appeared with Shelob and said, "Ssssss, I want
za double waterbedsses, with balcony, precioussss!"
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
> "Ho cnoveneint," saud the Blarong crelk. "TI si tmie I toonk a
> snadwhich breank. Laos, we kneed soem ttoally unrelated chrracter ot
> cmoe in nad do smoethign utterly irlerevant."
>
> As if on cue, Smeagol appeared with Shelob and said, "Ssssss, I want
> za double waterbedsses, with balcony, precioussss!"
"Stop there!" said the Sergeant to Sméagol. "Your mother wears my marching
boots. Do you think I don't recognize them?"
Öjevind
stealth...@remove-yahoo.com
<ojevin...@swipnet.se> wrote:
>"Laurie Forbes" <rfor...@maine.rr.com> hath written:
>
> [snip]
>
>> True to his name, English Bob had been expecting mostly.... well ..
>English,
>> and didn't have a clue what the Balrog clerk had said. He only knew it
>> sounded menacing. But evacuation proved unnecessary, as the Mûmak horde
>had
>> dispersed, followed closely by some enterprising and rather optimistic
>> cattle rustlers. Lille Bill shepherded everyone back into the hotel, where
>> they could register properly for rooms. Bill then busied himself
>deputizing
>> Walker and Gerard and offered to show them around town. The Balrog clerk
>> kindly offered to show Mesmeralda around town, too, beginning with the
>> upstairs of the hotel. (That will be $10, Count.) This left the Undead
>> Foreign Legion Sergeant bending over the now-stirring body of Two Gun
>> Moomin. The UFLS gasped in surprise........
>
>as well he might. Before his eyes, Two Gun was slowly turning into a
>nameless, mewling thing that uttered incomprehensible words: "R'lyeh...
>shugg na Cthulhu... Father!"
>
>Öjevind
>
Now, dear reader, you must remember that Two Gun had been a very
naughty boy, who had been perfectly **horrid** to all the little
cowgirls and that was why he was mewling. Now I am sure that all of
you are well mannered little boys and girls and would NEVER do
anything like that. Well, Two Gun looked at Ojevind and said "I am
really quite sorry Pater, and I promise I will not be so naughty a boy
again if only you will forgive me and I will promise to be the very
best little boy ever." And the good fairy, Quentin Crisp, appeared
and turned Two Gun back as he was, without even a spot on his velvet
buckaroo outfit!
And Ojevind wrinkled up his perfectly nice and spottidy pottidy tie
and said "Oh dear, oh my goodness! I seem to have have fallen into a
moralistic English Victorian Fairy Story, and not even a slightly rude
story like one by that Saki fellow. Whatever shall I do?"
Now, boys and girls can you put on your thinking caps and think of
what kindly Onkle Oje did?
Well, what he did was...
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
> Now, dear reader, you must remember that Two Gun had been a very
> naughty boy, who had been perfectly **horrid** to all the little
> cowgirls and that was why he was mewling. Now I am sure that all of
> you are well mannered little boys and girls and would NEVER do
> anything like that. Well, Two Gun looked at Ojevind and said "I am
> really quite sorry Pater, and I promise I will not be so naughty a boy
> again if only you will forgive me and I will promise to be the very
> best little boy ever." And the good fairy, Quentin Crisp, appeared
> and turned Two Gun back as he was, without even a spot on his velvet
> buckaroo outfit!
>
> And Ojevind wrinkled up his perfectly nice and spottidy pottidy tie
> and said "Oh dear, oh my goodness! I seem to have have fallen into a
> moralistic English Victorian Fairy Story, and not even a slightly rude
> story like one by that Saki fellow. Whatever shall I do?"
>
> Now, boys and girls can you put on your thinking caps and think of
> what kindly Onkle Oje did?
>
> Well, what he did was...
Realize that I had done the Undead Foreign Legion Sergeant an injustice. At
the sight of this touching reconciliation, he wiped away a not unmanly tear
and said: "I'm a hard, embittered non-person, but even I cannot separate
those who have shown that they are the right stuff! Bless you! God bless us
all! Two Gun, I'll just go back to the Foreign Legion crypt and report you
as missing in action, presumed alive."
Öjevind
Count Menelvagor
A blue-green-with-some-traces-of-purple light flashed in Smeagol's
beady eyes. "He liess on uss, prescioussss!@! That wass Deagol'ss
motherer. And besdidesss, Billy Jean iss not my lover, preciousss,
shee'ss jusst a gal that ssayss that i am the one, but the kid isss
knot my ssson, oh no, precious, oh no!"
The Balrog clerk glanced at Smeagol and says, "The desk is temporarilz
clsoed. I have improtant bsuiness wtih this young ldaz" (pointing at
Mesmeralda). We wlil bropablz be a yén or wto. Wloud oyu crae ot
waut?"
Öjevind Lång
> > > "Ho cnoveneint," saud the Blarong crelk. "TI si tmie I toonk a
> > > snadwhich breank. Laos, we kneed soem ttoally unrelated chrracter ot
> > > cmoe in nad do smoethign utterly irlerevant."
> > >
> > > As if on cue, Smeagol appeared with Shelob and said, "Ssssss, I want
> > > za double waterbedsses, with balcony, precioussss!"
> >
> > "Stop there!" said the Sergeant to Sméagol. "Your mother wears my
marching
> > boots. Do you think I don't recognize them?"
>
> A blue-green-with-some-traces-of-purple light flashed in Smeagol's
> beady eyes. "He liess on uss, prescioussss!@! That wass Deagol'ss
> motherer. And besdidesss, Billy Jean iss not my lover, preciousss,
> shee'ss jusst a gal that ssayss that i am the one, but the kid isss
> knot my ssson, oh no, precious, oh no!"
>
> The Balrog clerk glanced at Smeagol and says, "The desk is temporarilz
> clsoed. I have improtant bsuiness wtih this young ldaz" (pointing at
> Mesmeralda). We wlil bropablz be a yén or wto. Wloud oyu crae ot
> waut?"
Sméagol's eyes crossed over at this barely comprhensible gibberish, which
shocked him into speaking grammatical English himself. "I say, my dear
fellow", he said in a most superior accent, "do take all the time you
desire. I and this lady can play Scrabble while we wait."
Öjevind
Jereeza <to mail, remove spam>
16:16:50 +0200, "Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se>
decided to release into cyberspace:
>Enjoying themselves while the could was a good idea, since they did not have
>much longer to live. The undead Legion Sergeant at the entrance to the front
>room was thirsty, and not for beer.
After his jaw fell off, his words were a little muffled, but
what could be heard was enough to freeze the beer in
everyone's veins...
"Loooooot... fzzzzzzz..."
Cheers,
Mia
--
[iti te jnanam akhyatam guhyad guhyataram maya
vimrsyaitad asesena yatheccasi tatha kuru]
www.thereisnoy.com
www.theonering.net
Öjevind Lång
> 16:16:50 +0200, "Öjevind Lång" <ojevin...@swipnet.se>
> decided to release into cyberspace:
>
> >Enjoying themselves while the could was a good idea, since they did not
have
> >much longer to live. The undead Legion Sergeant at the entrance to the
front
> >room was thirsty, and not for beer.
>
> After his jaw fell off, his words were a little muffled, but
> what could be heard was enough to freeze the beer in
> everyone's veins...
>
> "Loooooot... fzzzzzzz..."
The Lieutenant of his Legion unit immediately turned up and sharply said:
"Sergeant, how many times must I point out to you that I should be addressed
as 'Leftenant' and not as 'Lootenant'"?
Öjevind
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
> Realize that I had done the Undead Foreign Legion Sergeant an injustice.
At
> the sight of this touching reconciliation, he wiped away a not unmanly
tear
> and said: "I'm a hard, embittered non-person, but even I cannot separate
> those who have shown that they are the right stuff! Bless you! God bless
us
> all! Two Gun, I'll just go back to the Foreign Legion crypt and report you
> as missing in action, presumed alive."
Unfortunately, this touching, Dickensian ending was nullfied when the inn
was invaded by gremlins, who ate everybody. With brown sauce.
Öjev
Count Menelvagor
> "Count Menelvagor" wrote:
> > A blue-green-with-some-traces-of-purple light flashed in Smeagol's
> > beady eyes. "He liess on uss, prescioussss!@! That wass Deagol'ss
> > motherer. And besdidesss, Billy Jean iss not my lover, preciousss,
> > shee'ss jusst a gal that ssayss that i am the one, but the kid isss
> > knot my ssson, oh no, precious, oh no!"
> >
> > The Balrog clerk glanced at Smeagol and says, "The desk is temporarilz
> > clsoed. I have improtant bsuiness wtih this young ldaz" (pointing at
> > Mesmeralda). We wlil bropablz be a yén or wto. Wloud oyu crae ot
> > waut?"
>
> Sméagol's eyes crossed over at this barely comprhensible gibberish, which
> shocked him into speaking grammatical English himself. "I say, my dear
> fellow", he said in a most superior accent, "do take all the time you
> desire. I and this lady can play Scrabble while we wait."
While the Rog clrk showed Miranda the sights, incl the famous Flamign
Pagoda of UDUN, Smeagol and his lady had an entertaining game of
Scrabble. But this was no rodinary Scrabble, oh no. This was World
Domination Scrabble, for teh highest stakes of all!
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
> While the Rog clrk showed Miranda the sights, incl the famous Flamign
> Pagoda of UDUN, Smeagol and his lady had an entertaining game of
> Scrabble. But this was no rodinary Scrabble, oh no. This was World
> Domination Scrabble, for teh highest stakes of all!
With a triumphant grin, Sméagol slapped down tiles forming the word
"thrakatulûk".
"I rule the world, don't we, my Preciouss?" he said.
Öjevind
Count Menelvagor
> "Count Menelvagor" <Menel...@mailandnews.com> wrote:
>
> [snip]
>
> > While the Rog clrk showed Miranda the sights, incl the famous Flamign
> > Pagoda of UDUN, Smeagol and his lady had an entertaining game of
> > Scrabble. But this was no rodinary Scrabble, oh no. This was World
> > Domination Scrabble, for teh highest stakes of all!
>
> With a triumphant grin, Sméagol slapped down tiles forming the word
> "I rule the world, don't we, my Preciouss?" he said.
And indeed, he did. And he was the first World Dictator to institute
a Fishpol.
The Fishpol were not happy when they found the Barlong clerk and
Mesmeralda frying fish together ... naked.
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
> > With a triumphant grin, Sméagol slapped down tiles forming the word
> > "thrakatulûk".
> > "I rule the world, don't we, my Preciouss?" he said.
>
> And indeed, he did. And he was the first World Dictator to institute
> a Fishpol.
>
> The Fishpol were not happy when they found the Barlong clerk and
> Mesmeralda frying fish together ... naked.
Commented one of the investigating officers: "Can't Sméagol ever keep his
fry zipped?"
Öjevind
Graham Lockwood
Does that require one to have a "Û" tile or just a "U" tile?
Öjevind Lång
> Öjevind Lång said:
[snip]
>>>Scrabble, for teh highest stakes of all!
> >
> > With a triumphant grin, Sméagol slapped down tiles forming the word
> > "thrakatulūk".
> > "I rule the world, don't we, my Preciouss?" he said.
>
> Does that require one to have a "Ū" tile or just a "U" tile?
The first. In fact, Sméagol cheated: he added the circumflex with a piece of
charcoal.
Öjevind
Count Menelvagor
"How convenient!" said the Balrong. "I wsa jsut thniking it was tmie fro dinner!"
"How ROMANTIC!" swooned Mesmeralda.
Öjevind Lång
[snip]
> > Commented one of the investigating officers: "Can't Sméagol ever keep
his
> > fry zipped?"
>
> "How convenient!" said the Balrong. "I wsa jsut thniking it was tmie fro
dinner!"
>
> "How ROMANTIC!" swooned Mesmeralda.
Offended to the core of his puritanic soul, Two Gun Moomin whistled up his
steed and rode off into the sunset.
Öjevind