[Sith War 2002] Tang, It's Not Just For Astronauts.
Drake
turned chrome vibrator. VibroGonk vibrated his agreement. "Hey, watch it,
that tickles."
Anyway, Drake had been steadily peaking at the women of RASSM naked and he
was far from bored, maybe board though. Taking a quick break he decided to
pop up to his Son's Death Star and see what was going on up there, and being
the pervert he was he was checking out the
bathroom/showerroom/lockerroom/boobiesroom. He was just checking out the
unisex bathroom when Sean Walsh ran in and promptly whipped something out of
his pants.
"Hot damn, look at the size of that." Drake said to VibroGonk, seeing the
rather large thing Sean was holding in his hands. "That's gotta be an older
model 'cause they don't make them that big anymore."
VibroGonk whirred his reply to Drake. Drake meanwhile was looking at what
Sean was talking into, filing away info for later before something clicked
in his mind. "That's not an older model, that's the top of the line new
issue John Holmes Long Range Penile Transmitter And Pleasure Giver 6900
(TM). Hrmph, wouldn't've suspected Ol' Walshier to've been packing that
thing there. I mean, you can't tell he's harboring such an instrument. He
must hide it like that man from Nantucket."
VibroGonk vibrated another question. "Oh, you don't know about the man from
Nantucket? Well, the story goes like this..."
---
MEANWHILE...
RanPer, the mystery Drake thing and the gerbils had just appeared in orbit
around the RASSM Planet, or Planet RASSM or whatever the hell people called
it. RanPer, having decided not to use the IID for fear of pissing everyone
off, and just done the hyperspace route. But seeing two Death Stars, their
transponders declaring them to be a Ponte Star and a Polyhedral Death Star,
in orbit quickly made RanPer wish he'd just used the damn IID and hopefully
turned both ships into something comical.
"Crap, I'm going to be killed. I'm not a main character, I can't handle
this." RanPer began to sob, but was then hit by the hooded surprise for the
election. Realizing he'd better try and fake it, he just went ahead,
by-passed all normal procedure and landed the ship in RASSM City.
"Okay Sir, we're here. The election is next week, so we have about 3 or 4
days before all the candidates gather to give speeches and try and bribe the
voters. At that time you can appear, give your speech and do whatever it is
that you're supposed to. I don't know if you're going to try and rig the
election, hell, I didn't know how Drake was going to. But just try and keep
from getting me killed. Okay? Plus I've already got Drake's new ground
troops deployed around the city, maybe that's what he's planning on doing.
Though since the last back of his clone army pretty much disappeared..."
The hooded figure in the passenger seat looked over, though you couldn't
really tell, and asked "Whatchu talkin' 'bout?"
"Nothing Sir." RanPer said, deciding he'd better update his will because
he'd probably be dead before the week was out.
---
INTERLUDE: What The Hell Happened To Drake's C'N'Sync Army?
On the small planet known as George Michael Jackson's Never-A-Ho Planet all
of Drake's C'N'Sync clones were gathered, lead there by the group leaders of
Juustins. They had come with purpose, at least most of them had. The
Laance's and Jooey's were sitting around bored and fighting off the advances
of the males that were surrounding them. This day was the turning point for
the group of clones, Juustin had fought hard to get the plans from the Sith
Warriors, but finally the clones they'd fought so hard to get made were
ready.
All the Juustin, Chriis and JC`C clones were standing at the ramp waiting
for their new lovelies to come to them. And finally, they started down the
ramp. Brittney'Pi clones, each hairy, with breasts and a penis. It was
exactly what the guys always wanted. Boobs and tubes, this was their
heaven. At least for those three members. They'd corrected the problem
that would make the Brittney'Pi's revert fully to C'Pi's. Now they'd stay
in a nice hermaphroditic limbo between. A local Clerk was heard saying
"Hermaphrodites, best of both worlds there my friend. Those chicks have
dicks that put mine to shame.", the another Clerk was quote as responding
with "Yeah, but babies put you to shame too."
But none of that mattered to the multitude of Juusin's, Chriis' and
JC'C's... they had what they wanted, and they were quitting the Sith War.
As for the Laances and Jooeys. The Laances hijacked a small space ship and
headed off into the sunset to be Space Cowboys... unfortunately none of them
knew how to fly it and they crashed, killing several beloved chimps. The
Jooeys bought passage off the planet and set out to be rock stars and make
real music, and to nail as many groupies as they could before their fifteen
minutes of fame wore off.
And somewhere, years from now, the love children of the C'N'Sync clones and
Brittney'Pi's will be found. They will all be no talent sluts.. and will
win many music awards.
---
Back To Our Main Story... AND
Back On The Ponte Star
Drake's Ghost walked out of Sean's room looking rather frightened.
"VibroGonk, I never knew anyone could own so much leather. Those...
'instruments' he had there... I'm going to have nightmares about that."
VibroGonk vibrated his own feelings back.
"I know, that shrine he has set up to Ponte is disturbing too. I mean, who
collections the toe jam and belly lint of their obsession and puts it on a
shrine." VibroGonk again replied.
"Hey, that was never proven and I settled out of court." Drake said
indignantly. "We can skip Ponte's room since I still have all his Steve
McQueen memorabilia from when I abandoned the ship. Oh, I got an idea.
Let's see if I'm a Patrick Swayze type Ghost, man, I loved that movie."
Drake said, heading toward the Ponte Star's main computer.
"Hey, let's change his registration on this. I mean, really, 'The Ponte
Star'? That's, like, so totally, like, a bad name, and, like, some junk. I
mean, like, really, like, who does he, like, you know, like, think he is?"
Drake said with a full on Valley Girl accent. VibroGonk vibrated angrily.
"Okay okay, sorry. I won't do that accent around you again. Anyway, I know
exactly what to rename this thing to. And we'll password protect it's
name." Drake said, when VibroGonk asked a question Drake just smiled more.
"Oh, I already know what to name it." Pushing a couple of buttons Drake
changed "The Ponte Star"'s name to "Wang Dang Sweet Poon Tang Star" and
password protecting it with the phrase "Drake's yo' daddy be-otch."
"You know, I bet this will irk him a little. But let's not stick around to
watch, there's more women's locker rooms to view!" Drake said, disappearing
off the Wang Dang Sweet Poon Tang Star.
____
SUMMARY:
Drake complimented Sean's "transmitter".
RanPer arrives on planet with the back-up plan Drake had ready, and is
preparing for the closing arguments/bribery/speeches that the nominees need
to do before the election.
It is disclosed as to why Drake's original clone army has been so
ineffective.
Drake forces the computers in Ponte's Death Star to rename itself to the
Wang Dang Sweet Poon Tang Star.