[Sith War] The Search for Pork
Muuurgh
Wiggly.
"I hate the frozen food section, it's always so friggin' cold." Muuurgh
shivered.
C'Pi opened a refrigerator door. He grabbed a few handfuls of pork Hot
Pockets and moved onto the next refrigerator.
"I think we have enough, don't you?" Muuurgh looked back at the 14, over
loaded shopping carts that followed closely. The 14 Porkinite extras smiled
great grins as Muuurgh turned around and waved briefly. "Can't we go home
now?"
C'Pi called another Porkinite extra and asked him to get another shopping
cart. "We're going to the Deli."
A handful of over zealous extras clapped with great applause.
Muuurgh shook his head. "I gotta go tot the bathroom, 'Pi. If you see
Gumby tell him that I'm not interested in purple, I asked for greeeen."
Muuurgh rubbed his hands together and stalked off to the restroom. A few
Porkinites started to follow him.
"Hey I don't need help on the lue okay."
The extra just kinda stared at him blankly.
"Don't follow me to the bathroom." Muuurgh took a few steps. The
Porkinites followed.
"Go away!"
They didn't listen.
***
"Sir?" A fatty, yet mechanical voice interrupted.
"Yes, 4321, what is it?"
"Sir, Planet Red Six seems to be in danger."
"In danger, how so?"
"Well, it seems we have been under attack for many weeks now." The voice
continued.
"Hold on a sec. would ya?..." *grrrrrrrrruunt (roughly the same sound the
Rancor made when it died)* "...sorry, 'weeks' you say?"
"Weeks."
"Who's been attacking us?" Muuurgh paused for a second, then asked in a
joyful tone "The Gungans!?"
"We're not sure just yet, but we doubt very highly that it is the Gungan
Mafia. We've deployed some fighters. They have held off what seems to be
the heaviest onslaughts, but we are running out of resources."
"We're running out of Crisco?! I'll get back to you." Muuurgh clicked off
his holowatch and reached for some TP. ..There wasn't any.
A faithful Porkinite extra reached under the stall door with a fresh roll in
his hand.
"Thanks." Muuurgh resigned.
***
Gumby walked up to the 18th cart full of grocery goods and dropped in a few
pair of purple FTLs. "Make sure Muuurgh doesn't see these until we get
back, okay?" Gumby commanded the chubby, sweaty extra.
"Yes Sir!" the extra smiled and clicked his heels.
Gumby continued to the front of the line. "Hey C'Pi, where's Muuurgh?"
"Where do you think?"
"Donicker?"
"Yep."
Muuurgh squeezed his way into the conversation through a couple of carts
"How we doin' on Crisco?"
C'Pi shrugged.
Gumby asked an extra to check the home database.
"Sir we have approximately 4 1/2 55 gallon drums at home."
Gumby gasped. "Quick, find out how much the Piggly Wiggly has in stock. We
are having an oyster fry this weekend."
Muuurgh interrupted "We need more than a few drums. It seems our defenses
have been fighting for weeks against an unknown enemy, and they are running
low on Crisco."
"How low?" Gumby asked.
"Uhh.. I'm not sure, but low enough for 4321 to bother us and to remind us
we were at war."
"That bad huh?" C'Pi grunted "I don't want to be involved in no war,
shouldn't the extras be able to take care of it for us?"
"Yes, as soon as we get them enough Crisco."
"Where can we get that much Crisco?" C'Pi asked.
An extra Porkinite walked up to the Joint Commanders "Sirs, if we add
hydrogen to liquid vegetable oil and then add pressure, the result is a
stiffer fat, like the fat found in a can of Crisco."
"So?" Muuurgh dismissed the fat man.
"Excuse me Sirs, but we have a vegetable oil pipeline running from the Great
Asphault Crackline to the Trans Fatty Acid Sea. Our scientists have also
been working on a project that would assist us in turning plant byproducts
into hydrogen in mass scales." the extra paused... the Joint Commanders
looked kinda dumb. "If we can get these products together and pressurize
them, we will be able to withstand any attack." The extra smiled as the JCs
half-smiled back, as they only half understood.
"Get to it then young man!" C'Pi commanded. Then turned to the bag boy who
was about to crush the bread with a gallon of milk. "Hey!!"
***
C'Pi, Gumby and Muuurgh reluctantly walked into the war room.
"How's the Fatty Project coming?" the JCs asked the small group of
engineers and a scientist that were working out the final details.
"All's very well Sirs. And ahead of schedule. If I may?" The extra
scientist turned on an opaque projector. "As you know this is the Trans
Fatty Acid Sea. This Sea covers more than two thirds of our planet, and it
has slowly been turning into liquid Crisco for thousands of years. For now
we can use the pipe line and the hydrogen plant, but in the near future we
will be able to build sea labs on the ocean floor and pump the Crisco-like
crude to the surface and into our defense weapons both on the moons and here
on the planets surface. Nearly an infinite supply of lard at your command,
your Honors."
Muuurgh pause for a brief second. "Well done boys, If there's anything that
we can do for your work, just let me know."
A fat engineer sheepishly asked "We would like a glazed ham Sir."
"Done."
***3 weeks later***
The 32 moons of Red Six silently revolved. On their surfaces were 100's of
1000's of 1,000,000's of gallons of Crisco. Red Six was prepared for any
onslaught.
***
Summary:
The Joint Commanders of the Porkinites have gotten up off their haunches and
defended their planet.
C'Pi
>
> ***
> Summary:
> The Joint Commanders of the Porkinites have gotten up off their
> haunches and defended their planet.
Well it was about bleepin time.
--
C'Pi
Smell my finger
Muuurgh
"C'Pi" <as...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:bmp7lq$p4rns$1...@ID-111793.news.uni-berlin.de...
> Muuurgh wrote:
> >
> > ***
> > Summary:
> > The Joint Commanders of the Porkinites have gotten up off their
> > haunches and defended their planet.
>
> Well it was about bleepin time.
Yeah, well you have to make the next post.
-Muuurgh
Shampoo my crotch
C'Pi
> "C'Pi" <as...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> news:bmp7lq$p4rns$1...@ID-111793.news.uni-berlin.de...
>> Muuurgh wrote:
>>>
>>> ***
>>> Summary:
>>> The Joint Commanders of the Porkinites have gotten up off their
>>> haunches and defended their planet.
>>
>> Well it was about bleepin time.
>
> Yeah, well you have to make the next post.
No, I don't
> -Muuurgh
> Shampoo my crotch
I MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT!!
Muuurgh
> Muuurgh wrote:
> > "C'Pi" <as...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
> > news:bmp7lq$p4rns$1...@ID-111793.news.uni-berlin.de...
> >> Muuurgh wrote:
> >>>
> >>> ***
> >>> Summary:
> >>> The Joint Commanders of the Porkinites have gotten up off their
> >>> haunches and defended their planet.
> >>
> >> Well it was about bleepin time.
> >
> > Yeah, well you have to make the next post.
>
> No, I don't
You know what I want, is for Jade to return. The Archon is the fattest and
laziest of us all, we could learn a great lesson here.
>
> > -Muuurgh
> > Shampoo my crotch
>
> I MOST DEFINITELY DO NOT!!
That made little to no sense.
> --
> C'Pi
> Smell my finger
But THIS on the other hand.
-Muuurgh
>
>