[SITH WAR]: Club Golem (with profound apologies to Jorge Luis Borges)
Policrat'
streets, between rows of timber-framed houses with upper stories jettied out
over the streets.
They passed soldiers in steel breasplates and tunics with colour-slashed
arms, sturdy Central European peasants, and orthodox Jews with broad-brimmed
hats and pigtails.
"Prague?" Bill Anderson asked, blinking in surprise. "I've not been here
since the fourteenth century."
"I take it we're not here simply so John can fondle the spiked railing where
Kate Beckinsale ripped the seat of her catsuit during the filming of
_Underworld_?" Simon interrupted, rewarded with whap over the head from
Alice.
"Not _just_ for that, no," McEwok agreed, cracking the reins, and bringing
the cart to a stop outside a small synagogue. A rabbit was standing outside,
chewing on an anachronistic schnitzel.
"Rabbi," McEwok smiled.
"Welcome to Prague," the Rabbi agreed.
"Hullo," the Golem said, sticking its head out of the door of the synagogue,
and blinking in the sunlight.
"What's going on here?" Jill Marie asked, looking around with a suspicious
frown.
"Seemed like an appropriate enough place," McEwok shrugged, cracking the cap
off a bottle of budweiser on the iron tyre of one of the cart's wheels.
"You're pronouncing that wrong," the Jedi Hacker huffed, puffing out his
chest as he appeared from around the side of the synagogue, followed by a
dazed-looking Mara.
"No, I'm not," McEwok grinned, taking a swig. "It's a European thing. Ahh."
"You're planning on killing us, aren't you?" asked a voice out of nowhere.
The GSV _Sing When You're Winning_.
"Not really," McEwok shrugged, pulling a Danone yoghurt out of the supply
pack on the back of the cart. "I'm simply tidying my own mess up before
Tilson gets to you. I'm doing you a favour, really."
"What's he doing here, then?" John asked. "Don't tell me he's your sock."
"Nope," McEwok said. "I'm not that bad - I hope. But Mara *is* technically
_my_ NPC."
"Hey!" Hacker began, as Mara began to step towards McEwok, a sleep-glazed
expression on her face.
"Shouldn't we be in Vienna for this bit?" Simon asked.
"Perhaps," McEwok shrugged, his physical form becoming ambiguous. From
various angles, he looked like Grand Admiral McEwok, the Man With the Golden
Lightsaber, and Mon-Typ Ython.
"An explanation," Rabbi Loew said, as the Golem unfolded a diagram and hung
it on the back of the cart. It showed a blue-furred Ewok within the outline
of a slightly out-of-shape Scotsman
"Inner self," the Rabbi explained, tapping the Ewok. "And outer self. With
some beer, some neoplatonic metaphysics, and a pot of Danone yoghurt, we're
rationalising the Scotsman."
"Something David Hume and Dugald Stuart could both have agreed on," McEwok
noted, between mouthfuls.
"So you're telling me that Mara was always just an emanation of Pol's
unconscious?" John frowned. "Gross."
"Nahh," McEwok grinned, watching as the red-headed cyborg girl folded in on
herself and became a tiny glint of bright metal, spinning in the air, and
landing on the cobbles with a chink. "She was just a genuine NPC, along with
the _Sing_ and Jan van Hire. Onyhoo..." - grinning, he took another gulp of
Budweiser - "Aw done the noo. Ah'm aw happily rationalized back intae a
single character. Thank ye, R.D. Laing."
"Shouldn't there be a couple of kippers?" Jill Marie asked, looking at
McEwok suspiciously, as the bizarre perspective thing came to an end,
leaving only one Scotsman standing in the street.
_Inner self and outer self?_ she thought. _Riiight..._.
From behind her, there came the sound of a fish clearing its throat.
"Great," she scowled. "Pol', you cheated."
McEwok looked at her, innocent-eyed.
"The Infinity Kipper is a Wholly-Owned Property of the Kallas Kipper
Korporation," the Small Kipper explained. "With interplanetary patents held
in the name of CEO Grand Admiral Philip A. Kallas, Usunet's Most Elligible
Batchellor, High Kippermeister, and God-Emperor of RASSM. McEwok *really*
doesn't want to try to absorb it."
"I don't think I've ever seen *you* outside of Pol's posts," Bill growled,
jabbing his walking-stick at the kipper. "Eh, Mister
'I'm-Phil-Kallas'-Envoy'?"
"It's a kludge," McEwok shrugged, as the Small Kipper twisted away, and
danced off down the street. "Kallas has been sitting in the beer-garden at
Wuher's since Sith War V, but the Infinity Kipper *is* technically his NPC,
not mine. Besides, Rakelle still doesn't like me. I'm not *stupid*."
There was an embarrasing pause. Several people had to stifle their laughter.
"Well, okay," McEwok conceded. "Not *totally* stupid."
"But what about *me!*" Hacker moaned, staring at the shiny gold ring into
which Mara had been transformed. "My precious...."
As Hacker stared up at the NRGers, his body seeming to shrink and twist, his
skin going grey, his eyes bulging white, his skin shrinking taut over his
body.
"Cool," Simon grinned. "CGI."
But the Jedi Hacker was no longer listening. He could no longer hear them.
"My preciousss..." he hissed, staring at the ring he held in his spidery
hands. He was incapable of anything else, now.
"We'll see he's well cared-for," the Rabbi nodded, pity in his eyes.
"It's the best place for him," McEwok acknowledged. "Thank you."
***
Summary: okay, any borrowings from Borges were only cosmetic. Even more
profound apologies are owed to Arturo Perez-Reverte. The Hidden Name of this
post is, of course, El Gollum.
=),
Pol'
Steve...@rightbehindyou.com
Nice.
I must be getting better at this. Or else Pol's losing his edge. It only
took me two readings to understand this one. ;-)
I'll try to have one bridging the gap as to how Mara and Hacker came to be
in the cart... when I have time. Sometime in the next couple of days.
Steve Tilson
--
"How many more, Harry?" said Dumbledore, eyes puddling with tears. "How
many more have to be buried before your thirst for vengeance is satisfied?"
- www.pointlesswasteoftime.com
Penguinista
> [snip]
>
> Nice.
>
> I must be getting better at this. Or else Pol's losing his edge. It only
> took me two readings to understand this one. ;-)
>
> I'll try to have one bridging the gap as to how Mara and Hacker came to be
> in the cart... when I have time. Sometime in the next couple of days.
>
> Steve Tilson
>
chest as he appeared from around the side of the synagogue, followed by
they got there is of interest.
Other than my continuity subroutines going bonkers it was clear enough.
Too bad about loosing Mara.
(pulls up file for the 'lady Ada' project)
Lefty Skywalker
> Steve...@rightbehindyou.com wrote:
>
>> [snip]
>>
>> Nice.
>>
>> I must be getting better at this. Or else Pol's losing his edge. It
>> only
>> took me two readings to understand this one. ;-)
>>
>> I'll try to have one bridging the gap as to how Mara and Hacker came
>> to be
>> in the cart... when I have time. Sometime in the next couple of days.
>>
>> Steve Tilson
>>
> try reading it again, "...the Jedi Hacker huffed, puffing out his
> chest as he appeared from around the side of the synagogue, followed by
> a dazed-looking Mara." TJH and Mara were never in the cart. though how
> they got there is of interest.
"Oh no you don't," said McEwok, as the second Mara disappeared and the
second Hacker turned back into Gollum.
See? Anyone can play.
--
Daniel O. Miller
"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the
fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true
science. Whosoever does not know it and can no longer marvel, is as good
as dead, and his eyes are dimmed." - Albert Einstein
WWYD?
(hotmail addy is a red herring; I'm at em see aych ess aye)
Policrat'
Steve...@rightbehindyou.com at Steve...@rightbehindyou.com wrote on
20/10/03 6:54 pm:
> [snip]
>
> Nice.
>
> I must be getting better at this. Or else Pol's losing his edge. It only
> took me two readings to understand this one. ;-)
It was a cheap, quick 'un. The Gollum thing has been in my mind for a while,
and I thought it was probably worth it for the crashingly awful pun at the
end...
> I'll try to have one bridging the gap as to how Mara and Hacker came to be
> in the cart... when I have time. Sometime in the next couple of days.
Perhaps a flashback from HackGollum's POV?
> Steve Tilson
Pol'
Muuurgh
jumping around to strange conclusions. I can hardly follow the story, yet
make a consecutive post. How did we get from a bar in RASSM City to Prague?
This makes it so bloody hard to write a Story out of if there is no
continuity. If Mara is to be a ring and Gollum is to be Hacker than let's
start from here.
And if this is some strange parallel universe then please make that clear in
your posts--that way I can stay on RASSM planet with Hacker in the bar, or
wherever we left off last. I'd like to pick up wherever Tilson posts next,
his posts are clear and easy to follow. Just try and keep this stuff linear
instead of sporadic.
And Pol' I appreciate that you are a smart man, and have a wealth of
knowledge, but some of us don't know who Jorge Luis Borges or Arturo
Perez-Reverte are, so it doesn't help to make your summary in dedication--or
whatever--to them, tell me what happened in a nut shell, so I know how to
follow up with a post, okay? If this is going to be a Sith War, and I think
I'm ready to join, then lets try to keep it linear and humorous,
please.</rant>
-Muuurgh
"Lefty Skywalker" <dmil...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:bn241t$rpe58$2...@ID-129837.news.uni-berlin.de...
Steve...@rightbehindyou.com
> And if this is some strange parallel universe then please make that clear
> in your posts--that way I can stay on RASSM planet with Hacker in the
> bar, or wherever we left off last. I'd like to pick up wherever Tilson
> posts next, his posts are clear and easy to follow.
Thanks. But my next post (if I make it) probably won't pick up after
Pol's; it'll be a prequel, and a sequel to "Sorrows."
The timeline, I believe, goes something like:
- Hacker launches attack on Red Six. (SW: Nova)
- One of Pol's NPC's activates the Mara droid to get her to kill him. (SW:
Ve Haf Vas of Making You Mock, OP).
- Hacker comes under attack by Mara, but resists. (Ibid., Hacker's
follow-up)
- Mara self-destructs, vaporizing Hacker. (Ibid., Dan'l's follow-up)
- The Infinity Kipper resets reality, restoring Hacker and Mara. (Ibid.,
Pol's follow-up)
- Hacker fights off the attack somehow, and the Mara droid ends up
decapitated. (Completely off-stage; suggested in SW: ...but my sorrows
learned to swim; I'd hoped Hacker might do something with it that didn't
involve nanotech and dilithium crystals, but nooooo... )
- Hacker goes to the bar to drink off his troubles, and tells Tilson about
the dysfunctionality of the Hacker/Mara relationship (SW:...but my sorrows
learned to swim)
- Hacker traps Mara in a virtual reality construct where he stages his own
death (SW: Mara's Nightmare) and Mara ends up moping around for him in what
I'd consider an uncharacteristic fashion. (But then again, what do I
know?)
- Somehow, Hacker and Mara both end up in Pol's Golem post, either in
Prague or the cart; Mara is turned into a gold ring. (SW: Club Golem)
The post I've been intending to do would bridge the gap between Mara's
Nightmare and Club Golem, but I'm not feeling particularly inspired. Maybe
if somebody would do something to annoy me.
So you can jump in anytime. We'll patch it up later.
Bill Anderson
> <rant>See, now I want to post and play Sith Wars, but the story keeps
> jumping around to strange conclusions. I can hardly follow the story, yet
> make a consecutive post. How did we get from a bar in RASSM City to Prague?
> This makes it so bloody hard to write a Story out of if there is no
> continuity. If Mara is to be a ring and Gollum is to be Hacker than let's
> start from here.
>
> And if this is some strange parallel universe then please make that clear in
> your posts--that way I can stay on RASSM planet with Hacker in the bar, or
> wherever we left off last. I'd like to pick up wherever Tilson posts next,
> his posts are clear and easy to follow. Just try and keep this stuff linear
> instead of sporadic.
>
I have no complaints, considering I got a free trip to a place where the
bottle may say "Budweiser" but the beer didn't come from St. Louis.
Bill Anderson
--
I am the Mighty Favog
Policrat
I could always do a post to bridge the gap...
:p
> So you can jump in anytime. We'll patch it up later.
>
> Steve Tilson
Pol'
Policrat
porkinsis...@hotmail.com wrote on 21/10/03 5:13 pm:
> <rant>See, now I want to post and play Sith Wars, but the story keeps
> jumping around to strange conclusions. I can hardly follow the story, yet
> make a consecutive post. How did we get from a bar in RASSM City to Prague?
> This makes it so bloody hard to write a Story out of if there is no
> continuity. If Mara is to be a ring and Gollum is to be Hacker than let's
> start from here.
>
> And if this is some strange parallel universe then please make that clear in
> your posts--that way I can stay on RASSM planet with Hacker in the bar, or
> wherever we left off last. I'd like to pick up wherever Tilson posts next,
> his posts are clear and easy to follow. Just try and keep this stuff linear
> instead of sporadic.
>
> And Pol' I appreciate that you are a smart man, and have a wealth of
> knowledge, but some of us don't know who Jorge Luis Borges or Arturo
> Perez-Reverte are, so it doesn't help to make your summary in dedication--or
> whatever--to them, tell me what happened in a nut shell, so I know how to
> follow up with a post, okay? If this is going to be a Sith War, and I think
> I'm ready to join, then lets try to keep it linear and humorous,
> please.</rant>
Sorry, Muuurgh. Seriously. At least half the point *is* that the allusions
don't matter. In terms of the end product, they're window-dressing. But I've
produced a severely flawed attempt to explain them in the reply I just
posted.
But my NPCs are now redacted into a single character, and HackBoy and Mara
got turned into Gollum and the One Ring. You got that stuff, yes? That's the
important bit. The post served its purpose within the wider dynamic of the
Sith War...
> -Muuurgh
Pol'
Policrat
pe...@nospam.calweb.com wrote on 20/10/03 8:06 pm:
> Steve...@rightbehindyou.com wrote:
>> [snip]
>>
>> Nice.
>>
>> I must be getting better at this. Or else Pol's losing his edge. It only
>> took me two readings to understand this one. ;-)
>>
>> I'll try to have one bridging the gap as to how Mara and Hacker came to be
>> in the cart... when I have time. Sometime in the next couple of days.
>>
>> Steve Tilson
>>
> try reading it again, "...the Jedi Hacker huffed, puffing out his
> chest as he appeared from around the side of the synagogue, followed by
> a dazed-looking Mara." TJH and Mara were never in the cart.
Yep.
> though how they got there is of interest.
Yep.
> Other than my continuity subroutines going bonkers it was clear enough.
> Too bad about loosing Mara.
You're a CGI Gollum. Live with it. ;)
> (pulls up file for the 'lady Ada' project)
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Pol'
Policrat
dmil...@hotmail.com wrote on 21/10/03 3:02 am:
> Penguinista wrote:
>
>> Steve...@rightbehindyou.com wrote:
>>
>>> [snip]
>>>
>>> Nice.
>>>
>>> I must be getting better at this. Or else Pol's losing his edge. It
>>> only
>>> took me two readings to understand this one. ;-)
>>>
>>> I'll try to have one bridging the gap as to how Mara and Hacker came
>>> to be
>>> in the cart... when I have time. Sometime in the next couple of days.
>>>
>>> Steve Tilson
>>>
>> try reading it again, "...the Jedi Hacker huffed, puffing out his
>> chest as he appeared from around the side of the synagogue, followed by
>> a dazed-looking Mara." TJH and Mara were never in the cart. though how
>> they got there is of interest.
>
> "Oh no you don't," said McEwok, as the second Mara disappeared and the
> second Hacker turned back into Gollum.
>
> See? Anyone can play.
This post is canon. As is the one it's replying to.
Pol'
Bill Anderson
No, silly, the important bit is the Budweiser.
Policrat
billand...@yahoo.com wrote on 25/10/03 3:18 pm:
That's "Czechvar" to you, sir!
I knew there was something in there that was almost worthwhile...
> Bill Anderson
Pol'
Policrat
billand...@yahoo.com wrote on 25/10/03 12:39 pm:
Glad to have been of service, sir!
At least *someone* liked it...
> Bill Anderson
Pol'
Steve...@rightbehindyou.com
I liked it, too. Sorry I didn't defend it more vigorously against
Hacker's^H^H^H Q's attack.
Best use of Rabbi Loew in a Sith War post, ever.
> > Bill Anderson
>
> Pol'
Policrat
> Policrat <bonzodog_gumb...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>> in article bndqu3$1g5$1...@bob.news.rcn.net, Bill Anderson at
>> billand...@yahoo.com wrote on 25/10/03 12:39 pm:
>>
>>> Muuurgh wrote:
>>>> <rant>See, now I want to post and play Sith Wars, but the story keeps
>>>> jumping around to strange conclusions. I can hardly follow the story,
>>>> yet make a consecutive post. How did we get from a bar in RASSM City
>>>> to Prague? This makes it so bloody hard to write a Story out of if
>>>> there is no continuity. If Mara is to be a ring and Gollum is to be
>>>> Hacker than let's start from here.
>>>>
>>>> And if this is some strange parallel universe then please make that
>>>> clear in your posts--that way I can stay on RASSM planet with Hacker
>>>> in the bar, or wherever we left off last. I'd like to pick up
>>>> wherever Tilson posts next, his posts are clear and easy to follow.
>>>> Just try and keep this stuff linear instead of sporadic.
>>>>
>>>
>>> I have no complaints, considering I got a free trip to a place where
>>> the bottle may say "Budweiser" but the beer didn't come from St. Louis.
>>
>> Glad to have been of service, sir!
>>
>> At least *someone* liked it...
>
> I liked it, too. Sorry I didn't defend it more vigorously against
> Hacker's^H^H^H Q's attack.
Thanks - but don't worry. I'd be the first to admit that it had its distinct
flaws.
Then again, it saw turned Hacker into Gollum. Which can't be all bad.
> Best use of Rabbi Loew in a Sith War post, ever.
*chuckle*
>>> Bill Anderson
>>
>> Pol'
>
> Steve Tilson
Pol'