[Sith War 2002] Rescue! Part Two: Hack Jobs and Reunions
Rainbow Heron
...(cont'd):
After about two hours of total unsuccess searching thru Hacker's now
empty domain, Darth Gumby and all the Pokemon regrouped outside the
sandcrawler down the street. "Anything?" Seanpuff panted. "Nada"
Hamillpuff frowned. "Chu..." PeterPika sighed and nearly cried.
"Well then, I guess we could try combing the city," Ianpuff suggested.
"But I have a feeling we don't have much time."
"[Yeah, with Hack he's probably done something absolutely AWFUL to
her.]" Hot ROddish agreed.
"Be nice to Pokemon!" a voice half said to itself and half called to
the group.
The 6 Pokemon and Darth Gumby turned to face Robo-Alice and they all
cheered and tackle/hugged her. All but one. "Say what's wrong
PeterPika?! Alice is back!" Hamillpuff said.
PeterPika shook his head and pointed to Robo-Alice, "Chu!"
All the Pokemon stopped to stare at PeterPika. Even Darth Gumby, who
had been trying to get Alice's attention, introduce itself, and then
get all of the bubbliness of a happy reunion out, stopped to look.
"Whaddya mean that's not Alice?!" Ewanpuff stared.
"Now don't worry about him, he's just a cute little shy Pikachu,"
Robo-Alice said soothingly. "Come here little one."
"CHU!"
"What's the matter little Pikachu?" Robo-Alice put on her best sweetly
sad but curious face that she could, given her programming.
"Chu! Pikachu pika! Pika chuchu!" PeterPika replied.
"What? I don't understand," Robo-Alice said.
All the Pokemon went dead silent.
"Say Alice, can I use your razor to shave Hamillpuff's head tonight?"
Ewanpuff suddenly asked very slyly.
"Absolutely!" Robo-Alice cheerfully said. "Whatever makes you happy
honey!"
All the Pokemon went dead silent again.
This time, Ianpuff broke the silence: "PokeHuddle. You too Gumby."
They all got into a tight huddle and Robo-Alice just stood there,
still holding her shopping bags and thought of all the nice things she
could do for the Pokemon.
============
The Huddle went something like this:
"That ain't Alice. It couldn't be- look at those shopping bags. Don't
you think she'd be out looking for US instead of mall stuff?"
"Yeah, and Alice doesn't even like to shop for clothes! Lookit: Gap,
Express, Calvin Kline..."
"Plus, PeterPika usually rushes up to Alice like nothing else matters.
He didn't even flinch."
"[That's cuz that's not Alice! I know my PokeMommy!]"
"Yeah, I remember Alice saying she had long hair."
"[Oh heck yeah- REALLY long hair!]"
"So what're we gonna do?"
"I bet anything it's a Hack job."
"Yes that hairdo certainly is."
"Well if it's Hack's job- can we hack Hack's hack job?"
"Porygon wasn't coded for that-"
"So what do we do? How do we test it and get rid of it?"
"-and besides, I bet it's booby-trapped-"
"<Giggle!> You said 'boobie'!"
"BOOBIES!"
"Alright but really."
"I actually like this one, can we keep it?"
"Certainly NOT!"
"Well it's not a clone or she would have said 'no'..."
"Cuteness? Sneak attack? Quiz show? Singing?"
"Ooo! Yes yes yes! Do sing pleaaaaaase do sing!"
"I vote for all of 'em."
Robo-Alice was about ready to go over and give the big PokeHuddle a
nice big hug and kiss when all of a sudden, they broke away and all
started jumping, climbing, and chatting all around her.
Hot ROddish and PeterPika all started tugging her hair, and pulling on
her clothes, trying to get her attention. Hamillpuff tried to get into
her shopping bags to play dress up with the clothes. Ewanpuff chatted
up her left ear, while Darth Gumby quizzed her on various happenings
that only the real Alice would know in her right ear. Ianpuff sat on
her head and did the same by asking her extremely difficult things
related to Pokemon training. Seanpuff was content to just sit back and
observe the fun chaos.
In under 2 mintues, Robo-Alice's circuits became overwhelmed. Chanting
"be nice to the cute Pokemon" to herself and trying to meet the needs
of all of them at once was just too much for her. Finally, her head
exploded, and everyone was sent flying along with various wires and
gears.
Seanpuff walked up to the cpu chip in her head and held it up, "Who
wants to do the honors?"
"I will," came a voice they hadn't heard in a while.
Jedichu stepped away from the sandcrawler and sliced up the cpu. Darth
Gumby then came and stepped on it, using its Porkinite weight to crush
it into dust. A few Jawas then came up and started scrapping the robot
for themselves.
============
"JEDICHU!" Darth Gumby finally mustered after getting away from the
Jawas. "How did you get here?!" Ianpuff cried.
"Oh I just volunteered myself into my original Pokeball and
transported here. I just got out of the trunk and someone hasn't been
throwing away the trash in the trash can like they're supposed to," he
answered, eyeing Hamillpuff and Ewanpuff who both tried to stare off
into space and whistle innocently.
"I came to help out and it looks like you guys have done a wonderful
job already. I noticed the sandcrawlers finished off the rest of the
warehouse and part of the shop. Beautiful!" Jedichu laughed.
"Well, we gotta find Alice now and this sandcrawler's all ours!" Darth
Gumby said, pointing excitedly to the Sandcrawler which was now being
filled with what remained of the C'Pie army.
"Absolutely, with that army we can find her in no time!"
"Well then, what're we waiting for Let's go!" Several of them cried in
unison.
"Must be nice to Pokemon," a male voice suddenly said behind them.
They all turned to see a naked and spooked-looking Jedi Hacker
standing behind the Jawas where Robo-Alice used to be.
"ANOTHER one?!" Ianpuff moaned.
They all did the same thing to the Hacker clone as they did to Alice,
only when his head exploded and entrails came out, they were all glad
they had stayed some distance away this time.
"Ick."
"Another hack job."
"That didn't sound right."
"Neither did it."
"Uh, General? Commander?" one of the C'Pie clones came up and saluted
as best it could with a missing arm and a tattered penis gourd. "What
are we supposed to do now? We wanna DO something! We're sitting inside
and there's nothing to eat except motor oil. It's a bit too hot going
down and some of the guys are getting-"
"Okay I get the point," Seanpuff smiled. "Let's all split up and look
for Alice. Army, you try her usual places- I'll give you a list. Meet
up at the fountain in 3 hours. Go!"
Seanpuff turned back to the others. "Let's try the UNusual places."
============
After meeting up twice at the fountain without any results, everyone
piled into their new sandcrawler (the Jawas had given it to them as a
'thank you' for their big droid find) and just started wandering thru
the city.
"<sniffle> I hope she's alright. C'Pi's dead and I don't wanna lose
any more friends today," Darth Gumby said as it looked out the window.
"We've looked everywhere and still no sign of her. Where could she
be?" One of the C'Pie clones asked.
"Well, I'm not sure. We could just stay put and wait for her to come
to us, but-"
"Hey wait a minute!" Ianpuff said in a moment of genius. "Where is the
ONE place in all the universe where Alice would go for sancutary?"
"A chatroom?"
"A Pokemon Gym?"
"Our base back home?"
"A curling arena?"
"The Forest around Mt Moon?"
"A tie-dye convention?"
"Nonono, think harder!" Ianpuff said, now grinning.
Everyone thought for a minute.
"I think my brain hurts," Gumby said as it hit itself upside the head
with a large Lego brick.
The others all giggled and as they looked at Gumby sprawled on the
ground, it finally hit them.
============
They checked every bookstore in RASSM City. They tried the ones in
malls, the ones with big names, the ones with food courts (actually
they all just checked the food courts on those), the ones with
internet access, the ones with the rare books catalogs, the ones that
were the Mom & Pop kinds, the ones that were the Gamers Only, the ones
that were about to be closed down...
Heck, they even checked the LIBRARIES! But no Alice. Not until they
came to one lonely bookstore on the fringes of the city. They found
her asleep in the comics and gaming section with a partially-read
Pokemon Stadium manual laying on top of her chest and her head
pillowed by the lower shelf of the bookcase. Another shelf was
directly above her head.
The Pokemon all laughed quietly to themselves. Just like back home.
Snoozing silently, half-read book on her chest, bookshelf above her
head and all.
"Aw! Just like a baby!" Darth Gumby sighed.
"Hehehe. Everyone gather 'round!" Ewanpuff instructed.
Hamillpuff got up near her head and put a whoopie cusion on the
underside of the shelf directly above her head.
1...2...3...
"WAKE UP!" They collectively cheered.
Alice woke up with a yelp and a jolt and promptly hit her head on the
whoopie cushion on the shelf above her...making a nice farting sound
with it before hitting the back of her head on the shelf where he had
been when she grabbed her forehead.
"Not again," Alice thought to herself. "I gotta reset that alarm clock
sound setting. Where's that snooze button?" She felt around and only
found books.
She finally looked up to find her 6 Pokemon, her PokeJedi Master,
about 1138 C'Pie clonetroopers, and Darth Gumby all looking down at
her and smiling with grins that would make a cheshire cat jealous.
============
SUMMARY:
-the C'Pie army, Jawas, a Porygon, Darth Gumby, and the Pokemon all
successfully attack The Jedi Hacker and win
-Hack has no army and the Jawas took away all the scraps left over
-With the droids and the computers wiped out completely clean, the
Jawas will make a killing in their markets this season
-Robo-Alice and the Hacker clone have both been destroyed
-Alice was found in a bookstore
-Alice needs to reset which sounds get programmed into her alarm clock
and move the bookshelf from above her bed when she gets home
============
Good to be back with the gang!
-Rainbow Heron
(sig wishes RH didn't make these things so dang long)
<sigh> Me too sig. I *do* try tho...
==========================================
http://web.infoave.net/~rkanderson/rassm/swc.htm
Rainbow Heron's Sith War Characters Page
http://web.infoave.net/~rkanderson/rassm/sw2002.htm
The Sith War 2002 Archives
==========================================
Who needs kids when you've got Pokémon?!