[Sith War 2002 Election] The Leader's Election Speech
Politically Correct Star Wars Fan
as it couldn't decide what it's name was, Sean Walsh bolted upright to
Ponte. "Mike! A giant penis just appeared in orbit around the
planet!"
"Oh crap, now what's entering the war?" Ponte asked, as he looked
toward the screen instead of at the Steve McQueen doll he was playing
with. Suddenly the ship was hailed.
"Mike, now the penis is hailing us." Sean said sounding like a
confused frightened little girl. Ponte took that in stride since Sean
often sounded that way.
"This is testesing my patience. Put them on screen." Mike said,
watching as the screen lit up with the still masked face of The
Leader.
"Greetings Lord Ponte, I see your ship is well even if it's confused
about it's name." The Leader said with a grin.
"Greetings to you Leader, and yes we're still trying to find out what
happened to try and change the name of my ship. But it'll be figured
out soon. But it's nice to see you, though your penis ship gave us
quite a start."
"Penis ship? Oh no, this is my Gavel Star. It's not a penis, it's a
gavel. You know the whole lawyering thing is my shtick. Anyway, I'm
getting ready to head down and give my election speech. Has anyone
else arrived?" The Leader said as he adjusted his white nipple suit.
"Well, so far C'Pi's severed head has given his speech, as well as
Chuck Babbage. The podium is all set up for everyone to meet on. So
far no one else has shown up there to give their speech." Ponte said,
wondering when he'd get more Steve McQueen goodies from Leader.
"What of you, you haven't done yours yet?" The Leader asked,
surprised Ponte hadn't already tried to sway the voters yet.
"Not yet, I'm going to soon though. So you're going to do it now?"
Ponte asked.
"Yes, as soon as I get down to the planet." The Leader said, cutting
off communications a minute before a shuttle left the Gavel Star
heading for the podium.
"You know Sean, that guy is odd. Let's head down now too." Ponte
said before picking up and playing with his Steve McQueen doll again.
* * *
The Leader, having gotten lost thanks to poor directions by Ulca, got
on stage just in time for a blue annoying creature to pounce on him
and repeat "Annoying". Trying to get out from under the thing, he
spun to Ulca "Shoot it, quickly!"
Ulca, having been taught by Stormtroopers fired repeatedly and missed
the blue thing entirely, though killed several registered voters
accidentally. "Sorry boss." Ulca said, putting his blaster away.
"Nevermind that, I must give my speech." The Leader said, walking up
to the mic and noticing that not all of the nominees were there yet.
"Dear People of RASSM Planet. I am The Leader. With a name like The
Leader, you should know that you should have me as YOUR Leader. I
will look out for all of your interests and make everything
politically correct and usher in a new world of peace and happiness
free from degenerates and idiots!
"To show how much I am looking out for you all, this morning I filed
injunctions to keep Chuck Babbage, R5 P1 and Steve from entering the
election!" The Leader said, stopping as the crowd hissed and awed.
"It came to my attention that these beings were not legal RASSM Planet
citizens. They are part of the RASSMverse, but not this planet.
Since this planet rules all of RASSM, perhaps they thought they could
get in as outsiders. But that is simply NOT HOW IT IS DONE. The
court will rule on Tuesday on whether they should be allowed in the
election at all, but in the mean time I urge you all to not waste your
votes on those who will be disqualified!"
The Leader paused a moment and nodded his head toward his associate
who was set up to help him with the election. "People of RASSM! I
say we correct the mistake! We keep Lucas from antagonizing anymore
kind minority or ethnic groups We portray all as equals! Freedom and
happiness for all!" The Leader said dramatically, ending his speech
and taking his seat to a round of applause.
"I think that went well Sir." Ulca said after his Master sat down.
"Yes, yes it did. And I already know my associate will help me to win
this, my ally and my associate. This will be easy." The Leader said,
smiling as someone else went to make a speech.
Peter Hanely
> "To show how much I am looking out for you all, this morning I filed
> injunctions to keep Chuck Babbage, R5 P1 and Steve from entering the
> election!" The Leader said, stopping as the crowd hissed and awed.
>
> "It came to my attention that these beings were not legal RASSM Planet
> citizens. They are part of the RASSMverse, but not this planet.
> Since this planet rules all of RASSM, perhaps they thought they could
> get in as outsiders. But that is simply NOT HOW IT IS DONE. The
> court will rule on Tuesday on whether they should be allowed in the
> election at all, but in the mean time I urge you all to not waste your
> votes on those who will be disqualified!"
R5-P1 and Chuck Babbage, secretly the Jedi Hacker, both took prompt
response.
For R5-P1 it was a crippling revenge as it cracked into bank computers
and froze the Leaders financial assets, then into court computers and
made sure all cases he had pending were schedualed for the same time, in
different courtrooms than they'd been in. The Gavel would be ionized if
that didn't work.
Babbage was more subtle, inserting a record into central databanks
'proving' his citizenship. Even without a tracable history, that should
hold up long enough for the election.
--
The Jedi Hacker
"Strike me down and I'll become more powerfull than you can imagine."