[Sith Bore] The Gonk Squad
Steve...@rightbehindyou.com
All RASSM was grievin' the Tilsonian Steven!
He wiped out the town, he demolished the city!
He tore it all down, oh my, what a pity!
And just when they thought it couldn't get worse,
While the Sith Warriors ran and the RASSMers dispersed,
And insurance agents all closed up their purse,
And storekeepers stopped all their shoppers' commerce,
And traffic to the city went into reverse,
And the funeral directors each warmed up his hearse,
Some warriors did gather, of types all diverse,
And their leader did speak, and his speech was quite terse:
He
Said
GONK!
And the strange warriors heard him, and lost all their fear!
They started to dance and they started to cheer!
For Gonk had said just what they wanted to hear;
They would fight, fight, fight for what they held dear!
"We'll fight on the beaches! We'll fight in the trenches!
We'll fight in the woods and on the park benches!
We won't give a foot, we won't give a meter!
We won't yield an inch to that big dumb Sith-beater!"
So this motley few followed after their leader,
The short boxy droid that looked like a heater,
And it was a strange crew that marched off to war,
Each one a bit weirder than what went before:
First went Gonk, and then right behind,
A small spiky creature, a brave porcupine.
(His power, his weapon, the way he made kills
Was firing his special explosive-tipped quills.)
Then came two pit droids, like most of their kind
A whole lot clumsy and a little bit blind.
And bringing up the rear with a flow and a bob,
There burbled a giant animated blob.
(No one had seen the blob before this day.
He wasn't bright yellow or eye-pleasing grey,
Not even red, which would be scary, it's true;
This blob was brown, and looked like a poo.)
They marched, they walked, they slithered along,
They trudged, they burbled, they sang their theme-song,
Till cresting a hill, they saw down below
A creature so huge, they stopped and said "Whoa!"
They gathered their wits, they came to their senses.
They said, "What to us are the Tilson's offenses?
He hasn't hurt us, we won't make pretenses;
RASSM can see to its own damned defenses!"
So saying, each turned to make good a retreat;
They shoved pseudopodia, they pounded their feet.
But fast as they were, they didn't get far;
The Tilsonian saw them, and let out a "RHAAAR!"
He said "TILSON NOT LIKE DUMB DROID THAT SAY GONK!"
And he drew back his fist and gave Gonk a bonk,
(A hit, that is; a punch-out, a conk)
Then kicked him from RASSM all the way to Seekonk!
The loss of their god left the pit droids dishearted;
They got out, they vamoosed, made tracks, and departed!
They ran for the closest public temporal displacer,
But got sucked instead into a speeding pod-racer!
The porcupine dashed forward, and shot off a quill;
It didn't hurt Tilson, the damage was nil.
"RAAR!" Tilson said, "TILSON ALL OUT OF JOINT!
NOW PUNY PORCUPINE SOON GETTING THE POINT!"
Tilson snatched up the terrified porcupine's tail;
The porcupine screamed and twisted and wailed.
Tilson shook it, whacked it, and gave it a crack;
He gave it a wrench, and snapped its poor back!
Then he wrapped a fist 'round the porcupine and pulled;
The porcupine moaned and muttered and mewled!
The porcupine whined and whimpered and drooled,
As under Tilson's hands it was forcibly de-wooled:
Like a corn-cob, Tilson peeled it and plucked it,
Stripped off its quills, denuded it, shucked it!
(Quills shot at Tilson, who just simply ducked it.)
Then into his back pocket Tilson folded and tucked it!
And now all that was left of Gonk's rag-tag mob
Was the brave and intractable brown-colored blob!
The blob reared up high on his back pseudopod,
Determined to avenge the rest of Gonk's squad!
He threw himself at Tilson, attempting to smother
This mad smelly beast who'd wiped out his brothers;
But Tilson inhaled through his mouth, and the blob
Went right down Tilson's wide-open gob!
Tilson gave a lurch. He gave a stutter.
He swallowed twice. He swallowed another.
And boiling up from Tilson, somewhere inside,
There came a smell just like something had died!
"RAAAR!" Tilson quoth, "TILSON EAT UNCOOKED BLOB!
NOW TILSON DRINK PINK STUFF TO FINISH OFF JOB!"
So searching for relief, back to the city Tilson jumped,
And made odd gurgles as the blob within him pumped,
Until passing by a hardware store, he saw inside his goal:
A nice, shiny, never-used, factory-new toilet bowl!
"TILSON SAVED!" Tilson roared, "TILSON GET TO USE COMMODE!"
And he tore off the storefront, and on the throne he rode!
He sat, and he grimaced, and he pushed, and he spat;
He bore down and scrunched up till the blob went SPLAT!
"RAAAAR!" Tilson said, "TILSON FORGET TO BRING TP!"
So Tilson improvised, with something quite creepy:
From within his back pocket the folded porcupine he took,
And cleaned the dark deepness of his soiled nether nook.
"RAAAR!" Tilson said, "TP STAND FOR TOILET PORCUPINE!"
And gave long a laugh both deep and malign.
"NOW TILSON FLUSH!" Tilson declared, but alack!
The commode had nothing hooked up at the back!
So Tilson drew back, and with a grin on his face,
He kicked the commode into orbital space!
Here ends the Gonk Squad, defenders of RASSM!
Storied and honored, for none can outclass 'em!
If one can reenter, and one return from Seekonk
We may one day again see the great Squad of Gonk!
=======
SUMMARY:
This is for Hacker, who asked for it.
Steve Tilson
--
"How many more, Harry?" said Dumbledore, eyes puddling with tears. "How
many more have to be buried before your thirst for vengeance is satisfied?"
- www.pointlesswasteoftime.com
Penguinista
> SUMMARY:
>
> This is for Hacker, who asked for it.
>
> Steve Tilson
>
Your best work as long as I've been on RASSM.
Muuurgh
<Steve...@rightbehindyou.com> wrote in message
news:20031031163949.207$i...@newsreader.com...
You, my friend have had too much coffee.
And with it you dunked your favorite toffee.
But I must say it has done you well,
For on me, your post has cast quite a spell.
-Muuurgh
Steve...@rightbehindyou.com
> You, my friend have had too much coffee.
> And with it you dunked your favorite toffee.
> But I must say it has done you well,
> For on me, your post has cast quite a spell.
If imitation be the greatest of flattery,
Your post has hit me like something quite splattery.
Gah. I've been doing this all freakin' day.
Steve Tilson
Steve...@rightbehindyou.com
> Steve...@rightbehindyou.com wrote:
> > SUMMARY:
> >
> > This is for Hacker, who asked for it.
> >
> > Steve Tilson
> >
> Looks like Tilsonian Steven won.
This round.
> Your best work as long as I've been on RASSM.
Thank you.
Lefty Skywalker
Shel would approve.
Steve...@rightbehindyou.com wrote:
--
Daniel O. Miller
"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the
fundamental emotion which stands at the cradle of true art and true
science. Whosoever does not know it and can no longer marvel, is as good
as dead, and his eyes are dimmed." - Albert Einstein
WWYD?
(hotmail addy is a red herring; I'm at em see aych ess aye)
Policrat
Steve...@rightbehindyou.com at Steve...@rightbehindyou.com wrote on
31/10/03 9:39 pm:
> The Tilsonian Steven! The Tilsonian Steven!
> All RASSM was grievin' the Tilsonian Steven!
> SUMMARY:
>
> This is for Hacker, who asked for it.
And how.
> Steve Tilson
Pol'