[Sith War 2002] Rescue! Part One: Battle Time
Rainbow Heron
The city rumbled and the streetlamps fell to the ground and were
instantly flattened by the brigade of Jawa Sandcrawlers that made
their way thru RASSM City. Inside one of the sandcrawlers, General
Seanpuff and Commander Darth Gumby were inspecting the C'Pie clone
army and giving them instructions on their battle plan.
Inside another sandcrawler, a small purple and green critter carrying
a small bag jumped out from underneath and thru a manhole cover into
the sewer system. Hot ROddish made his way to the nearest sewer duct
that ran directly underneath Chateu des Ordinateurs and dug his way
thru to the underground cables. He then opened his bag and took out a
small wire, and attatched it to a Pokeball. With a small kick, the
Pokeball opened, and the Pokemon that was inside, went thru the wire
and into The Jedi Hacker's computer system.
Hacker could never have foreseen, much less prepaired for this one: a
Porygon attack. This Porygon had been personally coded by Alice
herself during their brief stay back home during Spring Break.
The Porygon multiplied itself and spread like a virus thru Hacker's
system and attatched itself to various components. It would idle for
exactly five minutes.
Inside yet another sandcrawler, the Jawas were getting an earful from
Ewanpuff about Hacker's vast droid army.
============
Robo-Alice had just come out of the mall and having no success with
the missing posters, had decided to walk on back to Hack's to offload
her shopping bags.
The real Alice was still roaming around the city and had come across a
few of the missing posters. She decided to call the listed cell phone
number to see just what the hell was going on. "Alice speaking!" the
voice on the other end said. The real Alice hung up the phone in shock
when she heard her own voice on the other end.
If there were two of her walking about, it couldn't possibly be a
clone because she would have sensed it. Her abilities in the Force
were growing stronger. Still she wished Jedichu were around...
Nothing was worse than waiting, and Jedichu had been patient long
enough. "Cue me up, Vulpix. I'm gonna try something and I hope I don't
regret it later."
============
Hacker was reading a transmission from Robo-C'Pi when its transmission
was interrupted, suddenly cut off by something.
The ground shook, and many of this computers and parts started falling
off the shelves in droves. Knowing he was under attack, Hacker had no
time to salvage any of it. He ran from the shop towards the warehouse
to get his droid army.
No sooner had he gotten there and the droids stood at attention, than
a dozen Jawa Sandcrawlers plowed their way thru the walls of the
warehouse, flattening everything in their paths and quickly taking out
half of the entire army. The air was littered with laser fire, and the
crunching of droids and warehouse under the tanklike wheels of the
sandcrawlers.
One of them finally stopped to open its door, shadowing two figures in
the doorway. General Seanpuff pulled out a curling broom and Darth
Gumby pulled out a large Lego spear. Both held them in the air like
swords, and in perfect union yelled "CHAAAAAAAAAARGE!!"
Out poured the C'Pie army.
Laser blasts apparently don't do much damage to penis gourd 9000s,
aside from leaving layers of black carbon blasts on the outside. The
C'Pies used them to club the droids. Their gourds and guns and fired
huge amounts of highly acidic ketchup (in all 6 colors) which melted
away anything it touched...except for Porkinite digestion tracts.
Hacker was so enraged and flabergasted -or rather flabber gased as one
C'Pie clonetrooper got close enough to give him a good gasing- took
out his saber and started to get in on the battle action.
Now with Hacker fully distracted (and now 4.5 mintues into the battle)
Ianpuff, Hamillpuff, and PeterPika made their way thru the bruhaha and
spread out to search for Alice.
============
After a few mintues, Seanpuff realized that they were still
outnumbered and they needed to accelerate their plan. "Create a
perimeter around the survivors," Seanpuff ordered.
"Yeah what he said! And do the rest of your farting now so we don't
gas each other now okay?" Darth Gumby yelled.
Now totally surrounded, the droid army pointed their blasters at the
C'Pie army, Seanpuff, and Darth Gumby. The Jedi Hacker strode thru his
army to face these infidels to make them pay for ruining his day and
his warehouse. Gumby and Seanpuff gulped but made the first move.
"Where's Alice?!" They demanded.
"She's not here."
"We don't believe you, now hand her over," Seanpuff growled.
"Yeah! Gimme back my pal!!!!" Darth Gumby said, doing its best to look
ferocious.
"Heh heh, you will all die sooner rather then later I guess," Hacker
sneered at Seanpuff. "And so will you lard heads" he said to the army.
Ewanpuff's sandcrawler had stopped inside the warehouse, and he
watched the battle from inside. He was also trying very hard to keep
the masses at bay. "Noooooot yeeeeeeet..."
============
Hot ROddish waited patiently as deep inside The Jedi Hacker's networks
of computers and droid controllers, the masses of Porygons were
counting down the nanoseconds. Finally, after extactly five minutes,
they exploded.
Each Porygon copied various portions of The Jedi Hacker's system, and
sent them back to the original Porygon. Once finished, the original
Porygon went back thru the wire system and reentered its Pokeball. Hot
ROddish happily packed up and went back thru the sewer system to the
Jump-DMC which was parked in a sandcrawler down the street.
With the original safely back in the Pokeball, the "children" then
committed sepuku- and took Hacker's entire system down with them.
Everything erased, everything crashed, everything bluescreened, and
then everything went black.
The entire droid army collapsed and all the C'Pie army cheered. Hacker
held up his lightsaber and was about to strike when all of a sudden
another loud cry filled the air.
"UTINNI!!!!!!!!!!"
Thousands of Jawas poured into the warehouse and began scooping up
every bit of anything they could find- including Hacker himself. A
group of them overwhelmed the guy and started harassing him and
bouncing him around in the air.
Hacker struck out and killed a few, but soon found his lightsaber
stolen. The Jawas then stuffed him in a trash can and stuck a
jabbering Furby in there with him. Pi left the blueprints terminal and
'ran' for its life.
A trampled-on Ewanpuff staggered down the ramp of the sandcrawler
(which was now being filled with excited and parts-laden Jawas) and
towards Seanpuff and Darth Gumby.
"I guess we can go look for Alice now right?! PLEASE?!?!" Darth Gumby
jumped up and down begging. "YES! Lets!" Ewanpuff said and off they
went.
When Robo-Alice got back to the shop and discovered it was empty, she
turned around and headed back outside to see if Hacker had decided to
scout for more merchandise.
============
CONTINUED in Part Two: Hack Jobs and Reunions...
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Rainbow Heron's Sith War Characters Page
http://web.infoave.net/~rkanderson/rassm/sw2002.htm
The Sith War 2002 Archives
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Who needs kids when you've got Pokémon?!