[Sith War 2003]: BAM!
Reality bomb
Hall to the throne of the Archon.
The zealots stepped aside and made the traditional announcement as Jade
awoke from its daily nap and looked around, wondering what happened to that
Ponte fellow who wanted an alliance.
"Archon, we present your new head chef." The little man with dark, tightly
curled hair grinned in a crooked and inviting way. The zealots wheeled out
a mobile kitchen station complete with counter top, deep fryer and
professional range in front of the chef.
Jade tasted the film of several ham and cheese sandwiches and reached for a
cannister of bacon flavored Binaca breath spray. After a few squirts it
rolled out of the throne and tossed aside the briefing on the new Sith war
it
had been reading. Time to eat.
The zealots held blasters to the chefs head and he looked a bit nervous.
Jade yawned. "Who are you and why aren't you cooking yet?"
The chef quivered a minute and then launched into jabbering and antics of
apoplectic proportions.
"HI! I'm Emeril Lagasse and I'm blown away to be your new chef. We're gonna
have a great time today as we deep fry stuff. Check this out!"
He jumped under the counter and popped back up holding a platter with a raw
turkey that appeared to have several extra drumsticks on it.
"This bad boy here is a genetically altered turkey. These things are
delicious and super hard to catch! But I heard you liked the drumstick, so
caught one just for you."
Jade crossed it's arms. "It looks like you took a regular turkey and
fastened
extra legs on with toothpicks"
"Just what I said, genetically altered. We took a regular turkey and KICKED
IT UP A NOTCH!"
He slammed the platter on the counter and began pounding cloves of garlic
into the skin with a mallet.
"I don't know where you get your turkey, but where I get mine it doesn't
come
SEASONED! We'll add about 50 cloves of garlic here"
The Zealots suddenly heckled "Whooooooo!"
"a little salt and some cayenne pepper..." He copiously drenched the bird in
the spices. "And then right into the fryer!" The bird was plunged into the
fryer with a hiss and oil spattered angrily everywhere.
"Can ya hear it gettin' happy in there, archon!?!?!"
"Yes, it seems pretty content. Um...are you currently on any medications?"
"I had a few beers and some amazing and I mean AMAZING, jambalaya earlier.
OH, you talk about good...Which brings me to what we're gonna do next!
Nothing goes better with a multileg fried turkey than a whole raw onion
fried right with it. This is going to be the happiest of all happies!"
He pulled out a large onion and wound up like a pitcher before slamming the
onion into the fryer with a shriek. "BAM!"
A geyser of boiling oil shot up, causing the other Porkinites to scatter.
"Now that's what I'm talkin' about! Can you feel the love, Archon?"
"yes yes I do."
Emeril yanked the turkey from the fryer and laid the bird out for the
archon. A couple of the drumsticks were hanging lazily. Jade ripped one off
.
"I will be in the war"
*chomp glomp crunch slurp*
Another leg was pulled loose.
"I will be in the war...not"
*chomp glomp crunch slurp*
And another
"I will be in the war"
*chomp glomp crunch slurp*
BBBBRAAAAAP!
"Scuse me."
And another...
"I will be in the war...not"
*chomp glomp crunch slurp*
Jade
--
Emiril is the new Porkinite chef.
Jade is letting turkey legs decide the Porknite course of action.
-Dr. Stryangepjörk
"Reality bomb" <rba...@my-deja.com> wrote in message
news:JIe_9.454761$FT6.93...@news4.srv.hcvlny.cv.net...
I say we keep the chef!! He's great! His belly makes me giggle.
*Muuurgh grabs a wing and slices off a piece of brest with his claw*
Can we keep him Archon, can we huh? Can we?
-Muuurgh
>
>
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Darth Gumby
...
If you only knew what I was working on at this very moment....
Have you been hiding in my pocket again?
That was beautiful, it makes me want turkey legs.
Gumby
--
(It's Emeril and Porkinite related, not SW2003 related. The thing. That I'm
working on. You'll see. I've given too much away already.)
--
"I think my brain hurts"
-- Prof. C.H. Gumby, from I, Gumby