REVIEW OF RED-ASSED LAP DANCING 20: BATTERING THE BUNS
J. Jimmie
Directed by Greg Edwards
Red Hot Video
about an hour
Cast: Mystery Spanker (Greg Edwards), Kristin, Nina, and
Ivy
Reviewed by Amy
4.80 out of 5.00 Stars
http://www.bunbeatingfun.com/
Review of Red Hot Video 20: Battering the Buns
Segment 1: Kristin – The Evidence Speaks for Itself
I'm starting to think that the Mystery Spanker – we never do see his
face, though I have to think that I probably wouldn't recognize him
anyway – picks out the motel to fit the girl he's spanking that day.
Spankee Number One in Red Hot Video #20 is a cheesy, untrustworthy
little number named Kristin with both a stud and a sunburst tattoo in
her belly button, thick black eyeliner that looks like it weighs about
two lbs, and silver hot pants glued to her rear end. If anyone
deserved a hot red butt, it is Kristin.
She's a cute kid, and the operative word is "kid". She looks young
and acts young, and some of her insults – heck, all of her insults –
make no sense at all. As usual in the RHV line, the girl starts a
nice little strip tease (yawn, but then I'm not into other girls
stripping), and then gets bored, fast. When The Man finally puts her
bottom up, we get a nice 10 seconds of him rubbing her silver-covered
fanny, and those hot pants ride up so high that half her butt shows
anyway. This is pretty sexy (I love it when a man rubs my butt). She
turns red on her upper thighs and lower butt -- all we can see at this
point -- almost immediately. This one is going to look spanked when
he's done, I can tell.
The pants finally come down but she still has her pink thong on. Her
butt is pretty blotchy and almost immediately spanking on her bare
skin turns it VERY blotchy and purplish-red. Her legs start kicking
up and down, which is something I sort of like. Hey, maybe it's just
me.
Then she has a bright idea – "I give really, really good blow jobs,"
she says. "Why don't you let me give you a blow job, please!" Hm.
Will he do it? "Or we could fuck," she continues, "we could fuck
really really good." Will he fall for it this time? "And I'll be
really really wet," she says. Hm. How does she know? Unless she's
*already* really really wet. In any case, Mystery Spanker does appear
to fall for it. He gives her a few more half hearted swats, grabs
some butt cheek while he's thinking, and then lets her get up. "Thank
you, thank you," she whispers. Is this a first for RHV? He's going
to do it with one of the girls? Nah, not today. She rubs her really
really wet clit on his leg for a while, asking him if he's getting
excited, which, apparently, he is because she notes his big stiffy:
"Ooh, you're pretty hard for an old man." This, naturally, infuriates
the Mystery Spanker: "old man"? Back she goes over his knee for more
of the good old-fashioned stuff. "I didn't mean it like that!" she
shrieks, though you and I and the Mystery Spanker know that she
probably did mean it exactly like that.
We now get an eagle eye view of her butt. Wow. There are some major
pain stripes on that butt. Either this kid is the biggest marker in
the history of RHV or the Mystery Spanker is spanking her harder than
any of the others. Either way, if you're into bright red-purple
well-spanked butts, this is the girl for you.
Hold the presses. "You can fuck my ass," Kristin says at last. "I
never let anybody do that." Jeez, Mystery Spanker, maybe you should
take her up on this one. A first for RHV. Your audience would
applaud your benevolence in taking her up on the offer. Go ahead, we
don't mind. MS thinks about it for a few minutes, massaging her butt,
giving us a nice view of the…the…hole in question. Looks good,
Mystery Spanker, go ahead. Apparently though, he's having too much
fun spanking that ass to fuck it. Sigh.
Kristin finally takes a look back at her bare bottom: "Oh!" she
squeals. "Look at my ass! It's all red! It's gonna bleed!" I was
thinking those same thoughts, Kristin. "That's fucking evidence!" she
says when he doesn't stop. "Just wait til I leave here." I can't
help it. I start laughing. "Evidence"? I'd love to be a fly on the
wall in that police station when Kristin shows up with her red ass as
"evidence".
Segment 2: Nina – The Best Ass in the Video
Nina has a big mole on her breast. Nina has a huge mole on her
breast. Nina has a dark brown humungous mole on her breast. If I can
get that out of my system, I'll be able to watch this RHV segment in
peace. In the long run, though – heck, even in the short run – the
mole doesn't matter one bit because she is turned bare butt up in
short order and the mole is gone from view forever.
Her long, curly, pony-tailed hair reminds of I Dream of Jeannie. That
Jeannie was always a sexy little number, wasn't she? But Nina, Nina….
Well, I hope Nina isn't a model in real life. If she is, she may be
the worst model in history, posing in awkward ways, almost tipping
over onto the floor in her un-enthusiasm to pose for the little
birdie. The only good part of her modeling act, in fact, in her cute
little skirt that screams "spank me" – cut outs going up the sides and
so short we can pretty much see her ass already.
When the Mystery Spanker finally gets going, we can see that Nina is
one of those girls with thighs that continue on up and become her
butt. She's got firm but chubby legs is what I'm trying to say. As
the spanks rain down – not too hard, he is warming her up after all –
she squeals and squeaks like a stuck pig. (What is a "stuck pig" by
the way?)
Her fanny pinks up nicely as the spanking goes on – she really does
have one of the nicer rear ends of the RHV models. Occasionally we
catch a glimpse of her tongue stud as she opens her mouth to squeak
out a protest. What is it with RHV and tattoos / studs? Oh, well,
none of my concern as the spanking continues, and the important thing
to note about Nina is that the harder the Mystery Spanker spanks, the
less she whines and complains. Let that be a lesson to all you
spankers out there – do it hard.
The Taking Down of The Thong is something of a defining moment for
Nina – she starts crying, figuring out at last apparently that this
guy is serious about spanking. Her I-Dream-of-Jeannie ponytail swings
wildly around; how did Jeannie keep hers so nice and neat? We finally
see Nina's fat bottom in its full glory, and so does the Mystery
Spanker given the way he's rubbing and squeezing it. After a few
short minutes, he strips of her of her little bikini bra – am I the
only one who finds this slow disrobing at the hands of her spanker
pretty damn erotic? Back to her butt, which is pretty red by this
time, with some purple splotches at the most spanked spots. In this
position, clad in her high heels still, she reminds me of an
old-fashioned housewife getting spanked by her irate husband, crying,
promising to behave. He massages her butt, and this seems to sting
more than the spanking – we can see real tears at this point, and the
poor girl really does seem to have learned her lesson, Mystery
Spanker.
Segment 3: Ivy – Dogpatch comes to Red Hot Video
Question: If you were to be stranded on a desert island with just one
RHV segment, which one would you take? No brainer for me -- it would
be Ivy, hands down. I could watch Ivy all day. Well, to be fair, I
could watch Ivy and the Mystery Spanker all day. Ivy by herself may
be a bit much.
Ivy is what can technically be referred to as "a blond bombshell",
something I've always aspired to be, without a smidgen of success.
She's got big boobs, a fat ass, and the chubbiest thighs I've seen on
a RHV model, ever. In other words, she's perfect for spanking!
Her sense of fashion leaves a little bit to be desired -- let's just
say she's into animal prints -- and that fat ass of hers translates
into the need to buy lingerie that's not exactly form-fitting, i.e. it
bags somewhat in her non-butt locations. But hey, I'm not
complaining, Ivy. You're still one sexy chick, and if my breasts were
that big, I'd make sure my nipples peeked out from my lingerie all the
time, too.
>From the get-go, one has the feeling that Ivy and the Mystery Spanker
are not going to hit it off, personality-wise. When she gets bored
with flouncing around in her leopard prints, she decides to take a
cigarette break, to the great annoyance of -- you guessed it -- the
Mystery Spanker. Well, the fireworks fly and before you know it, the
Mystery Spanker has Li'l Ol' Ivy bare-butt-up over his lap. Did I
mention that Ivy has a Southern accent that won't quit, even when
she's screaming at the top of her lungs? And I thought it was fake.
Not our Ivy. And her Daisy Mae-barefoot-bare-assed imitation is so
authentic, I think I'm in Dogpatch.
Ivy does not intend to take this butt whooping lying down though,
frankly, she doesn't seem to have a lot of choice in the matter. She
keeps threatening that all she has to do is "make one phone call", and
that when she does, the Mystery Spanker will deeply regret his current
course of action. "One phone call" to whom, for God's sake? Be
specific, Ivy! The Mystery Spanker -- ominous music plays off and on
-- makes a few threats of his own: "When I'm done with you, you're
gonna be a little lady." For some reason, the Mystery Spanker's
threats tend to carry a little more weight with me.
It actually doesn't take more than a few minutes before Ivy has given
up her threats, and moved into "begging mode", a state that I
typically resort to immediately when I'm in Ivy's shoes. "Oh God
please stop" and "Somebody help me!" are the phrases most frequently
heard at this point. Ivy, lucky kid, has the good fortune to have a
potential rescuer nearby: a pretty, business-suited woman is standing
just outside the door listening, and her reaction to the bare bottom
spanking ranges from glee to surprise to bemusement. She's a cutie,
and I keep hoping that perhaps the Mystery Spanker will pull her in by
the ear and give her a taste of toasted buns. Regardless, she
declines to answer Ivy's prayers and she stays in her spot just
outside the hotel room door, perhaps assessing whether Ivy's can is
worth saving.
About mid-point through Ivy's show comes the apex of Red Hot
Video-dom. Though girls aplenty have begged the Mystery Spanker over
the years to allow them to get out of their butt roasting by giving
him a special something from their bag of tricks, he has steadfastly
refused. He must be getting old -- he doesn't refuse this time.
That's right, boys and girls, Ivy gives your friend and mine a nice
loud blow job. Wow! And a very sexy blow job it is: on her knees,
her red butt wiggling up and down, back and forth, her legs kicking in
protest when he grabs her ears and moves her mouth at just the right
pace to achieve his goal. I watched this part...ohhh...about 9,000
times. And I could watch it another 9,000. Make this a part of every
RHV, willya, Mystery Spanker?
You're probably thinking, well, that's that -- a spanking, a blow job,
what could be better? Not the Mystery Spanker's modus operandi,
though. He's a man on a mission, and that mission is to kick some Ivy
butt. "You probably thought your spanking was over," he says, as Ivy
retches on the floor from having to swallow the Mystery Spanker's
elixir. He hauls her butt back over his lap, and Ivy is genuinely
pissed. This is a woman with some experience behind her, that's
obvious, and her experience has told her that the blow job should
pretty much cover it. No way, sweetheart. She jiggles and screams
and begins the threats again, and pretty soon, I temporarily forget
about that sweet, sweet blow job to watch. Another five or six
minutes of bare bottom paddling, and Ivy is finally tossed off his lap
in disgrace. She does get a few extra while on the floor, and another
one or two on her way to back to the bathroom to get dressed. On the
way, she picks up a high heel shoe and waves it about in a very
threatening manner. Lucky for us that the Mystery Spanker is not
easily intimidated by the likes of Ivy. Give her a nice hard smack on
the way out the door, will you, Mystery Spanker?
Oaf 6673
Red HOT Video
> These vids are very weak and the picture quality is terrible.
Were there any chance that you might have actually seen that which you
describe, I might in turn be somewhat concerned. I mean it's always
possible that our duplicator screwed up or something.
However...
Since volume 20 has only just now been released, it is clear that you
are but a common newsgroup troll.
As for everyone else, another review of this our latest release can be
found here...
http://www.svrpage.net/april04review.html
Enjoy the springtime everybody! :)
-------------------------
Red HOT Video!
We spank bad girls
for REAL because...
they're REAL bad girls.
http://bunbeatingfun.com
-------------------------
>> DVD NTSC & PAL <<
Oaf 6673
>Since volume 20 has only just now been released, it is clear that you
>are but a common newsgroup troll.
I've seen some of your vids and they all suck. The review page is a total joke.
Spamming has it's drawbacks, huh?