[rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc] A New Life, Soaked in Flammable Liquid
Bill Livingston
From: "Jon Hall" <jon...@worldnet.att.net>
Newsgroups: rec.arts.tv.mst3k.misc
Hiya, Folks.
The brother of one of my wife's friends works for the University of Texas.
He was kind enough to share this tale of Freshmania, and I was so impressed
by it that I thought I'd pass it along to you. Enjoy.
------------------------
Don's 1st Experience with UT Class of 2006
It's always nice on campus with the incoming Freshmen in bloom. I will
usually point out a building or two. Sometimes as staff, we volunteer to
help them move into their dorms, etc. But sometimes they show up rather
ill-equipped for life on their own.
Today, 8/21, I was filling up my truck when a young lady pulled up to the
tank on the other side of my island. She fumbled with the credit-card slot,
and then asked, "How does this work?" She had her HS tassels hanging from
her rearview and a car full of clothes and furniture.
I recommended she try inserting the card. "I did that," she retorted. I
said, "The way the black stripe goes matters." She giggled as the pump
turned on.
Next thing I knew, gas was dumping all over the ground, and she was crying,
with this weird wimper: "Uunngggh, uuunngghh, uunggghhh." I stuck my head
around the island and saw that she had her hand on the handle and 92 octane
was spewing out full blast. Apparently, after the gas turned on she just
grabbed the handle and squoze, shooting gas straight up in the air, because
she was also covered in gas from her hair to her tank top and down to her
Brit Spears lowriders. I yelled at her, "Let go of the handle, honey."
Luckily, I had the island as protection, because as soon as she heard my
voice she turned, spraying gas right at me, but splashing it most of it on
the bank of gas pumps and only splattering it on my face.
She was bawling now and hopping slightly, all the while saying, "Uuunggghh,
uuuunngghh, uuunnggh."
But she had a firm grip on the handle: By now the pump read $3.40 and
counting.
I screamed at an attendant to shut off the pump and calmly turned to her.
"Sweetie, that lever you are squeezing in your hand is causing gas to come
out of the nozzle. Take your hand off the handle!"
She slowly grasped my remarks by lifting her nozzle hand up and looking at
it closely, thereby turning the nozzle and causing gas to spray directly
into her front seat. Finally, she dropped the nozzle at the same time the
pumps shut off. She was totally bawling now, screaming, "I'm so sorry, I'm
so sorry," and kind of running in place.
The attendants were spraying the area with foam, and I could hear the fire
truck on its way. I had to push my truck out of the way so that I didn't
start it on the gas. As I left she was yelling she wanted to go home, and
the attendants were physically preventing her from getting in her car and
starting it in a puddle of gasoline. The pump read $4.93.
-Don
--------------------------------
I don't know what I could possibly add, except a mean-spirited sig.
--
Jon Hall
"Kids today think the 70s were fun. They think the 70s were cool. They think
that 70s stuff looks hip. Let me put this as delicately as possible: kids
today are idiots."
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