CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO BOSNIA

[Achim Kron]

Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients

Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton
announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of
Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will
provide the region with the critically needed letters A, E, I, O, and U, and

is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.

"For six years, we have stood by while names like Ygrjvslhv and Tzlynhr and
Glrm have been horribly butchered by millions around the world," Clinton
said. "Today, the United States must finally stand up and say 'Enough.' It
is time the people of Bosnia finally had some vowels in their
incomprehensible words. The US is proud to lead the crusade in this noble
endeavor."

The deployment, dubbed Operation Vowel Storm by the State Department, is
set for early next week, with the Adriatic port cities of Sjlbvdnzv and Grzny
slated to be the first recipients. Two C-130 transport planes, each
carrying over 500 24-count boxes of "E's," will fly from Andrews Air Force
Base across the Atlantic and airdrop the letters over the cities.

Citizens of Grzny and Sjlbvdnzv eagerly await the arrival of the vowels. "My

God, I do not think we can last another day," Trszg Grzdnijkln, 44, said. "I
have six children and none of them has a name that is understandable to me
or to anyone else. Mr. Clinton, please send my poor, wretched family just
one 'E.' Please." Said Sjlbvdnzv resident Grg Hmphrs, 67: "With just a few
key letters, I could be George Humphries. This is my dream."

The airdrop represents the largest deployment of any letter to a foreign
country since 1984. During the summer of that year, the US shipped 92,000
consonants to Ethiopia, providing cities like Ouaouoaua, Eaoiiuae, and Aao
with vital, life-giving supplies of L's S's and T's.

------------------------------
Achim Kron
Cape Town (+2 GMT)
South Africa
Internet: ak...@digictn2.digitron.co.za (Office Hours)
ak...@gem.co.za (After Hours)
Voice: +27 21 418-5950 (O/H)
Fax: +27 21 418-5611

[Leslie Owen]

>
> Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients
>
> Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton
> announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of
> Bosnia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will
> provide the region with the critically needed letters A, E, I, O, and U, and
>
> is hoped to render countless Bosnian names more pronounceable.

Will the US also be sending "sometimes Y"?? Or at least, training on how to use the Y as a
vowel. This could aid thousands who are do not receive vowels from the first drops, helping
them to survive until further supplies are available.

[Michael D. Griffin]

If this operation is successful, a followup operation will target UNIX
users...starting with the "ls" and "cd" commands.

[David Lloyd-Jones]

And then there's the rumour that Welsh troops among the British forces have been smuggling in W's.

-dlj.

[Leslie Owen]

> And then there's the rumour that Welsh troops among the British forces have been smuggling in
W's.

Myy ggodd, nwt thyt!