In need of a tribe

[Sandra Heron]

It came into my awareness today that disease or illness is a tribal experience if one is to move through it successfully.  I know that I must stay in the fact that I am going to come through this, very important to this journey is for me to talk and be surrounded by people that also believe this to be true.  I believe that I am in the healing stage of cancer.  I also believe that I need a tribe around me.  I do not have blood family who would believe I am healing (okay not willing to take the chance) so I have stopped talking to them about it and only talk about this part of my cancer with people who will see it as healing.  Who can "see" that is is moving out of my body as I continue to metabolize experiences, particularly  "indigestible anger" towards my daughters birth father, my father, and frankly another generation of grandfathers.  I started this processing in decloaking and engaging, so I am already across the street in many ways. 

I will walk this journey alone AND I need a tribe of people around me who see things the way I do, I need good company.  It is essential, right now, it has always been I am just more aware of it, to be careful with the company I keep.  I also know not to do anything that I do not want to do 100%.  Right now, I literally breathe through my day, saying, "what do I want in this moment."  Christmas presents are not bought, my house is not clean and yet, I have moments in my day when I feel pretty damn good.

My family of origin is not the tribal place, my daughter is too young (although I get that she is on this journey with me - I can see Amy's eyebrows go up) and my husband is afraid.  So, I gather around me: a meditation teacher, journey work, women gathering, Naturopath (safe baseline for tests), cranial sacral and lots and lots of sleep to heal.

I know that this Cancer is a giant wake up call that is giving me clarity in each moment.  I see signs, signals and metaphors that I know have always been there for me.  I say them, they were just in a fog and I did not accept my wisdom.  So...I get it.

Last weekend I realized how strong and creative I am.  I also saw how much I have the capacity to create joy and to liven up life for myself and others.  Today I saw how beautiful I am.

I could step back to the left side, I know.  That is why I do not plan on doing this without good, no great company.  No tribe: fear, loneliness, panic and illness.  If I have a tribe, I am in good company, I move into the space that I need to, I walk my life alone in good company.

Now that I can visualize the tribe, I can sleep.

Thank you!