racism......processing the blips

[sarah1978]

i just woke up from a dream i just had while taking a nap and i have
to share it...it was so profound for me

I had a dream that i was in my car and a black lady crossed the street
and i almost hit her becuase i didn't see her....when i started to
continue driving her son popped out right infront of me trying to
cross....the police man to the left of me popped out and pointed his
revolver right at the child and then looked at me to say there....i
taught him the lesson not to do that again. I looked over at the
mother whos jaw was dropped as mine was and we looked at each other
and said with our eyes.....did i really just witness that.

she got in a car and we both pulled up at a car garage to switch
numbers and addresses

when i gave her my address after hesitation whether to give a stranger
it passed.... i took her hand....and i told her to breath into what
was coming up.....blips of information from racism from her ansestors
came up and as i was holding her hand couching her to breath and
knowing that she was changing her life in that moment.... i noticed
that i had tears running down my face...with an awareness again that i
was processing blips of info on racism from my ancestors.

and as we parted......my boyfriend came....and i told him i had just
experienced something so big....and he didn't want to hear it or be
part of it beucase he wasn't interested in it. and i felt so hurt that
he didn't care to share in my experience.

when i woke up i did call him....and shared my dream...and his
enthusiasm for what i just dreamt was not there....or how much it
touched me in my dream...and i realized something......why do i
believe that i need a partner to care so much or get the most
meaningful moments in my life as if there is an ultimate
reality.....why can't i just relish in them on my own without him?
and in that lies me discovering more of who i am apart from an
identity as girlfriend or partner......and part of that lies for me
discovering what a meaningful relationship really is for me (not
saying they have to get everything.....but just have it as a
flagpost....is it still meaningful?) period.

wow.......

if removing racism could be that easy in the world.....

as a holographic image.......i had a resident at work today make
racial slurs about what she called immigrants.....to a nurse who was
from over seas.