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TOT The wit and wisdom of Ben, 3.
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Bill Wright
May 15, 2013, 9:56:52 PM5/15/13
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Ben recently went on a trip round a stately home. On the way home he
said, "Mummy, why is our house so small?"
A few days later when driving past a huge block of dingy Doncaster
council flats: "Look Mummy! A stately home!"
Then, when driving down a street of terraced houses in Balby, "Mummy,
why are all the houses stuck together?"
Bill
said, "Mummy, why is our house so small?"
A few days later when driving past a huge block of dingy Doncaster
council flats: "Look Mummy! A stately home!"
Then, when driving down a street of terraced houses in Balby, "Mummy,
why are all the houses stuck together?"
Bill
Brian Gaff
May 16, 2013, 2:27:08 AM5/16/13
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They stick together for warmth of course. I'd hardly call most buildings in
recent times stately, I suppose it depends on the nature of your experience.
Brian
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From the Sofa of Brian Gaff Reply address is active
"Bill Wright" <bi...@invalid.com> wrote in message
news:kn1ed6$o9s$1...@speranza.aioe.org...
recent times stately, I suppose it depends on the nature of your experience.
Brian
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"Bill Wright" <bi...@invalid.com> wrote in message
news:kn1ed6$o9s$1...@speranza.aioe.org...
Message has been deleted
Bill Wright
May 16, 2013, 5:49:31 AM5/16/13
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Martin wrote:
> When my son was in his early teens we used to drag him around stately
> homes, until we discovered that he was writing "BORING RUBBISH" in the
> visitors book.
When I was 12 our whole family was thrown out of some ancient pile
because I told a bloke who moaned about my dog having a shit on the
lovely lawn to fuck off.
Bill
> When my son was in his early teens we used to drag him around stately
> homes, until we discovered that he was writing "BORING RUBBISH" in the
> visitors book.
When I was 12 our whole family was thrown out of some ancient pile
because I told a bloke who moaned about my dog having a shit on the
lovely lawn to fuck off.
Bill
Message has been deleted
Sara
May 16, 2013, 7:30:43 AM5/16/13
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In article <p8f9p81fkrjtbsu4d...@4ax.com>,
Martin <m...@address.invalid> wrote:
> LOL I always wondered if that would happen to us.
> We were kicked out of a pub in Kent after six of us had been served
> meals and drinks when the publican spotted our two kids were tiny
> tots. We drank the beer quickly and left without paying. In the North
> of England we were only once thrown out of a pub, the one in Goathland
> used in Heartbeat. The new owner made a big issue about our kids being
> in their teens. He kicked out other families who were there with under
> age children. Both our kids had eaten or accompanied us there almost
> since they were born. We had a friend who owned a house that we
> borrowed on the other side of the road.
On a family holiday to Cyprus many years ago, my niece who was then a
toddler, was feeling grumpy and tired after a long flight and long
bus-ride. As we were waiting in the check-in queue at the hotel, she
pointed at a waiter said in a very carrying voice "Mummy, can one of
those servants get me a drink?". Bless.
--
Sara
cats cats cats cats cats
Martin <m...@address.invalid> wrote:
> We were kicked out of a pub in Kent after six of us had been served
> meals and drinks when the publican spotted our two kids were tiny
> tots. We drank the beer quickly and left without paying. In the North
> of England we were only once thrown out of a pub, the one in Goathland
> used in Heartbeat. The new owner made a big issue about our kids being
> in their teens. He kicked out other families who were there with under
> age children. Both our kids had eaten or accompanied us there almost
> since they were born. We had a friend who owned a house that we
> borrowed on the other side of the road.
On a family holiday to Cyprus many years ago, my niece who was then a
toddler, was feeling grumpy and tired after a long flight and long
bus-ride. As we were waiting in the check-in queue at the hotel, she
pointed at a waiter said in a very carrying voice "Mummy, can one of
those servants get me a drink?". Bless.
--
Sara
cats cats cats cats cats
Bill Wright
May 18, 2013, 2:08:36 PM5/18/13
to
> LOL I always wondered if that would happen to us.
> We were kicked out of a pub in Kent after six of us had been served
> meals and drinks when the publican spotted our two kids were tiny
> tots. We drank the beer quickly and left without paying. In the North
> of England we were only once thrown out of a pub, the one in Goathland
> used in Heartbeat. The new owner made a big issue about our kids being
> in their teens. He kicked out other families who were there with under
> age children. Both our kids had eaten or accompanied us there almost
> since they were born. We had a friend who owned a house that we
> borrowed on the other side of the road.
Me and Hil were banned from a pub once because the publican had been
> We were kicked out of a pub in Kent after six of us had been served
> meals and drinks when the publican spotted our two kids were tiny
> tots. We drank the beer quickly and left without paying. In the North
> of England we were only once thrown out of a pub, the one in Goathland
> used in Heartbeat. The new owner made a big issue about our kids being
> in their teens. He kicked out other families who were there with under
> age children. Both our kids had eaten or accompanied us there almost
> since they were born. We had a friend who owned a house that we
> borrowed on the other side of the road.
caught in flagrante delicto with a barmaid by his wife. The wife had had
sacked the barmaid (she owned the pub; well, it was her dad's really)
and stormed off. Our daughter saw the publican (who was about 40) in a
club trying to pick a young lass up. She took the piss, so we were
banned! A week later the publican was gone, given the boot by his father
in law.
After my mother died we were having a family meeting in a 'quiet' pub
when the locals rolled in and put the telly on full blast. It was right
next to us. We asked them to turn it down and they wouldn't so I snook
out and cut the aerial wire. Trouble is someone spotted me and all hell
broke loose.
Bill
Norman Wells
May 18, 2013, 4:44:09 PM5/18/13
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Bill Wright
May 18, 2013, 9:12:02 PM5/18/13
to
Norman Wells wrote:
>> After my mother died we were having a family meeting in a 'quiet' pub
>> when the locals rolled in and put the telly on full blast. It was
>> right next to us. We asked them to turn it down and they wouldn't so
>> I snook out and cut the aerial wire. Trouble is someone spotted me
>> and all hell broke loose.
>
> Thus proving the old adage that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
No, I have a lot of knowledge in that area. So a lot of knowledge can be
>> After my mother died we were having a family meeting in a 'quiet' pub
>> when the locals rolled in and put the telly on full blast. It was
>> right next to us. We asked them to turn it down and they wouldn't so
>> I snook out and cut the aerial wire. Trouble is someone spotted me
>> and all hell broke loose.
>
> Thus proving the old adage that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.
dangerous as well.
Bill
Norman Wells
May 19, 2013, 4:35:47 AM5/19/13
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dangerous thing?
Steve Terry
May 19, 2013, 3:12:11 PM5/19/13
to
and cut the ends off. Shorts out the coax which looks OK and is very
difficult to find ;-)
Steve Terry
--
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Bill Wright
May 19, 2013, 3:44:51 PM5/19/13
to
have been quite a few incidents.
Bill
Bill Wright
May 19, 2013, 3:57:49 PM5/19/13
to
Steve Terry wrote:
> Bill Wright wrote:
>> Norman Wells wrote:
>>
>>>> After my mother died we were having a family meeting in a 'quiet'
>>>> pub when the locals rolled in and put the telly on full blast. It
>>>> was right next to us. We asked them to turn it down and they
>>>> wouldn't so I snook out and cut the aerial wire. Trouble is someone
>>>> spotted me and all hell broke loose.
>>> Thus proving the old adage that a little knowledge is a dangerous
>>> thing.
>> No, I have a lot of knowledge in that area. So a lot of knowledge can
>> be dangerous as well.
>> Bill
>>
> Then you should have known the best way is to put a pin through the coax
> and cut the ends off. Shorts out the coax which looks OK and is very
> difficult to find ;-)
That's OK if you don't want them to find it. But in this case it didn't
> Bill Wright wrote:
>> Norman Wells wrote:
>>
>>>> After my mother died we were having a family meeting in a 'quiet'
>>>> pub when the locals rolled in and put the telly on full blast. It
>>>> was right next to us. We asked them to turn it down and they
>>>> wouldn't so I snook out and cut the aerial wire. Trouble is someone
>>>> spotted me and all hell broke loose.
>>> Thus proving the old adage that a little knowledge is a dangerous
>>> thing.
>> No, I have a lot of knowledge in that area. So a lot of knowledge can
>> be dangerous as well.
>> Bill
>>
> Then you should have known the best way is to put a pin through the coax
> and cut the ends off. Shorts out the coax which looks OK and is very
> difficult to find ;-)
matter. It was very dark; the coax was amongst the ivy. I worked by
touch. I had a penknife with me, but not a pin.
Bill
Steve Terry
May 19, 2013, 11:25:24 PM5/19/13
to
Bill Wright wrote:
> Steve Terry wrote:
>> Bill Wright wrote:
>>> Norman Wells wrote:
<snip>
> Steve Terry wrote:
>> Bill Wright wrote:
>>> Norman Wells wrote:
>> Then you should have known the best way is to put a pin through the
>> coax and cut the ends off. Shorts out the coax which looks OK and is
>> very difficult to find ;-)
>
> That's OK if you don't want them to find it. But in this case it
> didn't matter. It was very dark; the coax was amongst the ivy.
> I worked by touch. I had a penknife with me, but not a pin.
> Bill
>
Well if you won't go properly equipped, what do you expect!
>> coax and cut the ends off. Shorts out the coax which looks OK and is
>> very difficult to find ;-)
>
> That's OK if you don't want them to find it. But in this case it
> didn't matter. It was very dark; the coax was amongst the ivy.
> I worked by touch. I had a penknife with me, but not a pin.
> Bill
>
Bill Wright
May 19, 2013, 11:53:06 PM5/19/13
to
Steve Terry wrote:
> Bill Wright wrote:
>> Steve Terry wrote:
>>> Bill Wright wrote:
>>>> Norman Wells wrote:
> <snip>
>>> Then you should have known the best way is to put a pin through the
>>> coax and cut the ends off. Shorts out the coax which looks OK and is
>>> very difficult to find ;-)
>> That's OK if you don't want them to find it. But in this case it
>> didn't matter. It was very dark; the coax was amongst the ivy.
>> I worked by touch. I had a penknife with me, but not a pin.
>> Bill
>>
> Well if you won't go properly equipped, what do you expect!
>
> Steve Terry
Good point. Here's an extract from a book I have.
> Bill Wright wrote:
>> Steve Terry wrote:
>>> Bill Wright wrote:
>>>> Norman Wells wrote:
> <snip>
>>> Then you should have known the best way is to put a pin through the
>>> coax and cut the ends off. Shorts out the coax which looks OK and is
>>> very difficult to find ;-)
>> That's OK if you don't want them to find it. But in this case it
>> didn't matter. It was very dark; the coax was amongst the ivy.
>> I worked by touch. I had a penknife with me, but not a pin.
>> Bill
>>
> Well if you won't go properly equipped, what do you expect!
>
> Steve Terry
There was no time like the present. First, Jason needed something small
and sharp. He also needed to empty his bladder. En route to the lavatory
he clocked the hotel notice board, and on the way back when he was
facing the bar and could see if he was observed he quickly removed a
single drawing pin from the board. He was becoming more aware of the
effects of the beer and realised he�d had very little breakfast and had
forgotten lunch completely. No wonder the old Smooth was having such an
effect. Good stuff, though, the old Smooth.
Having finished his drink he nipped upstairs for Deb�s camera (he didn�t
own one; he just used his phone for essential work pictures) and
strolled out of the main entrance and across the road to sit on the low
wall that overlooked the pebbly beach. He sat facing the hotel in a
place where he had a view though the deliveries entrance and up the side
of the building. He couldn�t see right round the back but after a few
minutes had passed with no activity it seemed that the coast was most
likely clear. With the exaggerated and highly noticeable nonchalance
that only mischievous drunks ever affect he sidled up the delivery road
to the back corner of the building. In case of apprehension he had the
camera around his neck, intending to say that he was just taking a
picture, relying on the locals� common knowledge that foreigners,
especially English ones, were all a bit mad. In fact there was no-one
about. He found himself behind the main hotel building, next to a
courtyard which obviously served as an outdoor drinking area. He was
surprised to see the courtyard, with its cheerful parasols, but then
realised that it hadn�t been visible during his earlier reconnoitre
because of a high rear retaining wall. A few more steps and then he felt
the drawing pin�s sharp point make contact with the inner conductor as
it went into the aerial cable. Sabotage! Easy! He felt on a par with a
member of the French Resistance who had just blown up a lorry-load of
Germans. A drunken giggle slipped out.
Bill
Paul Ratcliffe
May 20, 2013, 4:09:39 AM5/20/13
to
On Mon, 20 May 2013 04:53:06 +0100, Bill Wright <bi...@invalid.com> wrote:
> place where he had a view though the deliveries entrance and up the side
You need to sack your proof-reader.
> place where he had a view though the deliveries entrance and up the side
Bill Wright
May 20, 2013, 7:34:41 AM5/20/13
to
Bill
Paul Ratcliffe
May 20, 2013, 11:53:21 AM5/20/13
to
On Mon, 20 May 2013 12:34:41 +0100, Bill Wright <bi...@invalid.com> wrote:
>>> place where he had a view though the deliveries entrance and up the side
>>
>> You need to sack your proof-reader.
> I know it isn't very good English but I can't see a typo.
"thRough"
>>> place where he had a view though the deliveries entrance and up the side
>>
>> You need to sack your proof-reader.
> I know it isn't very good English but I can't see a typo.
Bill Wright
May 20, 2013, 2:39:04 PM5/20/13
to
Bill
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