Steve Irwin's last broadcast
Tommo ?
ocean, and as long as I keep away from that bahb and treat the little
fellah with respect oil be . . ARGH . . the facker got me . .
Kullrad
> Wow, look at this byowtie! Stingrays are the gentle joyants of the
> ocean, and as long as I keep away from that bahb and treat the little
> fellah with respect oil be . . ARGH . . the facker got me . .
LOLZ!!1!!one!111!!dumbcunt!!11!!
Evolution in action.
I always thought he'd be eaten by one of those crocs. I'm slightly
disappointed, to be honest.
--
Kullrad (4)
UKSF Best New Poster 2003
"Er, I think you'll find it's the Year of the Brummiecunt this time.
Yam Ki Pa Tai." - Joe Horowitz
Winamp is sleeping: (My Boss is in, probably)
Cypher
kullra...@kullrad.com says...
> Whilst being taken roughly from behind, Tommo ? squealed:
>
> > Wow, look at this byowtie! Stingrays are the gentle joyants of the
> > ocean, and as long as I keep away from that bahb and treat the little
> > fellah with respect oil be . . ARGH . . the facker got me . .
>
> LOLZ!!1!!one!111!!dumbcunt!!11!!
>
> Evolution in action.
>
> I always thought he'd be eaten by one of those crocs. I'm slightly
> disappointed, to be honest.
she'd heard on the radio that he'd been killed by a bolt from a
speargun. The chances are pretty good that the announcer didn't actually
say `killed by a bolt from a speargun' but that was what the missus
thought she heard. I usually get conflicting information from her.
He was killed doing what he enjoyed, I see no reason for any outpouring
of grief.
--
Cypher
Dat
>I first heard about his demise when the missus popped in to tell me
>she'd heard on the radio that he'd been killed by a bolt from a
>speargun. The chances are pretty good that the announcer didn't actually
>say `killed by a bolt from a speargun' but that was what the missus
>thought she heard. I usually get conflicting information from her.
She had most likely tuned in to the Australian hypepipe accidentally.
With them you just have to rely on the gist of a story containing a
fragment of truth. The details (as in was it actually "the" Steve
Irwin and did he die as in dust to dust or did he miraculously
recover) are apparently always open to interpretation.
Listening/watching various news broadcasts over here is like playing
one of those picture puzzles where a dozen or so of the details have
been altered in one cartoon, except rather than looking for the
differences, it's much easier to focus on the consistencies.
>He was killed doing what he enjoyed, I see no reason for any outpouring
>of grief.
Ah. You clearly obtain your information elsewhere.
According to reliable sources it is a tragedy of the People's Princess
proportions. Apparently, he was the most loved Australian of all time,
ever, and we, as a nation, may never recover from this terrible loss.
People are already constructing a floral pyramid outside the gates of
his theme park. No doubt he'll receive a state funeral, though I
suspect his family would prefer to mourn the correct cadaver.
There'll be the usual backlash against the perpetrator with all sorts
of idiots declaring a jihad against rays. I wouldn't be surprised to
learn that Vic Pissflap is, as I type, steaming up the coast at a
great rate of knots in his boat of butchery with the aim of tracking
down the very marine creature responsible and treating it to his
peculiar brand of summary justice. That tends to pacify the natives.
I expect the powers that be will get around to dedicating this day to
his memory by making it a national holiday. It'll be called Crikey Day
and everyone will pay their respect by staying as far away from the
fucking water as is possible.
The big question remains, who is going to tease large reptiles by
dangling his offspring in front of them now that he has gone to that
genuine crocodile leather handbag in the sky?
--
Dat
Kullrad
> He was killed doing what he enjoyed, I see no reason for any outpouring
> of grief.
Yeah, he was only an Australian, after all.
--
Kullrad (4)
UKSF Best New Poster 2003
"Er, I think you'll find it's the Year of the Brummiecunt this time.
Yam Ki Pa Tai." - Joe Horowitz
Winamp is spewing forth: Lamb Of God - Pathetic
Paul C
wrote:
>Wow, look at this byowtie! Stingrays are the gentle joyants of the
>ocean, and as long as I keep away from that bahb and treat the little
>fellah with respect oil be . . ARGH . . the facker got me . .
Whose Steve Irwin?
Tommo ?
Dat wrote:
Snip
> There'll be the usual backlash against the perpetrator with all sorts
> of idiots declaring a jihad against rays. I wouldn't be surprised to
> learn that Vic Pissflap is, as I type, steaming up the coast at a
> great rate of knots in his boat of butchery with the aim of tracking
> down the very marine creature responsible and treating it to his
> peculiar brand of summary justice. That tends to pacify the natives.
Snip
Steve loved his wildlife, but if I'm a good judge of character, I'm
sure Steve would not want his death to go unavenged. I'm going to
slaughter a few animals for him now. It's what he would've wanted.
Guppings
"Tommo ?" <tommo...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1157360590.6...@m79g2000cwm.googlegroups.com...
> Wow, look at this byowtie! Stingrays are the gentle joyants of the
> ocean, and as long as I keep away from that bahb and treat the little
> fellah with respect oil be . . ARGH . . the facker got me . .
>
Those who live by the Stingray, die by the Stingray. Have the same attitude
to mountaineers, racing drivers, lion tamers & Liverpool fans.
I found his over enthusiastic manor irritating, mind you, that doesn't take
alot of doing.
Kullrad
>> ocean, and as long as I keep away from that bahb and treat the little
>> fellah with respect oil be . . ARGH . . the facker got me . .
>
>
> Whose Steve Irwin?
Australia's
--
Kullrad (4)
UKSF Best New Poster 2003
"Surely Kully is as offensive an individual as has ever posted
regularly on uksf?." - Chopsy.
***J***
> Whilst being taken roughly from behind, Tommo ? squealed:
>
>> Wow, look at this byowtie! Stingrays are the gentle joyants of the
>> ocean, and as long as I keep away from that bahb and treat the little
>> fellah with respect oil be . . ARGH . . the facker got me . .
>
> LOLZ!!1!!one!111!!dumbcunt!!11!!
>
> Evolution in action.
>
> I always thought he'd be eaten by one of those crocs. I'm slightly
> disappointed, to be honest.
>
Not as disappointed as the crocs I bet.
***J***
Feel like a bit of stingray fillets tonight?
Mike Hall
"Stingray, stingray nanananah!!
Anything can happen in the next twenty minutes!!"
Always knew that Troy Tempest doll had an evil look in his eye.
I'm going to miss the boy Irwin though. David Attenborough would go on
about the titanium, fuck-off cage he had five miles away from danger. My
man Steve jumped on top of fresh water crocs.
The saddest thing is that he got killed by a fish. He faced down Komodo
dragons for fuck's sake and a stupid fame-seeking stingray, which was
probably trying to bugger him btw, skewers him like a chunk of tofu on a
Islington cocktail stick!
Once he knew that Italy had drawn against Lithuania he should have got the
message and stayed the fuck away from the water for a few weeks. This is
the week of the vicious underdog.
Mike Hall
Osbourne Ruddock
news:MPG.1f66ccecfe0c7b34989693@localhost:
> I first heard about his demise when the missus popped in to tell me
> she'd heard on the radio that he'd been killed by a bolt from a
> speargun. The chances are pretty good that the announcer didn't
> actually say `killed by a bolt from a speargun' but that was what the
> missus thought she heard. I usually get conflicting information from
> her.
>
> He was killed doing what he enjoyed, I see no reason for any
> outpouring of grief.
>
He had a family and little kids.
It's Ben Nunn we should be mourning.
--
Cheers, Os
Cypher
stri...@hotmail.com says...
He saw no need to stop putting himself in situations that could take him
from that family and those kids. I don't condemn him for continuing in
his line of work after breeding but whenever I hear of adventurous
people dying and leaving behind children I have to wonder at their self-
indulgence. This happens a lot with mountain climbers, they know they
shouldn't continue taking such risks with their life once they have
young families but they can't help themselves, and many of them are
still up in those mountains lying in a crevasse. I've read some accounts
of those children left behind and they cannot understand why Dad
continued taking risks. Or in a couple of cases, Mum.
He seemed like a decent bloke and a funny fucker too, I saw that clip of
him `risking' his kid's life for the first time last night and that was
a hoot. Threads of his demise have appeared in some unusual places and
some funny jokes have appeared in these threads but you still get the
saddo fuckers talking about God/prayers/death isn't funny/, I'd like to
see all those cunts napalmed, whether they have kids or not.
> It's Ben Nunn we should be mourning.
Never. Ben has it better than a huge proportion of humanity. If he
wasn't addicted to wallowing in misery he could up sticks any time he
pleased, fuck off to Germany and become a mainstay in fisting videos.
--
Cypher
Sir Benjamin Nunn
news:Xns983559605EC0Fs...@130.133.1.4...
>
>>
>> He was killed doing what he enjoyed, I see no reason for any
>> outpouring of grief.
>>
>
> He had a family and little kids.
>
> It's Ben Nunn we should be mourning.
AWTWP.
Maybe the world is finally beginning to understand?
BTN
Sir Benjamin Nunn
news:MPG.1f67cffcfb9ae658989694@localhost...
>>
>> He had a family and little kids.
>
> He saw no need to stop putting himself in situations that could take him
> from that family and those kids. I don't condemn him for continuing in
> his line of work after breeding but whenever I hear of adventurous
> people dying and leaving behind children I have to wonder at their self-
> indulgence. This happens a lot with mountain climbers, they know they
> shouldn't continue taking such risks with their life once they have
> young families but they can't help themselves, and many of them are
> still up in those mountains lying in a crevasse. I've read some accounts
> of those children left behind and they cannot understand why Dad
> continued taking risks. Or in a couple of cases, Mum.
He took a series of calculated risks.
While someone of his training and experience had a good chance of being able
to handle himself on any individual occasion, the compound odds of a
lifetime of risk would have made it not that unlikely that he would die
prematurely.
The family will no doubt be analysing it from an emotional and fatalistic
rather than logical perspective - e.g 'if only he hadn't gone in the water
THAT DAY' and other results-oriented bollocks.
Personally I don't think it's a tragedy because his death in this sort of
incident was - if not inevitable - then at least somewhat likely.
>> It's Ben Nunn we should be mourning.
>
> Never. Ben has it better than a huge proportion of humanity. If he
> wasn't addicted to wallowing in misery he could up sticks any time he
> pleased, fuck off to Germany and become a mainstay in fisting videos.
Cunt. Why would I want to do that?
BTN
nigel
> I'm going to miss the boy Irwin though. David Attenborough would go on
> about the titanium, fuck-off cage he had five miles away from danger.
Attenburble would also burble on about the amazing plants in the
tropical Asian rainforest while filming in a BBC studio.
Vicky Conlan
>> Never. Ben has it better than a huge proportion of humanity. If he
>> wasn't addicted to wallowing in misery he could up sticks any time he
>> pleased, fuck off to Germany and become a mainstay in fisting videos.
>Cunt. Why would I want to do that?
Why would you want to do anything?
--
nigel
To be Nunncuntformist?
Sir Benjamin Nunn
"Vicky Conlan" <co...@riffraff.plig.net> wrote in message
news:edjof4$1kts$1...@magenta.plig.net...
Because it might bring me a better life?
People think I like fisting and putting needles through myself and listening
to obscure music'n'shit because of deliberate lifestyle choice, or
non-cuntformity'n'shit. The real reason is because I don't have the basics
in place. End of.
If I had a normal fulfilling relationship when I was a teenager, the chance
of me turning to fringe interests would be far lower. I was only trying to
fill in the gaps.
BTN
Tommo ?
Attenbrough is nearly as daring as Irwin though. I distinctly remeber
him nearly getting filled in by an alpha male Silverback gorilla
because he was getting too near his hareem.
For god's sake Attenburgh, everyone knows that no monkey messes with
another monkey's monkey. And he lectures *us* on animal behavious FFS?
Dat
wrote:
>Steve loved his wildlife, but if I'm a good judge of character, I'm
>sure Steve would not want his death to go unavenged. I'm going to
>slaughter a few animals for him now. It's what he would've wanted.
Warning:- Flat chested hamsters in the vicinity of the FNE should be
wary of a chap of questionable appearance riding a bicycle with a
quiver of very small javelins slung over his shoulder, particularly
just before tea time.
--
Dat
Dat
<kullra...@kullrad.com> wrote:
>> Whose Steve Irwin?
>
>Australia's
Are you sure he wasn't American?
Didn't he do that whole "This is a knife" thing in a New York subway?
--
Dat
Dat
<ben...@depro.co.uk> wrote:
>He took a series of calculated risks.
>
>While someone of his training and experience had a good chance of being able
>to handle himself on any individual occasion, the compound odds of a
>lifetime of risk would have made it not that unlikely that he would die
>prematurely.
>
>The family will no doubt be analysing it from an emotional and fatalistic
>rather than logical perspective - e.g 'if only he hadn't gone in the water
>THAT DAY' and other results-oriented bollocks.
>
>Personally I don't think it's a tragedy because his death in this sort of
>incident was - if not inevitable - then at least somewhat likely.
As with the demise of most, it's likely quite tragic for those who
actually knew him, whatever the circumstances. For others of us it is
ever so slightly tragic that people who only knew of him (primarily
via a tv screen) have such a dearth of melancholy in their own lives
that they must seek to bathe their pretty faces in the dying light
emitted by that fading white dot in the middle of their big wide
screens.
They were talking on the wireless today about the need for a state
funeral because Joe Public needs the opportunity to say goodbye. I
expect those relatives of the names that appear beside his in the
obituary notices will be torn about which event to attend.
Anyway, we've flogged all that to death previously. Getting back to
you...I saw one of those hand held, homemade type docos made about
what he was up to lo those many years ago before he became so popular
in the US. In typical style it featured a fair amount of him running
around the northern bush tormenting reptiles beyond their relatively
low point of tolerance.
In it, contrary to your speculation above, his dad was extremely
realistic about the likely cause of his son's end if he should fail to
develop a little bit more respect for the animals he press ganged into
the whole circus thing. He wasn't being flippant about it neither. The
father had his own interest in them long before young Stevie started
careening around after them. He seemed genuinely concerned, and if
anything, I suspect he might have been surprised that his lad lasted
this long.
Too saddish things have struck me whilst being bombarded with the
"tragedy" at every turn:-
He really did appear to believe that he had some special connection
with animals. Is there such a thing as Doolittleitis? Sure, he liked
them, but did they enjoy his attention? He was certainly no horse
whisperer. His whole shtick involved dragging unwilling participants
kicking and screaming from going about their daily lives...an activity
which tended to annoy them considerably. And when he wasn't doing that
he was all about offering stir-crazy crocs a nice bit of fresh Steve
only to fob them off with a rancid old chook or something. That he was
able to induce one of the most serene creatures to be found in an
ocean to do for him speaks volumes.
They're so bloody dozy that on a couple of occasions the huge black
topped variety would have sailed right into me whilst I was casting
about from a slightly submerged sandbank in crystal clear water had I
not splashed about to warn them off. I've stood on several of the
smaller, sand burying fuckers accidentally whilst fishing, and despite
such an horrendous interruption to their daily routine, every one of
them to a man....er, to a fishy thing, was just as surprised and
frightened as was I, and their only concern seemed to be to get as far
away from the clumsy intruder as quickly as possible.
Not very far from his Australia Zoo there is a place called Underwater
World where they encourage little kids to fondle the fuckers ffs.
Just what exactly was he up to? Did he take the loving animals thing
that little bit too far with the wrong denizen of the Great Barrier
Reef perhaps? Were they filming a mail order only dvd about the
world's most dangerous insertions?
The other odd thing was that in one of the more recent bits of footage
they've managed to dig up to pad out their never ending tributes, he
bemoaned the fact that people tuned in to watch his shows for morbid
reasons rather than informative ones.
He basically admitted that most people were only watching in the hope
that he'd get bitten by whatever the latest, greatest, deadly thing
was that he'd grabbed a hold of. Well duh. That's pretty much all that
he was offering in the few shows I can remember sitting through. I'm
sure I learned more about the animals concerned from reading the back
of cereal packets as a youngster.
Though his fame/notoriety may have allowed him to do some wonderful
things for conservation and similarly good causes, he didn't really
appear to be in the same business as David Attenborough, who, despite
his faults, has a tendency to allow nature's finest more attention
than his own unusual antics...and wouldn't dream of biting the hand
that feeds him.
--
Dat
Mike Hall
> Attenbrough is nearly as daring as Irwin though. I distinctly remeber
> him nearly getting filled in by an alpha male Silverback gorilla
> because he was getting too near his hareem.
> For god's sake Attenburgh, everyone knows that no monkey messes with
> another monkey's monkey. And he lectures *us* on animal behavious FFS?
That was Life on Earth, wasn't it - the last time David Attenborough went
near semi-dangerous animals? It might have seemed perilous but really it
was just bananas at ten paces.
Terri Irwin would have grabbed the gorilla's cock and wanked him slowly to
calm him down. She was a bit of a nutter herself, remember?
"Crikey! That's a big one!", Steve would say.
I'm beginning to hate that sting ray!
Mike Hall
Vicky Conlan
>Not very far from his Australia Zoo there is a place called Underwater
>World where they encourage little kids to fondle the fuckers ffs.
I did wonder about that. We were patting them in the aquarium in Genoa,
where they were in a shallow petting pool. They didn't look very dangerous,
I must say.
--
Vicky Conlan
>>> Whose Steve Irwin?
>>
>>Australia's
>
>Are you sure he wasn't American?
>
>Didn't he do that whole "This is a knife" thing in a New York subway?
I thought he was some bloke who used to play for the Mancs.
--
Tommo ?
Terri must be the epitome of a "Yummy Mummy", or a MILF if you like. It
must be at least *some* kind of consolation to her to know that there's
a filthy north easterner masturbating over a picture of her right now.
Again, it's what she would've wanted. I ask no thanks.
Cypher
@yahoo.co.uk says...
(snip)
> As with the demise of most, it's likely quite tragic for those who
> actually knew him, whatever the circumstances. For others of us it is
> ever so slightly tragic that people who only knew of him (primarily
> via a tv screen) have such a dearth of melancholy in their own lives
> that they must seek to bathe their pretty faces in the dying light
> emitted by that fading white dot in the middle of their big wide
> screens.
That is fucking beautiful, Dat. If I did lengthy .sigs I'd be sending
you a license fee.
The rest of your rant was top class too, I read selected bits of it out
loud to the missus, especially the bit about the rancid chook.
I've long wondered what I could do with my life and I have a feeling
there is an opening for new blood in the documentary field. A few
minutes ago I was sat on the back doorstep smoking a ciggie when a cat
sauntered past. I hurled imprecations at it and the cat looked
mortified, offended and somewhat stunned. I last saw it hurtling down
the driveway with a cartoon question mark hovering over its head.
If only I'd caught it on film.
It gave me an idea, so I got the missus to stand in the backyard with my
digital camera what takes 8 second video clips.
The sparrow twittering gheyly in the neighbour's tree that hangs over my
fence never knew what hit him. Risking life and limb for the rolling
camera I dove off the roof of my house, crashed through the overhanging
branches and slammed the sparrow onto the concrete driveway. "Fuck!" I
snarled, I'd been hoping to land on the grass strip that runs up the
middle. I'd edit the curse out when I got back from hospital.
Just before I blacked out the missus yelled `which button do I push?"
Still, I think I have what it takes to step into Steve's shoes.
--
Cypher
Cypher
> >> It's Ben Nunn we should be mourning.
> >
> > Never. Ben has it better than a huge proportion of humanity. If he
> > wasn't addicted to wallowing in misery he could up sticks any time he
> > pleased, fuck off to Germany and become a mainstay in fisting videos.
>
>
> Cunt. Why would I want to do that?
>
> BTN
counsellor muscle.
Off on a tangent somewhat, though into territory you could appreciate,
here is a website you might enjoy reading:
http://www.peakoilblues.com/blog/
As you can see by the url, the site is devoted to helping people deal
with the realisation of peak oil, it is run by a female psychotherapist
or some similar discipline. Even if you haven't given a thought to peak
oil you might enjoy reading of the difficulties other people have
experienced in dealing with issues surrounding it.
My own take on the site: Quite enjoyable. I experienced some of the
issues myself i.e shock that the whole issue could sneak up on me like
I'd had my head in the sand for decades when in fact I don't believe I
have, I was just looking elsewhere for other things. I've also had
trouble imparting the seriousness of the situation to my wife, parents
and friends. I also look at life going on around me and think `you
fuckers have no idea what's heading our way' but to be perfectly honest
I'm looking forward to it. I want to see if I'm a survivor and I want to
see how far I'll go to ensure I survive.
On that note, I grabbed the first season of the tv series Survivor
(1975) and I've been watching it over the last couple of days. Now I
remember watching that when it first aired on telly in NZ which must've
been a year or two after it screened in England so I'd have been 10 or
11 years old. I recall being scared by the premise behind the program
and quite likely by the program itself. I'm about halfway through the 13
episodes and I'm only continuing to watch it because it is
unintentionally hilarious. Fucking hell, you should see the `dangerous'
pack of dogs that keeps the sad fuckers in their van all day `fearing'
for their safety. LMAO ludicrous, ROFL ridiculous. (screencap)
http://www.4freeimagehost.com/show.php?i=3ddaed9a80e1.jpg
Every time they tried to get out of the van the dogs would loll about
with their tongue hanging out and pant a bit. One may have even
continued licking its balls.
And, fuck me, you should see what constitutes as weapons safety in the
1970's state of mind, at one point the main stud holds the double
barrelled end of his shotgun straight at his own midriff while he holds
the stock end of the gun down the bank behind him for his mate to grab
ahold of and pull himself up with. (screencap)
http://www.4freeimagehost.com/show.php?i=3462cc60c5cd.jpg
And 5 seconds before that, after handing a shotgun to a dude who says `I
don't know how to use one of these' the main stud proceeds to lead the
way blocking any kill zone with his own body. Fucking funny because it
is meant to be serious.
I'll keep watching the series but I gave up using it as possible
inspiration real fucking quick. I'd like everyone else to watch it
though, my job of surviving would be a lot easier if every other bastard
acted like the muppets in this series.
This program may have once frightened me but the scariest thing now is
wondering where the fuck those 30 years went.
--
Cypher
Dat
(Vicky Conlan) wrote:
>According to <dat...@yahoo.co.uk>:
>>Didn't he do that whole "This is a knife" thing in a New York subway?
>
>I thought he was some bloke who used to play for the Mancs.
I think you may be thinking of Denis Arwen. He was their angelic and
let's face it, just a little bit sexy, Irish left back who was
sensationally suspended from the '99 Cup final because that dastardly
ringwraith Elleray was operating under Sauron's orders.
Fortunately, as we all know, good eventually triumphed over evil when
Frodo Gunnar Solskjaer and the ever dependable young Sam Sheringham
disposed of the ball that would rule them all in the fires of Mt Nou
Camp, and Denis, for his reward, was allowed to hang about in
Manchestershire for another couple of seasons before being fed to the
wolves.
--
Dat
Dat
No, they look a bit odd, but that's their job, and from all reports
they have no intention of moving into the lions and tigers' territory.
It had slipped my mind, as is so often the case, but I do know someone
who was stabbed by one. That however was only because he and his two
mates foolishly decided that after they'd had their fun with it that
they'd haul it into a small, cramped dinghy with them rather than
cutting it loose like a sensible person might. He got jabbed in the
stomach and in typical Aussie male fashion they decided it was just a
flesh wound and would carry on fishing throughout the night instead of
seeking immediate professional assistance. After an hour or so I
suspect even Superman would have been wincing a little. They
eventually got him to emergency and they in turn stuck a bandaid on it
and told him to stop being such a big sook.
No, no they didn't. They had to remove the fat and stuff from around
the wound because it was already dead, or toxic or something. Perhaps
there's a dietary product waiting to be discovered in their somewhere?
Apart from that though, I couldn't recall hearing of anyone who'd had
a run in with them that ended badly. Even among yahoo fishermen
circles like the above, you'll find an uncomfortably large number of
idiots who would rather kill one on a jetty for no other reason than
it dared to take a bait aimed at something a little tastier, and
they'll invariably warn you that you have to be wary of the tail as
they go about their business of trying to find a slightly tinier brain
than their own to stab, but I've never heard tell of anyone else who
has actually been stuck by one.
The "News", if you can believe them, reckon that rays have eighteen
little skulls on their alltime scoreboard, with this being the second
in this country. Given that so many of us spend so much time in the
water, and that rays are not difficult to locate (even accidentally)
anywhere near the shore, the likelihood of getting injured by one must
be right up there with terminal exfoliation brought on by the
attentions of peckish lambs.
Still, next time I'm floating about in Hervey Bay on a beautiful calm
morning with dolphins passing within spitting distance and large
turtles popping their heads up right next to the boat to see what
we're up to, and when schools of bait fish are breaking the surface as
the mackerel we're targeting decide fresh is better than the frozen
pillies we've lazily elected to offer them, and as numerous varieties
of sea birds circle overhead in the hope of snaffling one of said
baits before it hits the too clear deep blue water, when one of those
big rays leaps out of the water and makes a splat upon reentry similar
to that which the whales tourists travel a bit further over towards
Fraser to see do on their less boisterous days, I'll make sure to
remind myself not to upset the big flappy bugger, just in case.
--
Dat
Dat
>That is fucking beautiful, Dat. If I did lengthy .sigs I'd be sending
>you a license fee.
It would have to be shared I'm afraid. It was just a summary of what
has been said before.
>The rest of your rant was top class too, I read selected bits of it out
>loud to the missus, especially the bit about the rancid chook.
I hope you did so in a deep, manly voice. I don't want her thinking
that I'm just another saddo on the internet who couldn't get a proper
job writing shite.
<snip lovely sparrow and the pussy cat sailing over the moon in a
beautiful pea green boat story>
>Still, I think I have what it takes to step into Steve's shoes.
You very well may have. All the hype did get me thinking about it, and
the conclusion I arrived at wasn't too flattering to poor old Steve.
You'll find thousands of blokes doing pretty much what he did, albeit
on a smaller scale, through this country and no doubt yours. Who
hasn't gone a bit barmy in the bush and chased and scared the bejesus
out of a few animals, most capable of inflicting more damage than we
ever gave them credit for? Who hasn't decided that it might be a lark
to dislodge a snake or two from their abodes and to take them home to
frighten the ladyfolk and thereby prove beyond a shadow of a doubt
that we are the brave, hunter-gatherers and shouldn't be asked to do
the dishes? Who hasn't taken wild creatures, masters of their own
domain, and kept them in dismal confines for our own pleasure? Who
hasn't wanted to be noticed as the wild, fear nothing warrior who
other, less capable people call upon when situations turn nasty? And
who hasn't talked things up a bit because, ateotd, life is often a
little pale compared to the big screen?
I'll hold my hand up, reluctantly, because I've done exactly that. The
thing is, like most young chaps, I grew out of (most of) that sort of
behaviour some time around my early teens.
Mr Irwin was just a big kid at heart. That was endearing to many, but
as with most kids, it seemed more about him than anything else. I
could be wrong. I might be being overly harsh. But under the never
ending avalanche of faux mourning that I'm currently subjected to,
even that is unlikely to result in any kind of balance.
--
Dat
Vicky Conlan
>Still, next time I'm floating about in Hervey Bay on a beautiful calm
>morning with dolphins passing within spitting distance and large
>turtles popping their heads up right next to the boat to see what
>we're up to, and when schools of bait fish are breaking the surface as
>the mackerel we're targeting decide fresh is better than the frozen
>pillies we've lazily elected to offer them, and as numerous varieties
>of sea birds circle overhead in the hope of snaffling one of said
>baits before it hits the too clear deep blue water, when one of those
>big rays leaps out of the water and makes a splat upon reentry similar
>to that which the whales tourists travel a bit further over towards
>Fraser to see do on their less boisterous days, I'll make sure to
>remind myself not to upset the big flappy bugger, just in case.
I really ought to come and visit you one day. You bastard.
--
Osbourne Ruddock
@magenta.plig.net:
>>pillies we've lazily elected to offer them, and as numerous varieties
>>of sea birds circle overhead in the hope of snaffling one of said
>>baits before it hits the too clear deep blue water, when one of those
>>big rays leaps out of the water and makes a splat upon reentry similar
>>to that which the whales tourists travel a bit further over towards
>>Fraser to see do on their less boisterous days, I'll make sure to
>>remind myself not to upset the big flappy bugger, just in case.
>
> I really ought to come and visit you one day. You bastard.
I'm going to come and visit Dat one day once.
--
Cheers, Os
Vicky Conlan
>> I really ought to come and visit you one day. You bastard.
>I'm going to come and visit Dat one day once.
Knowing my luck it'll be the same day, and I'll arrive just after the pair
of you have gone off throwing tinnies at the rays. Bastards, the lot of you
--
Osbourne Ruddock
>
> Knowing my luck it'll be the same day, and I'll arrive just after the
> pair of you have gone off throwing tinnies at the rays. Bastards, the
> lot of you
>
The rate I'm going, the pair of us will too old and raddled to throw
anything at anything.
--
Cheers, Os
Joe Horowitz
>
> I'm going to come and visit Dat one day once.
Really, Osbourne? And how will that work out for you?
--
Joe
I am disappointed. This world cup is a shite.
Osbourne Ruddock
$a9....@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk:
>>> I really ought to come and visit you one day. You bastard.
>>
>> I'm going to come and visit Dat one day once.
>
> Really, Osbourne? And how will that work out for you?
>
I think we're planning to go out on boats and bait stingrays and piss on
Steve Irwin's memory'n'shit.
BWOML.
--
Cheers, Os
Osbourne Ruddock
@individual.net:
>>> He was killed doing what he enjoyed, I see no reason for any
>>> outpouring of grief.
>>>
>>
>> He had a family and little kids.
>>
>> It's Ben Nunn we should be mourning.
>
>
> AWTWP.
>
> Maybe the world is finally beginning to understand?
>
Only one small part of NZ Ben, only one small part of NZ. The rest of the
world loved our Steve and is probably crying alone and contemplating
self-harm, even as we speak.
--
Cheers, Os
Osbourne Ruddock
@localhost:
>
> On that note, I grabbed the first season of the tv series Survivor
> (1975) and I've been watching it over the last couple of days. Now I
> remember watching that when it first aired on telly in NZ which must've
> been a year or two after it screened in England so I'd have been 10 or
>
> This program may have once frightened me but the scariest thing now is
> wondering where the fuck those 30 years went.
>
Fuck I loved that show, was thinking of getting a torrent of it down the
shit pipe. Not sure I'll bother now. I remember that I thought the short
haired bird was vaguely horny as well. I expect she looks a real minger
now all the other coolness from the series has been blown into arsedom.
UKTV is no help. I remember The Professionals being the dog's boll's when
I was a kid, appointment viewing if you will. Have had a look at it over
the last couple of weeks and am still recovering from Doyle's open necked
check shirt and flares.
It seems the only one to maintain any vestige of dignity over the decades
is The Sweeney. Sure, the curtains and Wallpaper make the Os Den look
minimalist but the prevalence of sawn-off shotties and the size of
Regan's scotches still manage to impress, even after all these years.
Mind you, it helps that The Sweeney soundtrack CD is a splendid piece of
British funk music. Shut it!
And Blake's 7 holds up for me as well. Blake deserved imprisonment for
that curly top he sports but I still get a lift in the pants whenever
Servalan enters the scene.
--
Cheers, Os
Vicky Conlan
>UKTV is no help. I remember The Professionals being the dog's boll's when
>I was a kid, appointment viewing if you will. Have had a look at it over
>the last couple of weeks and am still recovering from Doyle's open necked
>check shirt and flares.
>
>It seems the only one to maintain any vestige of dignity over the decades
>is The Sweeney. Sure, the curtains and Wallpaper make the Os Den look
>minimalist but the prevalence of sawn-off shotties and the size of
>Regan's scotches still manage to impress, even after all these years.
Heh. I still like watching The Professionals and The Sweeney when there
is nothing else on. :-)
--
Guppings
The Sweeney was 2nd to Callan for me, I wasn't a fan of The Professionals,
probably more popular with bints because of Martin Shaw.
Maybe not quite so old but Hill Street Blues would be a close 3rd for me.
Vicky Conlan
>The Sweeney was 2nd to Callan for me, I wasn't a fan of The Professionals,
>probably more popular with bints because of Martin Shaw.
Never seen Callan. Can't say Martin Shaw has ever done anything for me.
Have you ever read anything he's said in an interview, btw? He really does
come across as a complete knob in anything I've read.
>Maybe not quite so old but Hill Street Blues would be a close 3rd for me.
Odd. I must have been watching re-runs of the others, then, cos HSB always
strikes me as "something my parents watched", where the others are things I
watched when they were out at the pub.
--
nigel
> Can't say Martin Shaw has ever done anything for me.
AFAIC he ruined the Dalglish stories.
Cypher
> > On that note, I grabbed the first season of the tv series Survivor
> > (1975) and I've been watching it over the last couple of days. Now I
> > remember watching that when it first aired on telly in NZ which must've
> > been a year or two after it screened in England so I'd have been 10 or
(snip)
> Fuck I loved that show, was thinking of getting a torrent of it down the
> shit pipe. Not sure I'll bother now. I remember that I thought the short
> haired bird was vaguely horny as well. I expect she looks a real minger
> now all the other coolness from the series has been blown into arsedom.
You should go ahead and download it, Os. The short haired lass is quite
tasty but I'd have shot her before the end of E1S1. You might not view
the show with as jaundiced an eye as I have. My `Survivor' commune would
have no fucking children in it, I would be chest deep in discarded
cartridges from shooting all the weepy women and whining brats.
I'd also garrotte the men who didn't know how to hold a shotgun
properly.
I even visited an extensive fan site and checked out the forum to see if
any other person had mentioned some of the glaring holes in the show.
One dude rightly pointed out there was no need for petrol to be so
scarce and I was sorely tempted to sign up so I could have a moan about
a list of things but I'll save that for another time maybe. I don't hate
the show, the idea was great in the 70's and is much more applicable
now, but the human interactions drive me wild. It really was an innocent
age as far as script writing and continuity was concerned. For that
reason alone it is worth watching the series again. I've read a lengthy
article by one of the directors of some of the Survivor episodes, he
said they deliberately left it up to the viewing audience to fill in the
some of the blanks. This is a good thing for sure, but some of those
blanks would've taken weeks or months in real life to work through, not
the 1 or 2 minutes they allocate in the episode. And it really jars
after a diet of docos on Discovery where they spoonfeed you a recap
after the adbreak because they know most fuckers today have attention
disorders.
If you want to wait another week or so I can burn all 3 series to dvd
and send them down to you.
I'm thinking maybe I should also look for the Day of the Triffids
series.
Heh, talk about corn...you should see the rat attacks when they enter
London, I was pissing myself. (30 years ago I'd have been shitting
myself, of course). These are the rattiest looking rats you ever did
see, it is as if they'd dunked the fuckers in ice cold water to stun
them then rubbed them against the grain with a towel.
--
Cypher
Guppings
I'd have said HSB was ahead of its time, they were the 1st (by memory) to
have more than one plot during the programme, unlike the others that just
had the one story line from start to finish. Cost was the killer to the
show, at least that was the excuse when it stopped, most of the show was OB
& it was working to expensive. Writers of The Bill admitted that they tried
to follow HSB format.
Callan was from the mid 60's ish, DVD's & VHS are about, worth alook imho.
Dat
(Vicky Conlan) wrote:
>I really ought to come and visit you one day. You bastard.
Is this where I mention that I don't respond well to threats?
Lest you get the impression that it's all fish and chips over here, I
only get the opportunity to head up that way once or twice a year, and
it's often blowing a gale, so all the lovely sea monsters stay indoors
and watch movies'n'shit.
--
Dat
Dat
wrote:
>I'm going to come and visit Dat one day once.
Shhhhh. Last time you said that Mrs R came down with poorly.
--
Dat
Kullrad
<snip bollocks>
> I'm thinking maybe I should also look for the Day of the Triffids
> series.
Oooo...I fucking loved that show. If you get hold of it, you know what to do.
And, before I forget, again, that Slayer vid was damn good. Cheers.
--
Kullrad (4)
UKSF Best New Poster 2003
"Er, I think you'll find it's the Year of the Brummiecunt this time.
Yam Ki Pa Tai." - Joe Horowitz
Winamp is sleeping: (My Boss is in, probably)
Cypher
kullra...@kullrad.com says...
> Whilst being taken roughly from behind, Cypher squealed:
>
> <snip bollocks>
>
> > I'm thinking maybe I should also look for the Day of the Triffids
> > series.
>
> Oooo...I fucking loved that show. If you get hold of it, you know what to do.
Yep, I know what to do, watch it then think about cutting strips of
flesh off my legs or burning swastikas into my eyelids. Neither of those
thoughts disturb me as much as thinking about uploading a whole fucking
series to your ftp, ye fucker.
> And, before I forget, again, that Slayer vid was damn good. Cheers.
Glad you liked it, Kully. I was also impressed with the quality of the
clip considering its relatively small filesize. Must keep an eye out for
more clips like that one.
--
Cypher
Tony McChrystal
tears by saying news:PKGdneTWrZFc-JzY...@bt.com:
>> Odd. I must have been watching re-runs of the others, then, cos HSB
>> always
>> strikes me as "something my parents watched", where the others are
>> things I
>> watched when they were out at the pub.
>>
>
> I'd have said HSB was ahead of its time, they were the 1st (by memory)
> to have more than one plot during the programme, unlike the others
> that just had the one story line from start to finish. Cost was the
> killer to the show, at least that was the excuse when it stopped, most
> of the show was OB & it was working to expensive. Writers of The Bill
> admitted that they tried to follow HSB format.
Edward James Elmos (Olmos?) now excels as Commander Adama in the revisit of
Battlestar Galactica. I really can't recommend it enough.
Osbourne Ruddock
news:dvdMg.379615$P02.3...@fe07.news.easynews.com:
> viewing audience to fill in the some of the blanks. This is a good
> thing for sure, but some of those blanks would've taken weeks or
> months in real life to work through, not the 1 or 2 minutes they
> allocate in the episode. And it really jars after a diet of docos on
> Discovery where they spoonfeed you a recap after the adbreak because
> they know most fuckers today have attention disorders.
>
> If you want to wait another week or so I can burn all 3 series to dvd
> and send them down to you.
Yes please, if you can be arsed.
>
> I'm thinking maybe I should also look for the Day of the Triffids
> series.
>
> Heh, talk about corn...you should see the rat attacks when they enter
> London, I was pissing myself. (30 years ago I'd have been shitting
> myself, of course). These are the rattiest looking rats you ever did
> see, it is as if they'd dunked the fuckers in ice cold water to stun
> them then rubbed them against the grain with a towel.
>
Have you seen 28 Days Later Cyph? I can highly recommend it for some post
holocaust London zombie action.
--
Cheers, Os
Kullrad
> Have you seen 28 Days Later Cyph? I can highly recommend it for some post
> holocaust London zombie action.
It's pretty good, although the ending is a bit of a cop out, IMHO.
--
Kullrad (4)
UKSF Best New Poster 2003
"Surely Kully is as offensive an individual as has ever posted
regularly on uksf?." - Chopsy.
Osbourne Ruddock
news:4me1t0F...@individual.net:
> Osbourne Ruddock wrote:
>
>> Have you seen 28 Days Later Cyph? I can highly recommend it for some
>> post holocaust London zombie action.
>
> It's pretty good, although the ending is a bit of a cop out, IMHO.
>
Which one?
--
Cheers, Os
Kullrad
>>> Have you seen 28 Days Later Cyph? I can highly recommend it for some
>>> post holocaust London zombie action.
>> It's pretty good, although the ending is a bit of a cop out, IMHO.
>>
> Which one?
The one at the end.
Cypher
stri...@hotmail.com says...
> Cypher <cyp...@home.com> wrote in
(snip)
> Have you seen 28 Days Later Cyph? I can highly recommend it for some post
> holocaust London zombie action.
thought it was shit. I remember being surprised at how shit I thought it
was because a lot of people were raving about it.
I thought there must be something wrong with me, wrong with my mind.
So I killed myself.
But something went wrong.
I came back.
BRAIINS
Cypher
> On Wed, 06 Sep 2006 05:02:53 GMT, Cypher <cyp...@home.com> wrote:
> >That is fucking beautiful, Dat. If I did lengthy .sigs I'd be sending
> >you a license fee.
>
> It would have to be shared I'm afraid. It was just a summary of what
> has been said before.
This is something that disturbs me too. I've read so much material over
the years I often feel as if everything I type is parroting some other
fucker's material.
> >The rest of your rant was top class too, I read selected bits of it out
> >loud to the missus, especially the bit about the rancid chook.
>
> I hope you did so in a deep, manly voice. I don't want her thinking
> that I'm just another saddo on the internet who couldn't get a proper
> job writing shite.
I did my Sean Connery impersonation, though this is a Connery born and
raised in the bowels of Calcutta. When I'd finished she said `Dat? Is
that the sicko with the leaves and the lizards?' and I said `yeah,
fucked up, huh?'
Then we made sweet, sweet love.
Actually, we didn't, I just wanted to probe Ben's wound.
(snip)
> the dishes? Who hasn't taken wild creatures, masters of their own
> domain, and kept them in dismal confines for our own pleasure? Who
> hasn't wanted to be noticed as the wild, fear nothing warrior who
> other, less capable people call upon when situations turn nasty? And
> who hasn't talked things up a bit because, ateotd, life is often a
> little pale compared to the big screen?
I've pondered this myself and you hit the nail on the nose. Life can
definitely appear bland if you don't realise the tv overlords are
capable of lying to you and do so, always. If an advert for some holiday
locale appears on the screen, and I'm thinking of your own fair land at
the moment, the missus will pipe up and insist we must get there some
day. Of course, cantankerous old me then informs her that everything she
just saw was shot from the optimal angle by some cunt sitting in a
helicopter and all those happy people were actors.
People buy into these visual orgasms then wonder why the holiday didn't
live up to expectations. Aussie's a great place to travel, I'd love to
get back there and retrace the path I blazed as a gorgeous 18yr old
manling...fuck, I nearly teared up recalling my smooth skinned former
self..fight the urge to wallow, son..
Television doesn't emulate real life, to our detriment it is the other
way round. I think people react to some situations the way they do
because that is how they have seen people acting on tv when something
goes horribly wrong. How many sieveheads overreact in their sexual
relationships because they've seen how it is done on soap operas and
tear jerkers? Millions upon millions, I algebracise.
Stupid fuckers watch actors tootling about in unrealistic situations and
wonder why their own life is so empty. I'll bet you they never, ever
consider that the actor they are watching would probably be feeling just
as fucking empty if he/she was still turning up to casting calls.
For some people that idiot box spouts the gospel truth and I'm afraid my
wife is one of them. An example: The other day one of the cardboard
cutouts on the news mentioned the 3-15 billion barrel discovery in the
Gulf of Mexico. My missus looked over at me, smiled and said `I thought
you said oil was running out?'
Like a happy little slave, this one cardboard cutout's word was good
enough for her to discredit all the data I've been reading for months.
So I head to the forums and sure enough the MSM spin on this is nothing
but political machinations leading up to the midterm elections in the
US. Even the company responsible for the drilling said they were looking
at 2-3 billion barrels, not the fucking 15 billion quoted by the cunts
in the MSM. And you ought to read just how likely it is that they will
even get this oil to the surface.
But no, my wife wasn't interested in my updated information, she doesn't
want to hear that things are going to go tits up, I even said to her
`why the fuck are you prepared to believe the fuckers on tv before
you'll believe me?'
So I killed her.
But I had to bring her back when I started getting hungry.
It is a funny thing, I can't get rid of warts but I have the power to
raise the dead.
> I'll hold my hand up, reluctantly, because I've done exactly that. The
> thing is, like most young chaps, I grew out of (most of) that sort of
> behaviour some time around my early teens.
It is significant that we discover the art of masturbation in our early
teens. Like any artist you have to focus on your new discipline, learn
to gain control of your easel. By the time you reach your late teens you
are cranking out Mona Lisa's three or four times a day, more if you are
painting from your sickbed. All through your twenties you can tear off
masterpieces at will, a triptych? not a problem, chapel ceilings? hell
yeah, adds to the spice. But some painters go mad and start dabbling
with various metals, hanging jewellery off their easels. Eventually they
find it tough to get someone to pose for them, people no longer visit
their studio as often. Men, like myself, continue painting into our
dotage, we can no longer churn out Leonardos at will but we are still
capable of the odd Constable or Caravaggio, good enough to keep us
happy. Then one day it all goes wrong, Dali and Picasso.
> Mr Irwin was just a big kid at heart. That was endearing to many, but
> as with most kids, it seemed more about him than anything else. I
> could be wrong. I might be being overly harsh. But under the never
> ending avalanche of faux mourning that I'm currently subjected to,
> even that is unlikely to result in any kind of balance.
Heh. Oh dear. Peter Brock.
Not a good week to be an Australian celebrity, Dat.
--
Cypher
Osbourne Ruddock
news:nxsMg.648048$bN2.2...@fe09.news.easynews.com:
>
>> Mr Irwin was just a big kid at heart. That was endearing to many, but
>> as with most kids, it seemed more about him than anything else. I
>> could be wrong. I might be being overly harsh. But under the never
>> ending avalanche of faux mourning that I'm currently subjected to,
>> even that is unlikely to result in any kind of balance.
>
> Heh. Oh dear. Peter Brock.
>
> Not a good week to be an Australian celebrity, Dat.
Why were their rugby commentators left alone thought Cyph? Why, for the
love of fucking god's hairy nipples!!11lowfatmilk!11one!11
--
Cheers, Os
Joe Horowitz
"Cypher" <cyp...@home.com> wrote in message
news:KCqMg.645948$bN2.5...@fe09.news.easynews.com...
> The shots of a deserted London were good but I didn't enjoy the film,
> thought it was shit. I remember being surprised at how shit I thought it
> was because a lot of people were raving about it.
AWTWP. Didn't do much for me, and neither did 'Shaun of the Dead'.
The deserted London bits were cool, though.
> I thought there must be something wrong with me, wrong with my mind.
> So I killed myself.
> But something went wrong.
> I came back.
You say that like it's a bad thing.
> BRAIINS
You might be barking up the wrong Kully here.
Kullrad
>> BRAIINS
>
> You might be barking up the wrong Kully here.
Harsh.
Harsh, but fair.
Cypher
my_...@youblunder.co.youghey says...
>
> "Cypher" <cyp...@home.com> wrote in message
> news:KCqMg.645948$bN2.5...@fe09.news.easynews.com...
> > The shots of a deserted London were good but I didn't enjoy the film,
> > thought it was shit. I remember being surprised at how shit I thought it
> > was because a lot of people were raving about it.
>
> AWTWP. Didn't do much for me, and neither did 'Shaun of the Dead'.
Shaun of the Dead was tripe, Joe. Any one of the Evil Dead movies was
better than 28 Days or Shaun. I think other fuckers rated both movies
highly because zombie flicks are pretty scarce on the ground.
I just watched Army of Darkness for the 3rd or 4th time, I hadn't
intended to but the wife laid a guilt trip on me so I watched a few
movies on Sky. I huffed and puffed for a minute or so but settled in for
a session in front of the box. At one point she tried to get away with
watching a romance movie but I convinced her Nicholas Cage in National
Treasure would be a better bet. Turned out to be a reasonable flick and
the blonde bint in it was very tasty. All in all I acted like a softcock
husband for a night and now I should be able to get away with being an
ignorant cunt for the rest of the year.
--
Cypher
Dat
>In article <t0ttf2hgn0a388e0q...@4ax.com>, dat_004
>> It would have to be shared I'm afraid. It was just a summary of what
>> has been said before.
>
>This is something that disturbs me too. I've read so much material over
>the years I often feel as if everything I type is parroting some other
>fucker's material.
Exactly. Also, it is somewhat disturbing that due to the amount of
stuff you've absorbed over time, you can't help but develop this
nagging suspicion that all that you type may have been said before.
I'm getting that feeling right now as it happens, and it's annoying
the fuck out of me. I'm 110% original, so I am, and so am I.
>Actually, we didn't, I just wanted to probe Ben's wound.
Heh. "Ben's wound" sounds like a description a nun might use to deter
young ladies from falling into the clutches of satan.
What are the chances that GBLs paid particular attention to just such
a warning?
>I've pondered this myself and you hit the nail on the nose. Life can
>definitely appear bland if you don't realise the tv overlords are
>capable of lying to you and do so, always. If an advert for some holiday
>locale appears on the screen, and I'm thinking of your own fair land at
>the moment, the missus will pipe up and insist we must get there some
>day. Of course, cantankerous old me then informs her that everything she
>just saw was shot from the optimal angle by some cunt sitting in a
>helicopter and all those happy people were actors.
...and that they sat around for six months drinking bottomless mugs of
very expensive coffee and imported beers (all provided by the very
establishment they are filming on behalf of) waiting for a particular
shaped cloud to arrive in a precise area of frame at exactly the right
moment when the afternoon rays turn the scene all golden...and for the
tide to come in just the right amount so that the broken glass and
shopping trolleys were obscured and yet not so far as to allow any
indication that the cyclone that passed through last week had taken
the whole beach when it left, etc, etc.
That's the thing with those sort of shows, they don't even have to
really tell porkies at all. As long as they've got a reasonably well
exposed reel to spin, it's bound to look more picturesque than real
life. Try it yourself. Find an area of your backyard that doesn't look
all that flash, or a side of the house that could do with a splash of
paint, and rip off a couple of digital snaps. The colours tend to
overwhelm the eye, and unless they're specifically looking for
defects, it all looks much more inviting than when you were stood out
there looking at it five minutes earlier.
Also the screen you're viewing it on is a lot smaller than the big
wide world, and you'll no doubt have noticed that it's difficult to
tell if a screen sized image is even in focus when it's reduced to
about a tenth of its size. How do you think real estate people get
folk to visit dumps that they've already viewed a photo of?
At the risk of ripping off some other poor sod's work...for a lot of
people, tv is their fish bowl. Ever notice how most fish seem to think
that it looks much better on the other side of that glass?
>For some people that idiot box spouts the gospel truth and I'm afraid my
>wife is one of them. An example: The other day one of the cardboard
>cutouts on the news mentioned the 3-15 billion barrel discovery in the
>Gulf of Mexico. My missus looked over at me, smiled and said `I thought
>you said oil was running out?'
Oil is running out???! Why didn't someone say? I should have been
informed. I expect they'll be putting the price up now or something.
Still, we'll be alright, won't we? The planet we stumble about on is
made of the stuff afterall. We got taught that in school...the moon is
made from cheese, earth from oil, and Pluto from very small bits of
stuff....almost too small to detect, and that's why it is barely even
there.
>But no, my wife wasn't interested in my updated information, she doesn't
>want to hear that things are going to go tits up, I even said to her
>`why the fuck are you prepared to believe the fuckers on tv before
>you'll believe me?'
This seems to be a common occurrence in many families. Deep down I
don't think people trust their nearest and dearest all that much. I
suspect that some folk don't get a wink of sleep at night as they
maintain a constant watch for an impeding fatal attack.
>So I killed her.
Aaaaand with good reason it would seem.
>But I had to bring her back when I started getting hungry.
Have you upset the home delivery pizza boy?
>It is a funny thing, I can't get rid of warts but I have the power to
>raise the dead.
Strictly speaking, I think it might be pron which is doing the
majority of the work.
>It is significant that we discover the art of masturbation in our early
>teens. Like any artist you have to focus on your new discipline, learn
>to gain control of your easel. By the time you reach your late teens you
>are cranking out Mona Lisa's three or four times a day, more if you are
>painting from your sickbed. All through your twenties you can tear off
>masterpieces at will, a triptych? not a problem, chapel ceilings? hell
>yeah, adds to the spice. But some painters go mad and start dabbling
>with various metals, hanging jewellery off their easels. Eventually they
>find it tough to get someone to pose for them, people no longer visit
>their studio as often. Men, like myself, continue painting into our
>dotage, we can no longer churn out Leonardos at will but we are still
>capable of the odd Constable or Caravaggio, good enough to keep us
>happy. Then one day it all goes wrong, Dali and Picasso.
Yes, and I'm told that soon after you'll discover that you have to
squeeze the tube very hard to even manage a quick miniature portrait.
It's a sure sign that the manopause has arrived at your door,
apparently.
>Heh. Oh dear. Peter Brock.
Who?
>Not a good week to be an Australian celebrity, Dat.
S'ok, I'm not all that famous.
No, really.
Some rev head at the lady of the house's place of employment told her
that she must drive home with her lights on as a marc of respect. She
assures me that she only did so due to a late finish with it being
already dark by the time she left. That doesn't explain the big "05"s
all over the Magna, but then I'm willing to go along with quite a bit
if it means a quiet life.
--
Dat
Joe Horowitz
>
> Shaun of the Dead was tripe, Joe. Any one of the Evil Dead movies was
> better than 28 Days or Shaun. I think other fuckers rated both movies
> highly because zombie flicks are pretty scarce on the ground.
AWTWP.
> I just watched Army of Darkness for the 3rd or 4th time, I hadn't
> intended to but the wife laid a guilt trip on me so I watched a few
> movies on Sky.
Oh, Army of Darkness really does rocks very one bigly one. One of my
favourite comedies. So many great lines in that film, and the epitomy of
'the reluctant hero'. Great stuff.
'This is my BOOM STICK!!1!'
'You got but two chances, Jack and Shit, and Jack left town'
'Oh, that was just pillow-talk, baby!'
Etc.
> I huffed and puffed for a minute or so but settled in for
> a session in front of the box. At one point she tried to get away with
> watching a romance movie but I convinced her Nicholas Cage in National
> Treasure would be a better bet. Turned out to be a reasonable flick and
> the blonde bint in it was very tasty. All in all I acted like a softcock
> husband for a night and now I should be able to get away with being an
> ignorant cunt for the rest of the year.
I watched Pulp Fiction again last night, simply because it was on telly, and
I noticed something that I hadn't noticed before and it really bugged me:
At the start of the film, where we see the same scene we see at the end, in
the cafe, the bird stands up and shouts 'blah blah blah I'll execute every
last motherfucking one of you'.
At the end, though, when we supposedly see the same scene but from a
different perspective, she shouts 'blah blah blah I'll execute every last
one of you motherfuckers'. Ffs.
You'd have thunk they had the script from the first scene written down
somewhere when they shot the last.
Cypher
> On Sat, 09 Sep 2006 05:44:51 GMT, Cypher <cyp...@home.com> wrote:
(snip plagiarism)
> Also the screen you're viewing it on is a lot smaller than the big
> wide world, and you'll no doubt have noticed that it's difficult to
> tell if a screen sized image is even in focus when it's reduced to
> about a tenth of its size. How do you think real estate people get
> folk to visit dumps that they've already viewed a photo of?
Real estate is a good example of bastards getting creative with a
camera. `Hmm..this house is a fucking hovel, I'll stand on the roof and
conjur up some kind of `view' and use that instead' and they will throw
in phrases like `only 5 minutes from the city center' without admitting
they used the agency's pet crow to estimate this claim.
"needs TLC" - rats have eaten all the wiring.
> At the risk of ripping off some other poor sod's work...for a lot of
> people, tv is their fish bowl. Ever notice how most fish seem to think
> that it looks much better on the other side of that glass?
True. During power blackouts it is probably the absence of tv that
causes the most anguish for millions of people. Those blackouts are
going to get worse too, electricity grids are already stretched to
capacity.
As an aside: I watched the first half of the Man Utd v Spurs game this
morning then flicked to Nat Geo for a quick squiz and never went back to
the game. There was a program on about the creation of our planet and,
with no chance of seeing Rooney plant one on the referee, I opted for a
different kind of volatility. Nothing I saw was news to me, I've read
about that shit for years, seen a hundred similar docos, but I'm a
squirter when it comes to watching planetary tectonics, dinosaurs and
disasters.
The timeframes are incomprehensible. Mankinds existence in this
timeframe is so ludicrously insignificant that to care about what
happens to us is futile. The bitch is 4.5 billion years old.
4,500,000,000 years ago, in the void known as Ben's Arses, two bits of
jizz, remnants of the big splooge, collided. The bigger one wobbled like
a 36C bosom in a gangbang and the foundation for life began.
The party rolled on for 4,499,950,000 years until one day 50,000 years
ago mankinds invitation arrived in the mail. 49,960 years later I was
born.
The proper answer to the question `how do you want to be remembered?' is
"Don't be fucking stupid"
50 years from now most of us will be dead, 500 years from now mankind
will likely be as advanced as we were 500 years ago because we didn't
prepare for the coming crisis in time. 5000 years from now most of our
monuments will have crumbled. 50,000 years from now mankind will no
longer exist because we haven't been able to find a way to harmoniously
live with each other over the course of the last 50,000 years and we
keep inventing better methods of murder.
And eventually, on a timescale we can't comprehend, all of the
continents will once again join up, like your Pangeas and Gondwanalands,
and we will have already been dead for millions of years.
1
10
100
1000
10000
100000
1000000
10000000
100000000
1000000000
And the bitch is on her 5th cycle.
(snip unlicensed diatribe)
> >happy. Then one day it all goes wrong, Dali and Picasso.
>
> Yes, and I'm told that soon after you'll discover that you have to
> squeeze the tube very hard to even manage a quick miniature portrait.
> It's a sure sign that the manopause has arrived at your door,
> apparently.
It is a shame UKSF doesn't have an `edit post' button, I'd like to steal
your minature portrait idea and use it to improve my own work, which
wasn't really my work anyway, I lifted it verbatim from an old biddy's
diary.
--
Cypher
Vicky Conlan
>> The shots of a deserted London were good but I didn't enjoy the film,
>> thought it was shit. I remember being surprised at how shit I thought it
>> was because a lot of people were raving about it.
>
>AWTWP. Didn't do much for me, and neither did 'Shaun of the Dead'.
>
>The deserted London bits were cool, though.
I haven't seen the film, but I think I've seen the clips you mean.
tbh, I think I've been in bits of central London on May Day before now
which have been that empty.
--
Vicky Conlan
>> > The shots of a deserted London were good but I didn't enjoy the film,
>> > thought it was shit. I remember being surprised at how shit I thought it
>> > was because a lot of people were raving about it.
>> AWTWP. Didn't do much for me, and neither did 'Shaun of the Dead'.
>Shaun of the Dead was tripe, Joe. Any one of the Evil Dead movies was
>better than 28 Days or Shaun. I think other fuckers rated both movies
>highly because zombie flicks are pretty scarce on the ground.
Ah, fuck off. Shaun was great. It's not a "zombie flick", it's a piss
take. it's the UKSF of zombie flicks.
--
Osbourne Ruddock
news:TBzMg.26850$H03....@fe3.news.blueyonder.co.uk:
>> The shots of a deserted London were good but I didn't enjoy the film,
>> thought it was shit. I remember being surprised at how shit I thought
>> it was because a lot of people were raving about it.
>
> AWTWP. Didn't do much for me, and neither did 'Shaun of the Dead'.
DWTWP. SOTD was ok if not a classic. It's satire of zomie flick meets
modern-life-is-rubbish worked quite well I thought. Certainly better
than 79% of the shit out there.
>
> The deserted London bits were cool, though.
The thing I liked about 28DL was that it reminded me of those gritty
1970s British dramas like Survivor. The crazed army unit, the deserted
motorways, the overnight stay at the farm, really evoked a nostalgic
feeling. The use of overcast days and muted colours pallets worked well.
Like SOTD, not a classic by any means but good ent on a cold night.
6.9/9 for both I reckon.
>
>> BRAIINS
>
But where's the talent Cyph? WTFs the talent?
--
Cheers, Os
Osbourne Ruddock
news:ee21tr$1b61$2...@magenta.plig.net:
>>> AWTWP. Didn't do much for me, and neither did 'Shaun of the Dead'.
>>Shaun of the Dead was tripe, Joe. Any one of the Evil Dead movies was
>>better than 28 Days or Shaun. I think other fuckers rated both movies
>>highly because zombie flicks are pretty scarce on the ground.
>
> Ah, fuck off. Shaun was great. It's not a "zombie flick", it's a
> piss take. it's the UKSF of zombie flicks.
AVSWTWP
I'm not sure that Cypher gets satire.
--
Cheers, Os
Vicky Conlan
>> Ah, fuck off. Shaun was great. It's not a "zombie flick", it's a
>> piss take. it's the UKSF of zombie flicks.
>
>AVSWTWP
>
>I'm not sure that Cypher gets satire.
But Joe agreed with him, and he really ought to.
--
Osbourne Ruddock
@magenta.plig.net:
>>AVSWTWP
>>
>>I'm not sure that Cypher gets satire.
>
> But Joe agreed with him, and he really ought to.
>
True, but maybe he just didn't like it.
--
Cheers, Os
Joe Horowitz
Yeah, I do. Not all of it is great though. SOTD was obviously a piss-take,
it's not even borderline comedy. It's just comedy. I just didn't think it
was funny, though, and seeing as it was only really a comedy I'd place
'being funny' as high on it's agenda.
I never said it was shit, though, merely that it didn't do much for me.
Comedy is a strange and personal thing, bit like music or teh sex.
Joe Horowitz
"Osbourne Ruddock" <stri...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:Xns983B6F0AD31FBs...@130.133.1.4...
>>
>> But Joe agreed with him, and he really ought to.
>>
>
> True, but maybe he just didn't like it.
I love you, Osbourne. I don't think I tell you that enough.
Joe Horowitz
> "Joe Horowitz" <my_...@youblunder.co.youghey> wrote in
> news:TBzMg.26850$H03....@fe3.news.blueyonder.co.uk:
>
>>> The shots of a deserted London were good but I didn't enjoy the film,
>>> thought it was shit. I remember being surprised at how shit I thought
>>> it was because a lot of people were raving about it.
>>
>> AWTWP. Didn't do much for me, and neither did 'Shaun of the Dead'.
>
> DWTWP. SOTD was ok if not a classic. It's satire of zomie flick meets
> modern-life-is-rubbish worked quite well I thought. Certainly better
> than 79% of the shit out there.
AWTWP. Trouble is, at least 95% of the shit out there doesn't do much for
me, and I'd place SOTD in between.
> The thing I liked about 28DL was that it reminded me of those gritty
> 1970s British dramas like Survivor. The crazed army unit, the deserted
> motorways, the overnight stay at the farm, really evoked a nostalgic
> feeling. The use of overcast days and muted colours pallets worked well.
Yeah, I'd go along with that. Still didn't do all that much for me though.
> Like SOTD, not a classic by any means but good ent on a cold night.
>
> 6.9/9 for both I reckon.
I'd give them both 5.0
Osbourne Ruddock
>
>> The thing I liked about 28DL was that it reminded me of those gritty
>> 1970s British dramas like Survivor. The crazed army unit, the
>> deserted motorways, the overnight stay at the farm, really evoked a
>> nostalgic feeling. The use of overcast days and muted colours pallets
>> worked well.
>
> Yeah, I'd go along with that. Still didn't do all that much for me
> though.
Horror is not a genre I buys chips for in general but I could live with
28DL. I watched The Ring as well, it was a bit dull. I've never been
attracted to Van Helsing or any nouveau vampire stuff and all the teen
horror crap doesn't interest me at all.
The weirder end of Asian horror films can be quite cool, especially when
they skip all Western notions about avoiding scenes showing sexual
violence and violence against kiddies etc... If you're going to do a
horror film, then fucking well do it.
Have you seen Braindead? A funny and messy homage by Peter Jackson made
in the early '90s.
I'm more of a slice of life man really but again, finding good examples
of these sorts of movies is very difficult.
I watched Lord of War last night. Not too bad, watchable, but you just
knew where it was going from 1st minute to last.
6.9/9 as well.
--
Cheers, Os
Kullrad
>>Shaun of the Dead was tripe, Joe. Any one of the Evil Dead movies was
>>better than 28 Days or Shaun. I think other fuckers rated both movies
>>highly because zombie flicks are pretty scarce on the ground.
>
> Ah, fuck off. Shaun was great. It's not a "zombie flick", it's a
> piss take. it's the UKSF of zombie flicks.
AWTWP.
Look, another thing we have in common.
*shudders*
--
Kullrad (4)
UKSF Best New Poster 2003
"Er, I think you'll find it's the Year of the Brummiecunt this time.
Yam Ki Pa Tai." - Joe Horowitz
Winamp is sleeping: (My Boss is in, probably)
Vicky Conlan
>Look, another thing we have in common.
>*shudders*
How many legs do you have?
--
Kullrad
>>Look, another thing we have in common.
>>*shudders*
>
> How many legs do you have?
Two.
Why?
Sir Benjamin Nunn
>>> thought it was shit. I remember being surprised at how shit I thought
>>> it was because a lot of people were raving about it.
>>
>> AWTWP. Didn't do much for me, and neither did 'Shaun of the Dead'.
>
> DWTWP. SOTD was ok if not a classic. It's satire of zomie flick meets
> modern-life-is-rubbish worked quite well I thought. Certainly better
> than 79% of the shit out there.
It was horribly Nunnxclusive. Also, some of the people in it were cunts.
BTN
Vicky Conlan
>>>Look, another thing we have in common.
>>>*shudders*
>>
>> How many legs do you have?
>
>Two.
>
>Why?
that's ok then, cos I have 14, obviously.
--
Sir Benjamin Nunn
Three of of those were legally determined to still be property of JdS,
however.
BTN
Sir Benjamin Nunn
> I remember being surprised at how shit I thought it
> was because a lot of people were raving about it.
That sums up everything wrong with life, right there.
BTN
Cypher
but earlier in this thread I was assailed by ingrates casting aspersions
upon my ability to fathom satire. ffs, at least 80% of everything I type
is satire in one form or another. Even my percentages.
--
Cypher
Joe Horowitz
"Vicky Conlan" <co...@riffraff.plig.net> wrote in message
news:ee3fgb$20mk$2...@magenta.plig.net...
> According to <kullra...@kullrad.com>:
>>
>>Two.
>>Why?
>
> that's ok then, cos I have 14, obviously.
Huh. I always kind of assumed you'd have eight.
Sir Benjamin Nunn
"Joe Horowitz" <my_...@youblunder.co.youghey> wrote in message
news:YbgNg.41213$H03....@fe3.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
>
> "Vicky Conlan" <co...@riffraff.plig.net> wrote in message
> news:ee3fgb$20mk$2...@magenta.plig.net...
>> According to <kullra...@kullrad.com>:
>>>> How many legs do you have?
>>>
>>>Two.
>>>Why?
>>
>> that's ok then, cos I have 14, obviously.
>
> Huh. I always kind of assumed you'd have eight.
Here's a question:
If Conlan had eight legs, and between every combination of two legs there
was a flange, how many flanges would she have, if she had 14 legs?
BTN
nigel
> "Vicky Conlan" <co...@riffraff.plig.net> wrote in message
> news:ee3fgb$20mk$2...@magenta.plig.net...
>
>>According to <kullra...@kullrad.com>:
>>
>>>>How many legs do you have?
>>>
>>>Two.
>>>Why?
>>
>>that's ok then, cos I have 14, obviously.
>
>
> Huh. I always kind of assumed you'd have eight.
>
>
Black Widows have eight.
Cypher
use...@nospam.com says...
Do you think he just let her eat them or would he have tried to hustle
them out of the room?
--
Cypher
Joe Horowitz
"Sir Benjamin Nunn" <ben...@depro.co.uk> wrote in message
news:4mlifsF...@individual.net...
> Here's a question:
>
> If Conlan had eight legs, and between every combination of two legs there
> was a flange, how many flanges would she have, if she had 14 legs?
Well, obviously, she'd have just the one, but it would be one fucking broad
shitflange.
nigel
I spot a George Lucas film opportunity - "ConlanWars 2 - Attack and
Impregnation by the Clones".
Vicky Conlan
>>>> How many legs do you have?
>>>Two.
>>>Why?
>> that's ok then, cos I have 14, obviously.
>Huh. I always kind of assumed you'd have eight.
8 of mine, 4 of JdS's, 2 from Goatboy.
--
Osbourne Ruddock
nntp-reader02.plus.net:
>> Nick had to be using clones to impregnate her.
>>
>> Do you think he just let her eat them or would he have tried to hustle
>> them out of the room?
>>
>> --
>> Cypher
>
> I spot a George Lucas film opportunity - "ConlanWars 2 - Attack and
> Impregnation by the Clones".
>
Hmmmm, kind of clunky title.
Yep, that should do George just fine.
--
Cheers, Os
Sir Benjamin Nunn
JdS had four flanges?
BTN
Kullrad
>> 8 of mine, 4 of JdS's, 2 from Goatboy.
>
> JdS had four flanges?
No, flanges for forks.
--
Kullrad (4)
UKSF Best New Poster 2003
"Er, I think you'll find it's the Year of the Brummiecunt this time.
Yam Ki Pa Tai." - Joe Horowitz
Winamp is spewing forth: Hatebreed - Destroy Everything
Vicky Conlan
>>>>>> How many legs do you have?
>>>>>Two.
>>>>>Why?
>>>> that's ok then, cos I have 14, obviously.
>>>Huh. I always kind of assumed you'd have eight.
>>
>> 8 of mine, 4 of JdS's, 2 from Goatboy.
>
>JdS had four flanges?
Well, between him, his gf and his sprog, obviously.
--
Martin
use...@nospam.com says...
>
> I spot a George Lucas film opportunity - "ConlanWars 2 - Attack and
> Impregnation by the Clones".
>
show all 6 episodes of the Star Wars "saga" on consecutive weekends,
what order do you show them in?
Correct - Sky are cunts.
M
--
Martin: Poster, large, helpful, SBL administrator. Beer Baron and
spreadshit maestro. Last remaining Huddersfield fan on the planet.
Martin
stri...@hotmail.com says...
>
> The thing I liked about 28DL was that it reminded me of those gritty
> 1970s British dramas like Survivor. The crazed army unit, the deserted
> motorways, the overnight stay at the farm, really evoked a nostalgic
> feeling. The use of overcast days and muted colours pallets worked well.
>
sequel to 28DL (allegedly called 28WL) outside my office Right Now. It's
true.
Joe Horowitz
"Martin" <ne...@mandab.co.uk> wrote in message
news:MPG.1f74ab724...@news.individual.net...
> In a bizarre synchronicity type thing, they're actually filming the
> sequel to 28DL (allegedly called 28WL) outside my office Right Now. It's
> true.
Yes, 'Twenty-Eight Wet Labias' looks set to be _the_ film of 2007.
Vicky Conlan
>> In a bizarre synchronicity type thing, they're actually filming the
>> sequel to 28DL (allegedly called 28WL) outside my office Right Now. It's
>> true.
>Yes, 'Twenty-Eight Wet Labias' looks set to be _the_ film of 2007.
Better than the original idea of 28LL, or 28 Labias Later. Turns out
it was copyrighted by a certain UKSF Pr0n Inc.
--