Whilst indulging in a spot of the obligatory DIY today I discovered I
needed  few more bits and bobs, blowtorch, flux, joints etc...
I could not get the car out for a 'quick' 6 miles to the shop as the
community skip lorry was doing its thing so I took the jolly old - new -
  racing bike for a spin.

Flashing along and wanting to turn right over the bridge system I
crossed the four lanes to take up position for the giratory road system.
Pulled up at the lights and waited, not bothered by and not bothering
anybody when up pulls a plod car, the window goes down on the drivers
side and a head pops out.

Young Plod - "Nice bike you've got there"
Me - "Yes"
Young Plod - "Going out for a ride"
Me - "Yes"
Young Plod - "Where you going"
Me - "Over there"
Young Plod - "You know your in the wrong lane"
Me - "Hows that"
Young Plod - "You should be over there" - Points to the near side lane
four over.
Me - "Can't turn right from there"
Young Plod - "It's dangerous to ride your bike in this lane"
Me - "Be a lot more dangerous turning right from over there"
Young Plod - "Is it yours"
Me - "What"
Young Plod - "The bike"
Me - "Yes"
Young Plod - "Your not wearing cycling clothing"
Me - "No" - wearing old combats, boots and sweatshirt, very dirty as had
been crawling around under the floorboards.
Young Plod - "Your not wearing a helmet either"
Me - "No"
Young Plod - "Just pull up over there for me"
Me - "Why"
Young plod - "I want a word with you"
Me - "What for"
Young Plod - "Don't argue"
Me - "About what"

At this point young plod had had enough and tripped his blue lights...

Young Plod - "get off"
Me - Feeling a bit like  finding out how far he would go - "Have I done
something wrong"
Young Plod - "Like I said your in the wrong lane"
Me - "Is that a road traffic offence" - he should have picked up on this!
Young Plod - "Yes"
Me - "Oh" - Get off bike

Young Plod then gets out of car and tells me how he could do me for
dangerous cycling and how I should be wearing a cycle helmet.

Me - "Is that the law then - cycle helmets"
Young Plod - "No but its a lot safer"
Me - "There's never been a study that proved that you know"
Young Plod - "I cycle and I always wear a helmet"
Me - "That's your choice"
Young Plod - "Your not taking this very seriously"
Me - "Aren't I"
Young Plod - "Right - Lets see what you think about getting a fine for
dangerous cycling"
Me - "Your going to give me a ticket"
Young Plod - "I might if you continue like this"
Me - "Am I riding dangerously then"
Young Plod - "Yes"
Me - "How"
Young Plod - "You shouldn't be in the outside lane you should turn right
  from the nearside kerb"
Me - "Oh, does it say that in the Road Traffic Act then"
Young Plod - "Do you have any ID"
Me - "What for"
Young Plod - "Because I asked you"
Me - "Are you going to give me a ticket then"
Young Plod - "I've had enough of this what's your name"
Me - "******"
Young Plod - "What do you do for a living"
Me - "I train people"
Young Plod - "Who for"
Me - "The police"
Young Plod - "Oh"
Me - "Does that make a difference"
Young Plod - "Err"
Me - "Do I get a copy of a stop form then"
Young Plod -"Err"
Me - "I really think I should get a copy of a stop form"
Young Plod -"Do we need to do that"
Me - "Yes"
Young Plod - writes out stop form - Name?
Me - "Sgt..."
Young Plod - Finishes the stop form - hands it to me
Me - "Next time you think of abusing your powers you might like to think
about who your talking to first"
Young Plod -"Yes Sarge"
Me - "Do I need to write to your skipper about this"
Young Plod - "No Sarge"
Me - "You think you've learnt your lesson then"
Young Plod - "Yes Sarge"
Me - "You think I should let you get away with this then"
Young Plod - "I think I made a mistake"
Me - "I think you did"
Young Plod - "Are you going to write to my Sergeant then Sarge"
Me - "I think he needs to know, don't you"
Me - "I'll tell you what, You tell your Sergeant and get them to call me
later"
Young Plod - "Yes Sergeant"
Me - "Be sure you do - or I will be writing officially"
Young Plod - "Yes Sergeant" Gets back in car and drives off.

Had chat with female sergeant later - turns out he did tell her and got
bulled for his actions.

Obviously the above is not a word for word but it's pretty close.

Sniper8052