Not a Paul thread - number 2
^Thunder^
--
^Thunder^
Switchmaybe(BG)
news:XIW64TAy...@slave.co.uk...
> Topic anyone?
> --
> ^Thunder^
--
was not that the name of a choccy bar?
OK, lets think of one....
How about are you put off from coming to a munch
Is it because...
Now the hard part.
Location
fear of being molested
timing
fear of being recognised
Are you male
are you female
and you can deal with those who put yes to both in an appropriate manner.
Or..
Why do you go to munches?
Now you can suggest reasons...
Brian
--
___________________________________________________________________________
Brian - Pain is fine, but drop me and I shatter.
Only my eyes are blind.
It's OK, Ive got the balls, so let's play!
switc...@blueyonder.co.uk
___________________________________________________________________________
---
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^Thunder^
<switc...@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote in
<ama6hv$447q1$1...@ID-105134.news.dfncis.de> .... and my response is :-
>"^Thunder^" <Master...@slave.co.uk> wrote in message
>news:XIW64TAy...@slave.co.uk...
>> Topic anyone?
>> --
>> ^Thunder^
>
>--
>
>was not that the name of a choccy bar?
>
>
>OK, lets think of one....
>
>How about are you put off from coming to a munch
>
>Is it because...
>
>Now the hard part.
>
>Location
>fear of being molested
>timing
>fear of being recognised
>
>Are you male
>are you female
>
>and you can deal with those who put yes to both in an appropriate manner.
>
>Or..
>
>Why do you go to munches?
>
>Now you can suggest reasons...
>
>Brian
>
Hmmm not bad - thanks
--
^Thunder^
EvilZak
How about New Rules for Newbie Clubbers, in the spirit of a New
Statesman comp, ie, best piece of unhelpful advice wins a prize.
Here are some suggestions:
The correct form of address to a Dominatrix is 'Oi, bitch!"
If you don't have a partner, or sufficient partners, the bar staff are
happy to oblige you. If they refuse, it's because they are really Brat
subs.
If you don't get to have sex/a spanking/a go at tying anyone else up
during your club visit, you should ask the promoter for a refund of
your entry fee.
subbykins{Chrd}
wrote:
>How about New Rules for Newbie Clubbers, in the spirit of a New
>Statesman comp, ie, best piece of unhelpful advice wins a prize.
>
>Here are some suggestions:
>
>The correct form of address to a Dominatrix is 'Oi, bitch!"
>
>If you don't have a partner, or sufficient partners, the bar staff are
>happy to oblige you. If they refuse, it's because they are really Brat
>subs.
>
>If you don't get to have sex/a spanking/a go at tying anyone else up
>during your club visit, you should ask the promoter for a refund of
>your entry fee.
No doesn't really mean no, it means "I just need a bit of convincing"
Scenes are there to be interrupted, players will welcome your comments
and Dom<me>s will be grateful for your assistance and the removal of
their current play implement to show them 'how you SHOULD be doing
it', demonstrating said on their subby.
Wanking 8 inches away from anyone will win you friends and influence
people, and is guaranteed to get you laid.
Sitting on the play equipment regailing all and sundry with your
latest dominating exploits is what the best BDSM raconteurs do.
Real subbys are subby to everyone, just try it at a club and see.
All women at their hearts are submissive, some just need to be shown
how.
"The only time you don't fail is the last time you try anything -- and it
works."
- William Strong
subbykins{Chrd}
Sarah H
> Topic anyone?
Okay ...
My partner enjoys scenes where he "depersonalises me" e.g. mask, bondage
tape around face etc. Sometimes this has the effect that he is less aware
of my responses and goes further than he otherwise would. As far as
possible I try to communicate in the context of the scene to keep the flow
going, but one a couple of occasions I have safeworded not once, but twice
and he then get a real downer. At that point, the thing I need is a huge
hug and wild sex to reassure me, but he feels really bad about not reading
the signs.
Any ideas on how to cope with this? There will always be times when one
partner just isn't into things as much as the other or perhaps the
boundaries are being pushed more than is comfortable (me being novice), but
I feel awfully guilty afterwards because he feels so bad about it. I try to
chalk it up to experience and think "if we go down this route again, I'll
try to play it this way/communicate beeter early on."
It's a mix of me not communicating or not giving off clear signals early
enough and of depersonalisation. I just hate the downer, especially if I
have to get a train that evening and we don't have enough time to talk it
through.
The above may not be too coherent (suffering a virus right now), but
hopefully you get the idea. Comparable experiences welcome.
--
Sarah H
Any good that I may do, let me do it now, for I may not pass this way again.
www.shartwell.freeserve.co.uk
Sarah H
> How about are you put off from coming to a munch
Thanks Brian, let's see ....
> Is it because...
> Location
> fear of being molested
> timing
> fear of being recognised
Partner tells me I should go to a munch and meet others just for talking
too. Till recently I was lucky because I worked with a guy who was into
BDSM (BeardedMaster) so I had someone experienced to talk to, moreover
someone i had know for several years as a friend asnd felt comfortable
talking to. He left for pastures new which left me out on a limb.
The Essex location is accessible, but I still feel intimidated. Partner is
in Bristol so I'd be going to munch alone. Being extremely introverted
(geek) my way of coping with groups of new people is to over-compensate and
I end up pissing people off if they don't realise it is a coping mechanism
(I end up being too abrasive or over-exuberant). I tend to keep people at
arm's length (usenet/email/acting the fool is arm's length), that way I can
cope. I do tend to be very shy of people - hence at BFE or SMPride I didn't
introduce myself to people who posted/emailed that theyd be there and to say
"hi" to them.
There is an Essex munch and yes I could get my ass into gear and arrange my
diary accordingly. Molestation isn't a fear. I just don't feel comfortable
around people in groups unless I already know some of them.
I guess the fact that I play only within a monogamous relationship makes me
feel intimidated (err, terrified) by anyone who seems to be suggesting I
might wish to play with them (I've had a few private emails on those lines).
This just makes me feel edgy about others who are into BDSM unless I already
know them outside of BDSM (e.g. through work).
> Are you male
> are you female
Female
^Thunder^
<shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in
<amafq7$kbg$1...@news8.svr.pol.co.uk> .... and my response is :-
>"^Thunder^" <Master...@slave.co.uk> wrote
>> Topic anyone?
>
>Okay ...
>
>My partner enjoys scenes where he "depersonalises me" e.g. mask, bondage
>tape around face etc. Sometimes this has the effect that he is less aware
>of my responses and goes further than he otherwise would. As far as
>possible I try to communicate in the context of the scene to keep the flow
>going, but one a couple of occasions I have safeworded not once, but twice
>and he then get a real downer.
Do you use the Red , Amber safewords ? In other words are you calling a
complete "STOP" ? I know in a scene I did a few months ago where the sub
was bound, blindfolded and had earphones playing music on I planned a
double "fail safe" means of communication. She had a bell ring on a
finger on her right hand to ring as "red" and in addition I periodically
touched her left hand with a finger for her to grasp briefly so that I
knew she was OK.
Personally if a sub safewords I don't get a "downer" but will discuss it
afterwards, as in a scene when, after using a Stanley knife to cut off
her underwear and blindfolding her I then substituted the corner of a
stiff card for the knife and ran it over her body - when I reached her
neck she called red. It took a little while to get back into the "swing"
but I understood then her fear.
> At that point, the thing I need is a huge
>hug and wild sex to reassure me, but he feels really bad about not reading
>the signs.
>
>Any ideas on how to cope with this? There will always be times when one
>partner just isn't into things as much as the other or perhaps the
>boundaries are being pushed more than is comfortable (me being novice), but
>I feel awfully guilty afterwards because he feels so bad about it. I try to
>chalk it up to experience and think "if we go down this route again, I'll
>try to play it this way/communicate beeter early on."
>
Communication is essential.
--
^Thunder^
^Thunder^
<shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in
>"Switchmaybe(BG)" <switc...@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote
<Snip>
>I guess the fact that I play only within a monogamous relationship makes me
>feel intimidated (err, terrified) by anyone who seems to be suggesting I
>might wish to play with them (I've had a few private emails on those lines).
>This just makes me feel edgy about others who are into BDSM unless I already
>know them outside of BDSM (e.g. through work).
>
>> Are you male
>> are you female
>
>Female
>
Interesting responses but I think Brian was responding to my question as
to a suitable poll for the Essex Yahoo site :)
As far as playing with others is concerned I think you should never feel
intimidated at a munch (or in fact on any other social, vanilla,
occasion)
--
^Thunder^
Sarah H
>
> Do you use the Red , Amber safewords ? In other words are you calling a
> complete "STOP" ? I know in a scene I did a few months ago where the sub
> was bound, blindfolded and had earphones playing music on I planned a
> double "fail safe" means of communication. She had a bell ring on a
> finger on her right hand to ring as "red" and in addition I periodically
> touched her left hand with a finger for her to grasp briefly so that I
> knew she was OK.
Yeah - I really didn't want to end the scene, but the current activity was
"going wrong" so it was amber, but the fact that we did end up having to
stop caused the downer. The fact that I'm a novice worries partner that I
might really mean "red" but I have a masochist streak and in most case the
endurance aspect figures large for me. He always feels he has been a bad
dom, but the fact that we are still exploring each other's limits and needs
means (to me anyway) that these things will happen at times. How can I
reassure him? Personally I'd find rampant sex a reassurance, but that isn't
how he copes with such things (lordy - it's how I cope with lots of
things!!)
Sarah H
> Interesting responses but I think Brian was responding to my question as
> to a suitable poll for the Essex Yahoo site :)
That's as may be, but it's not a you-know-who thread and maybe it could open
up some BDSM-related on the NG!!
> As far as playing with others is concerned I think you should never feel
> intimidated at a munch (or in fact on any other social, vanilla,
> occasion)
Easy to say, less easy to feel!
gra...@affordable-leather.co.ukdeletethis
On Wed, 18 Sep 2002 11:31:14 +0100, ^Thunder^
<Master...@slave.co.uk> wrote:
>Topic anyone?
No thanks, I'd prefer a Mars Bar.
Cheers,
Graham.
... What has a hazelnut in every bite...?
... Squirrel s$$t!
gra...@affordable-leather.co.ukdeletethis
wrote:
>How about New Rules for Newbie Clubbers, in the spirit of a New
>Statesman comp, ie, best piece of unhelpful advice wins a prize.
The correct way to attract the attention of a Dominatrix is to put a
fifty pound note down on the table in front of her.
Anyone wearing a collar and leash will be happy for you to grab it and
drag them over to the dungeon equipment.
Women with bare breasts/ bums etc have done so to enable you to cop a
feel whenever you want.
Carry a dildo with you at all times so that if, having followed the
above advice, you are told to "go f**k yourself", you can oblige.
Cheers,
Graham.
Paul C. Dickie
gra...@affordable-leather.co.ukDELETETHIS writes
>On Wed, 18 Sep 2002 11:31:14 +0100, ^Thunder^
><Master...@slave.co.uk> wrote:
>
>>Topic anyone?
>
>No thanks, I'd prefer a Mars Bar.
Snickers...
--
< Paul >
Paul C. Dickie
<z...@missdemeanour.idps.co.uk> writes
>^Thunder^ <Master...@slave.co.uk> wrote in message news:<XIW64TAyXFi9EwuT@sl
>ave.co.uk>...
>> Topic anyone?
>How about New Rules for Newbie Clubbers, in the spirit of a New
>Statesman comp, ie, best piece of unhelpful advice wins a prize.
>
>Here are some suggestions:
>
>The correct form of address to a Dominatrix is 'Oi, bitch!"
>
>If you don't have a partner, or sufficient partners, the bar staff are
>happy to oblige you. If they refuse, it's because they are really Brat
>subs.
It doesn't matter if Mr Kipling has just pulled some equipment off the
wall and dropped the subbies he was suspending as long as he still makes
exceedingly nice cakes...
--
< Paul >
MsDemmie
<Master...@slave.co.uk> wrote:
>As far as playing with others is concerned I think you should never feel
>intimidated at a munch (or in fact on any other social, vanilla,
>occasion)
>>I guess the fact that I play only within a monogamous relationship makes me
>>feel intimidated (err, terrified) by anyone who seems to be suggesting I
>>might wish to play with them (I've had a few private emails on those lines).
>>This just makes me feel edgy about others who are into BDSM unless I already
>>know them outside of BDSM (e.g. through work).
I would go further than that. No one should ever feel intimidated
into playing, be it at a munch, or club or anywhere.
( Yes I do accept there may be some scene dynamics that could be
negotiated and consented to that could include consensual
intimidation.)
Kind regards
MsDemmie
badriya
gra...@affordable-leather.co.ukDELETETHIS wrote:
>The correct way to attract the attention of a Dominatrix is to put a
>fifty pound note down on the table in front of her.
Actually, that's an interesting one. Remember the Oscar Wilde quip or
was it Churchill, about we are not arguing about whether you will or
not, just discussing the price?
Now, one would not wish to be thought cheap. I believe pro dommes get
at least £120 an hour, but it is ages since I was told that and prices
have probably gone up. But most dommes at clubs are not pros.. And
this might not take a whole hour and then on the other hand it is in
public. Is public more expensive? So, assuming £50 would not get her
attention, how much would? £200 in used 50s? £500?
Ladies of the group, or men if you like, how much money, placed on a
table in front of you at a club, would induce you to get up, call the
wannabesub a slut and begin to play?
Vicky
--
badriya
<shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk> wrote:
>
>My partner enjoys scenes where he "depersonalises me" e.g. mask, bondage
>tape around face etc. Sometimes this has the effect that he is less aware
>of my responses and goes further than he otherwise would. As far as
>possible I try to communicate in the context of the scene to keep the flow
>going, but one a couple of occasions I have safeworded not once, but twice
>and he then get a real downer. At that point, the thing I need is a huge
>hug and wild sex to reassure me, but he feels really bad about not reading
>the signs.
>
>Any ideas on how to cope with this? There will always be times when one
>partner just isn't into things as much as the other or perhaps the
>boundaries are being pushed more than is comfortable (me being novice), but
>I feel awfully guilty afterwards because he feels so bad about it. I try to
>chalk it up to experience and think "if we go down this route again, I'll
>try to play it this way/communicate beeter early on."
>
>It's a mix of me not communicating or not giving off clear signals early
>enough and of depersonalisation. I just hate the downer, especially if I
>have to get a train that evening and we don't have enough time to talk it
>through.
It has happened to me both ways as I used to switch. I felt very bad
when, domming, I misread the signs and the relationship ended soon
afterwards. He felt we were not into the same things. It was a few
years ago and I was really just finding out what I wanted to do, and
had a new cane. I think now that the things you do are less important
to me than who you do them with so it might have worked out better.
When I was the one subbing a couple of times someone has refused to
believe I didn't like what was happening. I posted about this a few
years ago and Douglas replied with lots of good advice, but the
situation was more with a dom who assumes you want to play at a club,
not someone you have a relationship with.
It does sound to me as if he is caring more about his feelings than
yours, while saying his failure to notice yours is what's upsetting
him. When able to speak more do you use traffic lights to show when
things are heading into areas you are not comfortable with? Green for
fine, orange for danger and red for stop this? Are you still able to
speak at all? If so would those help?
Vicky
--
badriya
<Master...@slave.co.uk> wrote:
>Do you use the Red , Amber safewords ? I
Sigh. Note to self:read whole thread before you reply....
Vicky
--
^Thunder^
<bad...@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote in
<ekviougkmfnpdn9kk...@4ax.com> .... and my response is :-
>On Wed, 18 Sep 2002 19:59:24 GMT,
>gra...@affordable-leather.co.ukDELETETHIS wrote:
>
>>The correct way to attract the attention of a Dominatrix is to put a
>>fifty pound note down on the table in front of her.
>
>
>Actually, that's an interesting one. Remember the Oscar Wilde quip or
>was it Churchill, about we are not arguing about whether you will or
>not, just discussing the price?
I think it was actually George Bernard Shaw (but could be mistaken)
>
--
^Thunder^
^Thunder^
<bad...@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote in
<rb0jou4vf5gn64kgv...@4ax.com> .... and my response is :-
and posting :)
--
^Thunder^
Dr. P.
>
> Topic anyone?
> --
> ^Thunder^
Thought these had gone the same way as MARATHONS - the latter now
charmingly called Snickers - another example why we shouldn't follow
American trends/leads.. more ... re-naming JIF to CIF and Ulay to Olay.
BTW by all accounts 'Pretty Flamingo' (remember that?) is a no no as
well in the You Ess of Hay - thought it was a bird but no, Our American
cousins think its sumat else.
Wonder what they think a TWAT is
:-)
--
++++++++++ Digital Magik On-Line +++++++++++ \
Remove NOSPAM from send-to address |
e: a...@tightfit.demon.co.uk |
w: www.tightfit.demon.co.uk/cyberart/ |
--------------------------------------------------/
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
bad...@blueyonder.co.uk (badriya) wrote:
> would induce you to get up
I reckon a Ł50 note slapped down in front of my Mistress would induce me
to get up and punch your lights out, yes, i'd say that would do nicely.
angie[AS]
^Thunder^
<a...@tightfit.demon.co.uk> wrote in
<3D8988F9...@tightfit.demon.co.uk> .... and my response is :-
>^Thunder^ wrote:
>>
>> Topic anyone?
>> --
>> ^Thunder^
>Thought these had gone the same way as MARATHONS - the latter now
>charmingly called Snickers - another example why we shouldn't follow
>American trends/leads.. more ... re-naming JIF to CIF and Ulay to Olay.
>BTW by all accounts 'Pretty Flamingo' (remember that?) is a no no as
>well in the You Ess of Hay - thought it was a bird but no, Our American
>cousins think its sumat else.
>Wonder what they think a TWAT is
>:-)
1 the female genitals.
2 a term of contempt for a person.
[17th c.: origin unknown]
Don't think that is particularly British though a sub I used to know
took objection to people threatening to whip her ass
1 // n. & v.
n.
1 a either of two kinds of four-legged long-eared mammal of the horse
genus Equus, E. africanus of Africa and E. hemionus of Asia. b (in
general use) a donkey.
And don't start on fannies :)
fanny // n. (pl. -ies)
1 Brit. coarse slang the female genitals.
2 N.Amer. slang the buttocks.
[20th c.: origin unknown]
--
^Thunder^
Switchmaybe(BG)
news:amahvn$5n2$2...@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk...
On the way to act, I do understand the way you describe. I myself, tend to
get the Mr Invisible problem, ie, I almost exhude, 'don't talk to me' vibes
once the initial contacts have ended and folk drifted off. Trouble is, I
don't know I am doing it, or how to do the opposite!
I guess it is some kind of intimidation response that happens, as you say,
different coping methods learned so well, you do not realise its happening.
With regard to people offering to play, well, maybe because I am male, I
tend to encourage emails like that, but some of the ladies I have attracted
from my personals are either well frightening, or pretending to be. This has
resulted in only one encounter, or should I say series of encounters, and
the others have either disappeared without trace, or chickened out.
For some weird reason, I seem to get hit on by tv's.
However, enough of this, we were talking munches. It is hard to do anything
when alone, no matter what sex you are. I do not know the answer, because
many of the ladies no doubt think you are on the pull, and a single lady
tends to get hit on no matter what. Personally, the section of my brain
located between my legs is firmly under control, and flirting never gets its
own way completely.
:-)
Brian
> --
> Sarah H
> Any good that I may do, let me do it now, for I may not pass this way
again.
> www.shartwell.freeserve.co.uk
>
>
--
Switchmaybe(BG)
actually be like that at the event. People you do not know are intimidating,
end of story.
If you are no intimidated a bit, you are seen as maybe not normal. Its
getting the responses right and for me, the fact that body and facial
language is not available for feedback, it just gets very scary in a not
good way. It is also scary for others, as they see a 'normal' person, with
eyes, but he (it) does not respond to smiles and such... can be a bit like
meeting an alien, I'd think!
For ladies, you have the popular concept of many men, mainly unconscious,
that alone = available, whereas, men alone are on the pull according to some
women. Believe it or not, there are times when we just want to unwind and go
with the flow!
Brian
--
--
___________________________________________________________________________
Brian - Pain is fine, but drop me and I shatter.
Only my eyes are blind.
It's OK, Ive got the balls, so let's play!
switc...@blueyonder.co.uk
___________________________________________________________________________
"^Thunder^" <Master...@slave.co.uk> wrote in message
news:7RZhOoAP...@slave.co.uk...
Switchmaybe(BG)
good laugh at this thread.
There are a few obvious ones of course.
All people dressed in leather are doms
If a lady is dressed as a slut, you can just start calling her names without
even saying hello first.
Then there is the one where you discuss, in a very loud voice, the various
attributes of a pair who 'were' playing happily with just some quiet
onlookers.
Or how about carrying a lighted cigarette pointed outwards while walking
through the tightly packed people on a dance floor? Always nice to hear
those yelps....
:-)
(All adopted from vanilla experiences as there are wallies everywhere)
Brian
--
--
___________________________________________________________________________
Brian - Pain is fine, but drop me and I shatter.
Only my eyes are blind.
It's OK, Ive got the balls, so let's play!
switc...@blueyonder.co.uk
___________________________________________________________________________
^Thunder^
wrote in <amc2u0$ksu$1...@thorium.cix.co.uk> .... and my response is :-
Reminds me of a female slave I once knew with whom I was discussing
something an American Dom / Lawyer had been telling me of slavery
contracts he had drawn up in the US and the buying / selling of slaves
via the contracts. Her response was that if her Mistress ever sold her
she would have to spend the proceeds on a new set of front teeth :)
--
^Thunder^
shimmer{S}
news:amafq7$kbg$1...@news8.svr.pol.co.uk...
> My partner enjoys scenes where he "depersonalises me" e.g. mask, bondage
> tape around face etc. Sometimes this has the effect that he is less aware
> of my responses and goes further than he otherwise would. As far as
> possible I try to communicate in the context of the scene to keep the flow
> going, but one a couple of occasions I have safeworded not once, but twice
> and he then get a real downer. At that point, the thing I need is a huge
> hug and wild sex to reassure me, but he feels really bad about not reading
> the signs.
First thing is to find a way of you safewording which he actually
recognises.
Next is to realise that having someone safeword on your isn't failing. Not
responding to one is.
For myself, not having ahug at the end of playing is awful and wouldn't
encourage me to play with that person again. Is part of the deal, but I only
play with my husband/Owner so we have talked about it extensively. He is in
charge of the situation, and looks after me. Him having a sulk isn't on.
It's not responsible of him :o(
> Any ideas on how to cope with this? There will always be times when one
> partner just isn't into things as much as the other or perhaps the
> boundaries are being pushed more than is comfortable (me being novice),
but
> I feel awfully guilty afterwards because he feels so bad about it.
Don't feel guilty. It leads to abuse and you going where you don't want to
go. If you are willing to stretch your limits slightly, you may get where he
wants to be, but if you don't want to thats ok too :o)
Being made to feel guilty is a bad thing. It's on the same level as "If you
loved me you would"... I would prefer someone to say "If you loved me, you
will talk to me and tell me why you don't feel comfortable". Just my opinion
of course as someone who has learnt the hard way...
> I try to
> chalk it up to experience and think "if we go down this route again, I'll
> try to play it this way/communicate beeter early on."
Communication is the key :o)
> It's a mix of me not communicating or not giving off clear signals early
> enough and of depersonalisation. I just hate the downer, especially if I
> have to get a train that evening and we don't have enough time to talk it
> through.
Have you thought of arranging to finsih the play session early so that you
both can have a "de-briefing"? I find that the more you learn the better the
play session can get. You might find different things to try next time, or
even admit to a deep down fantasy?
shimmer{S}
--
Midlands UK D/s group - MidlandsLifest...@yahoogroups.com
Midlands UK Announcements list - B2g_announc...@yahoogroups.com
shimmer{S}
news:amak10$7ga$1...@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk...
>How can I
> reassure him? Personally I'd find rampant sex a reassurance, but that
isn't
> how he copes with such things (lordy - it's how I cope with lots of
> things!!)
I'd say that you can't reassure him. He has to learn for himself. Is he
asking question like this? If not, Why not?
shimmer{S}
news:amc3ov$4c6hb$2...@ID-105134.news.dfncis.de...
> For ladies, you have the popular concept of many men, mainly unconscious,
> that alone = available, whereas, men alone are on the pull according to
some
> women. Believe it or not, there are times when we just want to unwind and
go
> with the flow!
I find that at munches I talk to single guys more than single women. I'm
not sure why though
shimmer{S}
> For some weird reason, I seem to get hit on by tv's.
Is that a problem for you?
stripey
<Master...@slave.co.uk> writes
I have seen it attributed to both Shaw and Churchill, but I think the
latter had just "borrowed" it from Shaw.
The story goes like this:
George Bernard Shaw sat next to a famous actress at dinner one evening
and asked, "Madam, would you sleep with me for ten thousand pounds?"
Actress: "I suppose I might. "
Shaw: "Would you sleep with me five pounds?"
Actress: "What do you take me for!"
Shaw: "We have already established that. Now we are trying to establish
the price."
--
stripey
Jaggery
writes
This isn't particularly directed at you personally, it's as much a 'what
do other people think?' question, but since you were the one who
prompted my thoughts in this matter.... ;)
Do you think that you have the right to be affronted on your Domme's
behalf, to the extent of taking matters into your own hands (quite
literally lol!) in the way that you've described? Actually, that's a
pretty stupid question, since you obviously do, but I hope you see the
point that I'm getting at. Isn't it up to her to decide how *she* feels
about it, and for her to respond accordingly?
So I guess the question that I'm asking is: Should a submissive take it
upon themselves to second guess their Dom(me)'s response and act
accordingly? Or even if they know what their Dom(me)'s response/opinion
is going to be, does the submissive have the right to act unilaterally?
My opinion is that they shouldn't, and I'd be furious with a submissive
who took it upon themselves to act in such a way without reference to me
first. I fully accept that a submissive may well feel angry etc. about
something like that (which is fine, and I of course don't have a problem
with that), and I'd expect to discuss it with them afterwards, but to
act in response to their anger without prior reference to me wouldn't be
acceptable. That's however *my* opinion, and I don't expect everyone
else to share it, but I'm very interested in other peoples thoughts on
the matter.
Rgds,
J.
--
"There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so"
"I am a rebel soldier, far from my home"
"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way" (Juan Ramon Jimenez)
http://www.jaggery.com
Matthew Malthouse
I don't think that you are. Something like:
Shaw: Madam, would you sleep with me for a million pounds
Lady: Why, yes Mr Shaw.
Shaw: And for a hundred?
Lady: Indeed not. What do you think I am?
Shaw: We have already established what you are. Now we are
negotiating your price.
Matthew
--
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Stephen Harris
> So I guess the question that I'm asking is: Should a submissive take it
> upon themselves to second guess their Dom(me)'s response and act
> accordingly? Or even if they know what their Dom(me)'s response/opinion
> is going to be, does the submissive have the right to act unilaterally?
I always try and second guess what Tori wants, how she would react to a
situation, and act accordingly. This allows me to be pro-active and
arrange things (my life, the environment, whatever) to better meet her
needs.
However, the key point is that I always (try to) act within the
boundaries of what I feel Tori considers acceptable behaviour. So I
wouldn't get into fights, for example. I have, at times, had to bite my
tongue and not defend her from (what I perceived as) insults or attacks;
she has made it clear that she is capable of doing this for herself.
Indeed, as my owner she sees it has her role to defend _me_ from
attacks.
So, in a scenario where I know Tori would be angry with another person, I
would have to restrain myself to glaring ("if looks could kill") at the
offender.
These are the boundaries and restrictions placed on me by Tori; within those
boundaries I feel I _should_ second guess her and act accordingly.
--
rgds "Pleasure, little treasure"
Stephen,
An Englishman in New York, and loving slave to his Mistress, Tori.
BDSM thoughts, writings, poems and stuff: http://www.sweh.cjb.net/
EvilZak
one a couple of occasions I have safeworded not once, but twice
> and he then get a real downer. At that point, the thing I need is a huge
> hug and wild sex to reassure me, but he feels really bad about not reading
> the signs.
>
> chalk it up to experience and think "if we go down this route again, I'll
> try to play it this way/communicate beeter early on."
>
> enough and of depersonalisation.
Whoaaaaaah there! Since when is everything that goes wrong in a scene
one person's fault only? Perhaps the problem is not that you don't
give him clear enough signals, it's that he's too thick to read them
and then starts sulking because things didn't exactly fulfill his
fantasy.
OK I do not know either you or your partner, but I find that one
person accepting all the blam for a failed scene suggests that the
other person might just be an egotist or a bully in need of a tabasco
sauce enema rather than yet more grovelling.
shimmer{S}
news:1e57ec88.02091...@posting.google.com...
> OK I do not know either you or your partner, but I find that one
> person accepting all the blam for a failed scene suggests that the
> other person might just be an egotist or a bully in need of a tabasco
> sauce enema rather than yet more grovelling.
I have to say that I totally agree.
It's a partnership so the responsibility must be equal.
shimmer{S}
--
shimmer{S}
news:CdQi7vAQ...@twilight.demon.co.uk...
> So I guess the question that I'm asking is: Should a submissive take it
> upon themselves to second guess their Dom(me)'s response and act
> accordingly? Or even if they know what their Dom(me)'s response/opinion
> is going to be, does the submissive have the right to act unilaterally?
I don't think a sub should try to guess what their Dom is after. I tried to
do what my Owner wanted for me for a while without actually getting his
opinion and gave him the wrong impression totally. He thought that I enjoyed
what i was doing and carried on with suggesting it as he likes me to be
happy :o)
It's best to talk to each other instead to get the full story.
shimmer{S}
--
_xub@another.com thyme
> >:-)
> twat /, / n. coarse slang
> 1 the female genitals.
> 2 a term of contempt for a person.
> [17th c.: origin unknown]
>
> Don't think that is particularly British though a sub I used to know
> took objection to people threatening to whip her ass
> 1 // n. & v.
> n.
> 1 a either of two kinds of four-legged long-eared mammal of the horse
> genus Equus, E. africanus of Africa and E. hemionus of Asia. b (in
> general use) a donkey.
>
> And don't start on fannies :)
>
> fanny // n. (pl. -ies)
> 1 Brit. coarse slang the female genitals.
> 2 N.Amer. slang the buttocks.
> [20th c.: origin unknown]
>
> --
> ^Thunder^
There is one word that I have a real irrational hatred for and that is
'tits', it just sounds so tacky and makes me shudder. However, I haven't
really got a better alternative :-(
thyme
^Thunder^
wrote in <amcqv7$37c$1...@newsg4.svr.pol.co.uk> .... and my response is :-
>There is one word that I have a real irrational hatred for and that is
>'tits', it just sounds so tacky and makes me shudder. However, I haven't
>really got a better alternative :-(
>
Take you pick <grin>
--
^Thunder^
Sarah H
"badriya" <bad...@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote
> It was a few
> years ago and I was really just finding out what I wanted to do, and
> had a new cane.
Hee-hee - he has just gotten a cane. Canes had really bad associations for
me (due to ex-partner) so we are exploring that *very* carefully. I think
this weekend will be the first time the cane comes into a proper scene.
> It does sound to me as if he is caring more about his feelings than
> yours, while saying his failure to notice yours is what's upsetting
> him.
I don't agree here; I've spent a long time with someone who didn't care much
about what I wanted so I can tell the difference (I hope!). He feels bad
that he's gone further than I am happy about, especially as he is more
experienced and I am very new. But I am pretty resilient and I'd like to
avoid the downers. Sometimes he cares a lot more about me than I care about
me. Sometimes I think we try to cram a lot more into a weekend than is
good, especially for a newbie like me who needs time to think things
through.
> When able to speak more do you use traffic lights to show when
> things are heading into areas you are not comfortable with? Green for
> fine, orange for danger and red for stop this? Are you still able to
> speak at all? If so would those help?
Traffic lights or safe-squeaks (when gagged).
--
Sarah H
Any good that I may do, let me do it now, for I may not pass this way again.
www.messybeast.com www.shartwell.freeserve.co.uk
Sarah H
> "badriya" <bad...@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote
> > When able to speak more do you use traffic lights to show when
> > things are heading into areas you are not comfortable with? Green for
> > fine, orange for danger and red for stop this? Are you still able to
> > speak at all? If so would those help?
>
> Traffic lights or safe-squeaks (when gagged).
Bad form to reply to myself I know, had to rush off earlier.
I am sure that a lot of the problem lies with me and my inexperience. Even
with traffic lights, maybe I am not communicating well. I really don't want
to be told I'm topping from the bottom. Can anyone give clues on how *I*
can communicate better. When a scene works it works tremendously well, so
maybe expectations are too high. I guess some of the best are those where
I'm still wanting more after the scene ends.
My partner is reading this also, and though we talk a lot, maybe someone
else can provide fresh ideas.
--
Sarah H
Any good that I may do, let me do it now, for I may not pass this way again.
Sarah H
> Wonder what they think a TWAT is
Never mind that - I nearly died laughing seeing "hot fanny sauce" on an
American menu! It was supposed to mean the "ring of fire" effect you get
the day after a really hot chili/curry, but when the Brit connotation was
explained, the American contingent thought our version was far more
appetising!
Sarah H
> And don't start on fannies :)
>
> fanny // n. (pl. -ies)
> 1 Brit. coarse slang the female genitals.
> 2 N.Amer. slang the buttocks.
> [20th c.: origin unknown]
This post arrived too late - I already have!
--
Sarah
jst...@cix.compulink.co.uk
> I reckon a Ł50 note slapped down in front of my Mistress would induce
> me to get up and punch your lights out, yes, i'd say that would do
> nicely.
LOL but it is true - offering money like that would be an insult even to a
hardened Pro Domme. I'd be very offended and tell the wannabe to take his
money elsewhere.
love and hugs
Aurora[a]
^Thunder^
<shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in
<amcvb2$t88$1...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk> .... and my response is :-
>"Dr. P." <a...@tightfit.demon.co.uk> wrote
>> Wonder what they think a TWAT is
>
>Never mind that - I nearly died laughing seeing "hot fanny sauce" on an
>American menu! It was supposed to mean the "ring of fire" effect you get
>the day after a really hot chili/curry, but when the Brit connotation was
>explained, the American contingent thought our version was far more
>appetising!
Figging satisfies both versions :)
--
^Thunder^
^Thunder^
<shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in
Lucky I read your other posting before I replied to this.
My mind boggled at first reading :)
>--
--
^Thunder^
Sarah H
> recognises.
Maybe I'm using amber when it should be red, but for me I'd prefer to change
direction than end a scene just because one part isn't working. Outside of
a scene (when messing around) the colours get quite interesting - "mauve!
mauve!" or "yellowish green" or "dark orange" ("pink! pink!" has me in
stitches). I've joked about getting a Dulux colour chart.
> Next is to realise that having someone safeword on your isn't failing.
Sometimes things don't work, or don't work the way you'd like them to. It
also depends on my hormonal cycle, sometimes sensations overwhelm me, other
times they don't - trouble is, I don't always listen to my own body at those
times.
> For myself, not having ahug at the end of playing is awful and wouldn't
> encourage me to play with that person again. Is part of the deal, but I
only
> play with my husband/Owner so we have talked about it extensively. He is
in
> charge of the situation, and looks after me. Him having a sulk isn't on.
> It's not responsible of him :o(
This is within my relationship so we do talk. Because of distance,
sometimes we try to cram a lot in and I have to rush of for the train before
we've finished debriefing. That's a downer for me too since it's the
following evening when we can spend ages on the phone. I think better on
paper (or screen) and do long emails of what was working for me and what
wasn't (on balance more works than doesn't, but I am still exploring this
side of me) and the great thing is both of us being able to refer back to
those. We've already made a note to keep an eye on the clock and finish
earlier. This weekend is planned to be intense and I'm really looking
forward to that - I really enjoy our time together, both normal couple stuff
and play. (And he's not sulking.)
> If you are willing to stretch your limits slightly, you may get where he
> wants to be, but if you don't want to thats ok too :o)
I want to push my limits, but maybe I'm pushing too many limits at the same
time (and asking partner to push too many of my limits). Perhaps we should
explore one or two directions each weekend instead of doing the "BDSM
assault course". Much of that is me being like a kid in a sweetshop - so
many different things.
> Being made to feel guilty is a bad thing.
Well, I'm not made to feel guilty, it's just how I am. I'm a geek. if
something is broken, I want to fix it!
> Have you thought of arranging to finsih the play session early so that you
> both can have a "de-briefing"?
We are now watching the clock more. Maybe setting an alarm would help. It
would interrupt play a little, but it could be a "10 minute warning" for
cooling down.
>I find that the more you learn the better the
> play session can get. You might find different things to try next time, or
> even admit to a deep down fantasy?
My deep down fantasy will have to wait till I've finished my chain mail crop
top <G> .
We once spent the best part of a day doing Japanese rope bondage and some
ropework from Sweet Gwendoline which was great.
Sarah H
>
> Whoaaaaaah there! Since when is everything that goes wrong in a scene
> one person's fault only? Perhaps the problem is not that you don't
> give him clear enough signals, it's that he's too thick to read them
> and then starts sulking because things didn't exactly fulfill his
> fantasy.
We are still learning each other's reactions and misreading cues happens.
Just like it happens at work in meetings - except there aren't usually whips
in meetings. We both wish we were telepathic!
I aim to communicate within scene to keep it flowing (for both of us). What
I was looking for was not an analysis of blame or guilt, but ideas on better
ways to communicate without resorting to safewording. I'd like the scene to
continue, but sometimes i need to hint that things are causing me a problem
but in a way that keeps him in control. I also know that I push myself too
far sometimes, but part of my enjoyment is pushing myself..
I liked an earlier idea of a small bell or chime. Because I like to be
gagged to shut me up (I talk way too much) maybe different squeaks for
different safewords? Any ideas? Morse code? Hum the national anthem?
> OK I do not know either you or your partner, but I find that one
> person accepting all the blam for a failed scene suggests that the
> other person might just be an egotist or a bully in need of a tabasco
> sauce enema rather than yet more grovelling.
Being honest with myself, I do think my inexperience is causing frustration
for my partner. The last thing on earth he is is a bully (otherwise he
wouldn't feel so bad at the thought he's gone too far with me).
A tabasco sauce enema? I keep thinking about root ginger, but haven't quite
had the courage. I will have to try it one day.
--
Sarah H
Any good that I may do, let me do it now, for I may not pass this way again.
www.messybeast.com www.shartwell.freeserve.co.uk
Sarah H
> "Sarah H" <shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk> wrote
>
> On the way to act, I do understand the way you describe. I myself, tend to
> get the Mr Invisible problem, ie, I almost exhude, 'don't talk to me'
vibes
> once the initial contacts have ended and folk drifted off. Trouble is, I
> don't know I am doing it, or how to do the opposite!
I sort of fade into the wallpaper. Either that or I become outrageous, end
up life and soul of the party and it's not the real me at all!
> I guess it is some kind of intimidation response that happens, as you say,
> different coping methods learned so well, you do not realise its
happening.
I was the school misfit, geeky and not sporty, so I learned to keep out of
the way. Like your earlier comment, I often know I am doing it, but have
problems changing it. I'm binary or boolean, Brian!
> However, enough of this, we were talking munches. It is hard to do
anything
> when alone, no matter what sex you are. I do not know the answer, because
> many of the ladies no doubt think you are on the pull, and a single lady
> tends to get hit on no matter what.
At SM Pride I made sure my partner was holding my "reins" most of the time -
it was either that or wear a "hands off" sign!
spicecat
I'd go a step further than Jag
if either my sub or my boyfriend (both male) took it upon themselves to
'stand up' for me and smack someone who was bothering me....
I'd be totally incandescent with rage! Not because they are subs and I'm a
Dom .... more because it would feel like they were doing 'macho male' thing
and not letting me (independent, articulate, capable) woman decide what I
want to do my self.
Phooooieeeee
Spicecat
spicecat
"badriya asked> Ladies of the group, or men if you like, how much money,
placed on a
> table in front of you at a club, would induce you to get up, call the
> wannabesub a slut and begin to play?
hrrrrrm
£50 would do it ....
but it would be MY choice of play
buyer beware
length of time minimal .....
but yep - if anyone is stupid enough and tacky enough to drop £50 on the
table in front of me I will take GREAT pleasure in calling them a pillock
and bashing them ......
SpiceCat
shimmer{S}
> I am sure that a lot of the problem lies with me and my inexperience.
Even
> with traffic lights, maybe I am not communicating well. I really don't
want
> to be told I'm topping from the bottom. Can anyone give clues on how *I*
> can communicate better. When a scene works it works tremendously well, so
> maybe expectations are too high. I guess some of the best are those where
> I'm still wanting more after the scene ends.
Safewords are topping from the bottom, they are a way to give your Dom all
the information he needs in a quick way.
Just don't try to go too fast, and keep communicating with him.
shimmer{S}
--
^Thunder^
<shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in
<amd273$vnv$2...@news7.svr.pol.co.uk> .... and my response is :-
>I liked an earlier idea of a small bell or chime. Because I like to be
>gagged to shut me up (I talk way too much) maybe different squeaks for
>different safewords? Any ideas? Morse code? Hum the national anthem?
>
, wearing earphones playing music and laying on a bed with both her arms
and legs tied to stretcher bars - in other words completely immobile and
unable to communicate.
The arrangement was that she rang the bell once for amber and repeatedly
for red - however as I said I also periodically touched her other hand
with a finger as an extra precaution which was just as well. When she
didn't grasp my finger I realised something was wrong - took the
headphones and gag off and realised she was in sub space and quickly
released her.
Before she came up with the bell idea, I actually have a miniature
flashing LED and was toying with the idea of micro-switches :)
--
^Thunder^
irc.bondage.com #uk_essex
http://home.unitynet.co.uk/channelx/essex for munch details etc.
http://uk.groups.yahoo.com/group/ukessx Members Group
shimmer{S}
> "shimmer{S}" <Xshi...@playroom.org.ukX> wrote
> > Sarah H <shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk> wrote in
message
> > First thing is to find a way of you safewording which he actually
> > recognises.
>
> Maybe I'm using amber when it should be red, but for me I'd prefer to
change
> direction than end a scene just because one part isn't working. Outside of
> a scene (when messing around) the colours get quite interesting - "mauve!
> mauve!" or "yellowish green" or "dark orange" ("pink! pink!" has me in
> stitches). I've joked about getting a Dulux colour chart.
No you are using in the right way. Amber means a change of direction, or can
mean to slow down... red is to end the scene...
> > Next is to realise that having someone safeword on your isn't failing.
>
> Sometimes things don't work, or don't work the way you'd like them to. It
> also depends on my hormonal cycle, sometimes sensations overwhelm me,
other
> times they don't - trouble is, I don't always listen to my own body at
those
> times.
Exactly. That's one of the reasons it isn't failing :o)
> > For myself, not having a hug at the end of playing is awful and wouldn't
> > encourage me to play with that person again. Is part of the deal, but I
> only
> > play with my husband/Owner so we have talked about it extensively. He is
> in
> > charge of the situation, and looks after me. Him having a sulk isn't on.
> > It's not responsible of him :o(
>
> This is within my relationship so we do talk. Because of distance,
> sometimes we try to cram a lot in and I have to rush of for the train
before
> we've finished debriefing.
The debriefing is part of the learning experience. if you don't do it, you
might not get where you want to be at a speed that you want to proceed at.
>That's a downer for me too since it's the
> following evening when we can spend ages on the phone. I think better on
> paper (or screen) and do long emails of what was working for me and what
> wasn't (on balance more works than doesn't, but I am still exploring this
> side of me) and the great thing is both of us being able to refer back to
> those. We've already made a note to keep an eye on the clock and finish
> earlier.
Cool...
> This weekend is planned to be intense and I'm really looking
> forward to that - I really enjoy our time together, both normal couple
stuff
> and play. (And he's not sulking.)
Are you happy with you doing a more intense scene so soon after a safewrod
situation was a bit dodgy?
> > If you are willing to stretch your limits slightly, you may get where he
> > wants to be, but if you don't want to thats ok too :o)
>
> I want to push my limits, but maybe I'm pushing too many limits at the
same
> time (and asking partner to push too many of my limits). Perhaps we
should
> explore one or two directions each weekend instead of doing the "BDSM
> assault course". Much of that is me being like a kid in a sweetshop - so
> many different things.
I think one at a time is a good thing then if anything goes wrong, you can
sort that out with only one variable to content with.
> > Have you thought of arranging to finsih the play session early so that
you
> > both can have a "de-briefing"?
>
> We are now watching the clock more. Maybe setting an alarm would help.
It
> would interrupt play a little, but it could be a "10 minute warning" for
> cooling down.
If you are blindfolded you wouldn't know anything about it. You wouldn't
even see him looking at the clock to check on the time :o)
shimmer{S}
--
shimmer{S}
> Being honest with myself, I do think my inexperience is causing
frustration
> for my partner. The last thing on earth he is is a bully (otherwise he
> wouldn't feel so bad at the thought he's gone too far with me).
*disclaimer*
*In no way am I saying that your Dom is an abuser*
Don't some spousal abusers apologise afterwards and say they are sorry only
to do it again when they have gone too far?
shimmer{S}
--
Switchmaybe(BG)
news:amc7ed$c2i$2$8302...@news.demon.co.uk...
> Switchmaybe(BG) <switc...@blueyonder.co.uk> wrote in message
> news:amc3os$4c6hb$1...@ID-105134.news.dfncis.de...
>
> > For some weird reason, I seem to get hit on by tv's.
>
> Is that a problem for you?
>
In a word, yes, since we are being brief!
Brian
>
>
>
--
--
___________________________________________________________________________
Brian - Pain is fine, but drop me and I shatter.
Only my eyes are blind.
It's OK, Ive got the balls, so let's play!
switc...@blueyonder.co.uk
___________________________________________________________________________
---
Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
Version: 6.0.386 / Virus Database: 218 - Release Date: 09/09/02
Switchmaybe(BG)
Brian
--
--
___________________________________________________________________________
Brian - Pain is fine, but drop me and I shatter.
Only my eyes are blind.
It's OK, Ive got the balls, so let's play!
switc...@blueyonder.co.uk
___________________________________________________________________________
"spicecat" <spicepe...@btinternet.com> wrote in message
news:amd29b$gh4$1...@knossos.btinternet.com...
Douglas Reay
>Jaggery <Jag...@www.jaggery.com> wrote:
>> So I guess the question that I'm asking is: Should a submissive take it
>> upon themselves to second guess their Dom(me)'s response and act
>> accordingly? Or even if they know what their Dom(me)'s response/opinion
>> is going to be, does the submissive have the right to act unilaterally?
Are they in a scene at the time? Does their d&s extend beyond scenes?
Have they specifically negotiated this sort of situation?
For instance, Louise and I did discuss general disruptive behaviour
at clubs (she's got my absolute blessing to punch someone's lights
out if someone starts on her when I'm not around), but not this
situation in particular.
> I always try and second guess what Tori wants, how she would react to a
> situation, and act accordingly.
*grins* I like the solution:
Female submissive Ann the Angellic and female dominant Beth the Beauty
are sitting at the club having a drink. Up walks Carl the Cringeworthy
who, placing a 50 note before Beth, says:
"Mistress, oh my mistress, will you not beat me?"
Ann takes the note (carefully with two fingers at arms length, as if it
is covered in slime), bows to Beth, and asks her:
"Mistress, please may I deal with this for you at the bar?"
At Beth's regal nod of amused anticipation, Ann saunters over to the
bar, passes the note to the barman, Dave the Dependable, points Carl
out to him and says:
"Dave my friend, this fine but shy gentleman, Carl, would like to buy
a drink for every gay male top in the house. Can you arrange this?"
Douglas
--
Ok, so I wouldn't. Unfair to barstaff. But the thought is nice.
Douglas Reay
>
> I really don't want to be told I'm topping from the bottom.
> Can anyone give clues on how *I* can communicate better.
Well, you could start by asking your play partners how _they'd_ like
you to communicate; do they mind if you suggest things, would they like
you to talk more, etc?
When I am playing, I have a sort of standard reply to such questions:
Of course I want your feedback and ideas. The more the better. I want
to know whether you are enjoying what I am doing and what you think you
might enjoy. I don't promise I'll do what you think you want, but as
long as I know, then if I do do it, I can enjoy being kind, and if I
don't do it, I can enjoy being cruel. The more information I have, the
more chances I have to be evil to you. Don't worry about saying too
much; if I want your silence I'll tell you or put something in your mouth.
Don't worry about saying too little; if you are in a non-verbal headspace
relax and enjoy it - I can always experiment or have fun torturing the
information out of you. (*fx what do you want, twists nipple, What Do You
Want twists nipple harder*). Just don't censor yourself - say what is
on your mind. I will _never_ laugh at you for wanting something, however
unusual.
Douglas
--
Of course sometimes the answer is the accurate but uninformative
"Um, I want you to stop twisting my nipple? Err, I think? Don't I?"
Sarah H
> *disclaimer*
>
> *In no way am I saying that your Dom is an abuser*
>
> Don't some spousal abusers apologise afterwards and say they are sorry
only
> to do it again when they have gone too far?
Okay - it's just that I am doing the asking but we are both reading the
thread, and it was hurtful to him. I am looking for suggestions to help
keep the
scene dynamic going i.e.constructive advice *for me* about "communicating
effectively in scene" (including when gagged, immobilised
and/or masked). I don't have much experience and I'm sure others have
already encountered similar frustrations. The failed scenes were a few
weeks back and I'd like to go back to more intense scenes, but with both of
us coming out feeling good!
gra...@affordable-leather.co.ukdeletethis
On Thu, 19 Sep 2002 00:23:26 +0100, "Paul C. Dickie"
<p...@bozzie.demon.co.uk> wrote:
>>>Topic anyone?
>>No thanks, I'd prefer a Mars Bar.
>
>Snickers...
It's true, I tell you!
Cheers,
Graham.
gra...@affordable-leather.co.ukdeletethis
On Wed, 18 Sep 2002 19:59:24 GMT,
gra...@affordable-leather.co.ukDELETETHIS wrote:
>>How about New Rules for Newbie Clubbers, in the spirit of a New
>>Statesman comp, ie, best piece of unhelpful advice wins a prize.
>
>The correct way to attract the attention of a Dominatrix is to put a
>fifty pound note down on the table in front of her.
I'd just like to say that given the discussion thread this suggestion
has generated, I think I'm well up in the running! :-)
Cheers,
Graham.
spicecat
I was happily playing around with the idea of what would I do for £50 and
how evil would I be ....
I think it's quite amusing to imagine someones reaction if they got bashed
with a baseball bat for 20 seconds after 'paying' £50
Tsk
SpiceCat
"Switchmaybe(BG burbled:
> Well it was fun till people started to take it seriously that is....
Chaste_Bristol
"shimmer{S}" <Xshi...@playroom.org.ukX> wrote in message
> Are you happy with you doing a more intense scene so soon after a safewrod
> situation was a bit dodgy?
>
Just to clarify this a little.
I wouldn't call this a dodgy safeword situation, it's a situation where
safewords worked perfectly and revealed that the scene wasn't
going in the right direction.
Sarah safeworded amber to indicate that things were approaching
a point where things should not have become any more intense.
I responded by calming down that activity, and as soon as possible
within the context of the scene I moved on to a different activity.
A few minutes later, Sarah safeworded amber again.At this point
I realised that I wasn't properly judging her reactions, and at that
point the only sensibe thing to do is end the scene.
Sarah wanted the scene to continue, as it had been largely rewarding
up to that point. However, I didn't feeel it could continue. This left
me feeling rather upset as I'd twice taken things further than Sarah
was entirely comfortable with, and Sarah was left upset feeling
that she had failed me in some way. Bit of a bummer all round.
Doug.
Paul C. Dickie
<a...@tightfit.demon.co.uk> writes
>Wonder what they think a TWAT is
Their President? o-)
--
< Paul >
Paul C. Dickie
<Master...@slave.co.uk> writes
>And don't start on fannies :)
>fanny // n. (pl. -ies)
>1 Brit. coarse slang the female genitals.
>2 N.Amer. slang the buttocks.
>[20th c.: origin unknown]
Isn't it just like the colonials to get it back to front? o-)
--
< Paul >
jst...@cix.compulink.co.uk
Chaste_...@hotmail.com (Chaste_Bristol) wrote:
> Bit of a bummer all round.
Yes, been there - thing is, one's reactions vary immensely depending on
how tired one is and so forth.
BTW - does anyone actually have a safeword to indicate a more intense
level of activity? I use 'blue'..... especially if the Dom/me is unsure of
My reactions.... (and yes I switch)
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
subb...@f2s.nottodaythanks.com (subbykins{Chrd}) wrote:
> Sitting on the play equipment regailing all and sundry with your
> latest dominating exploits is what the best BDSM raconteurs do.
got to disagree with that, sitting on the play equipment and discussing
your computer bits an bobs is what the best ones do!
actually heard that at the fringe, couldnt believe my ears!
angie[AS]
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk (Sarah H) wrote:
> At that point, the thing I need is a huge
> hug and wild sex to reassure me, but he feels really bad about not
> reading
> the signs.
it might be he is too self centered on his self, not in a bad way, but if
he doesnt realise that you need a hug and sex and is too worried about not
reading the signs i'd say he is too introspective, worrying too much about
what has happened instead of concentrating on you. :)
angie[AS]
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
(^Thunder^) wrote:
>'tits
boobs is nice :)
angie[AS]
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk (Sarah H) wrote:
> Being extremely introverted
why does that make you a geek? i'm much the same but a geek, dont think
so...........
angie
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
gra...@affordable-leather.co.ukDELETETHIS () wrote:
theres a whole galaxy of puns out there............
angie
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
(^Thunder^) wrote:
> micro-switches
i'm not even gonna ask :)
angie[AS]
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk (Sarah H) wrote:
> "shimmer{S}" <Xshi...@playroom.org.ukX> wrote
> > *disclaimer*
> >
> > *In no way am I saying that your Dom is an abuser*
>
> I am looking for suggestions to help
> keep the
> scene dynamic going i.e.constructive advice *for me* about
> "communicating
> effectively in scene" (including when gagged, immobilised
> and/or masked).
>
>
>
if your hands are free then try hand/finger signals. even if they (hands)
are tied together, finger signals still work. personally i used the old
tried and tested "vainites". works a treat but it is up to your dom/me to
keep checking the hands, also helps to work out a specific touch to ask
the sub if everything is ok
angie[AS]
Sarah H
> Sarah wanted the scene to continue, as it had been largely rewarding
> up to that point. However, I didn't feeel it could continue. This left
> me feeling rather upset as I'd twice taken things further than Sarah
> was entirely comfortable with, and Sarah was left upset feeling
> that she had failed me in some way. Bit of a bummer all round.
>
Not helped by me needing to get train soon after which seemed like I was
running away. Trouble is, I felt rotten that he felt rotten and he felt
rotten that things hadn't gone so well. So one party feels they misread
cues and the other feels they didn't communicate well .....
--
Sarah H
Any good that I may do, let me do it now, for I may not pass this way again.
www.shartwell.freeserve.co.uk
Sarah H
> BTW - does anyone actually have a safeword to indicate a more intense
> level of activity? I use 'blue'..... especially if the Dom/me is unsure of
> My reactions.... (and yes I switch)
Green.
I ought to use that more, mostly my ecstatic wriggling suffices.
--
Sarah H
Any good that I may do, let me do it now, for I may not pass this way again.
www.messybeast.com www.shartwell.freeserve.co.uk
Sarah H
> shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk (Sarah H) wrote:
>
> > Being extremely introverted
> why does that make you a geek? i'm much the same but a geek, dont think
> so...........
Better with computers/books than with people, some interests border on
"obsessive", not always good at reading social cues .... (there's a long
list). I wrote an article on geeks/nerds to help some friends (published it
on my site later) and was shocked at how much referred to me.
--
Sarah H
Any good that I may do, let me do it now, for I may not pass this way again.
hard task Master
news:CdQi7vAQ...@twilight.demon.co.uk...
<snip>
> Do you think that you have the right to be affronted on your Domme's
> behalf, to the extent of taking matters into your own hands (quite
> literally lol!) in the way that you've described? Actually, that's a
> pretty stupid question, since you obviously do, but I hope you see the
> point that I'm getting at. Isn't it up to her to decide how *she* feels
> about it, and for her to respond accordingly?
>
> So I guess the question that I'm asking is: Should a submissive take it
> upon themselves to second guess their Dom(me)'s response and act
> accordingly? Or even if they know what their Dom(me)'s response/opinion
> is going to be, does the submissive have the right to act unilaterally?
Whether angie, or anyone else, is submissive or dominant is surely entirely
irrelevant? The way you phrase the run-up to your question is a little close
to implying that "submissive in role = submissive in life", though I guess
you didn't mean that?
My answer to your question is "It all depends on the relationship". If two
people know each other intimately, then it *may* be quite appropriate for
one to act on behalf of the other. I may do it for my slave or she may do it
for me. We would only do it in a situation where we knew the other would
approve.
Chris
---
hard_task_Master to saucy_wench
shimmer{S}
news:UDqi9.817$%h.70...@news-text.cableinet.net...
> I wouldn't call this a dodgy safeword situation, it's a situation where
> safewords worked perfectly and revealed that the scene wasn't
> going in the right direction.
>
> Sarah safeworded amber to indicate that things were approaching
> a point where things should not have become any more intense.
> I responded by calming down that activity, and as soon as possible
> within the context of the scene I moved on to a different activity.
That's fine then :o) In the original post Sarah H sais that she had to
safeword twice, i took this to mean that she had to ask for the scene to be
stoppoed twice before it did. I don't personally use the traffic light
system, just a safeword for emergencies.
> Sarah wanted the scene to continue, as it had been largely rewarding
> up to that point. However, I didn't feeel it could continue. This left
> me feeling rather upset as I'd twice taken things further than Sarah
> was entirely comfortable with, and Sarah was left upset feeling
> that she had failed me in some way. Bit of a bummer all round.
Sarah H sais that her Dom felt bad and wouldn't hug her.
shimmer{S}
--
shimmer{S}
news:N9j*sA...@news.chiark.greenend.org.uk...
> For instance, Louise and I did discuss general disruptive behaviour
> at clubs (she's got my absolute blessing to punch someone's lights
> out if someone starts on her when I'm not around), but not this
> situation in particular.
I'm not one for violence, and neither is Stu so I have been given permission
to put my hand up in the air and say in a loud voice what the person in
question is doing to me and why that is wrong.
After someone trying is on with a mini-flogger in a club, I have been told
to do this even if my owner is present when the situation isn't happening. I
thought that when it happened that Stu had given permission as he was ther
when in fact the creep was doing it out of sight of Stu and a friend we were
talking to. :o(
shimmer{S}
--
^Thunder^
<Xshi...@playroom.org.ukX> wrote in
<amep5u$63m$1$8302...@news.demon.co.uk> .... and my response is :-
>Douglas Reay <doug...@chiark.greenend.org.uk> wrote in message
>news:N9j*sA...@news.chiark.greenend.org.uk...
>
>> For instance, Louise and I did discuss general disruptive behaviour
>> at clubs (she's got my absolute blessing to punch someone's lights
>> out if someone starts on her when I'm not around), but not this
>> situation in particular.
>
>I'm not one for violence, and neither is Stu so I have been given permission
>to put my hand up in the air and say in a loud voice what the person in
>question is doing to me and why that is wrong.
On the uk_essex channel on irc.bondage.com I have a bot which I have
called essex_girly . In spite of a "no pm without permission rule" -
"she" is often pm'd .
What the person then discovers is that anything that is pm'd to the bot
is reproduced on open channel :)
--
^Thunder^
Dave
>
>Green.
>
>I ought to use that more, mostly my ecstatic wriggling suffices.
>
other one every day, you can't expect to easily and automatically 'read
the signs' as it were. So you are going to have to use a lot more
communication than you might expect until you are really confident about
the whole range of behaviour and feelings, (which takes couples living
together some months to establish). Much of our communication is not
verbal anyway.
So I wouldn't worry too much about how the long-established folk seem to
be able to do it with minimal dialogue, and instead work out your own
signs that can convey a lot more of *how* and not just 'more/less/stop'.
I would think you need to get across things like comfort, hug, slower,
faster, gentler, more intense, something else, not at the moment,
lovely, and so on just to make it work well. Use hands feet, head,
everything to get these across, as signals might be easier to make than
words. And maybe have a set of things that always work and can be part
of the start / finish no matter what you experiment with in between, so
you can both feel satisfied at the end.
Until you have both built up a complete picture of what the other one is
likely to be saying or feeling, then *of course* you will have to
provide the feedback. Its not running the show, its just giving a
response. As you come to know each other better, then the responses will
naturally start to reduce, because you know more or less what is wanted
and likely to happen.
Btw, fully understand the intense/introvert/social shyness bit. Been
there, done that, still recognise it in myself :-))
--
David
Jaggery
<hard_tas...@onetel.net.uk> writes
>Whether angie, or anyone else, is submissive or dominant is surely entirely
>irrelevant?
*entirely* relevant, hence my question.
>The way you phrase the run-up to your question is a little close
>to implying that "submissive in role = submissive in life", though I guess
>you didn't mean that?
I think that would be what you read, rather than what I wrote. However,
to make it clearer (which I obviously didn't first time round) I was
thinking in context of a club situation.
>
>My answer to your question is "It all depends on the relationship". If two
>people know each other intimately, then it *may* be quite appropriate for
>one to act on behalf of the other. I may do it for my slave or she may do it
>for me. We would only do it in a situation where we knew the other would
>approve.
Fair enough - thanks for the answer!
J.
--
"There is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so"
"I am a rebel soldier, far from my home"
"If they give you ruled paper, write the other way" (Juan Ramon Jimenez)
http://www.jaggery.com
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
(^Thunder^) wrote:
> Her response was that if her Mistress ever sold her
> she would have to spend the proceeds on a new set of front teeth :)
:)
angie
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
spicepe...@btinternet.com (spicecat) wrote:
> macho male
what macho male thing is that then? i take it as an insult the same way
as i would take it as an insult upon a family member, and for your
information, my Mistress is my life partner and my 24/7 Mistress and
Owner. if i didnt defend her from some wanker i would be failing in my
familial duty and that of a sub to her Mistress.
but, if your perfectly willing to allow family to be insulted like that
then thats up to you
angie[AS]
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
> My answer to your question is "It all depends on the relationship". If
> two
> people know each other intimately, then it *may* be quite appropriate
> for
> one to act on behalf of the other. I may do it for my slave or she may
> do it
> for me. We would only do it in a situation where we knew the other would
> approve.
thank you Chris, i do know my Mistress intimately
angie[AS]
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
Jag...@www.jaggery.com (Jaggery) wrote:
> That's however *my* opinion, and I don't expect everyone
> else to share it, but I'm very interested in other peoples thoughts on
> the matter.
well J, see the post by my Mistress JStuart.
i know her well enough to know how she would feel in a situation like
that. apart from being her sub on a 24/7 (hate that phrase, sowwie)
basis, i am also her protector, and if someone thinks they can come up and
insult her like that then i will take steps to protect her from muppets.
the same as i will protect her anywhere else. furthermore, i ask her to
vet my replies on the majority of these posts so whatever i have said is
done with her knowledge and consent. perhaps i could have used a
different phrase to punching their lights out but it was used to
illustrate the point. but i aint known for my diplomatic skills
but i would say its a poor subbie who is not willing to defend his/her
dom/me to some extent.
angie[AS]
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
Xshi...@playroom.org.ukX (shimmer{S}) wrote:
> Safewords are topping from the bottom
how can they be topping from the bottom?
angie[AS]
ang...@cix.compulink.co.uk
spicepe...@btinternet.com (spicecat) wrote:
> I'm sorrrrrry I didn't realise I was spoiling your fun Brian?
>
> I was happily playing around with the idea of what would I do for £50
> and
> how evil would I be ....
> I think it's quite amusing to imagine someones reaction if they got
> bashed
> with a baseball bat for 20 seconds after 'paying' £50
>
> Tsk
>
> SpiceCat
>
> "Switchmaybe(BG burbled:
>
> > Well it was fun till people started to take it seriously that is....
>
> After I said:
>
> > > hrrrrrm
> > >
> > > £50 would do it ....
> > >
> > > but it would be MY choice of play
> > > buyer beware
> > > length of time minimal .....
> > >
> > > but yep - if anyone is stupid enough and tacky enough to drop £50
> > > on the
> > > table in front of me I will take GREAT pleasure in calling them a
> pillock
> > > and bashing them ......
> > >
> > >
> > > SpiceCat
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
> > ---
> > Outgoing mail is certified Virus Free.
> > Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
> > Version: 6.0.386 / Virus Database: 218 - Release Date: 09/09/02
> >
> >
>
>
much the same as i meant punching their lights out, with the words from
the credit card ad, that will do nicely
angie
Jaggery
writes
>but i would say its a poor subbie who is not willing to defend his/her
>dom/me to some extent.
>
>angie[AS]
way round personally. ;)
Dewi Cinci
"Sarah H" <shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk> wrote
> The Essex location is accessible, but I still feel intimidated. Partner
is
> in Bristol so I'd be going to munch alone.
Come to the South Wales munch in Cardiff. The next one's on the 28th so why
not invite yourself over to your partner's place for the weekend and then go
for a day-out to Cardiff on the Saturday. You can go together for support
and there's a meet-and-greet for getting you to the location. The BDSM group
has its own bit of the pub to itself so you don't have to worry about
meeting anyone unsympathetic.
> Being extremely introverted
> (geek)
You'd fit right in.
> my way of coping with groups of new people is to over-compensate and
> I end up pissing people off if they don't realise it is a coping mechanism
> (I end up being too abrasive or over-exuberant).
You'd fit right in.
Give it some thought - you'd be very welcome.
Dewi-Cinci
dewi....@ntlworld.com
Dewi Cinci
"^Thunder^" <Master...@slave.co.uk> wrote in message
> On Wed, 18 Sep 2002 in uk.people.bdsm , Sarah H
> >Any ideas on how to cope with this? There will always be times when one
> >partner just isn't into things as much as the other or perhaps the
> >boundaries are being pushed more than is comfortable (me being novice),
but
> >I feel awfully guilty afterwards because he feels so bad about it. I try
to
> >chalk it up to experience and think "if we go down this route again, I'll
> >try to play it this way/communicate beeter early on."
> >
> Communication is essential.
I would agree with that 100% and, indeed, the other bits that I have
snipped. If something 'goes wrong', you have to talk about it. Often, once
it has been explained and you are both re-assured then it is a good queue
for a little light play or some other physical contact that will leave you
with a happier memory of how things went.
I think that part of it is accepting that sometimes things are going to go
wrong and that that is not a problem. Did you see the demo at the last BFE
by the whip expert? He was a man with years of whipping experience and I was
heartened to see him miss his audience volunteer and then hit her where she
didn't want to be hit. He said 'it's okay to get it slightly wrong
sometimes', checked she was alright and ready to continue and then got on
with it. There seems to be an impression given by some people that every
BDSM scene has to be perfect in every way and that you can't make a mistake.
I think that it becomes a lot easier when you accept that not every hit will
be on target or exactly what you both want and you have to communicate and
work on ways of coping when things go wrong.
One method I have developed (without thinking about it as a method) is to
start quite slowly with Mrs Cinci because I gain a lot of knowledge about
what kind of level of pain she is ready for by when she starts to ask me to
do it harder (which I find a big turn-on, so it's good for me too!).
Dewi-Cinci
dewi....@ntlworld.com
Dewi Cinci
"Sarah H" <shar...@shartwell.spambegone.freeserve.co.uk> wrote
> <jst...@cix.compulink.co.uk> wrote
> > BTW - does anyone actually have a safeword to indicate a more intense
> > level of activity? I use 'blue'..... especially if the Dom/me is unsure
of
> > My reactions.... (and yes I switch)
>
> Green.
>
> I ought to use that more, mostly my ecstatic wriggling suffices.
Actually, I was going to say that these colours should never be a substitute
for wriggling and responding. I know it depends on the level of bondage and
what position you are in (there is no substitute for being able to look into
someone's eyes for a reaction, but that's not always easy!) but I think that
learning how someone responds to different types and levels of pain is
essential. I see a scene as having a rhythm and flow all of its own and its
also worth trying to feel that as it is a guide to how much pain and how
quickly your partner can take it. I know that's from a top's point of view,
but you did say your partner reads here! :)
Also, I would recommend practise when you're not playing. I learn a lot from
having a 'play play' with my partner, which is when we just want to have a
nice, calm bit of fun trying out some toys. I always think that the
'practise on an inanimate object' is all very well, but it can never really
subsitute for practising on a nicely rounded bit of human body.
Dewi-Cinci
dewi....@ntlworld.com
shimmer{S}
news:amfg17$fgq$1...@thorium.cix.co.uk...
I didn't say that, you're attributations are a little wonky. Sarah H said
that she didn't want top from the bottom and using her safeword too many
times might be thought as topping from the bottom.
shimmer{S}
--
^Thunder^
<dewi....@ntlworld.com> wrote in
<n4Ji9.5376$405.1...@newsfep1-win.server.ntli.net> .... and my
response is :-
>One method I have developed (without thinking about it as a method) is to
>start quite slowly with Mrs Cinci because I gain a lot of knowledge about
>what kind of level of pain she is ready for by when she starts to ask me to
>do it harder (which I find a big turn-on, so it's good for me too!).
Warming up is essential and if done properly can higher the pain
threshold (I had an article which explained the chemical reasons for
this but can't find it now :( )
OK I've found it but as I don't have the writers permission to copy it
I'll leave it
--
^Thunder^
^Thunder^
<Xshi...@playroom.org.ukX> wrote in
Aurora , what you been doing to angie's attributions - this is the
second time they have gone wonky .
:)
--
^Thunder^
gra...@affordable-leather.co.ukdeletethis
On Thu, 19 Sep 2002 19:10:08 +0100, "shimmer{S}"
<Xshi...@playroom.org.ukX> wrote:
>Safewords are topping from the bottom, they are a way to give your Dom all
>the information he needs in a quick way.
I think the letters "n't" were missed off your first "are"! It makes
more sense if they "aren't tftb".
Cheers,
Graham.
gra...@affordable-leather.co.ukdeletethis
On Thu, 19 Sep 2002 20:41:24 GMT, "Chaste_Bristol"
<Chaste_...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>A few minutes later, Sarah safeworded amber again.At this point
>I realised that I wasn't properly judging her reactions, and at that
>point the only sensibe thing to do is end the scene.
>
>Sarah wanted the scene to continue, as it had been largely rewarding
>up to that point. However, I didn't feeel it could continue. <snip>
Remember, Doms can safeword too!
Cheers,
Graham.