Court Artists
John Dean
We have the Zeta-Douglas court case on the Lunchtime news, we have footage
of their Douglas-Zeta-nesses arriving and then we have a
chalk-on-pastel-paper drawing of Kat Slater in a courtroom with Robert
Redford watching her. WTF?
Was this done by the same person who made Naomi Campbell look like Josie
d'Arby (blech)? Was it authorised by the same sub-editor who thought it
would be a good idea to show us a drawing of that bloke in the NBC suit and
mask who we couldn't have recognised if they'd taken a photo of him because
he was SUPPOSED to be disguised that's why they gave him a Smurf suit and a
big fuck-off mask that covered his entire head?
Do they think there's a soul out there in TV land who *doesn't* know what
her Zetacity looks like? Do they think we'll get her mixed up with Renee
Zellweger? Or Kirk Douglas? So why not show us a *photograph* - What's that
Sooty? - Well, it's a reprographic art that's been around for 150 years that
enables people who aren't there to see what it would be like if they *were*
there and to recognise people that they've only seen eight million times on
the TV in the Movies in the papers on the Net in the Magazines - Drawings?
That's what we had to put up with *before* photographs were invented - yes,
in those days, the drawings looked like the people they were supposed to -
probably because the artists had a lot of practice and it mattered if they
got it wrong because there was no other way of doing it.
What is the PURPOSE of this? Is it intended to do my head in? If so - ten
out of ten - huge success - large G & Ts all round.
If it's supposed to convey the mysterious atmosphere of a Court of Law, fuck
OFF. I've been in a Courtroom. Many people have. Those that haven't have
seen Crown Court the Bill Eastenders Brookside Coronation St that shite with
Ross Kemp Kavanagh QC Emmerdale that shite with Sarah Lancashire Trust more
shite with Ross Kemp and that series where they televised *actual* trials
from *actual* courtrooms.
Oi, BBC, NO!
Oi, Courtroom Scribblers, NO! Get one of those secret cameras that McDonut
uses when he wants to be mugged.
There IS an alternative to wasting my licence money on this bollox. You can
exit the building, turn left, enter the Tube, get on a train for Heathrow
and FUCK RIGHT OFF.
--
John 'This has been a public information post. No Caps Keys were harmed in
the making of this post' Dean
Oxford
De-frag to reply
Col
"John Dean" <john...@frag.lineone.net> wrote in message
news:b28v11$tb6$1...@news8.svr.pol.co.uk...
<snip>
> Oi, BBC, NO!
> Oi, Courtroom Scribblers, NO! Get one of those secret cameras that McDonut
> uses when he wants to be mugged.
> There IS an alternative to wasting my licence money on this bollox. You can
> exit the building, turn left, enter the Tube, get on a train for Heathrow
> and FUCK RIGHT OFF.
I wonder which magazine have got the rights to the full set of
drawings, OK or Hello?
Col
--
Well, La-di-da,
All of Felicity Kendall's knickers,
And they need a GOOD wash!
Sam Maughan
[A rant by John]
> I don't mean to be rude, but you have anger issues.
He has humour ability, but, yes, it is a fine line.
Sam.
John Dean
> In article <3n8g4v03ebu6jkach...@4ax.com>, Vanessa
> wrote:
>>
>> I don't mean to be rude, but you have anger issues.
>
> while they are actually in court - they have to do their sketches
> outside, from memory. They are then typically propped up and filmed
> from a handheld camera from the reporter's team. It would be amazing
> if they were the acme of photographic recall.
So why bother? Do they think it would be cheating to use a real picture of
the sleb? ITN seem to have abandoned them - they use clip-art of the person
concerned in a little mock courtroom. Admittedly it looks like a stalker's
cupboard and I wouldn't be entirely surprised to see semen stains on the
photo, but at least you know who they're talking about. Tonight's ITN at
10.30 had such a cardboard cut-out on a lolly stick of CZJ as well as what
sounded like Ronnie Ancona reading CZJ's words as spoken in the dock, cute
little transatlantic Welsh accent and all. Personally, I'd rather have pics
of me wearing a wedding dress and eating cake published in the national
press than have someone make me sound like a total divvy. But, hey, that's
just me...
--
John Dean
Oxford
De-frag to reply
Kurious Oranj
> So why bother? Do they think it would be cheating to use a real picture of
> the sleb? ITN seem to have abandoned them - they use clip-art of the
person
> concerned in a little mock courtroom. Admittedly it looks like a stalker's
> cupboard and I wouldn't be entirely surprised to see semen stains on the
> photo, but at least you know who they're talking about. Tonight's ITN at
> 10.30 had such a cardboard cut-out on a lolly stick of CZJ as well as what
> sounded like Ronnie Ancona reading CZJ's words as spoken in the dock, cute
> little transatlantic Welsh accent and all. Personally, I'd rather have
pics
> of me wearing a wedding dress and eating cake published in the national
> press than have someone make me sound like a total divvy. But, hey, that's
> just me...
> --
Their case is gonna make them look like divvies. "Eurgh, it's an invasion of
our privacy". Yeah, right. Slapped all over one magazine but not another.
Dear Catherine and Michael,
You have a private wedding, with no photographs, or maybe do and give the
dosh to charity, fine. You'll have my support. But to moan about privacy
while putting it in one magazine for money that you two overfed hollywood
assholes don't even need. Go fuck yourselves.
Richard Caley
jd> So why bother? Do they think it would be cheating to use a real picture of
jd> the sleb? ITN seem to have abandoned them - they use clip-art of the person
jd> concerned in a little mock courtroom.
One obvious reason would be to try and give an impression of how the
person actually looked and behaved in the courtroom. Eg some celeb
looking like shit and biting their nails to the quick will give a very
diferent feel to the report than a publisicty still pasted into a
photo of a court room.
OTOH, for consistancy, a blanket ban on publication of images of the
courtroom, at least while the trial is on, would make more sense.
At the other extreme, an official video feed of the court, retained in
the same way that court records of what is said are, would be a tool
for appeals and would avoid many of the problems of having a media
free for all in the courtroom.
--
Mail me as MYFIR...@MYLASTNAME.org.uk _O_
|<
Halmyre
Today in court, an American entertainer, who is married to a Welsh
entertainer, complained that their lavishly quiet family-and-friends
wedding was utterly ruined by a snapshot taker from one of two
publications which exist to print snapshots of entertainers. The
entertainers made very public their desire for no publicity, and to
prove it publicly demanded a large sum of money as compensation. They
explained that in their desire for privacy they had paid a large sum
of money to the other snapshot publication to publicise their private
wedding, and that the other publication's snapshots made them look
vile and repulsive. "You do not want to look vile and repulsive when
you have just shelled out a sum equal to the national debt of a small
country for your nuptial arrangements", the American entertainer said
(possibly). The entire population of a small island off the north-west
coast of the Eurasian land mass stared in rapt attention at their TV
screens while their leader arranged with the leader of a large
continental land mass to annihilate the population of another part of
the Eurasian land mass. "This is justified because their leader is
well dodgy", said the other two leaders (possibly). It is not known
which of the two snapshot publications has the contract for printing
snapshots of the annihilation.
Halmyre.