My night in a gay sauna, by Howard Lake
melmo...@yahoo.com
Abstract:
This is a curious story by an alleged "straight man" of how he
visited a gay sauna and ended up having sex with a man. In my opinion,
there are better more authentic ways of introducing gay culture to
heterosexuals. Just imagine a gay man attempting to introduce
heterosexual culture to a population of men by visiting a brothel, or
Hooters in the USA, and describing his experience. The ending of the
story is especially interesting and I quote it:
"After an hour-and-a-half of, metaphorically, fumbling around, I met a
guy. Within five minutes we'd gone off to one of the private rooms. I
will spare you the details, but suffice to say it was safe and
enjoyable.
Would I go back? Probably not. Am I glad I went? Yes. Odd as it may
sound I now feel more secure in my (hetero)sexuality than before. It's
not going to stop me reading features about women's fashion or being a
bit fey. But it does means I'm more than likely going to be asking
myself one less question in my next relationship - with a girl."
My conclusion is that the article above is just another attempt by an
established sexual orthodoxy to validate its hold through selectively
choosing negative aspects of a sexual orientation it perceives as
inferior and potentially threatening. The author or the article would
have done better had he analyzed what leads some gay men to saunas. Do
they have the same venues to meet people in the greater society? Can
they in general meet other men in ordinary settings like heterosexual
do? Maybe these questions are too deep for Mr Lake.
The full text of the story follows:
Heterosexual 'Howard Lake' tells the story of how he got experimental
on a visit to a gay sauna
Before anything else, I need to explain that I'm not a seasoned sauna
veteran. I'm writing about my first and, more than likely only visit
to a gay sauna.
It was to explore a side of my sexuality which, for many years now,
I'd been curious about. When I was 18 (now quite a bit older) I joined
the jeers when two male schoolmates drunkenly snogged each other on a
night out.
Inside, part of me I wished I was one of them. Years of mulling things
over, the occasional mild dalliance and, on the night, six pints,
climaxed in me visiting a gay sauna.
My lack of previous experience was evident when at the entrance I
blushed to the receptionist: "I've not brought any trunks with me..is
that OK?"
His manicured eyebrow rose sharply and said it all. He then sighed and
said: "You don't need trunks. This is a gay club, you know?"
I nodded over enthusiastically, handed over £14, and was given two
towels before disappearing down the stairs. (You might think £14 is a
lot but another local spa, not gay, charges £20 for the same
facilities where sex is a no-no).
Once inside the communal changing area was much like a swimming pool -
benches in the middle of the room and your own, numbered locker. You
then strip and put a towel round your waist. The facilities were
impressive: a sauna, warm room, swimming pool, dark room and,
upstairs, individual rooms with either a wipeable mattress on the
floor or a bench with a mattress on it.
I'd read about 'cruising' before, and read about bars being 'cruisey'
but never experienced it. Simply put, if at any point catch somebody's
eye and the gaze is held then it's generally on. No codified rehearsal
of buying drinks and dating a few times - you just get it on.
The thing that's really interesting from a straight guy's point of
view is that in this environment you're seen as an object of desire
instead of the pursuer. I'm not the kind of guy who gets admiring
glances from women in general, so to be looked at like that was a
pleasant surprise.
It was also interesting because it gives you an idea how women feel
when men look at them. And it makes you instantly picky. There were a
lot of quite old, overweight and unattractive men there. I found
myself becoming pretty choosy within minutes, which was a surprise.
For rooms that are occupied there seems to be a code (I'm happy to be
corrected here). If there's somebody in there lying in their front,
and exposing their bottom ... well I think you can guess.
If they're sitting up they seem to want a bit more of a mixture. If
the door is open and something's going on it's a possible invitation
to watch or join in. If you pop your head in when this is going on, as
I did, you either get a shake of the head, as I did, or you're
welcomed in.
Men also position themselves on the edge of some doors groping
themselves which is much the same as cruising but they've already
claimed their room. It was rather busy so I thought this rather
inconsiderate.
The dark room (it's very dark) was a bit much for me but this was
primarily because I didn't know how to conduct myself. The pervasive
groans and dim silhouettes of multiple bodies left little the
imagination, but I didn't feel ready to gift my bottom to just
anybody.
Whilst wandering around I visited the steam room, sauna and the TV
room which came complete with water fountain and drinks vending
machines. People were hanging out there watching TV and having a chat.
Speaking to other sauna-goers, I got the impression there were many
regulars who would go there and meet other regulars. Some people asked
for my name, others didn't. It didn't appear to matter either way: the
atmosphere was relaxed, mature and respectful. Any unwanted advances
were quickly recognised as such and met with a polite retreat.
After an hour-and-a-half of, metaphorically, fumbling around, I met a
guy. Within five minutes we'd gone off to one of the private rooms. I
will spare you the details, but suffice to say it was safe and
enjoyable.
Would I go back? Probably not. Am I glad I went? Yes. Odd as it may
sound I now feel more secure in my (hetero)sexuality than before. It's
not going to stop me reading features about women's fashion or being a
bit fey. But it does means I'm more than likely going to be asking
myself one less question in my next relationship - with a girl.
http://www.newstatesman.com/200707200004
Gregoire Kretz
> Abstract:
>
> This is a curious story by an alleged "straight man" of how he
> visited a gay sauna and ended up having sex with a man.
Yes, it's rather weird, isn't it?
Thanks for posting this.
> In my opinion, there are better more authentic ways of introducing gay
> culture to heterosexuals.
Focusing on one, very precise point of queer life without any caveat is
also not entirely honest, imnsho.
Oh well, at least he got a shag. Do you think he reclaimed it on
expenses? :)
Greg
--
Aoh! La fée Haggis! - Un pti verre?
Oops! - Remember Culloden!
By Jove, ze fée Haggis m'a déconcentred!
No ficus = no spam
Paul G
Kretz <gk...@ficusheian.org.uk> writes
><melmo...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>> Abstract:
>>
>> This is a curious story by an alleged "straight man" of how he
>> visited a gay sauna and ended up having sex with a man.
>
>Yes, it's rather weird, isn't it?
>Thanks for posting this.
>
>
>> In my opinion, there are better more authentic ways of introducing gay
>> culture to heterosexuals.
>
>Focusing on one, very precise point of queer life without any caveat is
>also not entirely honest, imnsho.
>Oh well, at least he got a shag. Do you think he reclaimed it on
>expenses? :)
I went for the first time a couple of weeks ago. Can't say it's for me,
but I liked whatever backing track they were playing and it least it's
somewhere warm to go if you want to sit and have a coffee and a catch up
in the cafe area (well, at least at the one I went to!)
Somehow a bit soulless, but I'm sure that's what some people like.
I was a bit nervous and I was sitting in the cafe area (sun loungers
area adjacent), and someone came up offering me a "massage" which I
politely accepted, so I mainly overcame my initial fears.
Of course after having not done much more than a five minute fumble in
my couple of hours stay, I then picked up a boy (22yo) on the bus on the
way home!! :) [and that experience was far more satisfying on a number
of levels; for me; sadly the boy hasn't returned my text messages, hey
ho - there's always more night buses out there! And cheaper than a
GBP14 fee :D]
--
Paul G
Typing from Barking
Gregoire Kretz
[sauna]
> I went for the first time a couple of weeks ago.
At your age?! Grief, how _did_ you get past the committee for your Queer
Card?
:)
> Can't say it's for me,
> but I liked whatever backing track they were playing
<worried>
You're not the sort who listens to the music on porn films, too, are
you?
</>
> and it least it's
> somewhere warm to go if you want to sit and have a coffee and a catch up
> in the cafe area (well, at least at the one I went to!)
The queer equivalent to the gentlemen's club, I guess. :)
> Somehow a bit soulless, but I'm sure that's what some people like.
You don't exactly go there to discuss Kant, really. :)
Wonder if lesbians have the same sort of places we never hear about?
Greg
--
Ah, Lydia!
She was the most glorious creature under the sun.
Kate West
"Gregoire Kretz" <gk...@ficusheian.org.uk> wrote in message
news:1i1q8sb.1lcmg9j1bcmar9N%gk...@ficusheian.org.uk...
> <melmo...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>
>> Abstract:
>>
>> This is a curious story by an alleged "straight man" of how he
>> visited a gay sauna and ended up having sex with a man.
>
> Yes, it's rather weird, isn't it?
> Thanks for posting this.
>
>
>> In my opinion, there are better more authentic ways of introducing gay
>> culture to heterosexuals.
>
> Focusing on one, very precise point of queer life without any caveat is
> also not entirely honest, imnsho.
> Oh well, at least he got a shag. Do you think he reclaimed it on
> expenses? :)
You can do that?! Cool! I'm going to reclaim all my shags from the MOD,
sure that'll go down a treat! No pun intended...
--
Kate
Kate West
> Paul G <not...@paddington.org.uk> wrote:
>
> [sauna]
>
>> I went for the first time a couple of weeks ago.
>
> At your age?! Grief, how _did_ you get past the committee for your Queer
> Card?
> :)
I haven't been issued one of those yet either, maybe it's in the post huh?
>> Can't say it's for me,
>> but I liked whatever backing track they were playing
>
> <worried>
> You're not the sort who listens to the music on porn films, too, are
> you?
> </>
You're not the sort who watches porn films are you Greg? *Shock and
appalled* :)
>> and it least it's
>> somewhere warm to go if you want to sit and have a coffee and a catch up
>> in the cafe area (well, at least at the one I went to!)
>
> The queer equivalent to the gentlemen's club, I guess. :)
>
>> Somehow a bit soulless, but I'm sure that's what some people like.
>
> You don't exactly go there to discuss Kant, really. :)
Nothing like a light philosophical chat whilst you're getting to know some
chap in a dark room, I'm sure.
> Wonder if lesbians have the same sort of places we never hear about?
I've honestly got no idea! If we have no-one's ever mentioned it to me.
Surely there must be women only saunas and stuff? Maybe we don't go looking
for sex in the same way so there wouldn't be such a market for it, I don't
know. Let me ask around for you :)
--
Kate
Owain
> Wonder if lesbians have the same sort of places we never hear about?
Ladies' evening classes in woodwork and bricklaying, possibly :-)
Owain
patrick j
I think I've spotted a bit of stereotyping :)
--
Patrick - Hove, UK
If you wish email me from my web-site: <http://www.patrickjames.me.uk>
Kate West
"patrick j" <usemyw...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:0001HW.C2CFEDCA...@News.Individual.Net...
> On Jul 27, 2007 Owain wrote:
>
>> Gregoire Kretz wrote:
>>> Wonder if lesbians have the same sort of places we never hear about?
>>
>> Ladies' evening classes in woodwork and bricklaying, possibly :-)
>
> I think I've spotted a bit of stereotyping :)
Really, where?! I'm going to enroll in pottery and basket weaving classes I
think...
--
Kate
Owain
>>>Wonder if lesbians have the same sort of places we never hear about?
>>Ladies' evening classes in woodwork and bricklaying, possibly :-)
> I think I've spotted a bit of stereotyping :)
Is that anything like gusset-typing?
Owain
Gregoire Kretz
Gregoire Kretz
> "Gregoire Kretz" <gk...@ficusheian.org.uk> wrote in message
> news:1i1vrtk.1rjkw2qxgr16rN%gk...@ficusheian.org.uk...
>
> > At your age?! Grief, how _did_ you get past the committee for your Queer
> > Card?
> > :)
>
> I haven't been issued one of those yet either, maybe it's in the post huh?
Maybe. Have a word with your postmaster/mistress?
> You're not the sort who watches porn films are you Greg? *Shock and
> appalled* :)
Eh? What's wrong with porn?
> Nothing like a light philosophical chat whilst you're getting to know some
> chap in a dark room, I'm sure.
Now you're making me think *I* missed on something...
> > Wonder if lesbians have the same sort of places we never hear about?
>
> I've honestly got no idea! If we have no-one's ever mentioned it to me.
> Surely there must be women only saunas and stuff? Maybe we don't go looking
> for sex in the same way so there wouldn't be such a market for it, I don't
> know.
The sauna at the pool has women-only times, but judging by their
men-only sessions you definitely don't go there looking for sex, trust
me. :)
> Let me ask around for you :)
Thanks, enlightenment at last!
Stephen M Baines
Kretz) wrote:
>Paul G <not...@paddington.org.uk> wrote:
>
>[sauna]
>
>> I went for the first time a couple of weeks ago.
>
>At your age?! Grief, how _did_ you get past the committee for your Queer
>Card?
>:)
Some of us still never have :)
>> Can't say it's for me,
>> but I liked whatever backing track they were playing
>
><worried>
>You're not the sort who listens to the music on porn films, too, are
>you?
></>
I'd critisise the decor, I think, if I ever did watch it.
--
Stephen M Baines
http://www.kitschcamppalace.org.uk
http://www.alledal.nu
http://www.alledal.se
Gregoire Kretz
> On Fri, 27 Jul 2007 10:12:41 GMT, gk...@ficusheian.org.uk (Gregoire
> Kretz) wrote:
>
> >Paul G <not...@paddington.org.uk> wrote:
> >
> >[sauna]
>
> Some of us still never have :)
[faints]
> ><worried>
> >You're not the sort who listens to the music on porn films, too, are
> >you?
> ></>
>
> I'd critisise the decor, I think, if I ever did watch it.
Fair enough I guess, considering you live in a place where IKEA is
amongst the worst you can find... But yeah, just rub it in, why don't
you!?
:)
Stephen M Baines
Kretz) wrote:
>Stephen M Baines <use...@localhost.kitschcamppalace.org.uk> wrote:
>
>> On Fri, 27 Jul 2007 10:12:41 GMT, gk...@ficusheian.org.uk (Gregoire
>> Kretz) wrote:
>>
>> >Paul G <not...@paddington.org.uk> wrote:
>> >
>> >[sauna]
>>
>> Some of us still never have :)
>
>[faints]
True! The nearest I got was the cold bath house in Båstad.
>> I'd critisise the decor, I think, if I ever did watch it.
>
>Fair enough I guess, considering you live in a place where IKEA is
>amongst the worst you can find...
Not a bad assessment, really. There is some really quite nice
furniture for sensible prices around, and some really lovely old
farmhouse stuff if you hunt around.
>But yeah, just rub it in, why don't
>you!?
>:)
Rub what in? ;)