Chapter 06: Early Alpha

[Martin Owens]

Hey guys,

Since you've all been waiting *very* patiently for this, I'm giving you
a very early alpha look at Chapter 6 in English, only available in Left
to Right for now.

When all the editing is done, there'll be a right to left version too.

Changes so far: There have been a number of script changes, cutting
words, changing a few bits, not much. Anton, please double check it all
works in context of the graphics.

The Narwhal in the Go page is a nod to the latest version of Ubuntu,
since Karmic Koala was quite some time ago (9.10 I think) and Natty was
11.04. One of the reasons we have 6 so late is I believe Seotch-san
wanted to update the graphics to a later Ubuntu release, but couldn't
get the time to do it.

Martin,

[Yuen Hoe Lim]

Since you've all been waiting *very* patiently for this, I'm giving you
a very early alpha look at Chapter 6 in English, only available in Left
to Right for now.

\o/

Just a number of tiny comments:

- Page 4 top panel, I don't suppose it's possible to fit in the full name of the SICP book? It's a fairly well-known book after all and I think the reference adds a small touch of hidden geek-delight to the scene. At least for me >.< Here's an image of the original book cover: http://mitpress.mit.edu/sicp/full-text/book/cover.jpg

- Next panel, the bubble that says "Girls have such a weak spot for magic" is said by Akane in the original but here it sounds like it's a continuation of Akiha's speech. Not sure if that's intentional, but if we're still attributing that bubble to Akane then maybe something like "Girls are weak against magic yknow" would be better if the one in the googledoc takes too much space.

- Page 5 panel 3, I think what Akane said in the original had a "oh the odds are so stacked against me and so I can't help it, I'm going to yield!" sort of vibe. So maybe a better shortening would be something like "Alright! I guess there's no helping it... I'll sell my soul to this demon!"

(with perhaps "You even have my husband hostage" in small print. Not really important I guess, but I just thought the hostage part was pretty funny :P )

Minor stuff really. I think it looks pretty okay already at its current state.

----
Jason "moofang" Lim Yuen Hoe
http://yuenhoe.co.cc/

[Anton Ekblad]

Quick read-through; 

Botched hyphenation on the Go-page: "encour-aged"

Page 4, first panel: it'd be better to use smaller text and/or allow part of "structure" to be obscured by the edge of the panel than to get the name wrong on the cover since we're referencing a book that not only exists, but is very well known and commonly regarded almost as a holy tome (along with the dragon book, it's pretty much required reading for any serious computer scientist.) Also, could we find a better way to express Akane's giddiness at getting the book? "Yes!" doesn't really convey giddy to me. :/ (But feel free to tell me that it should if I'm wrong; I'm not a native speaker after all.)

Page 4, second panel: the line about girls having a soft spot for magic belongs to Akane, not Akiha, so the placing is wrong and the derogatory re-wording doesn't fit. (Also changed the spreadsheet to "soft spot" from "weak spot;" I thought it worked slightly better.)

Page 7, panels 5 and 6: I noticed that you omitted the "sleep deprived to the limit" thing so I took a second look at the translation and realized that it was stupid. Changed it in the spreadsheet to "Because of Akiha's stupid errands" / "I just want to lie down and sleep for a week" - we might want to include it, to give an even stronger indicator of Akane being less-than-happy with Akiha's requirements for lending her the wizard book.

Page 8, first panel: how did "Ubuntu" turn into "Risa"?

Page 8, second panel here's where "Risa" should go.

Page 8, fourth panel: "welcome, Karmic" omitted. Doesn't really add anything to the story, but I thought I should point it out if you forgot it rather than cut it out.

Also, seconding the "holding my husband hostage" (though betrothed or some synonym thereof would be more consistent with earler dialogue) bit, I think that'd work pretty well!

[Martin Owens]

On Mon, 2011-07-18 at 00:31 -0700, Anton Ekblad wrote:
> it'd be better to use smaller text and/or allow part of
> "structure" to be obscured by the edge of the panel than to get the
> name
> wrong on the cover since we're referencing a book that not only
> exists, but
> is very well known and commonly regarded almost as a holy tome

Weird, I read "Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs" as
"Structure and Interpolation of Computer Programs" but still considered
it to be repetitive.

Didn't know it was a well known book, I learned programming on the
street, in the hood ;-)

Martin,

[Mohammed A. Mustafa]

> - Page 4 top panel, I don't suppose it's possible to fit in the full
> name of the SICP book? It's a fairly well-known book after all and I
> think the reference adds a small touch of hidden geek-delight to the
> scene.

Putting it as "SICP" would make it an inside joke rather than a joke to
those who know it /and/ a subject to look at for those who don't. Keep
in mind that not all linux geeks are computer science/engineer students.
I wouldn't go for the abbreviation.

[Anton Ekblad]

I don't think he's suggesting making it SICP but rather didn't want bother with spelling out "Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs" just to refer to it. ;)

[Yuen Hoe Lim]

Oh, I really meant full name as in "Structure and Interpretation of Computer Programs", and I agree that using the acronym is a bad idea. Sorry that wasn't clear :)

----
Jason "moofang" Lim Yuen Hoe
http://yuenhoe.co.cc/