bovine political theories

[David Mullican]

I got a larf out of this. Found it in alt.fan.tolkein of all places.

So, with thanks to Arkady Bogdanov" <zs...@dial.pipex.com>:

[SNIP]

You are. But the Totalitarianism practised in so-called 'communist
states
are nothing like communism. Read and learn;

Feudalism You have two cows. your lord takes some of the milk.

Pure Socialism You have two cows. The government takes them and puts
them
in a barn with everyone else's cows. you have to take care of all of the

cows. The government gives you all the milk you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers.
You
have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken
farmers. the government gives you as much milk and eggs as the
regulations
say that you need.

Fascism You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to
take
care of them and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism You have two cows. Your neighbours help you to take
care of
them and you all share the milk.

Real World Communism You share two cows with your neighbours. You and
your
neighbours bicker about who has the most ability and who has the most
need.
Meanwhile no one works, no one gets any milk and the cows drop dead of
starvation.

Russian Communism You have two cows. You take care of them but the
government takes all the milk. you steal back as much milk as you can
and
sell it on the black market.

Perestroika You have two cows. You take care of them but the Mafia
takes
all the milk. you steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the
free
market.

Cambodian Communism You have two cows. The government takes both and
kills
you.

Totalitarianism You have two cows. The government takes them and
denies
they ever existed. milk is banned.

Pure Democracy You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the
milk.

Representative Democracy You have two cows. your neighbours pick
someone
to tell you who gets the milk.

British Democracy You have two cows. You feed them sheep's brains and
they
go mad. The government doesn’t do anything.

Pure Anarchy You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair
price
or your neighbours try to take the cows and kill you.

Pure Capitalism You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Real World Capitalism You don’t have any cows. The bank will not lend
you
money to buy cows, because you don’t have any cows to put up as
collateral.

Environmentalism You have two cows. The government bans you from
milking
or killing them.

Political Correctness You are associated with (the concept of
‘ownership’
is a symbol of the phallo-centric, warmongering, intolerant past) two
differently aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
non-specific
gender.

Surrealism You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take
harmonica lessons

There you have it.

Arkady.

[John A. Stovall]

On Fri, 20 Nov 1998 21:37:41 -0600, David Mullican <dav...@io.com>
wrote:

snipped

When I saw this I thought it would the political views of our do
nothing Senator Cow Bailey Hutchinson.

Not my provider’s views.
John Alex Stovall
XVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVO
"....Long live Freedom and damn the ideologies,"
Said the gamey old back-maned wild boar
Tusking the turf on Mal Paso Mountain.
XVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVOXVO

[sl...@applink.net]

that real good, we need more levity.

On Fri, 20 Nov 1998 21:37:41 -0600, David Mullican <dav...@io.com>
wrote:

>I got a larf out of this. Found it in alt.fan.tolkein of all places.