[Commentary] [NY, USA] The wrong road – the low one

[Stephanie Stevens]

Albany Times Union, NY, USA


TRANSGENDER TALK

The wrong road – the low one

Sunday, May 19, 2013 by: Renate Hartman


In a recent comment, my wife, Barbara, mentioned years of deceit and
lies. She is right. There were.

Let me explain.

In about 1960, I suspected I might have gender dysphoria. I started
going to a therapist who confirmed that indeed, I was suffering from
gender misalignment.

Barbara came to a session and the therapist told us that Pandora’s box
was open and the issue would not be stuffed back in. Barbara did not
like that and became sad. I didn’t and don’t like seeing her sad. What
to do?

Aha, this issue is really a decision of choice, and I choose to stay
with Barbara and the gender misalignment be damned. I deceived myself
and started lying to myself about who I am. Barbara bought into my
lies and that, in turn, affected her and her relationship to her
family. Years went by.

Things we once did together no longer were shared. I retreated into my
work as did Barbara. After I retired, I retreated into small corners
of the house. And stayed there most of the time. We retreated from
friends and when we moved, we made very few shared ones. The
self-deceit continued.

At some point in time, I could no longer deceive myself, but I
continued to deceive Barbara. It was not pleasant, but I loved (and
still love Barbara), so to stay with her, the deceit was necessary
from my point of view. This was a really low road to travel.

And a selfish one.

Barbara called me on this about two years ago. We are now separated.
We are both sad about that and the years of lies and deceit. It hurts
that I hurt her so badly and destroyed her trust in me.

So consider. The low road does not get to an existence of an alternate
reality but rather increased pain, sorrow and suffering Best to avoid
that.

Renate Hartman

New York Citizens for Transgender Rights
<https://www.facebook.com/pages/New-York-Citizens-for-Transgender-Rights-NYCTR/102338483283522>
, advocates for transgender rights from New York’s Capital Region.

See our website NEW YORK CITIZENS FOR TRANSGENDER RIGHTS – NEW YORK
CITIZENS FOR TRANSGENDER RIGHTS
<http://www.affirmingtransgenderrights.com/>


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http://blog.timesunion.com/transgender/the-wrong-road-the-low-one/697/