[Commentary] [USA] Introducing Our Parents' Generation To Transgender Children Can Be Hard But Rewarding

[Stephanie Stevens]

Huffington Post, USA


Wayne Maines

Father, storyteller, and advocate for change

Introducing Our Parents' Generation To Transgender Children Can Be
Hard But Rewarding

Posted: 05/16/2012 11:22 am


Last Saturday at my son's lacrosse game, I sat down next to an older
couple that was at the game watching their grandson, who was on the
other team. It was a beautiful day and I was looking forward to
rooting for my son and his team. I struck up a conversation with the
grandfather. He told me he was 74 years old, retired from the Air
Force and delivered "Meals on Wheels." As the game progressed we had a
great conversation about life, staying healthy and the Air Force that
we both love. Then he brought up politics. He told me, "We have to
quit blaming George Bush for everything that is wrong with our
country." I thought to myself, 'I wonder if he is ready to hear about
transgender children?' But as usual, I decided to take it slow to see
where the conversation might lead us. I said, "You are right, you
cannot blame one man; all of our leaders need to put aside their
differences and do the right things to help our country." He agreed
but then said, "Obama has to go. He is ruining our country with all of
this gay marriage nonsense." I said, "Sir, with all due respect, I
have disagree. Changing the way we think, providing all American's
with the same rights and privileges is what this country is all
about." At this point he looked at me in kind of a funny way, but he
was still listening, so I thought what the hell.

I told him that some twenty-five years ago after I got out of the Air
Force, I was a Ronald Reagan-loving, pro-military student with few
places to speak out. I described the day Hans Bethe visited one of my
classes to express his disagreement and concerns regarding nuclear
weapons and his displeasure with Ronald Reagan's "Stars Wars missile
defense system." I explained that after the lecture, a few students
were discussing the key points and they said they hated Ronald Reagan.
I spoke out in favor of our President. Defending our Nation's leader
did not go as well as expected.

I continued to say that it seems like over the years, I have had to
defend presidents from both sides of the aisle. I apologized for my
long-winded story and said, "My point is that we must always respect
the position of our President and Commander-in-Chief and we need to
teach our children to do the same. I pointed to my son on the other
side of the lacrosse field and said, "When my son was 10 he came home
from school and told me he hated President Bush. I abruptly said,
"What did you say?" He looked up at me and said, "I hate George Bush
because he started the war." I said, "Listen, you cannot ever say you
hate the President. He is our President and Commander-in-Chief. You
can say you disagree with his policies, but you cannot say you hate
him." My little boy looked up at me, scared and looking a bit puzzled
because of my harsh tone. I was on edge because I had just come from a
school meeting to address the bullying and harassment that his sister
was being subject to at school. I said, "Hate is such a strong word,
lets not use the word hate in our family." The grandfather looked at
me with a smile, extended his hand and said "you're a good dad." I
shook his hand and said, "There is another reason why I needed to
teach my son about hate at such a young age. You see, he has a twin
sister who is transgender. She was born as a boy, but is a girl
trapped in a boy's body. You may not understand this, but maybe
knowing how much I love my children, my family and my country will
help you begin to understand that what I am saying is true. My son has
spent most of his life worrying and protecting his sister from harm.
He has experienced a great deal of pain that could have easily made
him hate many of the leaders in his school and our state but he does
not." I paused to let what I said sink in.

I waited for him to tell me I was nuts. He looked me in the eyes and
said, "Young man, I do not understand all that you are saying, but I
apologize for being disrespectful. I am very pleased to see you are
trying to raise your children the right way. I think the best thing we
can do is teach young people to vote. Maybe I am too old to change.
Maybe your son and my grandson will be able to make things better. God
bless you." I was not sure what to say next, so I said, "I hope you
are right and enjoy the game." We were both at a loss for words.

We lost the game ten to four, and as my son and I were walking to the
car, I saw the grandfather congratulating his grandson; he looked
over, smiled and nodded his head in approval. I nodded back, placed my
arm around his shoulder and thought it has been a good day. I hoped
that maybe I had at least planted the seed for change. He asked me
about the man that nodded. I said, "He is the grandfather of a boy on
the other team. We had a nice chat while watching the game." He asked,
"Why are you smiling? I said, "Because you never know when you are
going to teach someone something new. Never be afraid to speak up for
what you believe in. It was a great game, I love you." He said, "I
love you too, dad, I am hungry."


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