Flightless Birds Results

[Niklas Newark]

THE GREAT FLIGHTLESS BIRDS SURVEY OF 1991 IS HERE!!

1)......Penguin (excluding Opus).............12,781
2)......Chicken (including fried etc.)....... 7,490
3)......Opus................................. 7,281
4)......Dodo................................. 6,592
5)......Variations on birds with wings
pulled off/taped down etc. etc....... 5,833
6)......Emu.................................. 5,238
7)......Variations on being 'Dead'........... 4,390
8)......Kiwi................................. 3,109
9)......Cassowary............................ 2,995
10).....Dan Quayle........................... 3

So! As you can see, the Penguin is the soaraway
winner! (with over 20,000 votes if votes for Opus
are counted aswell). Dan Quayle has proved suprisingly
popular in this years flightless birds survey, with
an overwhelming number of votes. Well done, Dan!

I am thinking of doing another Flightless Birds
survey in the summer, to see if peoples tastes in
FB's varies seasonally etc. Or maybe I will give
that one a miss. Thanks again to all who took part
and made this a fruitful learning experience for
us all. Full results will be published later this
year in the shortly-to-be-released 'Popular Flightless
Birds of the World' ($14.95 Penguin Books).

Anyway, here are some of the most enlightening
quotes for your perusal and enjoyment...
From: Adrian Howard
the little blue penguin ( of NZ) because it has such a pretty name

From: Anthony Johnston
I like the penguin
because it is the only flightless bird named
after a chocolate biscuit, except maybe the
infamous wagon wheel bird.

From: Jason Belam
My favourite flightless bird is NOT THE GANNET because THEY WET THIER NESTS
**** and, as I remember, they can fly cant they Jason? ****
Jason : Not if you pull their wings out....

From: "Scott Berry, Academic Computing"
My favourite flightless bird is Opus he wears a bowtie and calls his mom.

From: "The First and Only Nude Vaxer"
My favourite flightless bird is Dan Quayle_ he gives me hope; if a useless
loser like _that_ can get into office...

From: Andy Smaller
In response to your question, I have two favourite flightless birds (there,
that'll frog up your statistics)

1. The Emu, especially that furry one, which has the misfortune of having Rod
Hull's hand up its bum all the time.
2. Penguins, 'cos they're cute and cuddly and they waddle around in the snow.

From: "FAUVAX::BARKER"@SERVAX.fiu.edu (Mal)
My favorite flightless bird is the Kiwi because it has a fruit named
after it and a brand of shoe polish.

From: m...@rsiatl.uucp (Miles ONeal)
My favourite flightless bird is fried chicken because it doesn't eat my worms.

From: ro...@sware.com (Don't MESS with me!;;;;)
My favourite flightless bird is Opus Penguin
because ___we are twins___.

From: "Timothy J. Tebbe"
MY FAVORITE FLIGHTLESS BIRD IS: the penguin
BECAUSE: it's the only flightless bird with
enough nattiness to wear a tuxedo.

From: lawrence s harris < lha...@hubcap.clemson.edu>
my favorite flightless bird is a penguin, because Opus is one.

From: Alan D. Vorwaller x.6865 pager 480-5213
My favourite flightless bird is, a, well, I don't think I have ever seen a
peacock fly, can they?, I don't know. But if they don't the male peacock is
probably my favorite. because I've always liked the
size and colors when they spread their tail feathers.

From: Kendall Helmstetter Gelner <ken...@owlnet.rice.edu>
My favourite flightless bird is a: Kiwi. because (in 14 words): They are more
exotic than penguins, and make a very fine fruit as well.

From: Rev. John
My favorite flightless bird is the Robin With Its Wings Pulled Off,
because I love its beautiful plumage and the way it flops around in a
bloody mess on the sidewalk.

From: "Martian Fruitcake;876-4840;;435-6049;valkyrie" <m...@sware.com>
My favourite flightless bird is dead pigeons because "after I shoot them they
don't crap on me walking into work."

From: eiverson <eive...@NMSU.edu>
My favourite flightless bird is the emu, because it's spelled the same in
either direction.

From: Roger Lee
oh, what the hell. I have nothing to lose but my cookies.....
My favourite flightless bird is The penguin I'm into tuxedos? =8^>
actually, it's because they're the most graceful flightless bird.

From: jo...@cogs.sussex.ac.uk (Lord Yak Da Hairy)
All birds can fly, if given a helicopter and sufficient lessons.
And if they can do it, so can you!
Join Lord Yak Da Hairy's School of Flying today! Cheap rates, and a
guaranteed job in the Gulf at the end of it!
Join today. You KNOW it makes sense.

From: Gil Johnson-Smith <gi...@cogs.susx.ac.uk>
And like the man says, he's a helicopter. He _must_ be an expert.
Join Lord Yak Da Hairy's School Of Flying today! Your first four-thousand
metre plummet guaranteed successful - or your money back!

From: fra...@ecn.purdue.edu (Richard M Franks)
My favourite flightless bird is penguin because they dress so darn nice.

From: k...@sware.com
My favourite flightless bird is the dead pigeon, because at least it is quiet.

From: r...@ss2060.boeing.com (Ray Saddler node=cs2860 ph=657-2824)
My favourite flightless bird is the Dodo because it extinct.

From: sl...@prism.gatech.edu
My favourite flightless bird is the dodo because it was so ridiculous.
My other favourite flightless bird is the chicken because it also has no lips.

From: x-se...@Dixie.com (X-Archive Server)
My favourite flightless bird is The Plastic Pink Flamingo because they look
great full of bullet holes, strung up, etc. around my home.

From: Manchild <j...@ukc.ac.uk>
My favourite flightless bird is the Penguin.
Please create your own smartass reason ( in less than 14 syllables )
which has something to do with a chocolate biscuit, cos I'm a bizzy student.

From: he...@apollo.com (Jeffery Oesterle)
My favourite flightless bird is the ostrich, because its name is so close to
my last name.

From: Mark Roworth
My favourite flightless bird is a dead chicken because you can eat it.

From: gmcd...@uk.ac.strath.cs
PENGUINS because they are all chocolate flavoured with a nice biscuit inside

From: "D. James McGregor" <dmcg...@uk.ac.strath.cs>
My favourite flightless bird is Wendy James because (in no more than 14 words)
she hardly ever wears a feather of clothing!

From: Ford (Alex Poole) <A.G....@uk.ac.newcastle>
My favourite flightless bird is the penguin because
it appears in the hitch-hikers guide to the Galaxy (by Douglas Adams).

From: clare west - csd prog x2338 <cj_...@uk.ac.brispoly.g2>
My favourite flightless bird is the moa because once I found the freeze dried
foot of a moa. (Moas are extinct)
If you want my favourite non-extinct flightless bird then it would have to
be the kiwi, because I am a New Zealander.

From: J R Currie <j...@uk.ac.cardiff.computing-maths>
A pigeon with both its wings broken.
A bald partridge.

From: Smith J D <sm...@uk.ac.sx>
My favourite flightless bird is the emu because peck,peck,stab,ouch,ah-get
off. and its from the Land of Plenty.
Can I also include my mum because she likes the Cassowary since one nearly
pulled here finger off at Paignton Zoo while she was attempting to feed it.
The name 'Cassowary' has stuck with her.

From: Paul Palmer <pal...@MATH.ORST.edu>
My favourite flightless bird is the Pateryx because of the BC comic strips.

From: boff...@acsu.buffalo.edu (marc g boffardi)
My favourite flightless bird is penguin it's easier to shoot if it doesn't
fly away. :)

From: Dave Cochran <coc...@dg-rtp.dg.com>
My favourite flightless bird is an Iraqi jet because they are the source of
endless threads of "humor" (or humour).

From: Ali Abbas Kazmi <a...@matt.ksu.ksu.edu>
hi there ...... well my favorite flightless bird is chicken because it tastes
excellent

From: Don Dodson <a...@sage.cc.purdue.edu>
My favourite flightless bird is Big Bird because I love the way he sings
and dances

From: Kent Paul Dolan <xant...@zorch.sf-bay.org>
My favourite flightless bird is the cassowary because it graciously bites off
the noses and gouges out the eyes of deserving zoogoers.

From: "Larry N. Hammer" <l...@electron.physics.arizona.edu>
My favourite flightless bird is Scottish Country Dancers because
They are so easy to make flightless (just apply some scotch).

From: Michael Arras <ar...@mailhost.icase.edu>
My favourite flightless bird is the Do-Do bird, because of the way it moves
it's head.

From: James A Demes <de...@chopin.udel.edu>
My favorite flightless bird is the Baltimore Oriole, because they can't
seem to get their team off the ground floor of their division.

From: CHRIS CRAVEN <C_S144...@stat.appstate.edu>
My favourite flightless bird is "APTERYX" because "first flightless bird I
discovered in comic strip B.C."

From: 3...@sage.cc.purdue.edu (Laura Shumar)
My favourite flightless bird is the emu. Because I like the comedian who has
an emu puppet.

From: Sherwood Daniel Silliman <s...@henry.ece.cmu.edu>
My favourite flightless bird is the great auk because it's extinct

From: to...@cnvxla.convex.com (good, Conan - good)
My favourite flightless bird is The "Large-breasted, Long-legged,
Flat-bellied, Matress Thrasher". :-) because (in no more than 14 words)
LUST!

From: CT Hart <c...@hpfcso.fc.hp.com>
My favourite flightless bird is the Dodo. (was there a requirement that it
be an existing bird?) because Nobody can remember what it looks like.

From: Tanguy Kervahut <kerv...@iro.umontreal.ca>
My favourite flightless bird is *Opus the penguin* because (in no more than 14
words) he is funny and cuddly.

From: nei...@osf.org
My favourite flightless bird is the pigeon.
(Now, you're going to say the pigeon isn't a flightless bird, and I'm afraid
you're correct. But IT SHOULD BE!) See below.
because (in no more than 14 words) Any time one is flightful, it drops shit
on me and Lord Nelson.

From: Steve Garnier <st...@ecebucolix.ncsu.edu>
My favourite flightless bird is the Dodo. because it doesn't shit on my car.

From: mjas...@concour.cs.concordia.ca
My favourite flightless bird is THE IRAQI AIR FORCE because
IT SUPPLIED FOURTEEN WORDS OF COMIC RELIEF IN THE MIDST OF A TERRIBLE WAR.

From: "Mr. Blackadder" <H235...@CCVAX.UCD.IE>
My favourite flightless bird is a Dead Parrot because it has Ceased to Be!
It is an ExParrot! This Parrot is No More!

From: Jo Jaquinta <jay...@maths.tcd.ie>
My favourite flightless bird is the Dodo. Because it has such a tragic
history.

From: David Tamkin <dat...@ddsw1.mcs.com>
My favorite flightless bird is the domesticated turkey ...
... because it's delicious.

From: Mitchell Patterson <patt...@USCEAST.CS.SCAROLINA.edu>
My favourite flightless bird is a robin with its wings taped down
because it amuses me to watch them try to fly

From: la049137@zach \(\).fit.edu (David Rackmales \(HCX Lab/SU90\))
My favourite flightless bird is Japan Airlines flight 707 because.........
just because.

From: John Senior <JFSE...@vax1.tcd.ie>
My favourite flightless bird is extinct they were all shot.

From: cc_...@uk.ac.king.ux
My favourite flightless bird is the female of the species HOMO SAPIENS they
are the best to have sex with ( they do not split etc..).

From: Blaine Hammond <bla...@u.washington.edu>
Hmmm...flightless birds...ostrich?...do-do?...Penguin?...
Penguin, definitely penguin.