Funny: If Religion Made Bras
Ye Old One
IF RELIGIONS MADE BRAS
Official Iranian Government “Presidential Pleasure” Bra: Unlike your
country, there are no bosoms in Iran; we don’t have any.
Zoroastrian ”Dynamic Dual” The white side is designed for maximum
uplift and the black side is not.
Hare Krishna “Midnight Mantra” In beautiful saffron coloured
material, our masterpiece channels a special “airport uplift” energy
for true bosom consciousness.
Zen Buddhist “Enigma” If a bosom should fall in our bra, is there any
refund?
Roman Catholic “Holy Mother Imaculate Contraption” Stain resistant,
for nursing women, our new high tech miracle will hold ‘em till you
need ‘em.
Christian Literalist “Intelligently Designed Divine Image Science
Bra”. Our most high-tech line reconciles pure science, human biology,
and true faith. It takes the bra to a new level of complete
practicality, comfort and ergonomic efficiency and is based on
BIBLICAL principles! With three cups, our bra is unashamedly
trinitarian in a world that has sold its soul to “if it feels good,
wear it” godlessness!
Orthodox Jewish “Red Sea Bra” Excellent lift and separation for 6
days, but of course, no lifting or separating on the Sabbath.
Reform Jewish “Red Sea Freedom Bra”. Excellent lift and separation all
week long.
Conservative Jewish “Red Sea Consensus Bra” Excellent lift and
separation for 6 days, but only if there is a general agreement that
it is necessary.
Orthodox Jewish “Talmud Teaser” Rabbi Joshua said, “It is written, ‘Do
two walk together without them having met?’ so bras should hold the
bosom together.” Rabbi Judah said, “The Holy One-blessed by
He-separated the waters to reveal the dry land when He created the
universe.” Rabbi Hannaniah said in the name of Rabbi Nehemiah, “He
separated the waters of the Sea and then divided the River Jordan,
piling the waters up on the right and the left to let the Sons of
Israel make their way to the promised land, a land ‘flowing with milk
and honey’, and so bras should lift and separate and give room for the
discovery of honey.” The sages said, “It is written, ‘My tongue
cleaves to the roof of my mouth’ and therefore cleavage is a good
thing,” but Rabbi Baruchiah said, “Is the cleaving of the tongue to
the roof of the mouth the same as a bosom’s cleaving? One is from a
dry mouth and the other makes the mouth water.” Hillel said, “Women
are free from the commandment of binding on Teffilin, so should they
not be required to bind their bosoms”. Shammai said, “I’m more of a
leg-man myself” but Rabbi Herschel said… (goes on for 5 more pages
with a long digression into the question of how big a “cup” can be
before it is a “basin”).
Fundamentalist Christian “Original Sin Bra” “The Fall” came when Eve
ate the apple and so there isn’t anything to be done about it since
bosoms are evil, evil, wicked, satanic, vile, and against biblical
family values, but our bra is richly padded and embroidered with
biblical passages to make you look more upright and smug and yet
pleasing to the eyes of the men God has sent to bless your life.
Pentecostal Televangelist “Miracle Lift Faith Bra” Don’t let the Devil
drag you down! Sew a Seed of Faith of only $1000 by ordering our
Miracle Lift Faith Bra, and you will reap a harvest! Don’t forget the
parable of the Faithful Wife in the Book of Egomaniciah who sewed only
ONE seed and reaped a great harvest of produce and brought great joy
to her poor husband! Yes, your own $1000 Faith Seed will grow as you
wear our Miracle Lift Faith Bra–sent to you free of charge out of
Christian Love– and you too will be lifted up in the Spirit, and your
husband will enjoy a harvest of melons!
Mormon “Nights on Zion” An exact copy of the bra Joseph Smith used to
wear on Saturday nights.
Mennonite Bra. Designed to keep the world from knowing a woman has any
need for a bra under the plain dress designed, as much as possible, to
look as though a woman doesn’t have breasts.
Fundamentalist Mormon “Easy-Sorting Polyg-rasier” One size fits every
woman in the house, so there’s no point to wondering which is whose!
Fundamentalist Islamic “Discrete Desires Bra” Full support head to
toe, to give you that appealing lack of feminine shape.
Hindu “Devi Deluxe” Realize your personal goddess; with as many
complementary shoulder straps as you think you have arms.
Buddhist “Not Quite Nirvana” Accentuates natural sag, deflation and
impermanence.
Hutterite “Bra” Only in black, and handmade of the finest
economy-grade canvas. Available at Canadian Tire stores from coast to
coast.
Scientology “Spiritual Technology Bra” Available only to the initiated
for the low price of $50,000. Athletic-level of support and comfort
even when jumping up and down on couches like an idiot. It comes with
various books, pamphlets, built in flashing lights, a whistle, and a
small propeller on each cup. Great support for the AUTHORIZED wearer
from our legal team.
Confucian “Mandate of Heaven Bra” The Master said, “Heaven smiles upon
the emperor who justly governs and supports the people so that they
are not even aware that they are being ruled. So too, do men smile
when they see the bosom that is naturally governed by our invisible
underwire and seamless technology.”
Taoist “Wooo-weeee!” The bosom that can be tamed is not a real bosom.
--
Bob.
Homer Sapiens
> Found this an thought a few would find it funny.
>
> IF RELIGIONS MADE BRAS
>
SNIPPAGE
> Fundamentalist Mormon "Easy-Sorting Polyg-rasier" One size fits every
> woman in the house, so there's no point to wondering which is whose!
MORE SNIPPAGE
This isn't far from being true. Check out these sites regarding "Holy
Underwear" actually worn by Mormons.
http://www.mormon-underwear.com/
An image of these holy undergarments may be seen here. They basically
look like a "onesy" outfit kinda like thermal underwear.
Inez
> with a long digression into the question of how big a "cup" can be
> before it is a "basin").
>
> Fundamentalist Christian "Original Sin Bra" "The Fall" came when Eve
> ate the apple and so there isn't anything to be done about it since
> bosoms are evil, evil, wicked, satanic, vile, and against biblical
> family values, but our bra is richly padded and embroidered with
> biblical passages to make you look more upright and smug and yet
> pleasing to the eyes of the men God has sent to bless your life.
>
> Pentecostal Televangelist "Miracle Lift Faith Bra" Don't let the Devil
> drag you down! Sew a Seed of Faith of only $1000 by ordering our
> Miracle Lift Faith Bra, and you will reap a harvest! Don't forget the
> parable of the Faithful Wife in the Book of Egomaniciah who sewed only
> ONE seed and reaped a great harvest of produce and brought great joy
> to her poor husband! Yes, your own $1000 Faith Seed will grow as you
> Christian Love- and you too will be lifted up in the Spirit, and your
I'm surprised there isn't any Shakers and Quakers jokes.
Frank J
> with a long digression into the question of how big a "cup" can be
> before it is a "basin").
>
> Fundamentalist Christian "Original Sin Bra" "The Fall" came when Eve
> ate the apple and so there isn't anything to be done about it since
> bosoms are evil, evil, wicked, satanic, vile, and against biblical
> family values, but our bra is richly padded and embroidered with
> biblical passages to make you look more upright and smug and yet
> pleasing to the eyes of the men God has sent to bless your life.
>
> Pentecostal Televangelist "Miracle Lift Faith Bra" Don't let the Devil
> drag you down! Sew a Seed of Faith of only $1000 by ordering our
> Miracle Lift Faith Bra, and you will reap a harvest! Don't forget the
> parable of the Faithful Wife in the Book of Egomaniciah who sewed only
> ONE seed and reaped a great harvest of produce and brought great joy
> to her poor husband! Yes, your own $1000 Faith Seed will grow as you
> Christian Love- and you too will be lifted up in the Spirit, and your
How could you forget the ID bra? One size fits all creationists.
Jim Lovejoy
915c27...@w56g2000hsf.googlegroups.com:
Rather, the ID bra, it supports nothing, but does a pretty good job of
covering it up.
Homer Sapiens
> > How could you forget the ID bra? One size fits all creationists.
>
> Rather, the ID bra, it supports nothing, but does a pretty good job of
>
The ID Bra. It provides no support and comes in two sizes: myth and
misses!
Paul Ciszek
telling how they will show on other people's newreaders, terminal
emulators, etc. If it's not 7-bit ASCII, it's WRONG.
--
Please reply to: | "One of the hardest parts of my job is to
pciszek at panix dot com | connect Iraq to the War on Terror."
Autoreply is disabled | -- G. W. Bush, 9/7/2006
John Wilkins
> Please, don't use fancy, non-ASCII codings on Usenet. There is no
> telling how they will show on other people's newreaders, terminal
> emulators, etc. If it's not 7-bit ASCII, it's WRONG.
Nøt Trüe.
--
John S. Wilkins, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Philosophy
University of Queensland - Blog: scienceblogs.com/evolvingthoughts
"He used... sarcasm. He knew all the tricks, dramatic irony, metaphor,
bathos, puns, parody, litotes and... satire. He was vicious."
Cory Albrecht
> Please, don't use fancy, non-ASCII codings on Usenet. There is no
> telling how they will show on other people's newreaders, terminal
> emulators, etc. If it's not 7-bit ASCII, it's WRONG.
>
Neither RFC 977 nor 3977 (the NNTP standards) mention the format of
articles.
For as long as I have been using newsgroups (since 1989, when I was
introduced to the Internet in university), RFC822 and descendants have
been used for UUCP-usenet and NNTP-usenet article format. This includes
RFC2822, the updated version RFC822 and the original MIME (RFC1521,1522
from 1993, 14 years ago) and the MIME updates (RFC2045-2049, 2184,
2231). In essence, usenet newsgroup articles use the exact same
standards as email messages.
While not using MIME or 8-bit characters may have been a concern 14
years ago when a lot of usenet still when across UUCP dial-up links (I
used my 14.4kmodem to be a UUCP host) and not all NNTP servers were
8-bit clean, but those days are long gone. What modern newsreader does
not understand the Content-Type or Content-Transfer-Encoding headers? I
see that you are using trn 4.0 - trn had MIME support from at least
version 3.0 which came out sometime before August 1998
(http://www.opennet.ru/docs/FAQ/soft/newsreaders/trn-part2.html). If
your newsreader cannot use the standard MIME headers to filter content
and not try to display non-7 bit characters and was written after 1993,
I submit that it is a badly-written piece of software.
7-bit usenet, like 7-bit email, is sooo last millenium. Another thing
that is so last millennium is assuming that everybody on the intartubes
speaks only American English and has no need for non-7-bit ASCII
character sets.
Frank J
Now I know how nonscientists feel like when they claim to know
something about "chemicals," and I try to set them straight, without
too much jargon. Alas, that's nearly impossible.
The difference is that, unlike those nonscientists I don't second-
guess the experts in their own fields. I may demand that computers be
more user-friendly, but I don't tell them how to do it.
Harold Saxon
Well if they had moved to california, then perhaps the Shaker and
Quaker bra would prevent embarrassing movement of the breasts during
all earthquakes.
> - Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
Harold Saxon
> Please, don't use fancy, non-ASCII codings on Usenet. There is no
> telling how they will show on other people's newreaders, terminal
> emulators, etc. If it's not 7-bit ASCII, it's WRONG.
Are you trying to say that 7-bit ASCII is unable to handle bra
jokes? :P
Richard Clayton
>> How could you forget the ID bra? One size fits all creationists.
>
> Rather, the ID bra, it supports nothing, but does a pretty good job of
> covering it up.
--
[The address listed is a spam trap. To reply, take off every zig.]
Richard Clayton
"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings." — Optimus Prime
Paul Ciszek
In article <gv9h45x...@xanadu.fenris.cjb.net>,
Cory Albrecht <coryal...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>Paul Ciszek wrote, On 2007/12/28 22:37:
>> Please, don't use fancy, non-ASCII codings on Usenet. There is no
>> telling how they will show on other people's newreaders, terminal
>> emulators, etc. If it's not 7-bit ASCII, it's WRONG.
>
>years ago when a lot of usenet still when across UUCP dial-up links (I
>used my 14.4kmodem to be a UUCP host) and not all NNTP servers were
>8-bit clean, but those days are long gone. What modern newsreader does
>not understand the Content-Type or Content-Transfer-Encoding headers? I
>see that you are using trn 4.0 - trn had MIME support from at least
>version 3.0 which came out sometime before August 1998
So why did the original article come out with carets and capital letters
all over the place in lieu of ordinary punctuation marks?
I trust the folks at panix.com to keep trn up to date. Any article that
comes through all hashed up in trn is not Usenet friendly.
Paul Ciszek
In article <19124da6-8652-47e3...@l1g2000hsa.googlegroups.com>,
Harold Saxon <saxon....@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:
>On 29 Dec, 03:37, nos...@nospam.com (Paul Ciszek) wrote:
>> Please, don't use fancy, non-ASCII codings on Usenet. There is no
>> telling how they will show on other people's newreaders, terminal
>> emulators, etc. If it's not 7-bit ASCII, it's WRONG.
>
>Are you trying to say that 7-bit ASCII is unable to handle bra
>jokes? :P
I'm saying that reading an article that has "^T" and "^Q" in lieu
of ordinary punctuation is annoying. I am using trn which ought to
be the bog-standard newsreader, and PuTTY which is (so far as I know)
a respectable terminal emulator. Any article that comes out all
hashed is not standard.
BTW, what ever you have done in replying has inserted some sort of weird
characters wherever my article had more than one space in a row, which
I had to go back and take out. Were you trying to make a point?
eerok
> In article <19124da6-8652-47e3...@l1g2000hsa.googlegroups.com>,
> Harold Saxon <saxon....@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:
>>On 29 Dec, 03:37, nos...@nospam.com (Paul Ciszek) wrote:
>>> Please, don't use fancy, non-ASCII codings on Usenet.
>>> There is no telling how they will show on other people's
>>> newreaders, terminal emulators, etc. If it's not 7-bit
>>> ASCII, it's WRONG.
>>Are you trying to say that 7-bit ASCII is unable to handle
>>bra jokes? :P
> I'm saying that reading an article that has "^T" and "^Q" in
> lieu of ordinary punctuation is annoying. I am using trn
> which ought to be the bog-standard newsreader, and PuTTY
> which is (so far as I know) a respectable terminal emulator.
> Any article that comes out all hashed is not standard.
I'd say that utf-8 is more of a standard than trn at this
stage of the world. If you're using bash, try pasting this
line into your .bash_profile
echo -ne '\e%G\e[?47h\e%G\e[?47l'
That should kickstart utf-8 in puTTY ...
If you edit using vim, put this in your .vimrc
set encoding=utf-8
There's been no apparent development on trn for Quite Some
Time ... you might like tin or slrn if you want to keep more
up to date with a terminal-based newsreader.
--
"It is not enough to conquer; one must learn to seduce."
-- Voltaire
eerok
> eerok wrote:
>> There's been no apparent development on trn for Quite Some
>> Time ... you might like tin or slrn if you want to keep
>> more up to date with a terminal-based newsreader.
> I don't know slrn but I like tin. So it gets my vote. I
> don't use it frequently or even very often because actually
> I do have a GUI capable computer. But if I didn't (or if I
> had to use some remote service through a terminal) I could
> live with tin for Usenet perfectly well.
I agree. Power-users tend to like slrn because it's
feature-rich and extensible via slang, but I simply like the
way tin works. I also prefer to use a gui when I can.
> The only "problem" would be memorising all the keyboard
> commands. But frankly, once you know them in any program,
> such commands are often *way* faster and easier to use than
> any GUI can offer.
Mostly I just wade through news with the spacebar, gui or not.
It's true that the mouse isn't the best device for every job,
though.
Mr D.
>
> The ID Bra. It provides no support and comes in two sizes: myth and
> misses!
*snigger*...!
M.
Cory Albrecht
> In article <19124da6-8652-47e3...@l1g2000hsa.googlegroups.com>,
> Harold Saxon <saxon....@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:
>> On 29 Dec, 03:37, nos...@nospam.com (Paul Ciszek) wrote:
>>> Please, don't use fancy, non-ASCII codings on Usenet. There is no
>>> telling how they will show on other people's newreaders, terminal
>>> emulators, etc. If it's not 7-bit ASCII, it's WRONG.
>> Are you trying to say that 7-bit ASCII is unable to handle bra
>> jokes? :P
>
> I'm saying that reading an article that has "^T" and "^Q" in lieu
The original poster use left & right double quotes (Unicode 0x201C &
0x201D) in his post instead of ambidextrous 7-bit ASCII double quote (0x22).
> of ordinary punctuation is annoying. I am using trn which ought to
> be the bog-standard newsreader, and PuTTY which is (so far as I know)
> a respectable terminal emulator. Any article that comes out all
> hashed is not standard.
Trn hasn't been updated in more than 6 years (2 April 2001,
<https://sourceforge.net/projects/trn>). I'd suggest that a newsreader
that old is no longer the gold standard. If you have to use a
terminal-based news reader, I would suggest a more recently update one
like tin <http://www.tin.org/>. Even slrn <http://www.slrn.org/>, which
hasn't been updated since 2004, would be better than trn.
If you use a GUI, I would suggest either Thunderbird or Pan.
Again, I suggest that you're rather a bit behind the times if you think
that USENET is only 7-bit ASCII still.
Walter Bushell
Richard Clayton <pockZIGe...@verizon.net> wrote:
> Nominated for the "Dembski's 'Rack Strategy'" category:
>
> >> How could you forget the ID bra? One size fits all creationists.
> >
> > Rather, the ID bra, it supports nothing, but does a pretty good job of
> > covering it up.
Actually you can order it, but it falls apart upon examination.
John Wilkins
What every teenage boy wants to find. Which explains those who think ID
is a good thing.
jimli...@shaw.ca
though, http://shuffl.wordpress.com/if-religions-made-bras/.
Feel free to add your suggestions to the comments section on the page
itself, too. I liked the ones added to this thread.
Cheers
Dr. Jim
On Dec 30, 6:08 am, Walter Bushell <pr...@oanix.com> wrote:
> In article <pXtdj.3157$ZI4.1371@trnddc08>,
Ben Standeven
Mary A Kaufmann wrote:
> Found this an thought a few would find it funny.
>
>
[...]
> Mennonite Bra. Designed to keep the world from knowing a woman has any
> need for a bra under the plain dress designed, as much as possible, to
> look as though a woman doesn't have breasts.
And don't forget: Amish Bra: "Bra"? What's that?
Paul Ciszek
In article <5tnjb3F...@mid.individual.net>,
eerok <krk...@addr.invalid> wrote:
>
>I'd say that utf-8 is more of a standard than trn at this
>stage of the world.
Interesting; the funny accents, umlauts, and dipthongs in the Tolkien
newsgroups view correctly in ISO-8859-1 rather than utf-8.
Christopher Denney
Ah, don't be so negative!