Irony Meter -- new model available
Rupert Goodwins
Line Noise Laboratories [NYSE: LINO] is pleased to announce the Mark V Irony
Meter ("Excelsior" in EMEA). In development for four years under the auspices
of the DoD's General Instrumentation for Sensing Horribleness (GISH) program,
it incorporates the latest in digital technology for accurate mensuration from
very low levels to high-density irony field environments (accuracy better than
0.5% from 0.1 microHolden to 1.5 kiloHolden). By combining a series of
technological firsts with Line Noise Labs' fabled reputation for quality and
our Science First (tm) company philosophy, the Mark V opens up new horizons
for ironic exploration.
It is the first generally available device certified to detect irony at the
trace levels encountered in much Internet communication, while the
autoclamping pulse reaction system will safely shut down the meter at levels
above 10 kHo. No damage will result to the meter or the operator with fields
up to 1MHo, (unless contained in a resistivity network with a Grue factor of >
3.3 MHo/mMho/m -- please contact your local sales office for options).
This is due in large part to new SQUIFFI sensor technology licensed from the
Philosophy Department at the University of Wooloomooloo. The Superconducting
Quantum Inference Field Incredulity device at the heart of the Mark V is the
first time the fundamental physical effect of quantum incredulity has been
used in commercial equipment. In brief, the interface between objective and
subjective reality constantly generates and destroys virtual quark-live
particles (quarticles) that are highly sensitive to spin which is neither
beautiful nor charming.
When placed in a field where there is a very high differential between what is
stated and what is so, these quarticles become agitated and give off
characteristic energetic radiation (in quantum physical terms they start to
'smell', although of course this is in no way the same as our experience of
smell.) In a SQUIFFI these smells are detected by a supercooled giant
magnetoresistive head, which then performs contextual analysis. If this
indicates true irony is present the head shakes sadly and smiles to itself,
making little 'tut tut' noises. This triggers the digital counter/timer unit.
Note that this system works well when high levels of stupidity, pomposity or
sanctimoniousness are also present -- commonly encounted conditions that have
caused previous generations of irony detectors to saturate, implode or break
down in tears.
Of course, the Mark V is built around Line Noise Labs' famous armoured,
autocalibrating, dust-, water- and sanctity-proof core system to assure
reliable, repeatable results in even the most bombastic and
self-awareness-depleted conditions (excl. Kansas. See notes)
A full range of interfaces is available, including HTTP/NNTP, Bluetooth and
rectal implant. Available in puce, jade, amber and Bible Black.
ENDS
Notes:
'Science First' , 'Beer Even More First', 'The Bible Bashers' and the Lino
device are registered trade marks and intellectual property of Line Noise
Laboratories
Use of the Mark V is NOT supported in Kansas, and stated resolution,
sensitivity and safety limits do not apply. Line Noise Laboratories does not
accept liability for misuse of any device. Use in Kansas is automatically
defined as misuse (see: The Estate of Dr Parker v Line Noise Labs, 478 U.S.
675).
pz
Rup...@cix.co.removethis.uk (Rupert Goodwins) wrote:
Sounds cool, but you've neglected to mention pricing.
Also, has this device actually been tested with input from talk.origins?
--
pz
crwydryn
they did a marketing pre-release here in Japan, and I picked up my Mark V
yesterday. It's OK on most of the newsgroups I subscribe to, but whenever I
try it here in TO it sucks so much power all my breakers go. I tried
slipping a penny into the fuse housing, but that didn't work. I wonder if I
might have to put in two cents.
It doesn't say in the documentation whether you need a dedicated line from
the power company to avoid this problem.
On the other hand, that puce casing looks great on my desk sitting there
among all the scorch marks from previous irony meters.
Rupert Goodwins wrote in message <3b1b75ac...@news.blueyonder.co.uk>...
>Ladies, gentlemen, and geologists:
>
>Line Noise Laboratories [NYSE: LINO] is pleased to announce the Mark V
Irony
>Meter ("Excelsior" in EMEA). In development for four years under the
auspices
>of the DoD's General Instrumentation for Sensing Horribleness (GISH)
program,
>it incorporates the latest in digital technology for accurate mensuration
from
>very low levels to high-density irony field environments (accuracy better
than
>0.5% from 0.1 microHolden to 1.5 kiloHolden). By combining a series of
>technological firsts with Line Noise Labs' fabled reputation for quality
and
>our Science First (tm) company philosophy, the Mark V opens up new horizons
>for ironic exploration.
--
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Kevyn Winkless
ke...@canada.com
Laurence A. Moran
pz <my...@mac.com> wrote:
>In article <3b1b75ac...@news.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> Rup...@cix.co.removethis.uk (Rupert Goodwins) wrote:
[snip]
>> Of course, the Mark V is built around Line Noise Labs' famous armoured,
>> autocalibrating, dust-, water- and sanctity-proof core system to assure
>> reliable, repeatable results in even the most bombastic and
>> self-awareness-depleted conditions (excl. Kansas. See notes)
>>
>> A full range of interfaces is available, including HTTP/NNTP, Bluetooth
>> and rectal implant. Available in puce, jade, amber and Bible Black.
>Sounds cool, but you've neglected to mention pricing.
>
>Also, has this device actually been tested with input from talk.origins?
Price is important but I'd like to know if the software is Windows
and/or Linux compatible. I assume it won't run on a Macintosh since the
resulting feed-back loop would fry any irony meter.
Larry Moran
pz
That shows just how ignorant you are of Macs. As we cognoscenti know,
well-designed Mac irony meters divert the energy from those posts that
would make a Windows-based meter blow up into a power source for all the
candy-colored widgets in the user interface, so we just get a really
cosmic light show instead. No smoke and and scorch marks on the table
top for us -- just swirling colors and pulsing paisley screens, a little
short term memory loss, and a bit of a headache in the morning.
--
pz
Wade Hines
pz wrote:
> Rup...@cix.co.removethis.uk (Rupert Goodwins) wrote:
...
> Sounds cool, but you've neglected to mention pricing.
>
> Also, has this device actually been tested with input from talk.origins?
That would be the text but the rectal probe data should approximate.
Rupert Goodwins
>Rupert, do you have the email for LNL's customer support? It happens that
>they did a marketing pre-release here in Japan, and I picked up my Mark V
>yesterday. It's OK on most of the newsgroups I subscribe to, but whenever I
>try it here in TO it sucks so much power all my breakers go. I tried
>slipping a penny into the fuse housing, but that didn't work. I wonder if I
>might have to put in two cents.
>
Alas, no. Due to a small and entirely atypical lack of communication between
marketing, engineering and production, the marcom and support division started
a major reorganisation - in order to offer you a better service - at exactly
the same time as the new product was launched. The website is also down for
redesign, but as soon as new contact numbers and details are available I'll
pass them on.
You shouldn't be experiencing that power surge problem -- high field strengths
actually use less power to measure, due to regenerative shunting, and can even
turn the Mark V into a useful source of electrical energy. Have you checked to
see whether the lights in your neighbourhood are glowing more brightly when
you're on t.o.?
>It doesn't say in the documentation whether you need a dedicated line from
>the power company to avoid this problem.
>
No, this is an experimental feature and, if anything, you might need to put in
an extra line TO the power utility.
>On the other hand, that puce casing looks great on my desk sitting there
>among all the scorch marks from previous irony meters.
>
Puce was the subject of some argument (and indirectly the reason for the
marcom reorganisation). I'll pass on your comments, if^H^H when I meet up with
Senor Alvarez von Ulm, the director of aesthetics at Lino.
Rupert Goodwins
>In article <9fftr1$svi$1...@bioinfo.med.utoronto.ca>,
> lam...@bioinfo.med.utoronto.ca (Laurence A. Moran) wrote:
>
I'll take this opportunity to address all concerns at once.
>> In article <myers-F3BC32....@news.onvoy.net>,
>> pz <my...@mac.com> wrote:
>> >In article <3b1b75ac...@news.blueyonder.co.uk>,
>> > Rup...@cix.co.removethis.uk (Rupert Goodwins) wrote:
>>
>> [snip]
>>
>> >> Of course, the Mark V is built around Line Noise Labs' famous armoured,
>> >> autocalibrating, dust-, water- and sanctity-proof core system to assure
>> >> reliable, repeatable results in even the most bombastic and
>> >> self-awareness-depleted conditions (excl. Kansas. See notes)
>> >>
>> >> A full range of interfaces is available, including HTTP/NNTP, Bluetooth
>> >> and rectal implant. Available in puce, jade, amber and Bible Black.
>>
>> >Sounds cool, but you've neglected to mention pricing.
>> >
As I mentioned in my reply to Kevyn, there is a small hiccough in marcoms at
the moment. In any case, as part of Lino's commitment to service and customer
satisfaction, the company never makes retail or wholesale prices available,
nor will it ever comment on or in any way acknowledge any prices that may be
obtained (*). Suffice it to say that prices in your territory will be
optimally set and you should ask your distributor. Nicely.
>> >Also, has this device actually been tested with input from talk.origins?
>>
It is one of R&D's most important sources of irony.
>> Price is important but I'd like to know if the software is Windows
>> and/or Linux compatible. I assume it won't run on a Macintosh since the
>> resulting feed-back loop would fry any irony meter.
>
As has been mentioned, the Mark V is auto-calibrating. All computers exhibit
some degree of irony, due mostly to aspects of their design as 'productivity
enhancers'. The Mark V uses industry standard interfaces such as Ethernet
(made better than that of any of our competitors by upping the speed to 23.43
Mbps) on the physical layer, and will automatically identify the computer or
network to which it is connected by forensic port scanning. As this cannot be
incorrect, no facility is needed to manually enter this data. The Mark V has
been tested on maximally-ironic configurations (ie, a DOS emulator running on
top of an Alpha Linux system) and will null out any residual equipment irony
during self-calibration.
>That shows just how ignorant you are of Macs. As we cognoscenti know,
>well-designed Mac irony meters divert the energy from those posts that
>would make a Windows-based meter blow up into a power source for all the
>candy-colored widgets in the user interface, so we just get a really
>cosmic light show instead. No smoke and and scorch marks on the table
>top for us -- just swirling colors and pulsing paisley screens, a little
>short term memory loss, and a bit of a headache in the morning.
>
This will be an option as soon as we get approval from the FDA, and is already
available in Mexico and the Netherlands.
>--
>pz
>
R
(* -- Yes, IBM actually told me once that it would on no account tell me the
price of a portable computer I was reviewing for a magazine. It would only
tell distributors, and I wasn't a disty. I asked a distributor. It would only
tell dealers, and I wasn't a dealer. I asked a dealer. It would only tell bona
fide potential customers, and... well, you get the picture. Everybody *wanted*
to tell me the price, you understand, but rules -- always made by someone else
-- forbade it. Terribly sorry.
Both I and my editor attempted to get the great company secret -- how much the
computer cost -- out of the system for days. We failed and had to run the
review without prices.)
Leon
>>> Of course, the Mark V is built around Line Noise Labs' famous
>>> armoured, autocalibrating, dust-, water- and sanctity-proof
>>> core system to assure reliable, repeatable results in even the
>>> most bombastic and self-awareness-depleted conditions (excl.
>>> Kansas. See notes)
>>>
>>> A full range of interfaces is available, including HTTP/NNTP,
>>> Bluetooth and rectal implant. Available in puce, jade, amber
>>> and Bible Black.
>
>> Sounds cool, but you've neglected to mention pricing.
> Price is important but I'd like to know if the software is
> Windows and/or Linux compatible. I assume it won't run on a
> Macintosh since the resulting feed-back loop would fry any irony
> meter.
That's because of the interference of Jobs' Reality Distorion Field
(tm) which is embedded in every iMac -- how else could anyone consider
a toy computer in a see-through plastic case an innovation.
--Leon
crwydryn
>On 4 Jun 2001 09:28:38 -0400, "crwydryn" <ke...@remove.canada.com> wrote:
>
>>Rupert, do you have the email for LNL's customer support? It happens that
>>they did a marketing pre-release here in Japan, and I picked up my Mark V
>>yesterday. It's OK on most of the newsgroups I subscribe to, but whenever
I
>>try it here in TO it sucks so much power all my breakers go. I tried
>>slipping a penny into the fuse housing, but that didn't work. I wonder if
I
>>might have to put in two cents.
>>
>
>Alas, no. Due to a small and entirely atypical lack of communication
between
>marketing, engineering and production, the marcom and support division
started
>a major reorganisation - in order to offer you a better service - at
exactly
>the same time as the new product was launched. The website is also down for
>redesign, but as soon as new contact numbers and details are available I'll
>pass them on.
atypical? You forget, I live in Japan, the land of irrational bureaucracy.
Par for the course, I fear.
>You shouldn't be experiencing that power surge problem -- high field
strengths
>actually use less power to measure, due to regenerative shunting, and can
even
>turn the Mark V into a useful source of electrical energy. Have you checked
to
>see whether the lights in your neighbourhood are glowing more brightly when
>you're on t.o.?
What was I thinking! This completely explains everything, including the
strange coloured lights - clearly the build-up of excess irony in the Mark
V's casing has been causing VanDerGraaf discharges and ball lightning in my
house. At least that's what I'll tell my fiancee when she gets home...And
your detailed explanation of just how the Mark V works explains the strange
smell in my kitchen which I have been assuming came from tofu I left on the
counter overnight, but clearly is a quantum effect.
>
>>It doesn't say in the documentation whether you need a dedicated line from
>>the power company to avoid this problem.
>>
>
>No, this is an experimental feature and, if anything, you might need to put
in
>an extra line TO the power utility.
Ah, that explains the trouble I had understanding the grounding instructions
and the caution labels referring to transformers.
>
>>On the other hand, that puce casing looks great on my desk sitting there
>>among all the scorch marks from previous irony meters.
>>
>
>Puce was the subject of some argument (and indirectly the reason for the
>marcom reorganisation). I'll pass on your comments, if^H^H when I meet up
with
>Senor Alvarez von Ulm, the director of aesthetics at Lino.
Yeah, but how about paisley? What good is puce if you can't get puce
paisley?
crwydryn
>As has been mentioned, the Mark V is auto-calibrating. All computers
exhibit
>some degree of irony, due mostly to aspects of their design as
'productivity
>enhancers'.
After reading this I opened mine up to check, and I have to say that the
little shiny bits on the processor thingy seem more goldy, or maybe coppery
(can't really tell in this light) rather than irony, so maybe that's part of
my problem with the Mark V?
Floyd
Laurence A. Moran <lam...@bioinfo.med.utoronto.ca> wrote in article
<9fftr1$svi$1...@bioinfo.med.utoronto.ca>...
Just be sure to first uninstall Microsoft Works and Access.
-Floyd
bho...@diespammers.telnet.humboldt1.com
> Ladies, gentlemen, and geologists:
This sounds really great, especially since my last encounter with George
Hammond slagged my Mark IV. I do have a couple of questions below.
> Of course, the Mark V is built around Line Noise Labs' famous armoured,
> autocalibrating, dust-, water- and sanctity-proof core system to assure
> reliable, repeatable results in even the most bombastic and
> self-awareness-depleted conditions (excl. Kansas. See notes)
How does the core shielding stand up to extremely high bogon particle
counts? Users here at talk.origins often subject their systems to counts
in excess of a gigabogon per post (or as it is now called, one Conrad).
Earlier models' shielding tended to break down at these ultra-high bogon
levels.
> A full range of interfaces is available, including HTTP/NNTP, Bluetooth and
> rectal implant. Available in puce, jade, amber and Bible Black.
Which rectal implant interface is supported? Is it the industry standard
NMA tube, or does it also suport the newer rhinorectal interface we have
been seeing from the latest batch of Ken Ham supporters?
> Notes:
> 'Beer Even More First',
While "Knowledge, Wisdom, Beer" is the best known motto of the U. of E.,
this too is a Registered Service Mark of the U. of E. Following an
exhortation by the Dean to incease revenue through patent and trade mark
infringement lawsuits (an important source of all university endowment
funds) a committee meeting was held at the Panda's thumb. Following this
exhausting commmittee work, a total of 643 reasonably legible slogans
containing the word "beer" were transcribed from soggy beer coasters
^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hresearch notes by Wanda, the clerical department, and
registered with the feds.
Should Line Noise Labs wish to avoid costly litigation over this issue, a
modest donation to the Dean's Fund should be made before our General
Counsel makes bail.
--
H. Brent Howatt |The deluded are always filled with absolutes
bho...@diespam.humboldt1.com |The rest of us have to live with ambiguity
PGP key by email or keyserver | _Aristoi_ Walter Jon Williams
=============================================================================
Alan Barclay
Rupert Goodwins <Rup...@cix.co.removethis.uk> wrote:
>Ladies, gentlemen, and geologists:
>
>Line Noise Laboratories [NYSE: LINO] is pleased to announce the Mark V Irony
>Meter ("Excelsior" in EMEA). In development for four years under the auspices
>of the DoD's General Instrumentation for Sensing Horribleness (GISH) program,
>it incorporates the latest in digital technology for accurate mensuration from
>very low levels to high-density irony field environments (accuracy better than
>0.5% from 0.1 microHolden to 1.5 kiloHolden). By combining a series of
Someone remind me, What's the conversion between Holdens & Conrads?
Rupert Goodwins
>Rupert Goodwins <Rup...@cix.co.removethis.uk> wrote:
>> Ladies, gentlemen, and geologists:
>
>This sounds really great, especially since my last encounter with George
>Hammond slagged my Mark IV. I do have a couple of questions below.
>
>> Of course, the Mark V is built around Line Noise Labs' famous armoured,
>> autocalibrating, dust-, water- and sanctity-proof core system to assure
>> reliable, repeatable results in even the most bombastic and
>> self-awareness-depleted conditions (excl. Kansas. See notes)
>
>How does the core shielding stand up to extremely high bogon particle
>counts? Users here at talk.origins often subject their systems to counts
>in excess of a gigabogon per post (or as it is now called, one Conrad).
>Earlier models' shielding tended to break down at these ultra-high bogon
>levels.
>
Although high bogon density is a challenge, the Supercooled Giant
Magnetoresistive Head is heavily doped with samarium cobalt jackdanielide and
even at multiple Conrads merely reacts by a 'Maaaan, that's whacked out'. The
digital counter/timer circuits then calculate a neutralising factor, enabling
even quite low levels of irony to be accurately measured under such
conditions.
Line Noise Laboratories do have a research programme underway on bogon/irony
interaction, and you may encounter a slightly higher Ed count on t.o. for a
while. Apologies for any inconvenience or incandescence to owners of less
advanced irony meters, and the marketing department would like to make it
absolutely clear that they are in no way involved with this one. Or they
would, if we could find them.
>> A full range of interfaces is available, including HTTP/NNTP, Bluetooth and
>> rectal implant. Available in puce, jade, amber and Bible Black.
>
>Which rectal implant interface is supported? Is it the industry standard
>NMA tube, or does it also suport the newer rhinorectal interface we have
>been seeing from the latest batch of Ken Ham supporters?
>
A universal coupler is supplied, which can be adapted to requirements. Ken
Ham's tribe is particularly tricky, as the implanter has to be sure not to
disturb the lips, tongue, epiglottis and vocal chords which are frequently
found thereabouts. We recommend setting 17a, full dilation, and grinding
paste.
>
>> Notes:
>
>> 'Beer Even More First',
>
>While "Knowledge, Wisdom, Beer" is the best known motto of the U. of E.,
>this too is a Registered Service Mark of the U. of E. Following an
>exhortation by the Dean to incease revenue through patent and trade mark
>infringement lawsuits (an important source of all university endowment
>funds) a committee meeting was held at the Panda's thumb. Following this
>exhausting commmittee work, a total of 643 reasonably legible slogans
>containing the word "beer" were transcribed from soggy beer coasters
>^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hresearch notes by Wanda, the clerical department, and
>registered with the feds.
>
>Should Line Noise Labs wish to avoid costly litigation over this issue, a
>modest donation to the Dean's Fund should be made before our General
>Counsel makes bail.
>
I fear that the marketing department may already be in a position to discuss
this first-hand with your GC.
>
>--
>H. Brent Howatt |The deluded are always filled with absolutes
>bho...@diespam.humboldt1.com |The rest of us have to live with ambiguity
>PGP key by email or keyserver | _Aristoi_ Walter Jon Williams
>=============================================================================
>
R
Paul J. Gans
> ENDS
> Notes:
I want one.
---- Paul J. Gans
wilkins
I want *six*. Can you get them in black leather?
Can you run these things through a PA system? I'd like to filter out the
heavy duty irony (around 1kHo through to 1MHo) in meetings as well.
--
John Wilkins, Head, Communication Services, The Walter and Eliza Hall
Institute of Medical Research, Melbourne, Australia
Homo homini aut deus aut lupus - Erasmus of Rotterdam
<http://www.users.bigpond.com/thewilkins/darwiniana.html>
Mr Science
>Rupert Goodwins wrote in message
><3b1ba922...@news.blueyonder.co.uk>...
>
>>As has been mentioned, the Mark V is auto-calibrating. All computers
>exhibit
>>some degree of irony, due mostly to aspects of their design as
>'productivity
>>enhancers'.
>
>After reading this I opened mine up to check, and I have to say that the
>little shiny bits on the processor thingy seem more goldy, or maybe coppery
>(can't really tell in this light) rather than irony, so maybe that's part of
>my problem with the Mark V?
>
Mine automatically crashes when I try to syncronize it with Window ME!
A call to the support techs got me nowhere .. they said it was just doing its
job!
BTW ... getting them, with your laptop, through airport security is a bitch!
Not only does the machine set of their alarms, their "security" sets off the
machine!
wilkins
> In article <HIOS6.1266$j04.2...@nnrp.gol.com>, "crwydryn"
<ke...@remove.canada.com> wrote:
> >Rupert Goodwins wrote in message
> ><3b1ba922...@news.blueyonder.co.uk>...
> >
> >>As has been mentioned, the Mark V is auto-calibrating. All computers
> >exhibit
> >>some degree of irony, due mostly to aspects of their design as
> >'productivity
> >>enhancers'.
> >
> >After reading this I opened mine up to check, and I have to say that the
voiding the warranty
> >little shiny bits on the processor thingy seem more goldy, or maybe coppery
> >(can't really tell in this light) rather than irony, so maybe that's part of
> >my problem with the Mark V?
> >
>
> Mine automatically crashes when I try to syncronize it with Window ME!
> A call to the support techs got me nowhere .. they said it was just doing its
> job!
>
> BTW ... getting them, with your laptop, through airport security is a bitch!
> Not only does the machine set of their alarms, their "security" sets off the
> machine!
Raises an interesting question - how do you ship them? Any carrier that
promises delivery in a certain time period must automatically trigger
them. Do you use some kind of irony-shielding?
Larry Handlin
Goodwins) wrote:
Blah, Blah, Blah, will it handle Vizcarra and Erik's spreadsheet or
not.
"Morris is saying that it is not possible to be a ("consistent") Christian if you don't accept
his conclusion that Genesis 1-2 (and everything else) is true in a literal, non-poetic, unimaginative
sense. I say that it is not worth being a Christian if you don't believe that God has a better
imagination than Henry Morris."
--Paul Neubauer
"If clear thinking created sparks, we could safely store dynamite in James Watt's office.
--Wayne Shannon, KRON-TV
Boikat
>
> On 4 Jun 2001 08:41:39 -0400, Rup...@cix.co.removethis.uk (Rupert
> Goodwins) wrote:
>
> Blah, Blah, Blah, will it handle Vizcarra and Erik's spreadsheet or
> not.
The old Simpson Model 260C had a nice feature for
the "Erik Spreadsheet" type posts. It had a EPROM
that allowed one to preset the unit with up to
twenty phrases, such as the "I've disproved
evolution..." line, and would automatically switch
to "BS" mode, bypassing the amplifiers, and
tripping an auto disconnect function if it got
really deep.
[snip ad]
Boikat
Wade Hines
Larry Handlin wrote:
>
> On 4 Jun 2001 08:41:39 -0400, Rup...@cix.co.removethis.uk (Rupert
> Goodwins) wrote:
>
> Blah, Blah, Blah, will it handle Vizcarra and Erik's spreadsheet or
> not.
That all depends. If you get the real thing as an import (you can
tell if it mentions the colour red), the spreadsheets hardly make
the needle quiver. If you have an americanized version, I've heard
that auxiliary circuits kick into gear to fake irony signals for
simple stupidity.
Adam Marczyk
news:1euj5tk.hw5sey1yhwjtsN%wil...@wehi.edu.au...
Faraday cages should work, I think, at least as long as you keep them away
from _major_ irony sources such as Ed Conrad or the Schlafly brothers. Those
high-energy bogons they emit can penetrate just about any kind of shielding.
--
And I want to conquer the world,
give all the idiots a brand new religion,
put an end to poverty, uncleanliness and toil,
promote equality in all of my decisions...
--Bad Religion, "I Want to Conquer the World"
To send e-mail, change "excite" to "hotmail"
John Wilkins
Of course the real irony field is exemplified in the fact thaqt every
Windows manufacturer then went and copied the style as quickly as they
could with coloured plastic add-ons... Many irony meters went south that
day, I can tell you.
John Wilkins
> Ladies, gentlemen, and geologists:
>
> Line Noise Laboratories [NYSE: LINO] is pleased to announce the Mark V Irony
> Meter ("Excelsior" in EMEA). In development for four years under the auspices
> of the DoD's General Instrumentation for Sensing Horribleness (GISH) program,
> it incorporates the latest in digital technology for accurate mensuration from
> very low levels to high-density irony field environments (accuracy better than
> 0.5% from 0.1 microHolden to 1.5 kiloHolden). By combining a series of
> technological firsts with Line Noise Labs' fabled reputation for quality and
> our Science First (tm) company philosophy, the Mark V opens up new horizons
> for ironic exploration.
>
> It is the first generally available device certified to detect irony at the
> trace levels encountered in much Internet communication, while the
> autoclamping pulse reaction system will safely shut down the meter at levels
> above 10 kHo. No damage will result to the meter or the operator with fields
> up to 1MHo, (unless contained in a resistivity network with a Grue factor of >
> 3.3 MHo/mMho/m -- please contact your local sales office for options).
>
> This is due in large part to new SQUIFFI sensor technology licensed from the
> Philosophy Department at the University of Wooloomooloo. The Superconducting
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
When do I start to get my royalty payments?
crwydryn
>Mr Science <knowl...@power.com> wrote:
>
>> In article <HIOS6.1266$j04.2...@nnrp.gol.com>, "crwydryn"
><ke...@remove.canada.com> wrote:
>> >Rupert Goodwins wrote in message
>> ><3b1ba922...@news.blueyonder.co.uk>...
>> >
>> >>As has been mentioned, the Mark V is auto-calibrating. All computers
>> >exhibit
>> >>some degree of irony, due mostly to aspects of their design as
>> >'productivity
>> >>enhancers'.
>> >
>> >After reading this I opened mine up to check, and I have to say that the
>
>voiding the warranty
Well, mine is actually one of the beta test market series released here in
Japan, so there isn't a warranty, just extended support from their technical
office, which apparently is located in Agartta. What *I* want to know is
what their relation is to the Synarchy.
Anyway, as a side note, even though the Mark V is a truly heavy duty it is
also extremely sensitive: I had to pass the video game section of the store
on my way out, and even that set it off. Must have been the "real sports
for real men" labelling on the Sony Playstation pro-sports series.
>
>> >little shiny bits on the processor thingy seem more goldy, or maybe
coppery
>> >(can't really tell in this light) rather than irony, so maybe that's
part of
>> >my problem with the Mark V?
>> >
>>
>> Mine automatically crashes when I try to syncronize it with Window ME!
>> A call to the support techs got me nowhere .. they said it was just doing
its
>> job!
>>
>> BTW ... getting them, with your laptop, through airport security is a
bitch!
>> Not only does the machine set of their alarms, their "security" sets off
the
>> machine!
>
>Raises an interesting question - how do you ship them? Any carrier that
>promises delivery in a certain time period must automatically trigger
>them. Do you use some kind of irony-shielding?
That's a good point. Sales seems a bit problematic too.
Oh, a warning to those who haven't been using one: try to avoid using the
"help" menus in your applications while the Mark V is working.
Ken Cox
> Someone remind me, What's the conversion between Holdens & Conrads?
One is the mks unit and one the cgs, but I can never
keep it straight.
--
Ken Cox k...@research.bell-labs.com
Andrew Glasgow
thewi...@bigpond.com (John Wilkins) wrote:
To add irony to irony, many of the trolls populating
comp.sys.mac.advocacy (my group of choice previous to t.o) insisted that
while the iMac's design was not innovative, the iMac-like PCs WERE.
--
| Andrew Glasgow <amg39(at)cornell.edu> |
| SCSI is *NOT* magic. There are *fundamental technical |
| reasons* why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat |
| to your SCSI chain now and then. -- John Woods |
Leon
>>> Price is important but I'd like to know if the software is
>>> Windows and/or Linux compatible. I assume it won't run on a
>>> Macintosh since the resulting feed-back loop would fry any
>>> irony meter.
>>
>> That's because of the interference of Jobs' Reality Distorion
>> Field (tm) which is embedded in every iMac -- how else could
>> anyone consider a toy computer in a see-through plastic case an
>> innovation.
>>
>> --Leon
>
> Of course the real irony field is exemplified in the fact thaqt
> every Windows manufacturer then went and copied the style as
> quickly as they could with coloured plastic add-ons... Many irony
> meters went south that day, I can tell you.
That was Jobs again -- gracefully lending Bill and company his Reality
Distortion Field (tm), only to sabotage it during the Microsoft trial.
Brilliant move.
--Leon
Andrew Glasgow
Rup...@cix.co.removethis.uk (Rupert Goodwins) wrote:
> (made better than that of any of our competitors by upping the speed to 23.43
> Mbps)
Shouldn't that be 23.42? Or am I failing to STR?
wilkins
> wilkins wrote in message <1euj5tk.hw5sey1yhwjtsN%wil...@wehi.edu.au>...
> >Mr Science <knowl...@power.com> wrote:
> >
> >> In article <HIOS6.1266$j04.2...@nnrp.gol.com>, "crwydryn"
> ><ke...@remove.canada.com> wrote:
> >> >Rupert Goodwins wrote in message
> >> ><3b1ba922...@news.blueyonder.co.uk>...
> >> >
> >> >>As has been mentioned, the Mark V is auto-calibrating. All computers
> >> >exhibit
> >> >>some degree of irony, due mostly to aspects of their design as
> >> >'productivity
> >> >>enhancers'.
> >> >
> >> >After reading this I opened mine up to check, and I have to say that the
> >
> >voiding the warranty
>
>
> Well, mine is actually one of the beta test market series released here in
> Japan, so there isn't a warranty, just extended support from their technical
> office, which apparently is located in Agartta. What *I* want to know is
> what their relation is to the Synarchy.
>
> Anyway, as a side note, even though the Mark V is a truly heavy duty it is
> also extremely sensitive: I had to pass the video game section of the store
> on my way out, and even that set it off. Must have been the "real sports
> for real men" labelling on the Sony Playstation pro-sports series.
You shouldn't insert the batteries until you get to your intended
installation site. You'll throw off the factory default calibrations.
>
> >
> >> >little shiny bits on the processor thingy seem more goldy, or maybe
> coppery
> >> >(can't really tell in this light) rather than irony, so maybe that's
> part of
> >> >my problem with the Mark V?
> >> >
> >>
> >> Mine automatically crashes when I try to syncronize it with Window ME!
> >> A call to the support techs got me nowhere .. they said it was just doing
> its
> >> job!
> >>
> >> BTW ... getting them, with your laptop, through airport security is a
> bitch!
> >> Not only does the machine set of their alarms, their "security" sets off
> the
> >> machine!
> >
> >Raises an interesting question - how do you ship them? Any carrier that
> >promises delivery in a certain time period must automatically trigger
> >them. Do you use some kind of irony-shielding?
>
>
> That's a good point. Sales seems a bit problematic too.
>
> Oh, a warning to those who haven't been using one: try to avoid using the
> "help" menus in your applications while the Mark V is working.
>
That's OK - I use a Macintosh. I find if you set the "Background Irony
Level" setting to about 1.5 out of 10, then the OS won't trigger it, and
most applications won't either. However, you need to beef that up
considerably in the "Selected Applications" menu for all Microsoft apps,
and increasingly for Adobe apps as well.
Joseph A. Knapka
Correct me if I'm wrong, but the Holden is a unit of irony, whereas the
Conrad is a unit of bogon flux. It is, of course, possible to convert
bogosity into irony and vice versa, but it requires some fairly clever
hardware (for the Bo->Fe direction, anyway; Fe->Bo you can get for free,
since most irony sources emit bogons as decay products if you wait
long enough).
Bogons are deflected when passing through an irony field (I don't recall
the equations offhand, shame), which is how certain posters to t.o. can
negotiate the hairpin turns of reasoning that they perform on a regular
basis.
-- Joseph A. Knapka
"You know how many remote castles there are along the gorges? You
can't MOVE for remote castles!" -- Lu Tze re. Uberwald
// Linux MM Documentation in progress:
// http://home.earthlink.net/~jknapka/linux-mm/vmoutline.html
* Evolution is an "unproven theory" in the same sense that gravity is. *
Jonathan Stone
Joseph A. Knapka <jkn...@earthlink.net> wrote:
>Alan Barclay wrote:
>> Someone remind me, What's the conversion between Holdens & Conrads?
>
>Correct me if I'm wrong, but the Holden is a unit of irony, whereas the
>Conrad is a unit of bogon flux.
Nope. The Lenat is the SI unit of bogosity. It's one of those units
like Farads; pico- and micro- cover enough for everyday work, milli-
is stupendous, and a whole SI unit is truly something to behold.
Preferably from a safe distance.
A typical Ed Conrad post is several milliLenat, yes.
Joseph A. Knapka
Thus the standard conversion, Con = .005Lnt. It's right here on page
813 of the "CRC Handbook of Rhetoric and Metaphysics".
I'm an American. What's SI? :-/
Lord Alistair Davidson, part time deity
Oh, great. Now my entire left frontal lobe is stuck in a feedback loop.
Thanks a lot.
--
Lord [INSERT NAME HERE]
Rick's World: http://www.altgeek.org/lord_inh/comic/index.html
wilkins
You're wired wrong. Aesthetics is supposed to be a right-brin thing.
Ken Cox
> I'm an American. What's SI? :-/
French for "IS".
--
Ken Cox k...@research.bell-labs.com
Laurence A. Moran
Ken Cox <k...@lucent.com> wrote:
>"Joseph A. Knapka" wrote:
>> I'm an American. What's SI? :-/
>
>French for "IS".
Recently one of the Americans who plays basketball for the Toronto
Raptors announced that he wanted to be traded to an American team.
One of the main reasons was that he didn't want his kids to have to
learn the metric system in school. He didn't seem to be aware of the
fact that they also have to learn french.
Larry Moran
Paul J. Gans
Hey, *we* should make his salary...
Who said that it doesn't pay to be stupid.
----- Paul J. Gans
Nantko Schanssema
>I'm an American. What's SI? :-/
It's one of those French things, like bidets, French kisses and French
letters. Further explanation is not advisable in a family newsgroup.
Regards,
Nantko
--
There is nothing so self-defeating as generosity: in the act of practising it,
you lose the ability to do so, and you become either poor and despised or,
seeking to avoid poverty, rapacious and hated. (Machiavelli, The Prince)
David Iain Greig
>"Joseph A. Knapka" wrote:
>> I'm an American. What's SI? :-/
>
>French for "IS".
You see, it all depends on what the meaning of "IS" is.
--D.
Larry Handlin
(Laurence A. Moran) wrote:
Dallas, San Antonio or Houston will hopefully get this guy---If
English was good enough for Jesus it is good enough for me--Sarah can
probably offer the exact line for us...
>
>Larry Moran
>
>
>
"Morris is saying that it is not possible to be
a ("consistent") Christian if you don't accept
his conclusion that Genesis 1-2 (and everything
else) is true in a literal, non-poetic, unimaginative
sense. I say that it is not worth being a Christian
if you don't believe that God has a better imagination than Henry Morris."
--Paul Neubauer
"Unbelievable, that the neutron bomb is found in
the Bible."
--Rexalla Van Impe
"My responsibility is to follow the Scriptures which call upon us to occupy the
land until Jesus Returns."
--James Watt to the Wall Street Journal as quoted in "James Watt & the Puritan Ethic."
By Colman McCarthy. Washington Post, May 24, 1981. PAGE L5
Lord Alistair Davidson, part time deity
Dammit! I *knew* the second-hand brains guy was screwing me over! Teach
me to try and do these things on the cheap...
Noelie S. Alito
news:tkbthtshkl9bdsbu0...@4ax.com...
> On 6 Jun 2001 11:33:02 -0400, lam...@bioinfo.med.utoronto.ca
> (Laurence A. Moran) wrote:
>
> >In article <3B1E49FA...@research.bell-labs.com>,
> >Ken Cox <k...@lucent.com> wrote:
> >>"Joseph A. Knapka" wrote:
> >>> I'm an American. What's SI? :-/
> >>
> >>French for "IS".
> >
> >Recently one of the Americans who plays basketball for the Toronto
> >Raptors announced that he wanted to be traded to an American team.
> >One of the main reasons was that he didn't want his kids to have to
> >learn the metric system in school. He didn't seem to be aware of the
> >fact that they also have to learn french.
> >
> >
> Dallas, San Antonio or Houston will hopefully get this guy---If
> English was good enough for Jesus it is good enough for me--Sarah can
> probably offer the exact line for us...
"If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!"
--"Ma" Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
Noelie
--
Beginner's guide to Louisiana french:
Yes: oui
Emphatic yes: si
No: non
Emphatic no: Hell non!
wilkins
> wilkins wrote:
> >
> > Lord Alistair Davidson, part time deity <lord...@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:
> >
> > > Andrew Glasgow wrote:
> > > >
...
> > > > To add irony to irony, many of the trolls populating
> > > > comp.sys.mac.advocacy (my group of choice previous to t.o) insisted that
> > > > while the iMac's design was not innovative, the iMac-like PCs WERE.
> > >
> > > Oh, great. Now my entire left frontal lobe is stuck in a feedback loop.
> > > Thanks a lot.
> >
> > You're wired wrong. Aesthetics is supposed to be a right-brin thing.
>
> Dammit! I *knew* the second-hand brains guy was screwing me over! Teach
> me to try and do these things on the cheap...
You should always get your second-hand body parts from an Igor. They do
the best work. In fact, I'm on my third hand-part.
Laurence A. Moran
Larry Handlin <lbha...@swbell.net> wrote:
>On 6 Jun 2001 11:33:02 -0400, lam...@bioinfo.med.utoronto.ca
>(Laurence A. Moran) wrote:
>
>>In article <3B1E49FA...@research.bell-labs.com>,
>>Ken Cox <k...@lucent.com> wrote:
>>>"Joseph A. Knapka" wrote:
>>>> I'm an American. What's SI? :-/
>>>
>>>French for "IS".
>>
>>Recently one of the Americans who plays basketball for the Toronto
>>Raptors announced that he wanted to be traded to an American team.
>>One of the main reasons was that he didn't want his kids to have to
>>learn the metric system in school. He didn't seem to be aware of the
>>fact that they also have to learn french.
>>
>Dallas, San Antonio or Houston will hopefully get this guy---If
>English was good enough for Jesus it is good enough for me--Sarah can
>probably offer the exact line for us...
Actually, I heard him being interviewed on the radio the other day.
I'm not sure that english is one of his strong points.
Larry Moran
rich hammett
Please tell me it's not Mamadou N'Diaye (from Senegal). He's a friend
from college, and since French is his native language, it doesn't really
sound like him, but he was around americans for 5 years in Alabama...
rich
> Larry Moran
--
-remove no from mail name and spam from domain to reply
+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+-+
\ Rich Hammett http://home.hiwaay.net/~rhammett
/ hnoa...@eng.spamauburn.edu
\ ..basketball [is] the paramount
/ synthesis in sport of intelligence, precision, courage,
\ audacity, anticipation, artifice, teamwork, elegance,
/ and grace. --Carl Sagan
pz
rich hammett <hnoa...@eng.spamauburn.edu> wrote:
> Laurence A. Moran <lam...@bioinfo.med.utoronto.ca> is alleged to have said:
> > In article <tkbthtshkl9bdsbu0...@4ax.com>,
> > Larry Handlin <lbha...@swbell.net> wrote:
> >>On 6 Jun 2001 11:33:02 -0400, lam...@bioinfo.med.utoronto.ca
> >>(Laurence A. Moran) wrote:
> >>
> >>>In article <3B1E49FA...@research.bell-labs.com>,
> >>>Ken Cox <k...@lucent.com> wrote:
> >>>>"Joseph A. Knapka" wrote:
> >>>>> I'm an American. What's SI? :-/
> >>>>
> >>>>French for "IS".
> >>>
> >>>Recently one of the Americans who plays basketball for the Toronto
> >>>Raptors announced that he wanted to be traded to an American team.
> >>>One of the main reasons was that he didn't want his kids to have to
> >>>learn the metric system in school. He didn't seem to be aware of the
> >>>fact that they also have to learn french.
> >>>
> >>Dallas, San Antonio or Houston will hopefully get this guy---If
> >>English was good enough for Jesus it is good enough for me--Sarah can
> >>probably offer the exact line for us...
>
> > Actually, I heard him being interviewed on the radio the other day.
> > I'm not sure that english is one of his strong points.
>
> Please tell me it's not Mamadou N'Diaye (from Senegal). He's a friend
> from college, and since French is his native language, it doesn't really
> sound like him, but he was around americans for 5 years in Alabama...
A French-speaking Senegalese who learned his English in Alabama?
Whoa. I'd like to hear that.
It seems unlikely, though, that someone with that background
would have such strong objections to the metric system...
--
pz
rich hammett
Naah, he knew his english already.
> It seems unlikely, though, that someone with that background
> would have such strong objections to the metric system...
Yup. He's a pretty reasonable and cosmopolitan dude.
rich
Larry Handlin
<hnoa...@eng.spamauburn.edu> wrote:
>Laurence A. Moran <lam...@bioinfo.med.utoronto.ca> is alleged to have said:
>> In article <tkbthtshkl9bdsbu0...@4ax.com>,
>> Larry Handlin <lbha...@swbell.net> wrote:
>>>On 6 Jun 2001 11:33:02 -0400, lam...@bioinfo.med.utoronto.ca
>>>(Laurence A. Moran) wrote:
>>>
>>>>In article <3B1E49FA...@research.bell-labs.com>,
>>>>Ken Cox <k...@lucent.com> wrote:
>>>>>"Joseph A. Knapka" wrote:
>>>>>> I'm an American. What's SI? :-/
>>>>>
>>>>>French for "IS".
>>>>
>>>>Recently one of the Americans who plays basketball for the Toronto
>>>>Raptors announced that he wanted to be traded to an American team.
>>>>One of the main reasons was that he didn't want his kids to have to
>>>>learn the metric system in school. He didn't seem to be aware of the
>>>>fact that they also have to learn french.
>>>>
>>>Dallas, San Antonio or Houston will hopefully get this guy---If
>>>English was good enough for Jesus it is good enough for me--Sarah can
>>>probably offer the exact line for us...
>
>> Actually, I heard him being interviewed on the radio the other day.
>> I'm not sure that english is one of his strong points.
>
>Please tell me it's not Mamadou N'Diaye (from Senegal). He's a friend
>from college, and since French is his native language, it doesn't really
>sound like him, but he was around americans for 5 years in Alabama...
>
Larry said English was not one of his strong points. I'm assuming
your friend spoke English quite well.
>rich
Martyne Brotherton
"Paul J. Gans" <ga...@scholar.chem.nyu.edu> wrote in message news:wfWS6.22$MI3...@typhoon.nyu.edu...
Rupert Goodwins <Rup...@cix.co.removethis.uk> wrote:
> Ladies, gentlemen, and geologists:
> Line Noise Laboratories [NYSE: LINO] is pleased to announce the Mark V Irony
> Meter ("Excelsior" in EMEA). In development for four years under the auspices
> of the DoD's General Instrumentation for Sensing Horribleness (GISH) program,
> it incorporates the latest in digital technology for accurate mensuration from
> very low levels to high-density irony field environments (accuracy better than
> 0.5% from 0.1 microHolden to 1.5 kiloHolden). By combining a series of
> technological firsts with Line Noise Labs' fabled reputation for quality and
> our Science First (tm) company philosophy, the Mark V opens up new horizons
> for ironic exploration.
> It is the first generally available device certified to detect irony at the
> trace levels encountered in much Internet communication, while the
> autoclamping pulse reaction system will safely shut down the meter at levels
> above 10 kHo. No damage will result to the meter or the operator with fields
> up to 1MHo, (unless contained in a resistivity network with a Grue factor of >
> 3.3 MHo/mMho/m -- please contact your local sales office for options).
> This is due in large part to new SQUIFFI sensor technology licensed from the
> Philosophy Department at the University of Wooloomooloo. The Superconducting
> Quantum Inference Field Incredulity device at the heart of the Mark V is the
> first time the fundamental physical effect of quantum incredulity has been
> used in commercial equipment. In brief, the interface between objective and
> subjective reality constantly generates and destroys virtual quark-live
> particles (quarticles) that are highly sensitive to spin which is neither
> beautiful nor charming.
> When placed in a field where there is a very high differential between what is
> stated and what is so, these quarticles become agitated and give off
> characteristic energetic radiation (in quantum physical terms they start to
> 'smell', although of course this is in no way the same as our experience of
> smell.) In a SQUIFFI these smells are detected by a supercooled giant
> magnetoresistive head, which then performs contextual analysis. If this
> indicates true irony is present the head shakes sadly and smiles to itself,
> making little 'tut tut' noises. This triggers the digital counter/timer unit.
> Note that this system works well when high levels of stupidity, pomposity or
> sanctimoniousness are also present -- commonly encounted conditions that have
> caused previous generations of irony detectors to saturate, implode or break
> down in tears.
> Of course, the Mark V is built around Line Noise Labs' famous armoured,
> autocalibrating, dust-, water- and sanctity-proof core system to assure
> reliable, repeatable results in even the most bombastic and
> self-awareness-depleted conditions (excl. Kansas. See notes)
> A full range of interfaces is available, including HTTP/NNTP, Bluetooth and
> rectal implant. Available in puce, jade, amber and Bible Black.
> ENDS
> Notes:
> 'Science First' , 'Beer Even More First', 'The Bible Bashers' and the Lino
> device are registered trade marks and intellectual property of Line Noise
> Laboratories
> Use of the Mark V is NOT supported in Kansas, and stated resolution,
> sensitivity and safety limits do not apply. Line Noise Laboratories does not
> accept liability for misuse of any device. Use in Kansas is automatically
> defined as misuse (see: The Estate of Dr Parker v Line Noise Labs, 478 U.S.
> 675).
I want one.
---- Paul J. GansActually, since I'm not able to post as much, I found a lovely little program called SSOB that does a nice job of monitoring the irony levels. Though, since coming back to TO, seems that a new Irony Meter might not be a bad investment.HugsQ
Bloody Viking
pz (my...@mac.com) wrote:
: Sounds cool, but you've neglected to mention pricing.
Sounds like a great gauge.
: Also, has this device actually been tested with input from talk.origins?
A Jabriol posting or two would peg it out. The irony fields found in this
newsgroup are estimated at above 10 MHo. So the gauge as advertised would
fail.
--
FOOD FOR THOUGHT: 100 calories are used up in the course of a mile run.
The USDA guidelines for dietary fibre is equal to one ounce of sawdust.
The liver makes the vast majority of the cholesterol in your bloodstream.
CUIDADO: Las Puertas Estan Listas Para Cerrar.
Bloody Viking
crwydryn (ke...@remove.canada.com) wrote:
: Rupert, do you have the email for LNL's customer support? It happens that
: they did a marketing pre-release here in Japan, and I picked up my Mark V
: yesterday. It's OK on most of the newsgroups I subscribe to, but whenever I
: try it here in TO it sucks so much power all my breakers go. I tried
: slipping a penny into the fuse housing, but that didn't work. I wonder if I
: might have to put in two cents.
: It doesn't say in the documentation whether you need a dedicated line from
: the power company to avoid this problem.
Move next to a substation to hook it up to a power supply. But don't try using
it in California hooked to a substation like that. You'll likely take the
whole grid down.
: On the other hand, that puce casing looks great on my desk sitting there
: among all the scorch marks from previous irony meters.
Amazing how these irony gauges don't last.
Bloody Viking
Rupert Goodwins (Rup...@cix.co.removethis.uk) wrote:
: You shouldn't be experiencing that power surge problem -- high field strengths
: actually use less power to measure, due to regenerative shunting, and can even
: turn the Mark V into a useful source of electrical energy. Have you checked to
: see whether the lights in your neighbourhood are glowing more brightly when
: you're on t.o.?
If that's the case of a backfeed surge, it could still blow fuses or trip
breakers like a backfeeding generator big enough will. Now, if it backfeeds in
high irony fields like this, putting a bunch by all the substations in
California and feeding them all talk.origins would stop the blackouts.
: No, this is an experimental feature and, if anything, you might need to put in
: an extra line TO the power utility.
See above about setting it up by a substation to feed its energy into the
grid.
: Puce was the subject of some argument (and indirectly the reason for the
: marcom reorganisation). I'll pass on your comments, if^H^H when I meet up with
: Senor Alvarez von Ulm, the director of aesthetics at Lino.
What's the price of these things? I'd love to go off-grid or make the power
meter spin backwards so fast it flies apart. At 12 cents a kilowatt-hour, the
thing would make you a fortune in a net metering state.
: >Rupert Goodwins wrote in message <3b1b75ac...@news.blueyonder.co.uk>...
: >>Ladies, gentlemen, and geologists:
: >>
: >>Line Noise Laboratories [NYSE: LINO] is pleased to announce the Mark V
: >Irony
: >>Meter ("Excelsior" in EMEA). In development for four years under the
: >auspices
: >>of the DoD's General Instrumentation for Sensing Horribleness (GISH)
: >program,
: >>it incorporates the latest in digital technology for accurate mensuration
: >from
: >>very low levels to high-density irony field environments (accuracy better
: >than
: >>0.5% from 0.1 microHolden to 1.5 kiloHolden). By combining a series of
: >>technological firsts with Line Noise Labs' fabled reputation for quality
: >and
: >>our Science First (tm) company philosophy, the Mark V opens up new horizons
: >>for ironic exploration.
: >
: >--
: >+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
: >Kevyn Winkless
: >ke...@canada.com
: >
Ken Cox
> crwydryn (ke...@remove.canada.com) wrote:
> : On the other hand, that puce casing looks great on my desk sitting there
> : among all the scorch marks from previous irony meters.
> Amazing how these irony gauges don't last.
We need a gaugeless theory of irony.
--
Ken Cox k...@research.bell-labs.com
Bloody Viking
crwydryn (ke...@remove.canada.com) wrote:
: What was I thinking! This completely explains everything, including the
: strange coloured lights - clearly the build-up of excess irony in the Mark
: V's casing has been causing VanDerGraaf discharges and ball lightning in my
: house. At least that's what I'll tell my fiancee when she gets home...And
: your detailed explanation of just how the Mark V works explains the strange
: smell in my kitchen which I have been assuming came from tofu I left on the
: counter overnight, but clearly is a quantum effect.
Sounds like it's making a LOT of power. Move next to a substation and hook it
up there. It'll go into a positive feedback loop becuse of the irony inherent
in the connection.
: Ah, that explains the trouble I had understanding the grounding instructions
: and the caution labels referring to transformers.
When testing, try feeding it the line:
The most productivity enhancing software ever made by Microsoft was Solitaire.
That'll give you some power. The irony is that it is in fact true as Solitaire
keeps bosses busy and away from harassing workers.
Bloody Viking
wilkins (wil...@wehi.edu.au) wrote:
: Can you run these things through a PA system? I'd like to filter out the
: heavy duty irony (around 1kHo through to 1MHo) in meetings as well.
A boss can generate levels in excess of a gigaholden. I held an irony gauge a
hundred feet away from the department head at work and when he referred
himself as a human being, it pegged out. Damn near exploded. The boss in
question is a third type of chimpanzee known as Pan nuccius.
Wait until the Mark X comes out. They are testing a teraholden gauge. That'll
handle bosses much better. To hook to a PA system, speaker phone, or the like,
use speech recognition software that converts speech to postings, create a
blank newsgroup for the autoposter software and hook up your gauge. In my own
secret lab I developed a portable version of an irony gauge with the PCMCIA
interface to use with a laptop. Hooking that laptop to a second laptop that's
a Linux laptop with a special newsgroup and speech to text, that was how I
measured the irony field the boss generated when he called himself a human
being. Like I said, the gauge pegged out 100 feet away from the source. It was
designed for megaholden strength fields. It pegged out so hard the needle
wrapped itself around the peg!
Measuring the irony fields around bosses is dangerous. The estimated irony
strength in the one incident is estimated to be in the gigaholden range and
possibly the teraholden range close up. Extremely dangerous fields.
Bloody Viking
Mr Science (knowl...@power.com) wrote:
: BTW ... getting them, with your laptop, through airport security is a bitch!
: Not only does the machine set of their alarms, their "security" sets off the
: machine!
Damn. Airport "security" uses scanning machines that use irony fields. It
actually works like an MRI but using irony fields finds everything but guns
and bombs.
Bloody Viking
Jonathan Stone (jona...@DSG.Stanford.EDU) wrote:
: Nope. The Lenat is the SI unit of bogosity. It's one of those units
: like Farads; pico- and micro- cover enough for everyday work, milli-
: is stupendous, and a whole SI unit is truly something to behold.
: Preferably from a safe distance.
: A typical Ed Conrad post is several milliLenat, yes.
And bosses are kilo-lenats.
Bloody Viking
Laurence A. Moran (lam...@bioinfo.med.utoronto.ca) wrote:
: Recently one of the Americans who plays basketball for the Toronto
: Raptors announced that he wanted to be traded to an American team.
: One of the main reasons was that he didn't want his kids to have to
: learn the metric system in school. He didn't seem to be aware of the
: fact that they also have to learn french.
I hope you're testing an irony gauge with that posting. Damn. Mine is showing
a few kiloholdens. The irony content is that the basketball player does not
want his kids to get a decent education. Didn't move the needle on my
experimental gauge that measures in the teraholden range, which is one nuccio.
That's the heavy duty gauge.
Andrew Glasgow
nos...@ripco.com (Bloody Viking) wrote:
> Mr Science (knowl...@power.com) wrote:
>
> : BTW ... getting them, with your laptop, through airport security is a
> : bitch!
> : Not only does the machine set of their alarms, their "security" sets off
> : the
> : machine!
>
> Damn. Airport "security" uses scanning machines that use irony fields. It
> actually works like an MRI but using irony fields finds everything but guns
> and bombs.
Heh. An IRI -- Ironic Resonance Imaging. Sounds almost
Douglas-Adams-esque.
BTW, you need to fix your .sig delimiter. It should be "-- ".
> --
> FOOD FOR THOUGHT: 100 calories are used up in the course of a mile run.
> The USDA guidelines for dietary fibre is equal to one ounce of sawdust.
> The liver makes the vast majority of the cholesterol in your bloodstream.
>
> CUIDADO: Las Puertas Estan Listas Para Cerrar.
>
--
| Andrew Glasgow <amg39(at)cornell.edu> |
| SCSI is *NOT* magic. There are *fundamental technical |
| reasons* why it is necessary to sacrifice a young goat |
| to your SCSI chain now and then. -- John Woods |
H,R.Gruemm
> Bloody Viking wrote:
> > crwydryn (ke...@remove.canada.com) wrote:
> > : On the other hand, that puce casing looks great on my desk sitting there
> > : among all the scorch marks from previous irony meters.
>
> > Amazing how these irony gauges don't last.
>
> We need a gaugeless theory of irony.
Beg to differ. As any physicist will tell you, only gauge theories
(preferably non-abelian ones) are cool ...
<ducks>
HRG.
Bloody Viking
Ken Cox (k...@lucent.com) wrote:
: We need a gaugeless theory of irony.
Yeah, it's hard to raid an old nuke plant to get irony gauge parts.
Bloody Viking
Andrew Glasgow (amg39.RE...@cornell.edu.INVALID) wrote:
: Heh. An IRI -- Ironic Resonance Imaging. Sounds almost
: Douglas-Adams-esque.
The irony that the things generate is high. Well into the megaholden range. My
teraholden irony gauge is made from old nuke plant equipment. A retired nuke
plant was the only place I could get the parts. Don't worry, I did not take a
dip in the swimming pool as I cannot swim in the first place as I scavenged
the parts from the switchboard.
Bosses are dangerous, making irony fields in the gigaholden range easy. And a
manpanzee boss can make an irony field in the teraholden range. A teraholden
is one nuccio. A Mark V would explode like a Tim McVeigh bomb in a teraholden
irony field. You need a serious gauge to measure nuccios.
Bloody Viking
: Line Noise Laboratories [NYSE: LINO] is pleased to announce the Mark V Irony
: Meter ("Excelsior" in EMEA). In development for four years under the auspices
: of the DoD's General Instrumentation for Sensing Horribleness (GISH) program,
: it incorporates the latest in digital technology for accurate mensuration from
: very low levels to high-density irony field environments (accuracy better than
: 0.5% from 0.1 microHolden to 1.5 kiloHolden). By combining a series of
: technological firsts with Line Noise Labs' fabled reputation for quality and
: our Science First (tm) company philosophy, the Mark V opens up new horizons
: for ironic exploration.
I bought the Mark V Irony Gauge and found out it does work well. That is, it
works well within its design range. However, I also have technology for
extreme high irony field strength irony gauges, up to one nuccio, a
teraholden. The product will work fine indeed to several kiloholdens as it
overloads ("pegs out") at about 3 kiloholdens. A good product unless you are
about to measure the irony of bosses. Bosses can generate irony fields as high
as gigaholdens (milli-nuccios) due to irony content of lies.
The Mark V can handle a micro-nuccio aka. a megaholden fine. But for extreme
irony, you must use a shunt wire with the Mark V to attain nuccio ranges or
even millinuccio ranges. A teraholden is one nuccio, the unit of irony of a
manpanzee calling itself a human being. That amount of irony will cause a Mark
V without the shunt to explode with a force like the Tim McVeigh bomb. I would
hate to think what a kilonuccio would do to a Mark V. It would be like an
atomic bomb.
Do not bring your new Mark V irony gauges anywhere a boss. It will go out or
explode in your face like a land mine. Great product when used in its range
though. Careless use can however be dangerous.
Ken Cox
> Ken Cox <k...@lucent.com> wrote"
> > We need a gaugeless theory of irony.
>
> Beg to differ. As any physicist will tell you, only gauge theories
> (preferably non-abelian ones) are cool ...
> <ducks>
Why duck? I'm pleased that someone got it.
--
Ken Cox k...@research.bell-labs.com